Have been rather busy and tired recently. =/ had movie marathon on friday! at enxian's place with chris, fel, gion, jeff and of cos Dear and I. lol. damn shag after that... after they left i was seriously into deep sleep for awhile before gg home. once i reached home, i gotta prepare to go out again for dance practice. =/ so ya...

Yst I had a meal with JY at Ichiban and he actually told me about what he's gg through nd all that. well, we can't stop what ppl wana say about ourselves. most importantly, you just have to be accountable to yourself. But definitely i dont want him to stay away from me just to protect me from any "dangers" in that sense. cos friends aren't supposed to be like tt. well, just hope that he feels better. =/

Then at night, I went over to Dear's place for awhile and played mahjong with his bunk4 mates. haha. it's really fun to hang around with them. =)

Just came back from dance about 2 hours back. today is a tiring day for me cos i slept at 3plus and woke up at 7am. plus dance. and i can't sleep yet cos i needa do the ppt slides for AED 201. =/ and there's class at 1030 tml.. =( and it's the longest day that i have for the week. sucks.

Anyway i hope that mondays i dont have to change back to 1830. hope i can negotiate with the lecturer and go for the earlier lecture. *prays*

Anyway i'm feeling DAMN fucked up now. pardon me for being vulgar but it's really KNNCCB. I really feel like slamming that fucked up laptop on the fucking floor. =((((((((( I did my AED on that DAMNED laptop just now in school and when I get home and wanted to transfer the files to my desktop, the CURSED laptop refuse to cooperate. kept hanging and now i can't retrieve my project files to complete all that i have to. and there's project meeting tml! and there's morning class tml. KNNCCB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck you you this CURSED and SCREWED UP laptop. To hell with you! URGH!

***************************************************************

The song below is quite an "outdated" song. but it's very meaningful. I used to love it a lot just that i hardly listen to it nowadays.

Used to - Chris Daughtry

You used to talk to me like

I was the only one around.

You used to lean on me like

The only other choice was falling down.

You used to walk with me like

We had nowhere we needed to go,

Nice and slow, to no place in particular.

We used to have this figured out;

We used to breathe without a doubt.

When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.

We used to have this under control.

We never thought.

We used to know.

At least there's you, and at least there's me.

Can we get this back?

Can we get this back to how it used to be?

I used to reach for you when

I got lost along the way.

I used to listen.

You always had just the right thing to say.

I used to follow you.

Never really cared where we would go,

Fast or slow, to anywhere at all.

We used to have this figured out;

We used to breathe without a doubt.

When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.

We used to have this under control.

We never thought.

We used to know.

At least there's you, and at least there's me.

Can we get this back?

Can we get this back to how it used to be?

I look around me,

And I want you to be there

'Cause I miss the things that we shared.

Look around you.

It's empty, and you're sad

'Cause you miss the love that we had.

You used to talk to me like

I was the only one around,

The only one around.

We used to have this figured out;

We used to breathe without a doubt.

When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.

We used to have this under control.

We never thought.

We used to know.

At least there's you, and at least there's me.

Can we get this back?

Can we get this back to how it used to be? Yeah.

To how it used to be.

To how it used to be, yeah.

To how it used to be.

To how it used to be.

Whatever it is, I will try my best. I will not give up. For you, everything's worth it.. I look forward to spending time with you every single day. I'm not afraid of anything, as long as you're with me. =)

I looked thru some of my msn history just now and realised so much has changed in just a short period of less than a year. Time flies, people may change, lots of incidents happen. Those that you wished for, might not have happened but life is always unexpected. all these ranges from friendship, to kinship, to relationships.

Felt really sad reading those msn history again. reminds me of every single thing that happened in the past. the good, as well as the bad. sometimes you can't help but ask yourself, "why did things even turn out this way?". Sometimes i wonder if I'm expecting too much, taking things too easily, hoping that it will be exactly like what you thought it would be. Is it true that when you expect less, the chances of disappointment is much less? Or maybe for certain people with certain character, I shouldn't even expect anything? But the point is, am I really expecting too much?

What is happiness?

This week's going pretty fine i guess. and i'm definitely looking forward to the upcoming weeks. and so, yst Dear and I finally went out. yes, cos i feel as if we've not gone out tgt for quite awhile. as in, really with the thought of dating. LOL. we went Benten to have our lunch. they came up with some new dishes on their menu. nice! :D

We caught Where Got Ghost instead of The Proposal. hope sometime next week i can catch The Proposal. LOL. Where Got Ghost is quite funny i must admit and i laughed quite hard at quite a few scenes. but then again, it's far-fetched and lame i should say. and the graphics.... URGH. and Dear, watching it for the 2nd time, slept almost entirely throughout the show. GEES..... but the main thing is, Miss Felicia Mah, pls refund our movie tickets money cos we're all right about that certain scene! your interpretation of that scene didn't even existed in the movie. LOL!!!

Went for dessert after that. I love the durian sticky rice rolls! OMG... i wana eat that AGAIN. damn nice. hahaha... anyway, just a random thought, i really didn't know that flowers cost that much! LOL. ok, then we went for Dancetitude at NTU audi. Chris, christina, jeff, yanli, fel, xh and bf were there too. I enjoyed myself last night cos i think it's was a great performance by all of them, esp the guest performers too =)) more imptly, Redeafinition. DARN, they're good!I really feel motivated to improve myself in dance. really inspiring =) my favourite story out of the 4, is story 4. haha. jacq is so cute, i must agree. =)

after which, we had dinner at the coffeeshop opp my house. had zhi char. LOL. so damn full.. recently i get REALLY REALLY full easily. dont know why. something must be wrong with me. it's the kinda full-ness that pushes against your gastric. it makes me feel uncomfortable. =( but it was a great dinner. haha. with yanli around, it's so damn funny, cos she's so innocent in that sense. hahaha. and SOME jiu gui damn "smelly".. played tricks to get his WANTS. gees..... but that reaction and expression is so CLASSIC-K! my boyfriend is such a bitch. LOL. hahaha! but his dressing yst was so cute. haha. I love.. =)

today i'm like at home the WHOLE day.. so sian.. did my laundry and stuff.. probably will start studying after dinner =) hope i follow my plans. LOL!

i gotta cut down on my intake once again. not that i'm putting on weight, just that i wana continue slimming down. LOL. the good thing about cutting down on food intake is that i get to save money as well =))

had meeting earlier this afternoon after having lunch with Dear at home. yeah, there was soup =) I think it's been quite awhile since I last drank soup. cos i've been asking my mum not to cook my share =/ had math tutorial and it was boring.. ok, maybe not boring, but dry.. =/ after which, I had quite a long talk with christina so much so that 1hour plus just flew past like tt. wow. haha. met up with our boyfriends and friends after their lesson ended and headed towards JP for dinner. I'm so sorry that eventually I can't get to have dinner with christina. SORRY! =/ Dear joined his OG mates while the rest of us (Aaron, Jasmine Lim, Junwei, Jeff, Chris and I) went to Thai express for dinner. it's fun to have dinner together like just now. Infact, I have not had any of my meals together with Aaron and Jas Lim before. LOL. but fortunately, we can talk haha.

Dancetitude is on tml. gonna go out with Dear first before heading over. I duno why but I feel that it's been quite awhile since I really spent time with Dear alone. seems like our 2nd month anniversary is the last time up till now. finally tml we're gg out. can't wait... =) hopefully we can catch The Proposal tml and if we really do so, hope that Dear wont fall asleep again. haha. :p though I just saw him few moments ago, I really can't wait to see him again... i should go sleep soon and time will pass even quicker. =)

Dear was supposed to take a 10mins nap and get back to me on msn after that.. BUT.. it has been 1hour and 45mins since he went for his 10mins nap. and i guess he most probably would sleep allllll the way until the next morning. OR he wakes up in the middle of the night realising how much he resembles a pig, start gg online all over again and telling me tml that he can't sleep. LOL. he seriously ought to be smacked. i mean, tired, just sleep la~ LOL. ok la i think i wana sleep alr la. feeling tired alr.

after 1month plus, today i'm still admiring that beautiful sunflower hanging under my bed. I simply love it =)) good night...

Hello... Have been really lazy to update recently. Haha. probably becos I have nothing much to say, or at least i couldn't reveal what i was doing recently. But now, I can! (:

Tml is the start of the new school term. Errrr.... Well, I'm having mixed feelings about it. I wana go back to school of cos! cos rotting at home is freaking sad. -.- BUT the core modules just turn me off... Both are biodiversity.. ): BUT BUT BUT... I'm gonna work hard this sem! :D I will try my best not to skip any lectures ok? ((: Should organise frequent study sessions tgt with Dear. since we stay so near each other. haha~ the earlier we start studying, the better eh? ((: OMG OMG, I need to wake up at 9 tml. Need to prepare and stuff... sch starts at 1030! =/ and i need to print my bio notes... My printer no ink le )): Whatever it is, wish me luck tml! let me start it well, and let things go smoothly for the rest of the sem! (((: Oh ya, I will RUSH to dance right after my last lesson =/ kinda sad though.. but still.. haha (:

Had a great time with Dear just now. It's our 2nd month anniversary! :D And since 3 weeks ago, i have been doing this X-stitch cushion for him. (Pic below!) But well, he said he expected it. ): I thought he would be surprised -.- GEES. is it THAT obvious? But I really feel so happy when I completed it yst. thanks jeff for helping me search the net for X-stitch shops and stuff, if not i'll be stranded like at nowhere, looking for threads in vain. thanks!!! ((: I shall believe Dear when he said that he is touched. haha :D And so today we went to Vivo. hehe. went Daiso to get some stuff. I seriously feel so AUNTIE... I think he will agree.. HAHA. Then he treated me to Marche. OMG it's my first time there and I agree that the food there is nice! but of cos ex too.. =/ Had ribeye's steak. nice! and Dear's pork knuckles is damn nice too! :D

More imptly, our main motive for being at vivo is to watch UP (3D)! It's both our virgin times watching 3D. hehe. the glasses are so darn heavy. lol. and worse still for Dear. he was wearing his specs. so it's like double layer. HAHAHA. it's so funny. the way he stuffed the tissue at his nose bridge to hold the glasses is funny hahaha. :p The movie is nice. I like. ((: it's touching actually.. haha. but according to him, he finds it abit draggy in the middle. I think it's fine la~ (: Then we had pacific ____ coffee. LOL can't really rmb the name in full. I tried thier mochaccino. Interesting eh? and I find it tasty. probably you guys can try it next time! ((: Had a great time at the sky park too. Thanks Dear for everything! *MUACKS!* and below is the pic of the X-stitch done! Alright, off to sleep!!! ((:

P.S. BITCH! lol.

-110809-0207hr-

i have been really lazy to blog seriously... but today I just feel like it. seems like there's quite alot of happenings and of cos, thoughts going thru my mind.

28th July is no good day for me at all. even till now, it's still haunting me. ): whatever it is, my birthday was a good one. 30th july that is. now i'm officially 20. Eww how I hate it. it just sucks to grow older and older... BOO~ anyhow, I would like to thank all those people who remembered my birthday, be it the day itself or belated. thanks guys ((: however, i'm just feeling a tad of sadness here and there as some of those close friends of mine................. sigh. watever. i dont think she even rmb my bday. she could rmb someone's bdae but not mine. and that someone isn't close to her. ): i dont even need a "happy birthday". just a "hello, how are you?", i'll be happy enough. but no... seems like we've long drifted far apart from one another. )):

and so, Dear gave me my birthday present ((: I love it... :D He brought me to billy bombers for our lunch at JP den we head over to marina barrage. it's my virgin time there. LOL! i like it there cos it is sunny, but it's windy. LOL. we took alot of pics there using Dear's phone cos i stupidly brought my cam, W/O the batt. wtf right? hell.. talking about that, i wonder when is he going to upload those pics.. ok, back to the point. we then walked around the gallery and had some tea at the cafe.. chill out... den head to marina sq for HPC. lol.. eat until DAMN full. hahaha. we're finally back at my house at around 9plus i think.. den celebrated together with my family ((: and that was how i spent my birthday...

on friday, i met up with Junyang a.k.a Bruce (HAHAHA!) and Idzham. it's been AGES since i last met them seriously. chill out at Coffee Bean first den went to Taka's Seoul Garden. it's like a relevation day la.. realised how many things have changed, realised how some person truly are. it was a great day.. really. they are another of my happy pills ((: we also went to cine to catch The Hangover. haha it's freaking funny. and i really think it's a good movie. I really laughed like fuck LOL. i'm sure the whole theatre could hear me. hahaha. anyway, the movie is about a group of men going to Las Vegas for their friend's bachelor party. they were so dead drunk/drugged that they totally didn't know what happened the night before, and lost their friend (the groom). and so on.... haha. anyway guys, thanks for the treats (:

and on saturday (which was yst), i met up with JK for lunch at Ion. I hate Ion. LOL. so freaking crowded and i just dont like shopping there. gees. we had fish n co, and walked around.. and chill out at wisma's starbucks.. it was a boring day.... cos i'm so lazy to walk so much so that we sat at starbucks for quite long. hahaha. and yes, thanks for the treats too.. after which i left for Tiong Bahru, meeting up with Jeff, MF, Faizal and Dear. so we head over to Zouk and met up with Ling and bf there. the party was so dead cos only the few groups of us were dancing... it was like dance, dance, dance... and nothing else? haha weird... alumni party eh? -.- there was this weird guy that came over and danced with me.. he was really enthu with the lyrics so much so that he was acting it out.. and he was like reaching his hands towards me when he sings "you"... he is really really weird. and when i turn to my right, there was another woman, and she was dancing with me too.. eventually i just tried to walk back to my clique and the 2 of them continued to dance tgt. LOL. seriously, no one "saved" me when i was dancing with them. BOO~ after leaving zouk, we had prata at the prata shop nearby. it's not fantastic at all. but who cares, as long as it's filling. LOL. thanks to ling's parents for giving us a lift to lakeside (:

Today i woke up at 1pm and i still feel tired!!! hangover? dont think so.. i only drank like 2 glasses of vodka yst. hmm... maybe it's really like lack of sleep recently la.. ): and so i did what i usually do la.. den just now i met up with Dear and ling to get the stuff for tml's BBQ. dont think i'll be staying over cos it's so troublesome to bring this and that.. and somemore i will be meeting Idzham and the bio clique + 1 extra on Tues. LOL. haha. dont think i will be eating alot during the BBQ. haha. but i will be drinking. LOL! hope i wont get hangover the next day. hehe.

sidetrack..

I rmbed the days when i went for OBS. I love kayaking. it was the double kayak, where 2 persons will be control the kayak using the "oars?" fuck, i forgot what's that called. =/ it's really not easy for my partner and I to kayak cos we had different rowing timings, and of cos different strength levels. my partner was even complaining that I'm not putting in strength cos he felt so tired cos he exerted alot of force. But i seriously did put in effort to row the kayak. i really did. and i really wanted to reach our destination too. but my partner said things out of the blue that makes me feel that i'm so lousy, which totally affected my mood for kayaking. and thruout that journey, our kayak capsized alot of times... and of cos we took sometime to get back onto the kayak. and seriously i felt really really scared to be in the sea cos i just felt so insecure. =/ just when i thought things are fine, that we are both putting in strength and are determined to get to our destination, my partner purposely capsized the kayak. after that intended attempt to capsize the kayak, i seriously felt insecure, be it in the kayak or in the sea. cos I'll never know when will he purposely capsize the kayak again. this sucks. should i even have put in the strength and effort to row the kayak? i am badly scared by the attempt and was wondering when will be his next attempt. =/ (this incident was like 2-3years back when i was in J1)

alright, i gotta go do my stuff. i think this is a long post. LOL. oh well, i'm running out of time! i hope everything will turn out fine (:

-030809-1223hr-

My fingers are still hurting )):

Was supposed to meet Val today but she couldn't make it at the last minute ): next time perhaps... But I'm meeting ZY tml. gonna walk around like nobody's business. I really hope that I don't spend! -.- except for lunch la... hmm..

Ok, recently I have not been reading! )): Well, at least I know my time wasn't wasted. hehe. I'm working on the project still. I will definitely read after that. (:

Yst was my brother's (jeremy) birthday and the pics are available on my fb. haha. his gf was here and dear was here too. ((: nothing much actually. just a simple birthday with a cake and birthday song. haha. this time i really do not know wat to get for him so i just gave him an angpao. haha. and guess what? then today i got MY angpao.... LOL! -.-

anyway, dear's away for around 2 days... he went for chalet. I'm missing him definitely )): haha. but hope he enjoys himself there (: still thinking if i should go for badminton on friday... It's been so long since i've played.. hahaha. I might become some laughing stock. -.-

I'm just glad that things are fine now :D Let's just hope that the talks that we had, made us understand better why some things happened that way. Whatever it is, it just feels like our relationship is going stronger. I seriously enjoy every moment spent with you. I really hope you are The One. The one to have and hold with all my heart and soul, who stays around through all my ups and downs ((: I love you ((:

I'm better off dead. ):

Then I won't be able to hurt him with anything I do or say. I really hate myself that things that I say or do actually hurt him so badly. It will no longer hurt him if I don't exist anymore.

But then, I won't be able to see him again...

)):

He says he's hurt by whatever I have said here. And so, I've deleted all those posts.

Those few days that passed were torturous. Of cos today was the worst. Cos... Finally, he said it.

Mum cooked pork belly today. and then I remembered I told him that if my mum cooks it, I will ask him over to try it. But now I can't. I should not disturb him at all, even if anything happens. I should give him time, alone. But I'm scared my mum will ask for the next few days - where is he, why didn't he come. Sigh. I think I need to go out tml or something. And
next week too. Perhaps just bluff that I'm out with him, then she wont ask and suspect something happened. =/

My gastric is hurting like fuck. ): I'm just too stubborn la, can't help. But since my gastric is alr so screwed up, it doesn't matter if i skip a meal or 2 la~ It was a great time spent during school experience, cos I got to know a bunch of really good people. as for SCHOOL experience itself, I've nothing much to say about it.

Anyway I realised physical hurt really lightens emotional heartaches. And it's really true, cos Roby says so too. LOL. she tried punching the wall too, but what's most hardcore about her is that she ran on a threadmill for 2 hours when she was sooo angry that time. no way for me, tt was why i punch the wall instead. want me to workout as in run/jog? over my dead body. Well, physical hurt helps somehow.. at least it stops you from crying. cos it's painful. But you are "engrossed" in the pain, instead of the emotional heartache, so much so that you will actually stop crying. But that's if you continuously punch the wall la. And it makes you tired cos you're exerting force. but once i stop punching, I start crying again, so I was tired of punching and i gave up. eventually I just cried to sleep, somehow. morning there was still abit of blue-black. but now it's fine alr. and it doesn't hurt anymore. amazing...

what's most annoying is that i finally managed to sleep around 1am, but i duno what the fuck is wrong that made me wake up at 3am! And worse still, I can't sleep after that. And from there, I was awake all the way until I went sch and came back. I'm gonna sleep after I finish this.

I really want to see him so badly. I guess on my side, this is firstly the reason why in the first place I reacted strongly to those incidents. actually I don't really know why too. but.. does he miss me? does he want to see me too? I'm very scared that when he's done with his time alone, I will be afraid to face him )):

School Experience had been a fruitful one. (: I really LOVE the kids there. some are really polite and will greet you even if they do not know you. Of cos, generally speaking, the lower primary classes that I observed were much more disciplined than the upper ones. How ironical. HAHA. But I really enjoyed myself there. I've learnt a lot. I'm glad (: It's really not easy at all. TRUCKLOAD of patience is needed of cos. haha. Hope that next year I will still be posted there. Really glad that I have the few of them as my CTs. they are all really really nice ppl! (:

Anyways, today (10/07/09) is our 1st month anniversary!!! :D I seriously thought that dear will forget about it! I feel so guilty cos I did not prepare anything for him, except writing a letter for him this morning =/ and he has been really sweet. i thought he didn't bother when my msn nick says "my nose bled again ):". In the end, he bought herbal tea for me and gave them to me 3 days in consecutive... ((: So sweet!!

Dear and I went JP for dinner today. And he treated me! :D during dinner, he gave me a gift. hehe. LOOK....

If you see carefully, it's a girl listening from a cup, which is linked to the cup that the guy is holding. and obviously, the guy one is with dear (:

And when I open it up, it's Dear's name and on the right side, it's the date we got tgt. Can't really see... But yeah... Haha. Then Dear told me there was another thing he wanted to give me. And he had already "planted" it in my room earlier on. I have NO IDEA what isit. totally no idea. LOL.

We went to catch Ice Age 3 after dinner. It was a nice movie I feel... funny and cute too. haha. But it was so cold in there. LOL. Anyway i think the kids in the cinema were really enjoying themselves during the movie. I could just feel it. LOL. And so Dear went to meet his Bunk 4 mates while I went home. the first thing i did when i got home? SEARCH FOR THE THING DEAR WAS TALKING ABOUT! I spent quite a lot time looking for it, but to no avail ))): finally dear gave me the answer... it was in a drawer that is spoilt and stuck for years... seriously wonder how did Dear managed to open the drawer to get the "thing" in. LOL. I used all my might to open the damn drawer. and it's breaking... LOL! And so... this is what Dear did for me!!!

So beautiful right? It's really sweet of him (: I counted. It's about 30 petals, each saying "I love you" in different languages... And at the back, there were some quotes at the center. so nice :D I am soooo touched ok... I was in tears =X

and this is how big it looks. See my thumb? you can roughly gauge the size eh?

Thanks dear, I'm glad to have met you and being loved by you. I'm sorry that I thought otherwise. Thought that you didn't really care and such. I misunderstood you. ): Thank you for putting in effort and hardwork into this beautiful gift. I really love it. VERY MUCH... (: Thank you for everything that you have done so far. I'm sure things are working out and will get even better in the future ((: I love you ((:

爱是一种需要,一种缺乏
所以我们都喜欢情歌.
不管爱在进行中,还是仍未萌芽,
不管你爱他比较多,还是他爱你比较多,
爱,或被爱其实都是一种喜悦.

I'm so tired! LOL. Thurs morning I went to Redhill together with my mum and youngest bro to bring my grandma to the doctor. Seriously I hate the measures taken at the polyclinic over there. It's fucked up. I have sore throat and they gave me a mask and allowed me to go in. When I went in, the counter staff said I wasn't supposed to be in there. So irritating! They can't even come to a consensus among the few staff themselves. It's like what the fuck seriously. At least if ALL of them were freaking sure of their procedures, I would have nothing to say. But it's otherwise! And they said that I can only go in if I'm seeing the doctor. How practical huh?

Went to my grandma's house for awhile and looked at some of our young photos. Haha. Oh my god, it's so vintage. I've uploaded them onto FB, together with some that I have taken from the album at home. LOL. Nice. (: Soon after, I quickly went back then met enxian for lunch. Went over to his place and finally set off for The Cathay. :D We were going to watch Tansformers. And so, we met up with a few of his friends for dinner and caught the movie together. His friends are fun people. Haha. The way they talk and stuff, makes me laugh instead of those so-stern conversations that some people might have. It's great knowing them really (: Now, the movie. BOO~ IT'S SO DRAGGY~ Enxian slept. -.- and I was trying very hard to keep my eyes opened. But I still like the movie somehow. Maybe 3stars? LOL. I guess if I was more awake, I wouldn't have been nodding off every now and then. Haha. We were just tired... lol.

Friday was a boring day. At home all the while. Boo~ I need to pack my room I guess. Can't stand it being messy. Don't know if I will be going out tomorrow. But my stomach is feeling weird ): Went to the toilet a few times already. ))))))):

I must remember to call up the instructor for lessons! GEES. please remember!!!

I love you (:

hello hello!!! my computer is FINALLY revived! my desktop I mean. Thanks to my elder brother really. He helped me get the graphic card and fan changed. hehe. for the past 3 months I have been using the Elitebook, which I don't like at all. LOL. Gees. So I'm freaking happy now that my desktop is fine! (:

On monday, as usual there was Carol's session. I simply love it. haha. I think I must have said this umpteen times. LOL! But I seriously enjoy each and every of her session. She taught a new set of choreo, about 4-eights, to a fast song. details spared, 'cos it's meant to be a secret till then (: haha. I love this new choreo ALOT. Don't really know why, probably like what she says, it's "hyped up". haha. I'm looking forward to Grand Welcome. (: But I need rest first. hehe. 'Cos every part of me is hurting. ):

Talking about dance, we're finally done with the super hectic schedule! REST is what's coming up. (: Last night, we performed for the AYM Closing. Well, personally I'm very disappointed in my performance. Just felt that I was not "there" yet. Definitely, I would feel that the Opening one was much better? hmm. But the good thing is, I managed to change in time for the items. (: Everyone's tired, burnt out definitely. Nonetheless, I think everyone enjoyed the whole event somehow despite the less-than-hyped-up disco night. LOL. It was damn funny. The songs played were not that apt. haha. But I liked the bamboo dance, and the other calefare roles we took up. HAHA. Don't really know why, but it feels great to successfully "dance" across those bamboo together with him (:

I should remember to call the instructor tomorrow to book my next lesson. Can't wait. I must get my license! I need to get it. Hope he can teach me parking soon. (: I want to drive on the road again. It's fun. haha.

Just went for some meeting this morning. DAMN IT, does it have to rain TODAY? I was in my heels and my feet hurts.. ): BOO~ The program itself is boring. super boring.. But I can't wait for school experience to start! :D Opps, speaking of which, I forgot to take back my documents from dear. so forgetful.. I'm so lucky to have him together with me in the school. :D Yeah, and he is bringing me out tomorrow. LOL! sounds funny. haha. Gonna meet some of his friends. I'm excited, but I'm also shy. -.- lol..

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend (:

Finally... Finally I'm starting my driving lessons again! :D Really hope to get my license soon. As in, real soon. (: Tomorrow I'll be out for the second session since so long ago. I'll treat it as I'm starting from scratch. Hehe.

Oh yes, I'm performing for AYM closing too. Well, initially I really didn't want to, because of my injuries ): But eventually I decided to do so! :D However, I don't feel happy about this coming performance. =X Because there is too much changing of costumes, and masks as well. The mask is giving me pimples! DAMN )))))): And there is Girl's Hiphop included. Not because I don't like it, but when it comes to costumes, it's just soooooo demoralising. ): No one will ever understand how I feel. Seriously, NO ONE.

You can say it's low self-esteem, but I have every reason to do so. I'm not like those super skinny ones who claim that they are "too fat". On the other hand, I don't have low self-esteem. Because, I know where my good points are. And I know others know too. Whatever! Ok, proper breakfast is definitely a must. Other than that, I should just eat apples as snacks. NOTHING ELSE OK!!! Now, back to the main point. I will definitely do my best for this closing ceremony performance. Go DF!

Talking about injuries. Gees. It sucks man. I've got another SMALL bruise near the BIG BIG bruise that I showed previously. And I pulled another muscle during practice yesterday. GEES. Why am I so injury-prone??? I'm hurting everywhere. Literally, EVERYWHERE. BOO~ I just feel that all of us are so burnt out. Nevertheless, I still look forward to Carol's session on Monday! Can't wait seriously. (:

I met Enxian for breakfast today at Best together with my mum. LOL. And he came over after that! We were so bored because there was nothing to do... -.- So, we ended up watching "La Bi Xiao Xing"!!! Super lame. Hahaha. In the end, he had his dinner here too. And went off to meet his friends soon after (:

Gees. I feel so tired man. ZZZZZZZ... Don't know why. Insufficient sleep perhaps? Ok, I better go sleep soon! Feel like swimming tomorrow. Not a good choice eh? There will be freaking lots of people. And it's more expensive. BOO~ Or should I go on monday morning?? Hmm...

Dance, dance, and dance. TIRED. SHAG. gees... Next wk is even worse. Mon is an exceptionally long day... rehearsal in school in the morning, carol's session at studio wu in the afternoon. jiayou everyone! tues dance pract, weds performance, thurs and fri dance pract. wow.. dance have been putting a strain on me to the point that I pulled my hamstring and it's really not recovering well. and my old injury came back again. my knees... initially it was just my left knee hurting, now my right one is hurting. it hurts when i walk. SIGH. i seem to be super accident-prone recently. kena hit everywhere, injured everywhere. blah blah blah. you name it. seriously hope that i can recover well after these series of performance. sigh if it still hurts like fuck, i might pull out of AYM closing. let's see. hope i'll be fine!

Ok, anyway. my dad got caught for drink-driving. well, i'm sorry to say, but is he dumb or what? =X i mean. it's fri night... it's known that there are frequent checks on fri and sat nights especially. He has to go to court in July. Fine for sure. everyone knows Singapore is a "fine" country. i think his breathalyser thing is about 72? HIGH right? i think he can't drive for at least about 2years? OMG la. Maybe to others, this may seem such a small issue. but i duno why, it's been in my head since i learnt abt it. i duno why, but it's affecting me in a way or another. but anyway i'm gg to save up and chiong my driving lessons and hope can pass my tp asap, best if it's on first attempt. den i can drive his car.. guess what just moments after typing the previous sentence, my dad came into my room with $500bucks. he asked me to go attend driving lessons asap. i'm thinking of 2-3 lessons per wk, about 2-3weeks later hope the instructor says i'm good enough for the test, den go book test date. gees. pls pray for the best for me. (: gonna check if i can extend my PDL online.. hmm...

this is a period of both physical and emotional stress on me. not only me, but him and him. many said that jk dont deserve me. cos he didn't cherish me. now that he has regretted for letting me go, and admits that he loves me, it makes me feel so confused about everything. what i am confused about is not about whether i will go back to him or not. many would think that way, but it's really not the case. cos i'm pretty sure we wont reconcile. it's more of how long i would take to forget jk. i dont wish to hurt him, but becos of my feelings for jk, i hurt him... if you really know me well, you would know that it is really difficult for me to forget jk. and i duno how long i would take... ))): and i really feel it's unfair to him. for someone who treats me so nicely, i hurt him in return. do i even deserve him?

I know I handled things poorly. I'm really sorry. I know you are hurt. And deep down, you might hate me for being like this. I will try my best. I don't wana give up yet. Cos i'm sure i do like you.

)))))))))))))))):

Hannah Montana was very nice. well, initially i thought i would just fall asleep during the movie. Ironically, it actually was entertaining and it was real fun to watch. And of course, with him around. (: Everything that happened after was great. :D
Gonna prepare for dance when i'm done blogging. It's darn tiring I must admit. but it's those friends that made everything seem so fun. It's great doing all these together. Let's train hard and put up a good performance (:

I know I should be sleeping. Cos I only slept 5hours plus the night before yst and slept at 3plus this morning. I woke up at 7plus. I just couldn't sleep. ):

Suddenly, everything came crashing down. I have never ever felt so cheated before. It really makes me wonder how true he was when we were together. It's true that it longer matters even if he loves me now. but I truly loved him, so I really want to find out what really happened. Why didn't he choose to be honest with me when we were together? WHY? Since he wasn't honest with me, why tell me all these now when I'm moving on? I can't put a finger to it. I guess ending the relationship is a good thing. Afterall, I really don't understand him.

Now I finally understand why in love, 1 + 1 is not equal to 2. Despite giving my ALL in that relationship, I get NOTHING in return. FUCK those that says they dont mind giving their all and getting nothing in return. I will NEVER believe ANYONE will give their all, and don't mind AT ALL when they get NOTHING in return (knowing that they will get NOTHING in return). Ok, perhaps something. BETRAYAL, LIES, HEARTACHES. how cool huh?

I know I must have hurt you. I'm sorry... ): But I'm sure we'll make things work, yeah? (:

MY MIND IS IN A TOTAL WHIRL.

Life is indeed unpredictable...

I've finally mailed out the parcel, and it's like I can finally let go and be free. I've moved on. And found someone whom I believe will cherish me the way I deserve to be. (: Really happy to see how things are right now. hehe. And I wonder when's the "right time". :D

"突然好想你" just melts me... :D

(:

I'm moving on...

It was a lovely monday night (:

Infact, a wonderful monday. :D

I'm genuinely happy. (((:

woots! GGC is over. and i should say it was a great performance by EACH AND EVERYONE OF US. and i seriously feel so. what is most impt is the time and effort we put in during our practices, and the commitment we've given. it was a fruitful one. :D kinda sad that christina couldn't perform together with us. but i hope she's feeling much much much better now. ((:

according to SOMEONE, when the pencil lead keeps breaking when you try sharpening the pencil, it's a BAD OMEN. haha. den i went for dance. on thursday itself, i hurt my LEFT knee. bad omen huh? den on fri performance day itself, i pulled my LEFT hamstring during the rehearsal. BAD OMEN again huh? gees... and worse still, i felt like vomiting before and after the performance. gees. seriously wtf. lol. but i'm better now! though i still feel pain from the pull. ): but just ABIT. and so, after MONTHS of procrastination, I FINALLY WENT SWIMMING FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!! hahaha. and i'm happy! happy cos i feel healthy. and controlling my diet. haha. this morning when i weighed myself. i roughly lost abt 3-4kg? and tt was what spurred me to go swimming. cos i want to keep it up. oh, low i mean. HAHA.

I think i'm gonna try completing later the thing i was doing for JK. i finally told my mum abt the breakup. guess what? i actually told her the real reason why we broke up. well, in the first place i was intending to just tell her that i was the one who initiate the breakup cos i no longer like him. but i didn't. my mum was funny. telling me "hao ma bu chi hui tou cao" (good horse dont eat go back grass) LOL! wtf so funny. ok, it simply means i shouldn't go back to him if in any case he wants me back. well, initially i did think abt this qns. i mean if he really comes back to me, should i go back to him? i was thinking, if i still love him, i should. but i changed my thinking, cos i think i've given him lots of time, and chances too. and after talking to my mum, i'm more certain that this should really the end of our relationship. and of cos, this is IF he wants me back. guess what? he msged me yst, asking a casual "how are you?". at that point of time, i was really confused. cos it's weird. cos he never does that. i duno how to describe but i wanted to be alone. however. i found the ans. this is the end.

i am reaching for the cheaper wet tissue... seems that it's coming closer and lower down the shelf. time is the essence.

it was a wonderful last night. (:

I've always been looking forward to Carol's session cos it really rocks my socks. lol. It always feel like you lost a few kgs after her session. And she's not the kind of instructor that just throw choreos at you. She is fun and I'm really glad to have her as my dance instructor (:

so yst we had our dance session at studio wu haha. trying a diff kinda feel. RnB, slower than usual and stuff like tt. (: I had a great time, like I always do. haha. After dance, we went to PS for dinner and went arcade. Duno what's got over me. I think everyone else there knows that something is really not right with me. taking the king hammer and hitting like nobody's business. Is this how you survive a breakup? haha. If only it's tt easy. What's worse when I have other problems in hand. this really sucks to the balls.

Incase you guys are wondering. Yes, my relationship with JK has ended. I've decided not to blame anyone cos if I do, I'll be putting a strain on myself. I'll just take it as a dream. So much easier said than done huh? In the meantime, I will finish what I have been preparing to give him on our 1-year anniversary. I just want to finish it, up till where we ended. I think only then I will be able to let go. This time I've not only lost a lover, but also a best friend. It's really sad. But I will be fine. Yes I will, but I need time. I'm sure I'll be fine. At times like this when one so vulnerable, it's easy to fall in love with someone who will be there for you. This really sucks too. If only feelings can be controlled, I wouldn't be feeling so lousy now. gees.

I'm not going to save up to get the more expensive wet tissue anymore. Cos I've been saving and saving until the point that I cannot afford it anymore. and the problem is, I think it wasn't even alochol-free or non-soapy in the first place. I thought it was, but as I used it, I realised it wasn't. And now, I think it's production alr ceased. Even if it starts to manufacture again, I would have to think twice, make sure that it's alcohol-free and non-soapy,and more imptly that I still have the urge to get it. As for the cheaper wet tissue, initially I thought I might want to get it when I really desire to have it and only it. but now, even if the more expensive wet tissue ceases its production, I don't think I will want to get the cheaper one alr. Why? Becos I'm pretty sure the cheaper one is not alcohol-free and is soapy. I've always looked at the cheaper one everytime I walk past the shelves, but I don't want to get it, den find out it's non alcohol-free and soapy, and not look at it anymore when I walk past again. That is what I'm afraid of, the most, actually. All these feelings came during the sales period when I get to know some other products and the cheaper tissue better, even though I already knew the cheaper tissue well. Now that I know that the cheaper tissue is soapy, and non alcohol-free... I think, I better stop myself from getting it. I better do so. I don't want to waste my money again. ):

I need time, alone.