it's saturday!!

just finished watching the chelski-man u match. DAMN!!! fcuk the assistant ref. where the hell did he see carrick's hand ball?! it's not ! and that fcuking decision from him led to the chelski-s leading by 1 goal again. but i'm still impressed by my team with the superior goal diff. ((:

most importantly, we must win the remaining 2 matches. i think this is a good season for us to win both the EPL title as well as the champions league title! haha. let's see how things go. (:

had a talk w josh on the train the other day. again, i had counselling! haha. but that really helped me! i learnt that i have to love myself well enough. i should stop looking so emo and should cheer up! and i reali did. and i felt so much better now. (: i guess certain things are meant to be while certain things are not. his career is more important, definitely. who knows we might meet again next time, few yrs later? i dont know. i wun say i have totally forgotten abt him or that i still hold hopes. just let nature takes its course.

working here exposes me to all kinds of people that makes mi grow up and be more matured in my thinking. i like working here and hey! i have extended my contract till 31 july. haha. but the damn thing is the other agency increased their candidates pay by 50cents per hr!! and hey. mine is still the same. and oh pls, i know i definitely deserve more. DAMN IT. will talk to my agent.

tired. anyway, bought a perfume - Salvatone Fevragamo's incanto dream. i love it. it's got the fruity and not so strong fragrance.. i bought a hand cream too. 6.90 only haha. from sasa. salsa strawberry. not greasy and it smells nice. (:

thinking of what to get for my mum for mother's day though... hees...

-fcuk the refs and the watever shit there-

hi! it's sunday!

work has been tiring. 2000 over cheques came in and i have to help bro to tally the cheques. haha. went karaoke w bro, ter, charlene and dy. had fun there. initially was sakae till 8.30pm. den from 8.30pm till 12.30am was singing, singing and singing! LOL. i guess bro and i hogged on to the mic the most though. our main purpose there was to help bro with choosing a song for a mini performance. haha.

anyway, as pertaining to those accusations, my conscience is clear. (:

well, adiba and i are over our "babies". haha. i guess only those who knows the situation will know what i'm talking abt. bro has been my counsellor for these 2 wks. things that he said really made sense. i guess that's y i managed to feel much better right now.

no notification from any of the uni yet. i wonder if i managed to get a place already. difficult i guess. if i dun get a place, i'll continue working for the time being i guess. then i have to save up and consider gg for private uni while working at the same time. hmm...

shall update next time when i blog again !!

-awkward-

everything came too fast.
and i'm not sure if it's ending too.
why would things turn out like that?
it's neither of our fault.
but why are you reacting this way?
ignoring me while claiming everything's fine.
no, it's not, we know it's not.

memories.
short, but was always so sweet.
kinda hurts me when i think of it.
every little thing you said and did,
it's all imprinted in my heart.

i'm trying my very best to understand.
but i hope you understand too.
do you?
well, you don't.
if you do, you would have told mi what to do.
pls.
tell me what to do.
and dun leave me hanging there.

i hope it'll all revert back to normal.
how i miss you.

-lost-

hey, one week has passed so quickly!

haha. anyway, total ups and downs. Monday was such a wonderful day and especially after work, it was wonderful time spent with baby. Tuesday was when all the disaster started .... even till now. after talking to bro kovito, i felt much much much better. i decided to give baby some time. if it's meant to be, it will be. and it's not any of our fault. it's other's fault. he's so stressed up right now, shall leave him alone for the time being.

well, today's bro josh's wedding day! CONGRATULATIONS JOSH! haha. so sweet of him to be discussing wedding details and stuff with his other "bros". too bad i can't turn up becos of work, bleh... i didn't know all the 4 of them actually has driving lic! LOL..... and bro kovito was the first among them who got it, though he's the youngest. well, he got it during his army days! hahs.

anyway, the talk with bro kovito was rather inspirational yst. hahas. it was totally unexpected of him ok. cos the image he always potrays is like the joke-y and funny plus lame kinda person. well, he sounded super logical yst and he managed to make me feel better after so many ppl have tried to, but failed. haha! thumbs up for bro kovito. sounds like some jap name. he's getting married soon. heard from him it's next month - ROM. hees. my baby will be the one left alone after josh and him gets married and following up is georgie-boy. LOL

he managed to talk me out of transferring (indirectly, even w/o him knowing) too! haha! such a nice bro. such a nice bunch of friends. such a pleasure to have known the group of them. (:

minmin was ANGRY today. cos adiba and i laughed at her mistakes. cos she's always so cute, making those pronunciation mistakes. but she had never gotten angry before until today. she practically can't be bothered with us. and she didn't want to talk to us. then, i realised. sometimes when a person doesn't react negatively, it doesn't mean he doesn't mind. one day, it's going to erupt. and here's a live example. i'm sorry minmin. we wun do it again..

i'm glad she's no longer angry at us for that. phew. i was so scared...

her mistakes are like pronunciation which is pardonable and cute, therefore laughable. but others i've seen or heard.... erm. they really ought to brush up their english. at least...

-i miss the times-

at work, today was the last day for faz, yaya and zaLiaK. haha. time flies. and i'll really miss them! haha. these colleagues are a really fun batch. the CSOs and our OICs love us! haha. luckily i still have adiba and minmin ard. adiba just goes on and on about her baby, and minmin goes on and on being lost, and BLURRRRR. haha. wonderful colleagues plus friends. (:

hope baby makes me stay (:

it has been gg up and down, like a roller coaster. DUNO what is he up to. LOL. he says he's stressed but he refuse to tell me!!! his holding statement will be "i'll tell you when the time comes"... zzz zzz ... -.-"

yst he gave me some clue, but some redundant clue, which doesnt help me make out what is he stressing about. he said it's GOOD stress! something good.... i was like LOL.... "patience is a virtue", he said. OKAY......

"what the hell is he up to?"

didn't noe dorae actually like him, but it was a gut feeling, and i was right! haa... but according to reliable sources, she likes to have connections with higher ranking persons, maybe she'll get something good out of it?? i don't know. well, i don't know her well enough to judge her though.

*shrugs*

i know for sure, baby doesn't like her THAT way. (:

i'm still in the midst of deciding if i should extend or not.. hmm. well, i do hope baby do something to make me stay. but even if he doesn't, i might still extend. cos i'm too lazy to join another company and start all over again and then, it's for another 3 months again. i might as well stay put and continue to work all the way till i admit to uni huh?

i just hope that if i extend, adiba, min min and diyong would extend too! (:

i am the only one among the temps who knows who is the 4th oic... well, *shrugs*. i can just shake my head.... it's already a blow when i heard that baby is not gg to be our oic anymore. there comes another blow when yati says she's transferring....... there goes another oic... ):

i think they should really reconsider regarding the 4th oic candidate... baby and i were just talking about it that day while having dinner.. we practically scanned everyone in office to evaluate who would be suitable... well, difficult... it's really difficult to picked one out. potential ones are transferring.. and who knows, the one that we shook our heads immediately was the one who was selected... i reali do hope the higher management reconsider and do something about it.

-baby misses me, says you and your "brother"-

(:

hey, just happen to read thru my secondary sch bestie's blog. and she's happily married with her daughter 5 months old. maybe i should hint hint to him, i should become a housewife and stop studying. haha. but anyway, i'm happy to see her doing well. looking at her wedding pics and all.. i really feel happy for her. especially when she has such an adorable daughter. (: i really hope to meet up with her soon cos i have not seen her for a long long time..

i'm actually thinking of signing on as a prison officer. haha. LOL!!! he was so funny. his reaction was "why do you have to do that to yourself?!" . i was like... wat's wrong with being a prison officer? haha. wanted to apply but the thingie is down! it says "under maintenance" LOL.... now i'm looking at the SPF websites... looking at the scholarships etc etc... then, looking at OCS... hai. really duno what to do if i cant get into uni!!!!!

-shrugs-

hey! the internet connection in my workplace is cut off. well well, i guess they actually track which websites we go. i cant even go google now. bleh.

work is as usual, tiring. hmm... lots of people coming down and all. nevertheless, my day was all made fine because of him (:

oh well, i cant rmb what i did last saturday... OHH !!!! oh ya. i went seoul garden with my colleagues. haha. it was rather havoc cos i ate ALOT. haha. den we went taking photos and all before we finally head home!! so i didn't go out with him... hmm..

but i went out with him on wednesday! fun. after work, we walked around maxwell looking for that particular shop he was talking abt and ! it happened to be closed..... LOL. so we practically walked round and round and finally went to chinatown to have frog porridge! nice.. esp the tofu. (: we went on to this dessert shop to have black sesame paste. then we went to central to take a look. disappointing. the layout there is like.. bleh. and it's so quiet and the shops there are so empty. well, just when we decide to go home, we saw "hokkaido ice-cream" ! so i ordered the dark choco and the cookies and cream and we sat outside, at clarke quay, jus opposite the bungee jump thingie.

i was with my heels and dress, making it rather difficult to balance myself and sit on the steps. he had to lend his hand. finally we sat down and ate the ice-cream, looking at the bungee jump-ers. i reali admire their courage!

at last, we walked to city hall and from there, we went home separately. it was already 10plus! and we're both freaking tired... but happy. (:

today i met him for lunch as well. we managed to get to the eatery that we din get to go on wednesday! had zha jiang mian. then we shared guo tie, xiao long bao and also the gluttinous rice balls. it was nice! but the zha jiang mian is like average lo.

anyway, i just got a new psp slim! lol. i bought from my brother. he is actually doing sales for this. so might as well, buy from him right.

so after our lunch, we proceeded home with the psp in hand. haha. we took turns to play winning 11. well, i think he's a better player than me while he thinks i'm better. when has he become so humble?!?! haha! he sent me to boon lay and went on to meet josh. he was already late. LOL. talking abt josh, i feel that it's nice to be discussing wedding details with your brothers cos it just shows how much each of them mean to you. hmm... (:

today was liyana's last day. i'm so gg to miss her! i'm sending her off coming monday. well, i know he's not gg. so far, dy, pm and i. i miss yaya as well! she is finally back from australia and coming back to work on monday! new temps will be coming in on monday i guess. i think we're really short of ppl. hmm. i really wonder what will happen when the whole of our batch leaves.

according to him, we're the batch that are closest to them. haha. i supposed they will miss us? i think so la. he said he cant rmb some of the temps!!! can u imagine if he says he cant rmb who m i?!?!?!?! i'm so gg to kill him if he does that. i believe we will still keep in contact after i leave. he's someone important to me.

let's talk abt something else. i have applied for uni.... i wonder how it will go la. hai. just cant help but sigh at my shitty results. let me be a housewife then.... LOL.

this is a rather long post. shall stop here. dont reali know what else to blog about. (:

-romantic-

tired!!

a lot of members came down to us today! my goodness. what crap is that? all coming down at the same time, we practically didn't stop serving members! some are so irritating. freak. so kan chiong when she heard my conversation with liyana that i have to get back to counter after serving this member. she quickly walked to me and said "eh, girl. please help me with the computer hor. i come first." i was like " ........ ". i didn't care about her though. i quickly asked qam to take over and serve her while i quickly went back to counter. somehow, the counter needs me, it needed mandarin speakers.

had a hard time doing recording. one whole stack! SE declaration was like 62?!?! wtf. ERS recording was quite bad too. oh well, i took up this duty in the first place, so i shouldn't grumble much.

after work, fazil gathered all of us to take pictures with all our OICs and the CSOs. it was a fun time taking pictures with them, especially the part where we "accidentally" made corporal lim and xxx stand next to each other. haha. it's really fun working with this bunch of people.

after which, they all left, leaving me, ter, kv and corporal lim. went coffee bean. hah. had some fusili. not nice, at least to me? cos it's too creamy for me. hmm. as usual, they went on and on about soccer. haha. it's just so them. luckily i'm quite a soccer fanatic so it's ok for me to hang out with them. hmm. when we were heading towards the MRT station, we were recalling the chinese names for the various clubs. haha. it ended up rather hilarious cos some sounded weird. hmm.

while in the train, ter was really trying hard to pronounce AC milan in mandarin. i couldn't control my laughter. hahaha.... that was when kv started to tease us. bleah. it's just so kv. LOL.

out of a sudden, i had a bad gastric pain, again. it left mi silent and pale-looking. he kept asking me to go see a doctor but he knows i won't. it's costly and it's redundant cos i think docs will only give painkillers for gastric pain and stuff. and do you ever hear of any cases where gastric pain can be cured? hmm. well, of cos i ignored his "instruction" and went home. like now, i'm fine here, blogging.

hope he can bring me to cali tomorrow. didn't make it on time today. and oh man. i actually forgot to remind him to follow up on a case! i feel super duper bad. ):

that's all for today i guess. let's see when will i have the time to blog again. bye!

-thanks for your concern-

random thoughts..

people might think i am moving on rather quickly. but personally i think otherwise. it's true that yah, i've put down my feelings for my ex already but isn't it a good thing? i mean we see, or at least i see no future in our relationship. i might be cruel to him but, isn't this better? i realised i no longer initiate to message him or call him. i realised i'm cold towards him. i realised i no longer love him. but i still miss those good times we have together. that, i will never forget. i will never forget him either.

sometimes i get emotional. i think of him, and i still feel sad. no, i no longer love him but there's still this something within me that makes me really sad. i duno how should i put it. but maybe no one can really understand how i feel right now.

he offers his help-to be there for me when i actually got this shitty results. but i rejected him coldly. it's nice of him. but it's not right, and it's too late for him to do that. why didn't he spend much more time and effort on these little things he can do so the build on our relationship? why did he have to wait till everything has ended? it's all too late.

it's difficult to be friends or maybe close friends. i dun think i can face him like the way i do in the first place. i knew he wanted to speak to me in school that day. i was on the phone. and on the line was him-my date. i jus waved to him and continued with my conversation, ignoring him after that. he was pacing near me, while his friends waiting nearby. he looks like he's got something to say. but still, i continued my conversation with my date, leaving him stranded, finally, he left with his frens. and next, i received a message from him..

really random thoughts.

suddenly i realised, it's not going to work out between us anymore.

-it's really over-

oh man! yesterday was a freaking tired day! anyway, got my a's results already. let's not talk abt it. it's freaking saddening. ): i'm applying for all the uni courses available, nie etc etc. well... hope i get into uni. i'm praying hard. i wish zj good luck too, hope tt he gets into nie. (:

for every other frens, i wish all of you well too (:

back to yst. work was like.... freak. sat and still relatively more ppl compared to other sats. time was running very very slowly.... but after work i went out with ter ter. man, we went to have beef kway teow at bugis! den we went shopping at raffles city. den went eating at the soup spoon! eating again. haha. den went esplanade... then, had chocolate fondue! heavenly. very nice!!!!! all his treat, my goodness.. haha. we kept eating! or isit jus mi?! after that, he send mi to boonlay n we went jp to get the xi gua shuang for his ulcer. den finally we went home! tiring! yet enjoyable (: i reached home ard 9plus.

i was researching on uni courses and all and i'm brought back to reality. what if, i reali cant get into local uni? what am i gg to do? i cant afford private uni fees. i cant afford overseas uni fees as well. i'm practically doomed. so what if i got a B for economics. that's h1 and that's my highest grade in my cert excluding mother tongue. my major subjs... SIGH.. thurs i can start applying for uni already. hope everything turns out fine....

tml's work again. AGAIN. i'm getting tired of this job. ): sian.

-unglam queen-

duno what the hell is wrong with the damn tagboard but i'm going to change it when i have the time. hmm..

today is a busy day at work. i'm freaking tired!!!!! i miss emo guy. haha. this week i have not met up with him yet. poor him, had night shift last night till this morning than he is freaking tired now. he must be SLEEPING SOUNDLY. too tired. haha.

watched soccer that day (carling cup finals spurs v chelsea) with emo guy, but mi at my house, he at his. den, spurs finally win a trophy!!! i'm suuuuuupppppeeeerrrr happy!!!! haha. maybe becos of him! but i noe spurs put up a good fight and chelsea sucks, totally. full stop.

he called mi around 2am and he was so elated!! haha. i can hear from his voice. i'm excited too. haha. excited abt the carling cup as well as abt him calling mi. haha. well, the way things are now is rather good. close, but no commitments (:

extending my contract to 10th april i guess. wondering who will be doing singpass when adiba and diyong is gone. but it's highly doubtful it's mi!! haha. hopefully it's not me la. (:

-i miss you! haha :p-

let mi update on last night. haha. LOL. before that i wana say that my ex actually called mi on thurs night asking mi out for some talks regarding this private institution thing. well, i will be tired after work, and i reali am. but the main point is that, i dun think i wud wana go with him. i mean the feeling will be different and awkward somehow. when we were tgt, i nv rejected any request from him when it comes to gg out. but ever since we broke up, i'm not at all keen to meet up with him. it just brings back some sad memories. he seemed pissed cos despite him urging mi to go for umpteen times, i decided not to go.

ok.. last night i went out with emo-guy cos he need not report to camp yst! he's gg for reservist anyway. i miss him at work la. well, we met at city hall and went to marina square. went to swensen's!! had my favourite pasta and walnut rocky road. DELICIOUS!!! haha. (: after that, we went drinking at this german bar at millenia walk. had a great time there as that was a good place to chill out. sat there and chatted, listened to the band sing, the crowd and stuff like tt, it's a nice place. den walked around window shopping den headed home! again, he sent mi home to my house downstairs. so nice of him (:

ltr i'm gg for this talk at suntec city. hmm. for this one hour talk. then gg shopping again!!!!!!!! haha. hopefully i dun spend ! goodness mi. haha.

-baby, where's the hug?-

his answers were all rather contradicting. i confronted him last night and asked what he meant when he said he liked mi as a fren and later he said he like mi. he thought that "isn't it the same?" i was like... hai. i reali duno la. he said he didnt want to lead mi on. but he is leading mi on!! and he says he knows that he is leading mi on. and so. WHY is he leading mi on?! CONTRADICTING...

he looks at mi as a fren as well as a possible partner. ok... as in the rationale behind why he said those things.. i duno. ): there's totally no need for him to say all those things and we can date as usual. but now that he has said all this, i duno if i can stil do it. he still wants it this way, like i want to. but i duno if it will stil be the same. i told him that i mite be fixing my last day back to 29feb and i wun get to see him again. i duno if i can still face him like the way i usually will do.

-contradicting-

freaking longggggg since i blogged right?? events took place one after another...

got to know xxx much better and have been msging each other since then. i should say i get the sign from him but i still have to be cautious about it. i actually went out with xxx on valentine's day. went to PS for a movie then to the glass house fish & co for the super late dinner. we were the last to leave the restaurant. very nice of him to send mi home in a cab and even acc mi to the lift. he paid for everything that day, and i feel bad.. i wana treat him back to something- food or drinks.

i should admit that i feel very happy when i'm with him and even though he is 11 yrs elder than i, i feel that we can click well. (: but still, i'm not very sure of his feelings towards me.

last night while msging, he said something like he hope tt i dun get the wrong idea and tt he treat mi like a fren. i mean, i feel that i have a right to feel angry cos whatever that he was doing is like leading mi on. i jus said bye and din noe what to sms anymore. den he called but i din ans. he explained things to mi thru msging and called but still, i din ans. i jus said that he dun have to mind about how i feel. he then msged mi and said that he like mi. i mean, i'm reali confused as to how is he really feeling towards me. for a moment he say he like mi as a fren, and the next moment, he said he like mi.

now i'm thinking if i should bring back my last day to 29 feb. if i do, i wun get to see him again. maybe that's a way to end things. but i still wana stay like this with him cos i really feel happy with him. as what he have said, i think we should just continue exploring each other's personality and see if we could build up a r/s from there.

meeting my ex tml after work. he said he has got something to give me and i got to get back something from him too.. hmm. duno leh. hai.

-i'm freaking confused now-

You Have Your PhD in Men

You understand men almost better than anyone.You accept that guys are very different, and you read signals well.Work what you know about men, and your relationships will be blissful.

How Well Do You Understand Men?

He Is So Into You!

Come on, why was there any question in your mind?If he hasn't asked you out yet, he will!All signs point to strong flirtation - And that's always a good thing.

Is He Into You?

You Can Make 77% of Your Crushes Fall in Love With You

Your seduction skills are practically legendary. You know how to close the deal.Just don't let someone you're really into get the better of you!As long as you keep up your end of the flirting game, you'll get the prize at the end.

Can You Make Anyone Fall in Love With You?

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are passionate, romantic, and emotional.You put love first in your life, even though you have often been disappointed by it.You expect to be swept of your feet, and you never expect infatuation to die out. Underneath it all, you are scared that you aren't lovable.Your insecurity has ruined many relationships, as you are unable to see the love that's really there.You are secretly afraid of being alone. Confronting your insecurities is incredibly painful.

What's" the Part of You That No One Sees?

You Are 80% Sexy

Your Sex Appeal Is: Extremely High You're very sexy. You just have that certain something that takes over a room.You know how to attract, entice, and keep whoever you want. You are truly appealing.

How Much Sex Appeal Do You Have?

yst wanted to treat emo guy to coffee bean but in the end 'technology' ended up treating us. goodness. haha. so i'm gg to treat him again today! (:

he's so nice. bought a cough medicine for mi ((: . hees. still got a spoon for mi . so nice!! den yst after coffee bean, we went taka to help 'tech' get a gift for his gf. haha . then after tt 'tech' left for his reunion dinner, leaving only emo guy and i. so we went home! lol .......

finally, after many many years, i'm gg to m'sia again ! i reali miss them!! lol . i'm gg there tml, after getting my new biometric passport. (:

highlighted my hair, and i'm happy with it (: .

-he knows it all-

damn! i'm sick .. bleh. coughing and coughing. i'm gg to die. hai...

anyway, new updates!! my ex called mi a week ago, asking mi out to join him for shopping for his clothes and stuff, and even to m'sia. i know it's not possible, so i rejected. hai. i mean. it's too late. why dun he give me more attention while we were still tgt? really, too late. maybe the saying "one cherishes only when the person is gone" is true..

well, things on my side is gg well (: . played bball w the CSOs on tues till v late. haha. it was fun man. i wana play again!!! wed i went bugis w hid, thurs went for reunion dinner w colleagues and officers at lau pa sat. it was a very interesting outing with them.

went out with emo guy on sat. ((: very happy.. went to marina square "spageddies" then shop around. wahaha. he's got quite a good taste too. reali had fun gg out with him... den we quickly rush home for soccer. damn. i almost died watching the match. spurs led 1-0! and at the last last second, man utd finally scored to equalise ! at least they get back one point. shew... it was damn close. and emo guy was like "bloody shit! not again?!" ...

considering still....

-i'm bored-

hey !!!! lol . lots of things to blog abt actually but some are not convenient to say here. i duno if i should look out for guys of my age anymore. i think it's better for mi to look for older guys. more matured and financially stable ones. dun look for too hot ones !! they only give us a feeling of insecurity. haha . LOL

anyway. work has been rather normal these few days. and i'm v tired . haha . cos of gatherings and outings . yst met vinleon (mr ang) and mich ! haha . lots to catch up!! was like talking alot and all... went to billy bombers to have our dinner . and my goodness i spent almost 200bucks yst !!!! hai !

monday i'm gg to meet them again. but hopefully this will be a bigger scale one. (: then on tues, i'm gg to play bball with my officers and colleagues (: . cool. i cant wait to play!!! haha

anyway, valentine's is gg to be a boring day. hai. hopefully something will happen? hmm....

shall update next time . bb !

-give me a sign-

hey. THIS IS MY 100TH POST!!!! lol.

anyway, i duno what to blog abt actually. but well, jus for info, my bro did v badly for his o's la. LOL. hai. L1R4 27. hope that he can get into at least poly?? talking abt tt, i heard tt this batch didnt do reali well la. hmm...

results results results. i'm freaking scared of my a's now. what if i do v badly and cant get into uni? i dun think i can afford to retake now. ): talking abt studies is like reali stressful.

-i'm SCARED-

today is black and white day . everyone of us dressed in black-and-white or black-or-white . what for ? for the fun of it . we're also gg to take pics to remember this special day . LOL ! sad thing is digital lover cant report for work today . cos his grandmother passed away . hai . sad... hope tt he will get over it soon.. now i'm thinking of visiting the funeral wake . duno leh . see how first . and moreover, no one is accompaning mi there . hmm ....

yst met him to pass him the money for the food . quite sad though . jus passed him the money and he passed mi the stuff and there he goes . ): reali sad ... maybe one day he will look for mi again ...

i'm a lone ranger today ! i chose my lunch at 2pm . my goodness . haha . cos if i eat late, den when i get back to work late, i'll only need to work for another 1 hour plus to 2 hours !! haha . lol . but it's all psychological la . funny . anyway i'm feeling much better today . maybe time reali will heal my wound . but i noe for sure, i'll NEVER forget him in anyway . hmm

tml gg to shop with colleagues at bugis . i'm gg to window shop for clothes and get a new pair of heels !! tada . but the plans mite be cancelled cos we mite be visiting the wake tgt tml . hmm .....

tt's it for now i guess ...


-time mite heal everything-

yst was my first full day of singlehood . morning was dreadful . i was like about to die there . ): kept tearing and all ..... but as hours and minutes passed, i felt much better . all thanks to my colleagues . nice and caring colleagues .

i know it's not easy to let go . and i feel bad letting go . i was urging him not to give up so easily but i myself actually gave up before he did .

went to buy clothes with diyong and ziyong and also hidayah who wanted to buy a keyboard for her beloved . so sweet of her . they are really nice ppl and i appreciate their company . went to catch a movie with zy and dy at jp . ONE MISSED CALL . sucks actually . shocking but not scary . the ending is the worst . and it is super similar to this japanese movie i watched few years back . but still, it's their those guys tt made mi let down my hair and cheer up . thanks alot guys !!!

had a chat w him last night . it was depressing and heartbreaking . i am not as strong as some who can afford to make a clean break . i noe if i still meetup with him after the breakup, it'll no longer be the same and we mite feel awkward . i know tt this guy, i will never forget . i hope he reali wun forget me . if only he could say it's the right time and tt he loves mi, i wun have to make this decision .

i will still open the option to him - "you can still look for mi one day, when you feel tt it's the right time" .

-stay happy, my love-

time flies . 5 months have passed . and i'm all alone once again . no one can understand how i feel right now. not even YOU .

all those sweets moments jus flashed back and i noe . i have no choice but to let go . i noe there will be nothing out of this r/s . tt's y . i initiated it . cos i noe . u'll not do it . cos u feel bad towards mi .

i'm totally heartbroken . but . for our sake, it's better this way . goodbye, my love . and i reali do love you .

-it's all over-

BORED . BORED . BORED . BORED . BORED . BORED . BORED . BORED . BORED . BORED . BORED . BORED . BORED . BORED . BORED . BORED . BORED . BORED . BORED . BORED .

rarrrrrrr ........ damn damn damn . bored bored bored . LOL . lots of gathering now and then . hmm . lots of ppl getting their last day . first was sophia and janaki . tt one was not much of a strong impression cos at tt time i jus joined the board . well, next was jameson and george and nas . george and nas were perm staff at our board's main branch . both posted to jurong east . i dun reali talk to them, usually only regarding work . jameson, my good friend, i should say . next, zi yong is having his last day on 24th jan . another person gg . so fast . gg to have dinner or lunch with him some day . hahs .

mi and janica are thinking of extending our contract though . thinking of work, a level's suddenly came to my mind . i wonder how i did for a's . i'm afraid i cant get into uni . i wana go to NTU ! lol . haha . biological sciences . hmm . hopefully i do well enough . i heard tt the results will be out in end of feb . jus when i'm ending my contract with the board . rar rar .

about the interjc pageant . lol . i wonder who win . haha .

-bored-

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii !!!! hahaha . i'm at my workplace once again . haha . (:

anyway, i met my long-lost primary school fren a few days ago . haha . we were both gg to work la . haha , he did not change much though . still the same but at least he talks more than before i think . hahaha . (: a nice guy . talk alot . and alot in common . hahaha . funny .

well, darling seems to be neglecting me again . ): why why why ? i dont want history to repeat itself again . hais ! i'm so sian now . it's been a week since i saw him . and quite a few days since we talked on the phone . i miss him ..

work is getting back to normal again . tt's why i have the time to even blog now ! hahaha (: . well, hope those customers will never come again ! SHOO SHOO !!! urgh . haha . i'm getting bored of this job . thanks to all those nasty customers ! urgh . anyway i'm thinking of extending my stay in CPF . hmm . might wana change my agency . higher pay maybe . hahaha . LOL .

attended a wedding dinner tt day . had 3 glasses of red wine and i'm still sober while my cousin is feeling a lil tipsy after 2 glasses . haha . feeling super sleepy after the red wine . haha . but i had a good meal there . nice ! meritus mandarin . haha . i wana go there again !

wana go sketches with him . but no news at the moment . blah . i'm feeling unwell today . duno why . jus feeling DAMN heaty . when i shut my eyes, i can feel the heat . wow . damn . tt's all for now i guess .....

-feeling super unwell!-

it's a long long time since i blogged . work is reali reali busy !!! due to the gst offset closing date . SUPER LONG QUEUE !!!!!!!! damn it . cos some elderly are rather deaf, we have to practically shout from 8 to 5 . wow . madness . and lunch is reduced to half an hour . it was crazy !!!! and some nasty customers made our day worse . lol

luckily things are getting back to normal now (: . but we're all damn shag now . haha . yst was our gathering w jameson cos it was his last day on monday so we wanted to have a meal w him before he goes back to school . but it din turn out well . cos his gf was there . i think there mite be some misunderstanding . i duno why the gf die die also wana come . plus she come and pull a long face liao . w/o saying hi to anyone of us . LOL . whatever . the main thing is tt my mood is spoilt yst . i cant tell him why i'm so pissed off since he can see tt i'm in a bad mood yst . i stil cant tell cos ltr things will be difficult for him .

was buying shades and she was staring at mi . like what the hell la !!! urgh . damn damn damn . next time if there's any form of gathering, i must specify tt it's strictly for CPF members !!! LOL .

i shouldn't feel so pissed anymore . lac lac lac . i hope darling calls mi soon . i miss him so much !!!

-nv put gf infront of frens !-

hi ! hees . it was a lovely christmas ! although i did not spend alot of time w darling . i really love our christmas celebration . (:

anyway, this was how it went . firstly we went to jack's place to have our xmas set lunch haha . he had roasted turkey while i had my favourite ribeye's steak ! woots .. i love my medium rare steak . it was rather delicious . haha . and cheap . hmm . the set lunch cost 18.20 each . and then we had this mini chocolate log cake which was v nice ! it's chocolate, u know ! after which, we ordered a side dish, prawn with mango cocktail . it was blehh ... i din quite like it la . lol .

i had a pleasant surprise, a reali pleasant one (: . while eating, darling took out the xmas present for me . hees . i reali din expect it la ! lol . cos he kept insisting tt i shld not buy any present for him . hmm . so after dinner i went home while he went for his family gathering . finally i got to open the present . hahs . was a jigsaw puzzle with a personal message from him ! and also , there was a pixie necklace (: . i reali love it . (:

i am so so so happy !!!!!!!!

anyway i'm at work now . gtg and serve more demanding customers !!!!!!!! bye !

-(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:-

today's sunday !! and i can finally slack at home . haha . tml is mon, christmas eve . my long awaited gathering w my m'sia frens is nearing !! but only one of them is coming over i guess . tml he'll be coming over w his dad . haha . i reali miss them !!! (:

anyway, tml i have to work full day ! hmm . nvm . for the sake of money ... LOL . tues i'm gg out w darling !!! hees but i reali duno where to go for a wonderful lunch . hmm any suggestions ?? lol .

yst i just went cs hair spa w chris . goodness me . it costs me 45bucks for wash, cut and blow !! at least i like my hair . haha . lol . i MITE be gg there to highlight my hair next time . hmm ... chris wanted to perm her hair but the hair stylist said her hair too short and thick. if permed, will not be nice . so she had her hair done - bob hair . plus highlight . highlight was 90bucks and treatment was 30 . so she spent 120bucks in total ! hmm . but i reali like the service there . v nice and spacious . the design is not bad . the hair-washing skills are good too . they dun use their nails to scratch ur scalp , they use their finger tips . and the massaging was reali good . no shoulder aches or anything after tt . haha . i would reali wana go there again . IF I HAVE THE MONEY . (:

i'm gg to do some house work now ! hahs . tml gg to work again . so fast ! lol . haha . ok gtg . bye ! ((:

-wonderful lunch!-

i'm back from work . tml is finally saturday ! i'm tired . today jus met w one sick customer . he tried to touch my hand !!!! eek ! disgusting sicko . den he kept asking me the same qns OVER and OVER again . so pissed off !!! i used the officer's method : "jus now we have already discussed abt this" .. but he jus cant stop . i said at least ten times of tt phrase . and F ! he started throwing mi qns like "so are you studying or working now?" like DUH ?! i'm working la ! is he talking to air ??!! "waiting for results isit ? what results?" . i was so damn freaked out by tt sicko . and i attended to Janica's customer and ignored him for a moment . after which, i quickly called for the next customer and TA DA ! he finally go away . SICK !!! everywhere i work i meet w this kinda sicko !!

today i still din get to meet him . it's almost 2 wks and i reali miss him . especially after yst . hopefully nothing goes wrong so we can meet tml as planned . shall think over the situation my officer proposed . it mite work . who knows !! ha . i don't know . for me, i follow my heart . and my heart tells mi i stil love him v much and is not at all ready to let him go .

jus hope tt he can accede to my request and tt both of us can reali cherish one another . one last chance, i should say . I REALI CHERISH THAT ONE LAST CHANCE . i hope he cherish tt too .

he is wonderful .

someone tt has left a great impact in my life .
someone so real .
someone so beautiful .
someone i wud never wana let go of.
someone whom i will always be there for.
someone whom i need.
someone that cheers me up.
someone who knows me.
someone so special.
someone whom i love most thruout my life .
someone whom i really love.

you are my everything .

-"i really like you alot"-

it's been one week since i blogged . hmm . well, lots of things happened i guess . hais . it's reali sad . ):

it's reali hard to let go . and i dun wan to let go . cos the feelings are real . my heart is bleeding . and i reali din noe what to do . cud it be my fault ? cud it be tt i'm the one who not understanding enough ? i reali don't know . all those things tt he said made mi cried so much . not becos it's hurting . it's becos it's deep from his heart . i was touched . at tt moment, i realised, i'm not at all ready to let go . ):

i hope we can give each other one more chance . i hope things will turn out fine (: and i'm sure it will .

i love him so much .

-dun wana let u go-

firstly, i'm here to say i'm reali sorry . mind or flesh ? which is worse ? i think flesh is worse but mind is bad enuff .

jus an eye candy . although he's reali hot and nice . and decent, i reali do still love my bf . so . no . i'll still stick w darling and not let him down again . he doesnt noe but i jus feel guilty tt he's psychologically betrayed by mi . jus hope tt he will treat mi better (: hah .

tml's last day of work for the week (: cheers . but darling cant acc mi for lunch ): . next time . next time . .... i reali miss you ! (:

- a man is not who he is.
a man is who he is not. -

hey ! i'm back (: after a few days . haha . i'm rather bz w work nowadays . lol . tiring i should say . meeting w all sorts of customers and all . URGH . but for the sake of my salary, i shall bear w it ! (: hahaha . sad thing is none of my frens are working w mi there . if not, it'll be better ! haha . but my colleagues are all v nice and some hot and cute ones . haha . reali nice knowing them . well, my contract ends on 29 feb . hope i get used to it and the CSO is happy w my performance so much tt i can extend my contract . hahah .

something dreadful happened today which i would most probably not talk abt it here . it's jus so bad u see . and confidential somehow . hais . but i'll jus have to say tt i'm reali sorry and i feel really bad abt it . ):

anyway, regarding me and him . sometimes i wonder this and wonder tt . and i tot . m i thinking too much ? well, gals are like tt i guess . had a quarrel tt day . sigh . things are rather ok now . had a talk w my colleague . and realised tt my relationship w him doesnt seem fruitful . m i really thinking too much - tt's the prob . how long have tt been ? ... since he told me that few words ...

whatever ! i shall jus let nature takes its course . if reali things cant work out, then i'll jus have to go tt way . i still hope tt things can turn out well . and i reali wish tt i'll be the one seeing him thru his NS days and be there for him always . let's see how things go . well, i still have my frens who can always lend mi their shoulders if things reali turn out bad ! haha ((:

alright . i gtg . (: till then !

- the future is bleak -

today is like . hmm . tired . i guess it has been so long since i woke up so early . i meant yst waking up early la . cos of work . so i'm feeling rather tired today . gosh . lots of things to do . and buy . and i'm goin to be so broke . urgh . yeah . gg out w darling on sunday . (: i guess i'll jus buy another set of office wear and a pair of heels . but i've only got $56 left for next week . damn it . why am i so poor ! *#@&%#*&! i'll see how it goes . hai . maybe have to borrow . i dun like tt . urgh .

today is MUGGING day ! haha . i'll try to memorise all those package stuff . lol ! dun reali understand why am i deployed to the main branch . hmm . but still, at least it's not inaccessible . jus tt i have to wake up earlier and walk a longer distance . and squeeeeeezzzzeee with all those ppl in the extremely crowded train . it's the peak hours . oh man . i hate crowded places . and during lunchtime i have to walk to the nearest hawker centre . and similarly, lunch hours, CROWDED ! lol . hahaha .

ok gonna go do some housework and finally MUG ! haha . (: bye !

- set . i'm sticking with you ! ((: -

hey !!! today is my first day of work !! hahaha (: well . today is just training and briefing on all those packages coming up for the ppl . so we jus sat there thruout and listened attentively to what the trainer has to say . i jus have to say tt . there's alot to rmb and i think the benefits are quite good . LOL . ALOT TO RMB . these 2 days, i have to read and read and read the stack of notes which is like ard 2 inch thick . haha .

the bad thing is i'm not posted to JE !!! haiya . how i hope i can be posted there , cos darling is working ard tt area too and it'll be easier to meet up . BUT !! i'm posted to the main branch instead . and worse still . i tot if i was posted to the main branch, i will be doing the call centre thing . but i'm to do the counter thing . haiya ! duno what to say .... anyway, we go this professional name . customer service officer . LOL !! haha . tt's funny . but i guess it'll be easier for us to look for jobs in the future (: .

we're all supposed to be in office wear when we report to work . hmm . so have to spend on tt . and u noe what ?! i'm wearing court shoes and it bit me !!! urgh . i had plaster on and it bled . it was painful .... f-painful . during lunchbreak we went to amoy street hawker centre . ALOT of ppl . my goodness . and there i see the typical s'pore trademark - reserving seats with the use of a tiny packet of tissue . hahah .

ok . we started work from 8.30 up till 5.30, excluding lunchbreak, 8 hrs in total . not bad . hees . i'm reporting for my on-job training on mon . i'm kinda freaked out cos after my cashiering experience in the past, i kinda dislike CUS service . but still, i'll give it all out to do my best for this job (: . i'll try and see if i can be deployed to JE . let's see . god bless me - i don't wana meet any especially-difficult-to-handle customers . hahs . good luck to all those working ! woots ! ................ (:

-happy 4th ! i still love
you so much (: -

boo ! i'm back . LOL . from interviews . haha . yst i went to a CPF interview thing . well, today i got a call from my consultant saying tt i'm selected ! woosh ... haha . it's like SUPER fast . tml i'm starting my trg . n work starts on monday . hah . finally i got a job (: . but have to spend money on office wear . well, i've decided to go to those cheap cheap shop to get my office wear . i jus bought a blouse for 10bucks ! and the skirt there costs only 9bucks . my goodness i'm so gg to get there again . hahas .

yst, this sickening ex of mine sms mi again . i should say he's MAD . DESPERATE and not in the right state of mind ! my goodness . he wants me to leave my current bf in order to be w him . he's reali insane . he just doesnt understand what it meant tt things are no longer the same . there's no way i'm gg to leave my bf . even if i'm single, i'll not go back to him . once bitten, twice shy..

can anyone jus tell me why are there such desperate ppl in the world ? this is madness . and that incident lead to some arguments btwn me n my bf . luckily everything's fine now . hees . hope tt i can shop w him on sunday for our office wear (: .

not much to blog about for the time being ... BYE !! (:

- i'll always be by ur side
until the day u choose
to leave me -

there's nothing much to blog about recently . exam's over, and cant talk abt exams . lol . now i think we're all jus slacking and some finding a job but stil slacking at the moment . hmm . well well well . i dun noe if i should crash the prom on tues . hais . when i think of this, i fell super sian . lol

can u imagine . out of sch for half a yr . and worse still for guys, 2 yrs . NS guys tend to feel rather lonely i guess . since i heard from some . esp when they have nothing to do, they will think and think and miss alot of ppl . LOL . well, there's a reason why they pass FHM and MAXIM ard ! hahaha .

alright i'm crapping . i duno what else to say . LOL . till then . (when i have something to say)

- it's been a long time
since i heard it ): -

i'm TIRED . LOL . today is housekeeping day . i have to pack the house n all . clean my wardrobe . etc etc . i'm reali tired . i guess i'm taking up the raffles job .

i'm sad . i reali am . but i duno what to say and duno what to do . sometimes, maybe singlehood is better . commitment sometimes hurt too much . i don't want to be hanging mid-air, right there, where i'm nobody . maybe it's time to let go .

-i really miss you-

weeeeee !!!!!!!!!!!!! exam's OVER !!!! yea yea yea ! hahaha . LOL . i was so looking forward to this . but when this day comes, i'm feeling rather bored . LOL . now looking for work . my aunt found ni one and i think i'll take it for the time being since the office side doesnt nid any part-timers for the time being . hmm . so i'll jus tend the raffles shop . although the pay isnt v high la . hmm .

gg to highlight my hair next weds for free . cos my uncle's wife does hairdressing . LOL . still thinking should i dye and highlight . hmm. let's c ... then yst i spend the rest of my day after the paper packing my room !! it's clean now ok !!! lol . FINALLY u see .

den just now just went out w zhen ying and khim . i missed them so much !! lol . haha . we jus walked ard and had lunch and chill out at some cafe and had a lil chat . it's reali nice to catch up w one another after so long . i'm happy for zy tt she has such a winderful bf . haha . as for khim, i think she'll find her mr right too !! (:

tml gg to pack my wardrobe and also pack the house . LOL . so much things to do ! haha . den sunday gg to visit my grandmother at redhill ! it's been a long time since we got there . den mon i have got class dinner at marina south ! hees . den i'm thinking whether i should crash the prom on tues cos i dun have money to get clothes !! and before prom we can play mahjong . LOL . but nothing's confirm YET . but the class dinner is confirmed . (:

hmm . alright i'm reali tired after all the walking and all . i should go rest and continue playing my games ! hees . weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee .................................

-i miss you so-

weeeeee !!!!!! it's two more days to freedom !! haha ! i'm so fcuking happy . LOL . LOTS of things to do after a's . SOOOOOOOO many ppl to meet . have already tried to meet up w my besties . most prob next wk . hmm . (: then also i have to look for a job ! my damn bro said he wanted to help me ask for info at a company he once worked for . BUT . he has not done so TILL NOW ! lol . shucks i guess i jus nida ask my aunt abt the raffles hotel thing . hmm.

anyway, back to the papers . well, bio p3 was rather ok . i should say i'm v lucky AGAIN . haha . the day before i was reali mugging for bio ok . i wanted to give up on certain details but i'm lucky i did not . or else i was so gg to die yst . the viral and non-viral delivery methods, i studied and memorised like mad . LOL . luckily it came out . one thing tt i'm jus so pissed about myself is the qns on the endangered species thing . after the exam den i know how to ans . and i think my ans to tt qns is v good . DAMN it . 5 marks . SH*T .

after the exam, i tot .. gel electrophoresis for tt qns . and how to differentiate wild ones and those inbred captives ones ? jus look at the bands la ! 1 band-> wild type cos in mendel we learnt tt wild type is homozygous therefore only 1 band !! 2 bands -> inbred lor !! higher prob of having heterozygotes . dun u think this ans is good ? i should go and bang my head against the wall . hais . nvm 5 marks gone . let's hope the reat i did, i got most of the marks . i should get most of the marks i think ... given tt those PPL dun do too well, i should be doing ok for bio . now left with bio p1 . hmm !! haha .

yst went to lavender to acc someone renew his passport and we went to bugis and realised it's under renovation . like .. HUH . hungry ma . so we went to xin yuan ji to have fish head noodles and coconut juice while he had his pork ribs rice . hahs . the soup is heavenly man . sweet and ru wei ! i wana go there again !

anyway, i'm broke ! reali reali broke ! those who wana meet up w mi shall either jus meet up for a chat which doesnt nid much money ... LOL . and jus treat mi ! haha . LOL . alright man . i gotta start packing my room !! (:

-knowing you has made me happy
in a million ways . if ever i have to
let you go, i would find a million
reasons to make you stay..-

it's 8 more days to the end of a'lvls ! haha . cant wait for it to end actually . but i'm gona be so broke after tt . cos i have to save money to buy new clothes for work and so on . and also . i nid to save money to sign up for a new line . moreover, there are tonnes of ppl that i have to meet up with . TONNES . and i have only got around one week to do it . cos i wana rest for a week onli den start to work .

today is my happiest day !!! becos my MOST HATED subject is over and out of my mind ! haha . yea yea yea !!!! lol . i'm left with chem p1, bio p3 and bio p1 in seq . p1 shouldn't be a prob . but i jus wana do very well for bio p3 . cos i'm banking so much on bio . i wana memorise everything . at least if i do, my essay is done . (: let's all not slacken and work even harder for the remaining papers .

today's paper was easier den i expected although it's my most hated paper . lol . i feel a sense of accomplishment cos i finally finished the whole paper including the essay !! and i can ans all the questions . YEAH !! cheers . (: i'mr eali lucky and hope the luck follows me thru the remaining papers . and hey, marcus's luck reali does wonders . hahas . he gave mi some of his jus before he paper . haha .

yst's paper was chem p2 . ok, not bad . i also managed to finish the paper . which i think i should be able to do quite ok . hope i get at least a C or B for chem . HOPEFULLY . bio i dare not say first cos there's stil p3 . hmm . luck luck luck ! i needs lots of LUCK !!! everyone wish me good luck pls ! hahaha .

had a drink with mich, ms tan and gw today at cwp at sweet talk . ms tan blanja us lor . LOL !!!! and if i get CCCDD or what, can apply to be a teacher . hahaha . lol . primary sch teacher !! LOL . haha . anyway, tml is his geo paper . reali hope he do well too !!! (: he definitely can do it since he's much more hardworking den mi ! (: and he's smart ! hahaha . (:

alright man . left with 3 papers and den FREEDOM !!! i wana work and get a new laptop, new clothes, new mp3, new shoes !! wow . hahaha . hope i can get one at least $1500 per month .

ok . gotta go now . bye !!

-yes ! econs's over !-

hey hey hey . haha . it's tues !!! yeah ! bio p2 is over and math p2 is over ! yeah . (: i'm happy happy happy !! bio p2 is easy BUT due to it being easy, it will be very hard to score . hmm . but i'm v pleased with my performance already . hees . u noe . when the examiner say " it's 8 am, u can start the paper now" . wa i was like mad lor . almost str8 away i wrote the ans for qns 1 . lol . i did quite fast i think . considering how much time i took for prelims . i never completed my paper. but this is the first time i finished my paper . LOL !!! and the essay was a BOOSTER ! lol . guessed correctly . Lac operon . my favourite ! lol . and the structured qns are rather manageable . hees . i think my ans were rather sound . lol . had like 10min extra to check my paper .

math is ok too . i'm reali happy today . math i onli left out about 6marks . and my fav PnC and prob came out 20marks !! we were jus talking abt it before the exam . lol . pure math was ok but i mental block, so stupid ! cant do the matrix qns ! my goodness . lol . but i wrote the simultaneous eqn and the matrices . hopefully there's like 2 marks out of 6 ?? hmm . the rest was ok . distribution was also ok . infact not alot of qns on distribution also . i should be able to get my overall B for math . IF and i say IF moderation isnt that bad and those i did were mostly right . hmm .

anyway, i should say i am realli lucky . seriously . most of the things tt come out, i happen to know . i dun noe if i will stil be this lucky for the rest of the other papers . i hope i am !! lol . econs . WTH . i jus cant do econs for nuts . LOL . will stil do my best for econs . hahs .

alright . i am waiting to rest since a few days ago . since i am a week away from my next paper, i guess i should be able to afford to rest for today . (:

-still happy !!-

it's monday ! 5th nov . wow . time really flies . i'm like 17 days away to freedom ! haha . yea . as for the papers, so far so good . tml is havoc . bio p2 and math p2 . my goodness . i'm afraid of bio p2 !! duno why, i'm not so worried abt math p2 . but still, i'm worried .

finally, i survived thru my nightmare, which is the chem p3 today ! yes i'm happy . i think i did rather well for tt paper comparing to how i did for prelims . luckily the things i studied did come out . haha . and special thanks to darling . order of reaction - it'll never be out of my head again . cos he's like always testing mi the definition every now and then . and it came out !! haha . he's patient and nice . reali . cant imagine someone could actually stand my stupidity for chem . i must say, becos of him, my chem improved . haha . thank you so much !!!!!! i will reali keep to my words to make it up to you (:

GP i was lucky wat i studied came out . math p1 was .. hmm . manageable, but relative to those rj ppl, i think i will only manage to get a D . shit . tt's why i have to do very well for p2 . dun care . i must do well !! PnC and prob ! haha . hypothesis testing . these few are my stronger topics . (: finally after tml's paper can rest abit . ABIT . lol .

after tml's paper, i gotta pack my room, pack my house n everything . it's reali messy. especially when it's the exam period . notes all over the floor . LOL . have to pack up to get ready for VIP arrival . haha .

i should say darling has been very nice to me recently . it's funny . actually i expected him to neglect me during this exam period. but instead, he is caring abt me more . haha . it's a good thing !!!! he's gg to be enlisted in apr . pros and cons . the earlier he's enlisted, the earlier he will come out rite ? but after a's if enlistment is not so early, he can spend time working too . haha . hmm . well, i reali hope we can last for a long long time and hope i will be able to see him thru his NS period . just hope tt he have enough trust in me . (: look at one of my past entries haha . blogthings - cheating risk is ZERO ok ?! haha . LOL .

alright . gotta go mug for bio and math !!!! good luck to ME !!!! and him . haha . (:

-i'm HAPPY!-

yst was mich's bdae . haha . lol . she funny sia . i think she was very surprised . LOL !!! joy fake her tt she will not be coming to singapore as her dad will not be coming out of m'sia . mich believe lor !!! tt's part of our plan . hahahah . den i purposely talk to her online on sunday to make her believe tt i'll be staying at home and not going to sch or wherever to study . haha .

so the next day, which is yst, i met joy at sembawang early in the morning and went to buy a slice of blackforest cake and also bacardi breezer for her . since she's already legal . lol . i should be honoured tt the person wanted to check my IC as this means tt i dun look old !!! hahaha . LOL . tt's funny . hmm . den off we go to mich's house ! woots .....

it's rather surprising i still rmb how to get to her house . initially i was afraid i will get the way wrong . but hey . i realised my sense of direction is not tt bad anyway !! tt day went to look for him to study, i also rmb how to get to his place . lol . ok tt's not the main point. haha . joy n i went up to her house and was outside her flat looking into her house . we heard some noises and tot it was her mum in the kitchen doing some chores . so i called her on the phone . i called for damn long den she ansed ! we still saw her running from the kitchen towards the room to ans the call . haha .

den i said " where are you? "

she replied " at home la "

i said : " come and open the door now! "

what was upcoming was terrifying ! haha . lol . she "HUH?!?!?!" until the opposite flat can hear her la !!! she came to the door with the face red like tomato man . and kept saying " OH MY GOD ! " haha . she was reali surprised ! haha . we got her a shirt too . glad tt she liked it . and i bet she liked the bacardi too ! haha . so we sang her a birthday song and she ate the cake and there we go, studying till 4 plus . but we talked quite alot la . LOL . so tt's it for mich's bdae !! (: next yr cannot do this again, will no longer be a surprise anymore . hmm . will think again when the time comes ! LOL .

he is starting his paper today ! and mind you, GP is tml. n i'm like fcuking unprepared . wth . it may seem to ppl tt i've done alot of reading but i noe it myself tt i have not . SHIT . jus do all that i can for the remaining time and yup, the rest is up to fate . LOL . today is also our 3rd month . quite fast huh ? 3 months passed since my bdae . lol . i'm actually stoning now . like wth . haha . alright i better get started with my GP ! woots !...........

- 23 more days
and back to
you and me (: -

i've planned out the time table for the upcoming days of "the battle with a'levels" . haha . lol .lots n lots of stuff to do . hope i will do well . this is what i hope to get . B for GP, A for bio, B for math, C for chem and D for econs . hope i can !!!

apparently, my chem is very very lousy . my goodness . i can imagine how stupid he must be thinking i am tt day when i asked him those chem qns . hahaha . i'm jus so stupid la . i reali cant do chem for nuts !!!!! i reali dislike chem . but i must say that becos of him, it made me somehow being a lil more interested in chem as compared to before . if it's not becos of him , i think i will not even improve the least for my chem . LOL !!!!! so i must study hard for chem too . must not waste my effort and everyone's effort for helping mi with my chem .

crap . feel like studying outside tml becos . at home, i will wake up very very late . ard 11plus . LOL !! den lots of time will be wasted when i eat slowly and when slack n slack, watch a bit of tv and all . so it's better if i go outside for studying . hmm .

ok tt's it . this stupid com always DC !!! urgh .....

-3 more days to a's
and 25 more days to
freedom !! (: -

oh no . lol . i din study much today and i'm watching soccer now . goodness . ltr i'm gg to study again . not gg to do papers but to really study the notes . siao man i think i'm mad . i'm not feeling the urgency to study even though a's is like jus 4 days away. for some ppl it's like tt . when exams get nearer, we do not study but slack . but we study when exam is not so near . sylvia is like tt . n i'm abit like that too . goodness . better study now, no matter what .

feeling quite happy now when i tot of being able to help those cambodian kids . hmm . i searched for my stuff earlier this afternoon and i found 1 whole box of erasers which belonged to my brothers . haha . you know those erasers tt those guys like to play during pri sch . then they'll play this game where they use their thumb to flip the eraser over n whoever loses, will pay the price by giving the winner tt eraser . haha . those erasers with national flags on top . well, ROONEY JUST SCORED !!! woots .. lol . that's so out of a sudden . haha .

den i got 1 doraemon pen which smells quite nice when written . n i found the 11 in 1 games , which is rather compact n hope tt they will like it . and some of my hair rubber bands which are new . haha . hope all of this gets to them soon . so excited . (: lol . it feels happy to do something nice . hope i get to help these ppl first-hand next time . OCIP seems enriching ..

recently having some thoughts in my head . i realised tt i pity her . lol . but i haven forgiven her . cos no matter ppl did her wrong or what, we know tt we did not do her ANY wrong . she is the one tt let us down and said that she was the one who was always being backstabbed . LOL . i pity her becos she is actually being backstabbed by someone closer to her . but she's still v wrong to let us down . i dont care what she do outside with other guys or whatsoever . she can do whatever she wans, give ppl false hopes, f or anything ! if i were still her fren, i would advise her . but that would not break our friendship . what broke our friendship is the things she said tt totally let us down . so sad and too bad . you were the cause of this .

-thinking ALOT-

goodness me . it's like 4days to a's ! oh my god . i'm freaking scared . ): for him it's worse . he got 3 more days ! and on tues, how nice, his phy paper and our 3rd month anniversary at the same time . woots... that's fast . 3 months since my bdae . but i think he will forget but it's ok . cos studies is more important rite now . everything can wait till after a's . (:

yst went studying with him . lol . i was so so so freaking tired . i was retarded yst . was slow in reaction n everything . hahaha . i do chem until i wana cry already . i cant do chem for nuts !! LOL !!! n tt mac was freaking cold ..... woots but i managed to survive thru it and sat there for like 4hrs plus ?! my butt hurts . HAHAHA .. tt's funny . everyone is tired la .. as long as we did study n all, we will be feeling quite tired by now . except for certain ppl who seem not to be studying much... LOL .

these few days not gg to sch already . wana maximise time to study at home ! unless it's studying outside, i dont mind . haha . not gg to do anymore papers ! gotta study the notes and all n strengthen my foundation ! good luck everyone and especially to my beloved . (:

we can do it !!!!!!!!!

-THREE more days!-

i'm in school right now with ying . after talking and arguing with cal yst, i'm v v tired . i'm pissed ! he's acting like worse den a woman . oh pls . i really duno what to say . NO ONE and reali NO ONE, including her, can knock any sense into him . what he's doing now isnt showing her any respect and also not showing himself any respect. hey . I'M REALI PISSED . cb ... i reali wonder when he'll stop . maybe gg taiwan is a good thing for him as he can take time to "heal his wound" and forget about her . i reali duno what else to say but all the best man . tmd ..

i'm using the com for awhile den ltr gg to study my vectors again . actually i realised complex no isn't tt complex, it's quite easy and the questions are quite standardised . LOL . next up is vectors . i reali nid to master vectors in these 9 days' time . omfg . wish mi luck . i haven study bioand chem seriously . i realised tt . shit . gotta start ! tml will start studying bio and chem . URGH it sucks . a'levels sucks . it's a hell of shit .

oh well, i can see that mich is super stressed now . look at her entries and u'll noe . she's like fcuking all the way thruout her entry . oh my ... lac mich . one more month to FREEDOM ... (:
let's all work hard for one more month !

-mug like mad!-

to others, it sounds like i had a productive day doing my revision and all. but i don't think it has been a rather productive day for me . yesterday i finish reading broader perspective and did math. den today i did nyjc math and now gg to do srjc math . gg to do more ltr . will study vectors, complex no, and probability. tml gg to meet him and do all these topics on the tys. all the way !!!!! (:

anyway i have convinced myself to stop thinking abt negative stuff regarding him cos i realised tt although he can neglect and ignore me for a day or two, he will still call after awhile to show tt he care. right now, i just need to be more understanding. (:

let's all study hard now (:

-i understand-

loads of consultation coming up . i'm working hard . so is he . and i bet he'll do well . talked to vin yesterday . he said at this point of time, i should be more understanding towards him . yup agreed . am i understanding enough? i don't know.

anyway, just wana say that i have nothing against christians. the only thing is that i hate people who can't stop preaching, THAT'S ALL . thought about it. if really in the future, my husband is a christian, i would convert too. and wilson said that time that if anyone wants to convert, we must convert for the right reasons. yup . i'm in quite a thinking mode today.

don't know why i talked about this anyway . lol . today i'm gg to finish reading the GP broader perspective. and practise math again . and i don't intend to touch economics yet . until the week before that paper. we have exactly one week to study for it . hmm. yup .

miss cheong said chem paper is not as difficult as our school paper. that means i've got hope ! a C for chem is not bad anyway. lol . if my bio is A and math is B la . LOL .

tt's it. off to study. joy is studying now. i should study too !

-i am studious-

hey . it's been a long long time since i blogged. anyway, a'levels is really near right now. it's like 11 days away. i'm so screwed. but i'll just do the best that i can. and if things really go bad next march, i'll just have to retake a'levels as a private candidate. BUT according to ms tan, hai ... have to retake SPA too, if we retake a's. omfg . HOW ... and it's really a waste if i don't do well this time. this year the marking will be more lenient as there is a syllabus change. haiya.. super duper sian now..

spent some time changing my blogskin. hmm. don't know why. i'm feeling rather contemptous now. what the hell . i'm having mixed feelings suddenly. i don't know. maybe because my period is drawing near and a's too. although i did study and done my work and stuff like that, i have totally no confidence of doing well. i'll just have to continue pratising my math-vectors especially- and also do some chemistry. biology i have to study harder and be more meticulous when attempting questions. i realised that i have always been misreading or missing out certain parts of the questions. i am aim for an A in bio . lol . the rest, i don't know. A B C D is not bad. lol . or A B C C and a B or C in general paper. work hard !!

as usual. i'm afraid to face what is coming after a's. i don't know. what if .. i really don't know. but i already gave him my word that i believe that things will be back to normal after a's . so i should stop thinking so much. yup. (:

thanks ying for being there to listen to my grievances . HAHAHA . lol . i will always be there for you too. your LIANG CHA will take some time though. haha . opps . (:

-when will you say you love me again?-

yesterday you spend half the time u spent with me
talking on the phone. it's ok. maybe there was something
important. also, you irritated me by talking about her,
in a way that i feel you care more about her than
you care about me.
fine.

today, i joined you in the library.
soon, you went off, without asking if i'm going home too.
i wanted to, actually. but you never realised.
not even a question from you. the only words from you
were "i go off first". you couldn't even sense abit of my
feelings. even your friend was more concerned about me,
asking if i was going home. something struck me.
aren't you supposed to be the one asking that?

again, i'm going to say the same old phrase "i don't know".
i don't know if you still care.
i don't know anything.
i'm jus afraid ..

----------supposedly yesterday's post----------------------

it all nearly ended last night.
that caused my eyes to look weird today.
you should know my feelings have never faded
but i don't know about yours.
but since you said everything is still the same,
i shall believe you.

i can put in more effort for you and also for myself to study
harder for the remaining 50days to the end of a's.
i'm just afraid..
afraid that after these 50days
either you will want to end it all
or you would still treat me like this.
now i have another reason to dread a'levels.
i'm afraid to face it.
i'm afraid to face the aftermath.

i don't think i can take another blow.
i don't know.
i really don't.

-i hope to be back
to my cheerful self,
too. i miss you badly-