Think of the happy times.. =)

and here I am again.. I will wait for you..

Hope that eventually one day,

we'll see light.

I'm sure we will.

I wana believe.

Hope that you will want to believe too.

I love you... =)

Yes, I've been feeling really lousy ever since........ SIGH...... =((

Monday had election for 4th DF comm. finally stepped down from Logistics Manager. Now i'm the Treasurer. Haven handed over yet. definitely alot to learn still. jiayou everyone. =) went for sushi buffet after that. hey, I realised I really can't eat as much as I used to.. and worse still, I puked everything out shortly after. =/ had been puking and losing appetite since.......... and now it's worse. flu and cough. =( flu started on tues morning. sneezed like crazy. ppl always say that someone must be missing me. well, I hope it's him... =) then finally, it's THE DAY. it's our vid-taking. make-up, prepared everything here and there. and i'm really glad that it's finally over. after MONTHS of practice =) good job guys! :D hope the video turns out fine..

Today, woke up early, went for bio pract. super lazy and sian. Dont feel like gg at all.. but we survived through. finished early and wanted to leave asap. SLim stopped us. opps. say that we should ask for permission etc. we thought that we could leave... so ya... in the end, SLim came and apologise to me. I was so damn shocked. I feel damn bad towards her. She apologised cos she saw that i was grabbing my stomach in pain. cos i haven eaten anything.. well, i feel DAMN DAMN DAMN bad towards her. and when we finally left, she still asked me to quickly go, quick go eat cos i look damn pale. =/ really nice of her... i feel really really bad... =/ so jas tan, joc and i went JP to have lunch. guess what. jas tan started the crazy ride down the can A road and purposely not brake at the hump and the car literally FLEW and i knocked my head VERY HARD. it was THAT loud. and i swear it's damn painful. =/

MJ session tml. but i'm sick.. =( will still go i guess. dont wana waste $ see doc and get MC. can't wait for friday to come.

I rmb what you said during our 3rd. about what you will do on our 4th. will you still do it?

I miss you... =(

Enjoy while you can.

can you please stop asking?! please? please? PLEASE?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!

I'm honestly going crazy. how many times must she keep asking and dwelling on it??

I feel so miserable. stop rubbing salt into my wound. PLEASE. you make it worse when you say that I must be having someone new. It's not true at all.. NOT TRUE AT ALL. you don't know how hard I'm trying. you don't know how much I want him back. You don't know how much I love him. You don't know!

SO PLEASE STOP ASKING ME!! LEAVE ME ALONE. just leave me alone... =(((((

sometimes I wish I can leave this miserable place and go to a peaceful place. no worries, no nothing. really. enough. enough. ENOUGH.

been really busy and tied up with school work and more importantly, dance, recently. As i've said previously, i'm like dancing everyday. yes, indeed, EVERYDAY. Yes i admit i'm tired. VERY TIRED. with all that's happening now... Every single day I just dread waking up. I had to drag myself to the toilet.

tml gonna go for MJ session for the 1st time! wish me luck.. hope i can catch the steps! =/ tml no school, it's the 1st time since the start of this sem that i dont have to go to school at all on thurs. this time i will be gg for dance, and wont even step into NIE. lol. For fri? one hour tutorial and that's it. will go home straight after that i guess unless there's help needed =) and guess what? I survived through AED essay and bio assignment. yes, survived but definitely not jobs well-done. ya, i really wonder how am I going to survive through this sem. will i screw it up? Honestly, I don't know but there's definitely a high possibility. =(

anyway, I realised that I seriously can't live without chilli. You know what? without chilli, I won't feel like eating. =/ heard from a friend that experiencing spiciness is actually a form of pain. haha. but i love it. no i'm not sadistic, well ok maybe i am but ya... I can really take super spicy stuff. I feel really shiok eating it. it makes me feel good. honestly speaking, yes, it hurts like hell when it burns in my stomach. I guess partly the reason why I experience gastric pain frequently is because that I always love chilli with super sour stuff. I dont care if it hurts like whatever, I dont care if my hands are burning when I handle chilli padi, I just love chilli and I will never stop eating chilli. NEVER.

recently this song keeps coming to my mind. though it's so old alr but i still love it. loads of emotions.... sometimes just can't help it but.....

When you're gone

I always needed time on my own
I never thought
I'd need you there when I cried

And the days feel like years
when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart
are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know
is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear
to always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you

I never felt this way before
Everything that I do
reminds me of you

And the clothes you left
are lyin' on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much
I need you right now?

do you see how much I need you right now?

will you miss me when I'm gone?

Something is wrong with my body =( withdrawal symptoms? Perhaps...

Timbre on Monday. I'm so gonna drink my fill. DON'T CARE liao! :D

Thank YOU for being so comforting

Thank You for being there for me

Thank you for treating me the drink but so sorry I threw everything up =/

Really appreciate it. =)

I can't take it. It's hurting really badly. I can't imagine so much has happened this year. Heartbreaks after heartbreaks. What have I done wrong? Why is it so difficult to be the one you love?

It's crazy. I'm crazy. Everything is not going right.

I just don't feel like doing anything. the feeling of despair. just feel like screwing everything up and that's it. why do all these come at the same time? I can't take it.

-I miss you badly-

Nice song. What a nice timing to chance upon this song...

It's just so painful.

It's simple, stop complicating matters. Just pretend you don't know anything.

Finally! I'm done with AED presentation. Well, totally not prepared. Everything was like WOW. LOL. But everything turned out fine and we were REALLY on time. =)) More importantly, I'm super happy that it seems like my classmates were enjoying themselves during the activities. :D It's the first presentation ever, that I have presented that I felt so so so happy and comfortable with. as in, I really enjoyed myself. =)) It's like laughters and laughters haha. and our tutor commended us! she said that our idea is very creative. haha. =))

Alright, now that presentation is over, I gotta start with the essay soon! and bio assignment as well. both due on the same day. GEES =/ now i'm freaking busy and everyday is packed with dance sessions. now that there's external troupe performance and MJ (soon) on top on "intensive" DF sessions for DOP, almost EVERYDAY or infact everyday I AM dancing. LOL tired!! oh well, at least I'm doing something I like! :D I guess I really need to manage my time well and study! =/

Listening to "kiss the rain" now... SO EMO! =(( and contrary to popular belief (LOL!), I find myself loving "yesterday" even more. it's like I can feel the emo-ness brewing when we're dancing to it. I simply love it. =) aiya, I love emo songs la. haha. I think when listening to them, you will be more inclined towards thinking and reflecting the past and actions. LOL! sounds like I'm crapping.. =/

And yeah, there's no school for me tml! BUT there's dance. honestly speaking, I dont look forward to the session cos i'm freaking sick of the steps. hahaha. BUT STILL, we have to clean up and make everything look good =) wonder how will the whole video turn out to be like.. hehe. anyway, i can forsee myself sleeping in till damn late tml. haha. cos i'm freaking tired. adding up, i think i only have around 8 hours of sleep on monday and tues. =(( tonight is the night! :D

The results are out. Yes, I'm in. I got into MJ. =)) Happy cos for me it's definitely much more than knowing where I stand now. Talked to Keith and I didn't know he, too, got in only during the 2nd try! But he's zai. LOL. But I'm also quite sad on the other hand. Yeah, I know that initially i said that I wanted to go there and try out just to see where I stand that's all. But cos of what Pat said, and some other reasons, I feel that I would want to really try out as in, attend their sessions and be part of MJ.

BUTBUTBUT!!! I can't. cos I can't attend their first session, infact, I think at least 2-3sessions actually? sigh. but i think it really helps gg for their audition and stuff like tt... like I manage to catch steps much faster? like today i only managed to attend carol's session for the last 10-15mins.. DUE TO THE DAMN LECTURE!!!! DRAG DRAG DRAG. irritating! ya but i'm glad that i caught the steps. happy. =)

that above is just one of the reasons why I'm not gg for MJ la. besides that, are all personal reasons la. I dont wana cut short the time spent with my friends, and more imptly, the time with Dear. and of cos, my studies!!!!! I must study... and i can't manage my time well.. so ya... and definitely other reasons/factors as well la...

But anyway, I think this year's standard dropped. =X it's quite evident from the audition la... should have attended their open class. now can't even go for their sessions. GEES. but i really enjoyed myself during the audition. thanks MJ! It was fun/happy while it lasted! LOL. :D ok so, before i'm kicked out, I'm now a MJ member LOL!!!! haha. with effect from now until thurs! cos thurs i will be kicked out. =/ LOL. lame. hahaha.

alright, gotta go sleep soon! tata... =))

looking forward to thurs... <3

Lazy Lazy Lazy.

Have been really LAZY to update nowadays. I think probably not in the mood and I'm really busy with dance recently. and definitely school. but today i've decided to do so! LOL.

Weds there was dance in prep for DOP. it was fun to watch someone new teaching choreo. definitely lots of learning points here and there. I have been dancing like almost everyday.... Monday was Carol's session, ok, no dance on tues.. Dance on weds, dance on thurs and dance just now.

Thurs was the day that i was most tired. =/ cos I went for MJ audition (again!) and after which we had video-taking pract. and recently i haven been sleeping enough.. like 3-4hours per day? so yeah... =/ anyway, MJ audition was good. the song that we danced to is "get your money up". just 3-eights, but alot of "and" and "er" steps. so yeah... This time, the amount of ppl that went for the audition kinda dwindled by quite a fair bit. =/ and i think the standard is definitely not there. last year's standard of ppl that went for the audition were much better i feel.. after practising again and again, it was finally our turn for the audition! jeff and i went la, no one else... =/

danced once, then pat talked to us. making it seem obvious that jeff and i have dance background, somehow. and eventually he got to know that we both have been in DF for a year. happy that he mentioned that i have the musicality, but sad that he said that i dont have enough strength. but the good thing is, he continued on and say that it's ok and can be worked on. =) and he also asked jeff and i regarding our duration of study in NTU/NIE so to see how long we can commit. besides that, the rest.. he didn't mention or talk much about..

this was what i blogged about a year ago, regarding MJ audition, and how much i wanted to get in. LOL. here's how it goes...

28th aug

it was the shaggiest day for me so far. damn. haha. it was learning fest and i signed up for house. house was tiring cos it involves ALOT of footwork and we had to jump, jump, jump, twist, twist twist, cross, cross, cross etc etc etc. lol! i cud feel the lactic acid building up in my calves. but it was really fun. after which i went to play bball - finally!! cos i havent been playing for ages. lol. after bball joc, queenie, ym n frens n i went to hall7 fxn hall for MJ audition. the steps are ok, but the song is fast so everything is fast. lol. anyway, we got numbered for the audition. B1-me, B2-yimin, B3- queenie, B4-jocelyn, C3-yong kai. i think i did rather badly during the audition. sigh. but i do hope that i can get into MJ. lol. after MJ, we quickly rushed back to nie to attend willy's class. i mentioned C3 becos he ended up following us to nie. and i feel that he is a very good dancer cos i managed to peep in when he was auditioning. lol. nice. anyway, when we stepped into the dance room, i saw them doing the steps, it was nice! lol. we quickly followed and surprisingly, we learnt it quite fast. lol. cool, we danced to purple line. nice song. (: after that, we had our own session-ing where we danced to party people, apologise, cant help but wait, etc etc. danced all the way up till ard 9. had dinner with a big grp of them and went home. (:

ok, updating done! i really hope that i can get into MJ. shall wait for the results...

-anxious-

and now, yes i still hope that i will get in. to me, if i get in, it's a form of recognition that i really did improve THAT much so much so that they accept me this time. and yes, i'm sure that i did improve since the first time i did hip-hop, but i just wanted to see whether this time i can do it (getting into MJ) or not. if i dont get in still, i will be damn sad... =( but yeah, at least i try... let's hope that i do get in... DF sessions are on mondays. and now thurs are used to clean up for the video. hmm.. means it will totally clash with MJ's? =/ if i really do get in, i will go for the sessions as long as i can make it. can't wait for the results... =)

after audition, we went back to NIE for cleaning-up of steps. DAMN tiring. LOL.... i feel that there's definitely much much much more to be done to make everything look even better. i think more imptly the prob is that we can't even have EVERY SINGLE ONE to be present. so doing blocking with missing ppl can be really quite a bitch. just hope that everyone will continue giving all their 100% in this and make the video-taking a success. =)

and just now went to studio wu for dance. LOL. i like the choreo =) i'm tired, and aching everywhere but i'm kinda happy. haha. cos i'm exercising and doing something that i like. but i better put in more effort in remembering all the steps cos recently it seems like there's so much steps to rmb! LOL. will be damn busy next week cos there's AED presentation and dance and dance and dance. jiayou!

will update soon again, once i get the MJ results =))

tata :D

Have been rather busy and tired recently. =/ had movie marathon on friday! at enxian's place with chris, fel, gion, jeff and of cos Dear and I. lol. damn shag after that... after they left i was seriously into deep sleep for awhile before gg home. once i reached home, i gotta prepare to go out again for dance practice. =/ so ya...

Yst I had a meal with JY at Ichiban and he actually told me about what he's gg through nd all that. well, we can't stop what ppl wana say about ourselves. most importantly, you just have to be accountable to yourself. But definitely i dont want him to stay away from me just to protect me from any "dangers" in that sense. cos friends aren't supposed to be like tt. well, just hope that he feels better. =/

Then at night, I went over to Dear's place for awhile and played mahjong with his bunk4 mates. haha. it's really fun to hang around with them. =)

Just came back from dance about 2 hours back. today is a tiring day for me cos i slept at 3plus and woke up at 7am. plus dance. and i can't sleep yet cos i needa do the ppt slides for AED 201. =/ and there's class at 1030 tml.. =( and it's the longest day that i have for the week. sucks.

Anyway i hope that mondays i dont have to change back to 1830. hope i can negotiate with the lecturer and go for the earlier lecture. *prays*

Anyway i'm feeling DAMN fucked up now. pardon me for being vulgar but it's really KNNCCB. I really feel like slamming that fucked up laptop on the fucking floor. =((((((((( I did my AED on that DAMNED laptop just now in school and when I get home and wanted to transfer the files to my desktop, the CURSED laptop refuse to cooperate. kept hanging and now i can't retrieve my project files to complete all that i have to. and there's project meeting tml! and there's morning class tml. KNNCCB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck you you this CURSED and SCREWED UP laptop. To hell with you! URGH!

***************************************************************

The song below is quite an "outdated" song. but it's very meaningful. I used to love it a lot just that i hardly listen to it nowadays.

Used to - Chris Daughtry

You used to talk to me like

I was the only one around.

You used to lean on me like

The only other choice was falling down.

You used to walk with me like

We had nowhere we needed to go,

Nice and slow, to no place in particular.

We used to have this figured out;

We used to breathe without a doubt.

When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.

We used to have this under control.

We never thought.

We used to know.

At least there's you, and at least there's me.

Can we get this back?

Can we get this back to how it used to be?

I used to reach for you when

I got lost along the way.

I used to listen.

You always had just the right thing to say.

I used to follow you.

Never really cared where we would go,

Fast or slow, to anywhere at all.

We used to have this figured out;

We used to breathe without a doubt.

When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.

We used to have this under control.

We never thought.

We used to know.

At least there's you, and at least there's me.

Can we get this back?

Can we get this back to how it used to be?

I look around me,

And I want you to be there

'Cause I miss the things that we shared.

Look around you.

It's empty, and you're sad

'Cause you miss the love that we had.

You used to talk to me like

I was the only one around,

The only one around.

We used to have this figured out;

We used to breathe without a doubt.

When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.

We used to have this under control.

We never thought.

We used to know.

At least there's you, and at least there's me.

Can we get this back?

Can we get this back to how it used to be? Yeah.

To how it used to be.

To how it used to be, yeah.

To how it used to be.

To how it used to be.

Whatever it is, I will try my best. I will not give up. For you, everything's worth it.. I look forward to spending time with you every single day. I'm not afraid of anything, as long as you're with me. =)