It's over. Just like a dream.

The price of the more expensive wet tissue is getting too high. I decided to not get it anymore. I should save up my money instead. And i'm not going to get the cheaper but high-on-the-shelf one too. I don't know if there are extra stock, what if I attempt to get it and find out that there's no stocks? then it means I have to find another brand of wet tissue. I dont want. I want to stick to just one brand. But the more expensive one refuse to cooperate. what can I do.. So I'll just stop getting wet tissues.

I'll be fine.

My heart says we've got something real
Can I trust the way I feel
Cos my heart's been fooled before
Am I just seeing what I want to see
Or is it true could you really be

Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know before I fall in love
Someone who stays around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now before I fall in love

I'm at the point of no return
So afraid of getting burnt
But I want to take a chance
Oh please, give me a reason to believe
Say you're the one that you'll always be

Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know before I fall in love
Someone who stays around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now before I fall in love

It's been so hard on me to give my heart away
But I'll give my everything just to hear you say..

Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know before I fall in love
Someone who stays around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now before I fall in love

):

I had fun during the DF chalet. lol. definitely lack of sleep and stuff like that. nothing much on the first day. just that enxian and i went chinatown to meet ambrose and joc for ktv at $10 club. It was fun. halfway through, enxian went and bought the cake for chris. haha. ambrose left at 11 while the 3 of us left at 12am. Thanks to enxian's dad for driving us back to the chalet (: so while chris was bathing, the rest of us waited outside the bathroom to give him a surprise! haha. he better be touched. lol. enxian did the card for him and it was beautiful. LOL. after that, we walked quite a distance to a coffeeshop to watch the champions league finals. sigh. man utd lost ))): they played really really badly. wat's worse when we are seated sooooo far away from the small tv. sad. and the few guys at the next table were cursing and swearing at man utd. i guess they placed a bet on man utd? very sad... ):

thurs morning we went swimming! yeah. i always love swimming, but couldn't find a time and is not disciplined enough to swim. gees. had lot of fun too. haha. well, that was the first thing we did in the morning. christina, jeff, gion, enxian and i. haha. LOL. den had breakfast tgt with ling, kingsley and chris too. did i miss anyone out? prepared for bbq and stuff like tt. lol. took out my red wine and finished it tgt with enxian. why no one else appreciates red wine? gees. den he also took out his vodka and mixed it with cranberry juice. nice! and i duno how much i drank. i was quite high at certain point of time alr. LOL. even went swimming with them AGAIN. lol. so funny. i was told that i was drunk. well, i can only rmb some of the things i did, while i totally can't rmb some of the things i did too. LOL. i guess it was quite embarrassing. geesus. i puked too. ALOT. damn. i puked on the floor when i was bathing in the swimming pool toilet. shucks. and i puked in the chalet toilet too ): according to them (in summary), i was talking slowly and dragging my words, cried, laughed, clumsy, and shouted loudly. damn, sounds like some mad woman. AT LEAST I STILL RMB SOME STUFF YAH? special thanks to joc and enxian for taking good care of me. i rmbed some hot towel on my neck and nice chests/breasts to lean on. HAHAHA! thinking of it, it was hilarious. LOL. thanks (: ironically, i played mahjong! LOL. but lost ): enxian said wana tag team, in the end he went to sleep. sad. ):

finally we were booking out. lol. sorry joc that i hit you 3 times while sleeping. i guess i drank too much/fast. usually i dont move much when i sleep lor. haha. luckily i didn't hit enxian. or isit that i hit him, but he didn't know? haha. funny. quickly packed our stuff den enxian went back sch for meeting. the rest of us checked out, had lunch den went to city hall for our dance pract. it was so freaking warm there! lol. i really perspired ALOT. no joke. haha. GGC is coming soon. next fri. hope everything turns out well. (: had dinner with them at Xin Wang den finally head home. DAMN shag.

Met enxian for lunch just now. similarly lots of things to talk abt. well, sad stuff. or maybe just some reflecting.

There was these 2 brands of wet tissues lying at the shelves. I have always wanted to buy the more expensive one cos for some reason I really love it. So I saved up and finally was able to afford the pack that was much expensive. Greatness. lol. But as I used that pack, the price of it rose and rose. so much so that i can't afford it and have to save even more to get it. That actually putting a strain on me. gees. And so, I decided not to use that pack of wet tissues for the time being. Maybe the price will drop back to normal? (sounds like some stocks) lol. I browsed through the other brands and saw the other one that was there. It was there all the while. The more I look at it, the more I like it. I heard about it's good points too. like it's not soapy and it smells good. However, it was too high up for me to reach and I do not like to trouble ppl to help me with it. But another issue is that, how would I know that it smells good and it'll not be soapy? as in, other ppl may be fine with it, but would I feel the same too? I'm broke and don't know if I should risk it and get the pack that is so high up. So should I continue saving up and wait for the price of the more expensive pack to drop? or should I just get the one that is so high up but cheaper?

Maybe she only treats him as a friend, that's why only he's invited. not me.

It's a secret.

I was angry.
I am disappointed.
Now, I'm even more disappointed.

A broken friendship should be salvaged by finding different ways.
Avoiding is NOT the solution.

Things will not be the same as before, I know.

yst i had a real good cry. i've never cried so badly before. but it really feels better after that. cos it made me so tired that i managed to sleep. however when i woke up, i felt lousy again. my eyes were puffy. sigh.

i met him on sunday itself to pass him the things. quite sad actually. i was secretly hoping to see him for a longer time, and to have a lil chat or something. but we didn't. i am still waiting for his ans.

if only i can be like others that can take love so easily, and let go of things so easily then i wouldn't be so sad. i guess we wouldn't even be tgt in the first place if i am that kinda person. sigh. but i believe it's becos i really love him, tt's why it affecting me so badly. what matters most should be loving him, and learning how to love him. at least i know.

*********************************************

today i met enxian to go town and walk walk and have lunch and quickly rushed over to studio wu. opps, was abt 5 mins late )): after which carol taught a set of technique-based steps for us to practise on. gees i was chosen to solo for my group. seriously it was my first time doing so. was nervous ok! yeah, carol said i have potential to do good hiphop (: but more imptly, she pointed out many of my mistakes and at the same time corrected me. tt really helped :D

when we walked out of studio wu, there was this security guard hurling vulgarities. i really thought he was crazy. haha. he was like "f*** you la! mother ccb!". LOL but wen we looked further, there was a guy infront. lol. i guess it's him who agitated the security guard. -.- but the guy damn calm. haha. he just walk and walk and ignored the guard. hahaha. and the security guard just can't stop yelling even until the guy is gone. and he kept REPEATING. well, it's always those few vulgarities that he used. -.-

chris, christina, jeff, gion, ling, yanli, meifeng and i then went for dinner at xin yuan ji. haha. nice. it just reminds me of the times i spent with him... ): we walked around bugis junction for awhile. and i got the book "the game", which he told me abt before. and i saw books that he read before, and told me abt before. seems like everywhere i go, i get reminded of him ): well, after that we went pool! hahaha. for awhile la. we went off around 9 or so. lol.

finally we were gg home! ling, meifeng and i finally boarded the train. once we stepped in, there's this china woman quarrelling with this sporean uncle. super bitchy and bimbotic and childish. -.- they were yelling at each other and the whole cabin of ppl are looking at them, while the sporean uncle alighted at the station. the china woman was sitting tgt with her friend, and on their right was an empty priority seat, and on their left was 2 empty seats. lol. guess what, i totally ignored and sat right next to them on their left. i was asking ling to sitbut she stood there and hesitated for awhile. LOL. and she finds the part where i totally ignored their quarrel and sat right next to them totally hilarious. hahaha. none of us knew what happened before that caused their quarrel. lol. lame. the china woman was yelling all the way saying things like "if you've got the guts, go outside the parliament house!". like wtf right? and the uncle was saying "you this chicken face. you're a chicken!". LOL. and they were gesturing and stuff like that. hahaha. in this context, chicken means prostitute. -.- and the uncle damn funny. he was "talking" to some guys telling them "she's a chicken", trying to gain support. LOL. they kept repeating their verbal abuses to one another again and again. so childish and lame la. i cant help but laugh. hahaha. cos it's so hilarious! the uncle was standing outside of the train and they were still yelling.

the train doors finally closed and there's left only the china woman and her friend. the stupid china woman was yelling at the top of her voice for duno what fucking reason. then, they FINALLY alighted. while they were alighting, i laughed so loudly that the china woman's fren turned and looked at me. like wtf? lol. hahaha. meifeng den alighted at outram. haha. ling and i embarked on our journey of deciphering the reason behind why ppl call prostitutes chicken. LOL! thruout the journey, we were laughing and laughing... hahaha. i was wondering why dont ppl call prostitutes bitches, cos bitches get fucked around isn't it? what i mean is literally female dogs. -.- so why chicken? cos it's cheap? or what? LOL! we came out with names like "mammal face", "fish face", "elephant face", "bird flu chicken face" blah blah blah. hahaha! it was a crazy journey back home with ling. hahaha. and we were analysing thei quarrels, and speculating why they quarrelled. LOL. nothing better to do huh? haha. it was a slimming trip considering our stomachs ached so badly cos of laughing. hahaha. the trip finally ended at boon lay. haha.

it was a really hapenning day, cos we first met the security guard, then this china woman and the uncle. haha. we concluded that when ppl are angry, they keep repeating and repeating the same things again and again. and the vulgarities that they use are the same old few, same thing, repeatiing and repeating again. haha. it's not a matter of a lack in vulgarity vocabulary, but when ur angry, you can't think of more than those ever common ones like "f*** you" and "cb". lol. afterall, it was a good day, good experience,and a great time spent with ling on the train. hahaha! over time i realised, some ppl aren't that bad afterall. on the contrary, some ppl aren't as easy as they seem. the world is cruel. looks are deceiving. it's whether you are wise enough to see thru them. (:

i look forward to Carol's session again! ((:

*****************************************************

I still miss you...

I think I should let go...

):

I think I know what your answer will be.

):

I feel like a pest.

Should I let go?

):

Too many things, just too many things remind me of you.

Happiness is shortlived.

i finally met up with xinying after a long long long long time. lol. -.- i met her at lot 1 just now for dinner and some gossip sessions. haha. well, just shared with her some of my probs. really quite sad that she gave me a few hugs just now. thanks alot! (: i'm glad she and ryan are still doing fine. (:

today i finally chatted with him on msn for awhile. i really needed to talk to him so badly cos things are just not gg right for me, although i should leave him alone. sorry. but it was just a short chat. i managed to tell him my probs and stuff like tt. it's nice to hear comments from him again. i feel better, somehow.

i'm tired. i think i'm gg to sleep man. shag.

i wonder who is passerby...

recently i have been feeling really sian. firstly relationship problems, then comes friendship problems. i think i'm really getting too stressed up due to these problems. i should learn to relax and enjoy my holidays.

i'm meeting him next tues for a short while, tt's all. hmmm....

as for her, i am really very angry, but to think of it, i feel really sad. i pity her, cos she duno what is love, and how to love. i pity her, cos she duno what is friendship. more importantly, she duno how to cherish herself. and i feel really sad that our friendship became like that. she's willing to give up her "besties" for a guy she barely know. well, more or less, i'll feel that it's a pity. i know i can choose not to care about what she does and all that. but i realised it's not possible, cos she's my bestie, i need to guide her onto the right track. but since she dont appreciate what we do for her, i guess we have no choice, but i know for sure i can no longer treat her the way i did when these didn't happen. whatever it is, i hope one day she'll really learn her lesson. she can do whatever she wants to spite us, but whatever she is doing now is harming and hurting herself, not us. i hope one day she realises all that.

so shag. yst played mahjong with mich, cheryl and enxian. enxian and i won! lol. den we went to jp to have dinner then to arcade. -.- we spent like 20bucks in total. enxian put the card in his right pocket and we played the shooting game. while he was playing the game, he didn't realised that he accidentally scanned his card for 9 times! -.- we ended up playing that for 9 times str8, which was freaking tiring. my arms were aching la. den we played some racing game and ended the arcade trip with DDR. lol. i kept stepping on the steel part and now i have a blister under my foot -.- lol. den chilled at starbucks. chris joined us shortly after. and that's all. LOL.

gtg soon for dance! till then.

i miss you

it has been 1day plus. i think this is really a test for us. this is it. wish me luck. whatever the ending is, i will try my best to stay strong. i will cry buckets of tears if need to. deep down, i still hope to hear the answer that i want to hear. i will wait. "patience is the key".

recently i've been really really lazy to blog. and the worst thing is that i keep complaining that it's so bored and there's nothing to do online when i actually can blog. haha. i borrowed the sims 2 from christina and i haven started playing yet! -.- well, cos i'm not in the mood )): but i will try to play soon and return to her asap. (afterall it's really not nice to hold onto someone else's stuff for too long a time) thanks christina! (:

recently there has been dance after dance after dance. i'm dying. lol. i'm aching everywhere after Carol's session yst. lol. but the session was fun. i felt like i lost so much weight after that. LOL. i was doing fine during the session until i suddenly thought of him, and i ended up lost during the choreo. on the way back home, i was stoning and stoning, staring into blank spaces. ):

mahjong today. quite pissed somehow. shall not elaborate. haha. after that enxian and joc went jp with me to have dinner at thai express. den we talk and talk. den we went to the arcade and played there for quite long. haha. the main stuff we played there is the basketball and DDR. it's totally like exercising la. i was perspiring after a short while la. LOL. den we went starbucks to chat again... until damn late la... 11pm. well, we had lots to talk about.

really pissed at her. cos she dont understand what love is. her love is worth NOTHING, really NOTHING. and definitely, friendship to her means NOTHING too. it shows, it just shows. i finally see her true self. she can continue to cheapen herself, and be selfish for all she wants. and thinks that we're interfering with her love life. what i can say is that only true friends will tell you what you might not like to hear. you think those that supports you in everything you do are true friends? you're wrong. what i know is that she doesn't cherish our friendship by saying those things. i'm not gg to be soft on her anymore. she needs some serious telling-off. definitely that's all i'm gg do for her. nothing more anymore. in any case, she needs to learn her lesson. i will not give face.

I'm lazy.

And I'm not in the mood to blog.

Till then.

I should have went M'sia with my parents. This sucks.

SIGH, this sucks. don't understand why things have to be like that.

I dont think she'll ever understand how i feel, and why i do/say the things i do/say. maybe it doesn't even matter to her abit about how i think or feel. ):

Got loads of thoughts running thru my mind la~ haha. many many has happened.
wow, someone became good friends with someone after someone hecks someone and someone didn't know that someone was just kidding and that someone din know that someone became good friends with someone. so that's how someone seek solace when someone ignores someone and this is how someone treats someone behind someone.l so much for someone being nice to someone.
moral of the story? cannot be trusted. fuck you!

what does betrayal and backstabbing really means? i dont think this means that, but this is sufficient to tell me things. whatever! afterall, i don't give a fuck.

As I was walking home from the market just now, I passed by the usual few fruit stalls. There were mangoes, apples, oranges, pears, jackfruits, strawberries, grapes etc etc. My favourite ones are apples, strawberries and grapes. Firstly, they look more appealing, which is true. Better looks attracts more attention. haha. Secondly, in contrast, jackfruits, pears and mangoes look quite ugly, cos of their colour, green, yellow blah blah blah, which doesn't tell of a good fruit. So you're right again. C-M-I looks turns ppl off. But we must know that everyone is treated fairly. Better-looking fruits might not be as tasty as the uglier ones. for example, you can smell jackfruit from a distance away, while the others you can't. there are plus and minus points for everything, it's just a matter of how you overcome ur psychological barrier of the minus points and attenuate on the plus points. (:

enough of crap. LOL. gees. played mj with enxian, joc and fel. enxian's got the techniques, the skills, but he dont have the luck, so he lost quite abit la. joc actually can play lo, just that she anyhow throw tiles and take new tiles. -.- if not, she could have won more and lost less. fel doesn't have the techniques and skills, but she is damn lucky can. well, it's always better to have the techniques and skills la, afterall, luck comes and goes. LOL. gonna teach joc some day. haha. just teach her the combi will do ba. since she can guard. LOL. seriously she's not bad, and she not very slow too. haha. shall arrange for more mj sessions.

*yea la yea la. deep down deep down, go underwater world la... pls stop it.*

i'm so sleepy la. gonna nap awhile man. need to restore energy for Man Utd's match later! and dance tml too... BOO~

fuck you

I am SOOOOO tired. There was dance and dance and dance for the past 4 days. And today was the performance day itself. It's a event at CCAB. it's CPE 25th anniversary - College of Physical Education. LOL.

Made our way there pretty early today and had about 2-3 hours of rest? or more? can't rmb. haha. Went to coronation centre or something (whatever it's called) and had lunch there. woah. the steak is cheap. 8.50, including soup of the day, garlic bread and 2 refills of drinks. cheap huh? LOL. and it tastes not bad. (: After heading back to CCAB, we went to the bball court to look for willy. chris, xh, gion and I ended up playing 4-4 with the helpers. LOL. and we won! 7-4. HEHE. after resting for AWHILE. chris, gion, joc and I plus another guy vs some CPE staff (PE teachers) and the GOH (Mr Paul Robinson) for a full court 5-on-5 match. GEESUS, it's so tiring. and they're good! Too bad out team has 2 gals (that includes me), while the rest are all guys. haha. It was fun la. But i feel so tired LA... LOL.

rested in the lounge area after that and started preparation for the performance. We performaed around 6 la. I'm so sad.... I was so confident of MAD. but I duno for what reason I didn't do the "2steps, open, close, open, close" properly, and end up being the odd one out. GEES. BOO~ ))))))))))))))))))))): it's not like I forgot. but it's kinda like my legs were wobbly. DAMN!

had dinner, and supported "rubberband" while they were performing in the lounge area. It was fun there la. kids were around, playing their "merry-go-round". Some enthu youths joining in the fun. the blue shirt boy. so funny. haha. and the black shirt guy, unforgettable. some funny comments made by Faizal. AS USUAL. haha. And we finally head home after that! Chris, Joc, Enxian and I took 154 from there. and we had some talk on the ride home. some talks that were worth the talk. some serious and impt talks i guess...

*had some apple-orange juice kinda thing. i hope the apple-orange blended well and turn out to be a delicious glass of juice*

Had been rather vexed for the past few days. I really hope that things are back to normal. Today was so much better. MUCH better than the past few days. It totally sucked. It was a total mix of megative feelings. ANGER, SORROW, CONFUSION, DISAPPOINTMENT etc etc etc. I always thought that only JK can make me feel so intense, but I was wrong. Friendships can be such a bitch too. Because you care so much for ur friend, tt's why when something is wrong, you are so affected. Just hope that things can be like today, as normal as we were. (:

I will be going to sleep soon man. I'm tired. Basketball totally drained my energy today. -.- Good night!