Actually... I feel that studying with you, will be the best way to make me study. Cos you will be just beside me. And I won't keep wondering what you are doing and so on... Having you around will make me really want to study and make be able to concentrate fully...

Biology is definitely killing me. =( to be honest, i've only READ THRU 30% of the whole animal bio. That means i have not started on invertebrates, and I haven started memorising any thing! And math test on tues, haven study (though i'm quite confident), and sci EXAM on thurs, also haven study. SIGH. =((((

Extracted this from Christina's entry...

how about your sons and daughters? your baby nieces and nephews?

or even someone you love now?

how many times do u look at the sleeping face

and think to yourself how beautiful that face is?

do you find yourself wanting to provide for this person, to be there when s/he's down,

to comfort, to guide, to love...

how often do you think of him/her?

rejoice whenever s/he does? grieve whenever s/he does?

have you ever felt such a love for something?

have you experienced that kind of love, but it's directed, solely, exclusively for you?

Christina should know my answer la hor. Infact, I think he should know too...

Yes. I love him more than anything else. And he's none other than Enxian... Don't even know if I will see him during the exam period. I'm gonna miss him badly for sure ='(

Now, this song by Westlife =)

What About Now?

Shadows fill an empty heart

As love is fading,

From all the things that we are

But are not saying

Can we see beyond the scars

And make it to the dawn?

Change the colors of the sky

And open up to

The ways you made me feel alive,

The ways I loved you

For all the things that never died,

To make it through the night,

Love will find you

What about now?

What about today?

What if you’re making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love never went away?

What if it’s lost behind words we could never find?

Baby, before it’s too late,

What about now?

The sun is breaking in your eyes

To start a new day

This broken heart can still survive

With a touch of your grace

Shadows fade into the light

I am by your side,

Where love will find you

What about now?

What about today?

What if you’re making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love had never went away?

What if it’s lost behind words we could never find?

Baby, before it’s too late,

What about now?

Now that we’re here,

Now that we’ve come this far,

Just hold on

There is nothing to fear,

For I am right beside you.

For all my life,

I am yours.

What about now?

What about today?

What if you’re making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love had never went away?

What if it’s lost behind words we could never find?

What about now?

What about today?

What if you’re making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love had never went away?

What if it’s lost behind words we could never find?

Baby, before it’s too late,

Baby, before it’s too late,

Baby, before it’s too late,

What about now?

Yeah I'm back from school =)

Anyway, the following is a picture from Cafe World. It's christina's cafe! =)

It's a rare sight so i took a screenshot of it. hahaha. anyway christina, it's not my avatar that appeared when I visited your cafe. It's really the avatar visiting your cafe. you know those random ppl walking in and out? ya. tt's the one. and so happens that when i visited your cafe, the avatar visited your cafe too! and guess what, you hired me as your waiter and so, there's 2 identical "Jasmine"s there. hahaha. LOL. and quote willy, "looks like you, got red hair!". LOL. haha. oh no, cafe world is so fun. =)

oh yeah so, today had math tutorial. sigh. hell week has begun. =( shucks man. i realised my schedule is soooo packed that i don't have enough time to study for each modules. packed as in, the exam arrangements and such. i'll try my best. =/

Yeah, had lunch with him before heading to school! :DDDDD but he ate very little =( get well soon!! looks like he has lost abit of weight again. =( 10 nov is coming... i hope something miraculous will happen? or even a simple meal i will be happy... I miss you so much... And.. I love you...

SO tired!

I think I will go sleep soon. Duno why so shag. =/

Tml hope can wake up earlier to study, or maybe go sch early. LOL.

Oh well, recently i'm addicted to cafe world. =//// Christina too, right? Jaz also just started =) But i shall take it as a break from studying. hahaha.I tried YoVille. Not fun leh. boo~ Lazy to farm also. cos have to click and click every single square. but I'll still go visit my neighbours to earn exp to $! and also to look at my beautiful farm that has those beautiful hay bales over there. =))

I had supper with him and his friends yst and I'm so happy =)

But I've got diarrhea =/ Cos I ate ALOT of seafood yst! For lunch, I ate stingray and la-la together with Jaz and Joc. And plus the supper, which was also seafood.... woah. LOL.

ok la, lose some weight lor. hahaha.

realised that I can only sleep one hour later. or else my food will spoil. =(

-Don't ever give up if you still wanna try. Don't ever wipe your tears if you still wanna cry.

Don't ever settle for an answer if you still want to know. Don't ever say you don't love him if you can't let him go.-

I'm totally screwed and NOT READY for exams. =((

Next week is the study break and this is what I have.

Monday - Summing up with SLum

Tuesday - ASM 201 Math test

Wednesday - AAB 202 PRATICAL EXAM!!!

Thursday - ASK 201 SCIENCE EXAM!!!

Friday - Summing up with JYong

=(((

Exam schedule:

18th nov - ASM 201

19th nov - AAB 202

23rd nov - AAB 201

25th nov - AAB 201 PRACTICAL EXAM!!!

Damn. I'm really screwed =((

Ironically, animal diversity is the one that I have totally no confidence in now. Initially I was still whining and whining about how much I can't cope with plants blah blah blah. In the end.. SIGH. and practical EXAM is next week. I have totally NO CLUE how it'll be like. I'm so dead. =(

Sigh. Why are you so distant away from me now? ='(

Plans for the remaining hours of the night.

-Organise treasurial stuff

-Farm

-Bio Assignment (at least till "Status")

-Body conditioning plus recapping steps (at least 30minutes)

-Shower and relax for Man Utd match at 1.25am!

Okie.. That's about it. Let's go...

Anger and depression can be overcome by love and hope.

Yes. Not anger for me, but depression. =(

I'm still deeply in love with you...

I miss you so much..

I miss the laughters and all...

I miss all the good times...

='(

It's coming to the last week of school. =(

I think I've mentioned before why I feel sad about it. Sigh =((

Life is so different without you.

I don't wana live without you.

='(

Beautiful song...

**************************************************

Baby won't you tell me why there is sadness in your eyes

I don't wanna say goodbye to you

Love is one big illusion I should try to forget

but there is something left in my head

You're the one who set it up now you're the one to make it stop

I'm the one who's feeling lost right now

Now you want me to forget every little thing you said

but there is something left in my head

I won't forget the way you're kissing

The feeling's so strong were lasting for so long

But I'm not the man your heart is missing

That's why you go away I know

You were never satisfied no matter how I tried

now you wanna say goodbye to me

Love is one big illusion I should try to forget

but there is something left in my head

I won't forget the way you're kissing

The feeling's so strong were lasting for so long

But I'm not the man your heart is missing

That's why you go away i know

Sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere

Don't know which way to go

There ain't so much to say now between us

There ain't so much for you

There aint't so much for me anymore

I was young but I wasn't naive

I watched helpless as he turned around to leave

And still I have the pain I have to carry

A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time

I never thought we'd be here

Never thought we'd be here

When my love for you was blind

But I couldn't make you see it

Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more than you'll ever know

A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep

Only in hopes of dreaming

That everything would be like it was before

But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting

They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time

I never thought we'd be here

Never thought we'd be here

When my love for you was blind

But I couldn't make you see it

Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more than you'll ever know

A part of me died when I let you go

After all this why

Would you ever wanna leave it

Maybe you could not believe it

That my love for you was blind

But I couldn't make you see it

Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more than you will ever know

A part of me died when I let you go

That I loved you more than you'll ever know

A part of me died when I let you go

I have faith in you.

I believe.

=)

Can't find a way to let go of you.

I wonder how it feels to talk to your loved one on the bed, about anything under the sun, and fall deeply asleep when both are so tired. It must be a good feeling.

I don't know what to blog about.

Just feeling really down right now.

Everything I write here, will definitely by read.

EVERY SINGLE WORD.

It was a grave mistake yesterday.

Why? Why? Why?

I'm such an idiot.

I guess I'll still be around?

I hope so.

Stomach hurting like crap =(

Allergic reaction =(

And.. So cold.. =((

What should I do now honestly? =((

Some love quotes...

Love me now, love me never,
but if you love me, love me forever.

To the world you may be just one person,
but to one person you may be the world.

Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.

No one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

Indescribable feeling. Does anyone know?

Will anyone ever understand?

And here I am now, trying so hard to reach out to you.

Not to stress you (at least I'm trying).

To be able to see you, I'm thankful.

To be able to spend time with you, I'm grateful.

On and on, these and that happened. The good and bad.

Don't really know what will happen next.

I'm still standing strong, knowing what I want.

Except that, I don't know if things will turn out smoothly...

Sometimes I really wonder...

This time I admit that it's not right for me to just skip it just like that. I'm sorry. =(

The way you reacted was just like how you did when we were still tgt.

I don't blame you for being mad at me just now. I can't blame you for being concerned. and i'm happy that you are concerned.

I'm so sorry I must have hurt you. I thought you were ok with it cos you said "up to you". =(

Thanks for still willing to send me home... appreciate that really...

I don't wana forget you.

I will hold on... No pressures yeah?

I love you.

It's been exactly 1 month since ......... ='(

I don't know how long I can go on like this. Maybe one day I'll .....

He used to msg me telling me that he's on his way to school etc. Though it's just a msg, to me it meant alot. Maybe it seems silly, but just those msgs itself makes me smile when i get drowsily woken up by the msg alert tone and check my phone.

But now, I don't even know whether he's asleep or awake. Suddenly, our lives seem so detached from one another's. ='(

Why did he say that that night? I don't know.

Is it becos I got tgt with him shortly after my breakup with my ex, so he thinks that i can move on fast and forget him too? ='(

The only thing I know now is that: Jasmine Lam, YOU suck big time.

Woke up feeling like crap again.

I dreamt of you again.

='(

If there's a place that I can hide forever,

I hope that it'll be your heart.

Will you be happier if I didn't existed?

Sch term is ending.

I don't like it at all.

For a few reasons:

1) It simply means exams are nearing (and I have not studied a single shit!)

2) Less dance. Can rest more! But might put on weight. =/

3) It might mean I might not see him that much. =(( It will be worse when the vacation really comes. Chalet will definitely feel different w/o him around. Afterall, things between us kind of sparked off from that night. I miss him like crazy. =((

Dance was fun today. After cleaning steps with juniors, we went crazy by playing all the past songs that we danced to. amazing that we still rmb the steps to quite a few of the songs! then had dinner at JP. finally, not can A. -.-

It's late. I should go sleep. Sigh. Good night.

You are the right one for me. I want you, nobody else. If it's not meant to be, sigh... ='((((

Je ne veux personne d'autre.

Je vous veux et seulement vous.

Détestez-le quand vous dites que "je suis sûr que vous trouverez le juste bientôt". Il est tel a douleur à entendre cela.

Je suis si muet. Qui m'a demandé de le commencer d'abord. Je l'ai mérité. vous sens douleur aussi?

Enjoyed Willy's session today. If You Leave. I posted the lyrics a few entried back. Go take a look. It's meaningful. =) Kinda speaks how I feel? haha. Time to sleep. Nights.

I don't want anyone else.I want you, and only you. Hate it when you say "I'm sure you will find the right one soon".It's so painful hearing it. =( I'm so dumb. Who asked me to start it first. I deserved it.Do you feel the pain too?

This week finally arrived after a long wait.

Yes, after 2months plus, the video is finally done. Seriously, THANKS to all of them who appeared in the video. I'm glad it's done up =) I don't know why but I never get sick of watching the video again and again although it's 20++ minutes long. =/ *haha*

I just hope that he's happy. =)

Ok, i'm convinced that I really lost quite abit of weight. LOL. almost everyone is telling me that. even my mum who always complain that i'm fat says that i lost weight too. ok, good. Hope it continues on this way. Eating less, definitely. but duno why. since then, I dont really get hungry that easily anymore. =/ perhaps last week i ate slightly more. cos it was PMS. -.- today it finally came. right on the dot. this means more blemishes on my face, more bloati-ness, and definitely explains why my mood swings like a whatever for the past few days especially. =/

However, recently i feel very weird. =/ keep having fainting spells. just take yst for example. I experienced that like quite a few times. one when i was walking towards the drink stall. two was when i was at vivo collecting the cake and i had to hold onto the railings while queuing for cab. BOO~ it's freaking scary to be there alone when these happens. suddenly a gush of duno what, then giddy giddy, feel pukey, feel abit of queaziness in the stomach, fingers getting cold.. watever. pray hard that it's perhaps just due to lack of sleep/water. jas tan said could be due to protein deficiency. i don't think mine is that case la. lol. i'm a meat lover. LOL. =)

alright. since i'm so tired and getting all these weird stuff. I should perhaps sleep earlier tonight. =) There's bio lab session tml. grgghhhh. I hate lab sessions. -.- and that's my only lesson for the day. oh no, i must refrain myself from shopping with jastan and joc again! I'm sure i will :D Okay, shall recharge my energy by sleeping like a pig and stop thinking too much (hopefully)! Dance tml. cheers. =)

I thought that from this heartache I could escape

But I fronted long enough to know

There ain't no way

And today

I'm officially missing you.

-I don't care if it's official or not, I still do.-

Met him for lunch =)

Then went hospital with Peiling to visit my dad.

then went bugis.

This was what happened at bugis junction when i was looking at the directory.

This black guy approached. Black as in American-Black kinda Black.

Blackie: "Are you from here?"

Me: "Yes" *searching on the directory for the shop I wanted to go to*

Blackie: "I'm Singaporean too! Erm.. Which is the japanese hair saloon?"

Me: "er.. I guess it's this one?" *points to the directory*

Me: *continues searching on the directory for the shop I wanted to go to*

Blackie: "I'm teaching in ______ Secondary School and I taught in ______ Primary School."

Me: "Oh.. Okay..."

Blackie: "My friend is teaching in the poly at _____. He's from England."

Me: "Oh, ______ poly you mean?"

Me: *continues searching on the directory for the shop I wanted to go to*

Blackie: "Do you want me to show you my IC? You don't believe that I'm a Singaporean?"

Me: "Huh? No? It's okay. I didn't say that I don't believe you."

Blackie: "I'm Bryan. You are?"

Me: "Er, Jasmine."

Me: *found the shop that I wanted to go to*

Blackie: "I'm thinking of giving you my number so that we can keep in touch yeah?"

Me: "Oh, no. It's okay."

Blackie: "Oh, come on. I feel that you're a nice lady."

Me: "Oh, no. It's really okay. My friend is waiting for me downstairs. I've gotta go meet him now."

Blackie: "My number is _________. Give me a call or drop me a sms yeah?"

Me: *pretends to save his number*

Blackie: "hey, give me a miss call now yeah?"

Me: "er, no, it's okay. I've gtg now. My friend has been waiting for quite awhile."

Blackie: "Oh, come on. Let's keep in touch."

Me: "Sorry, I need to go." *runs away*

DAMN. his pick-up lines SUCKS big time. nonsensical guy. so persistent and irritating. he teaches? he's a singaporean? I don't believe. I just find it damn hilarious. luckily i quickly went to my friend for rescue. boo~ it's kinda scary. seeing my friend is such a relief. shew~

came across this song. love it so much.

sung by these 2 beautiful ladies. they are twins!

nice voice too. enjoy. =)

[Verse One]

All I hear is raindrops

Falling on the rooftop

Oh baby tell me why’d you have to go

Cause this pain I feel

It wont go away

And today I’m officially missing you

I thought that from this heartache

I could escape

But I fronted long enough to know

There ain’t no way

And today

I’m officially missing you

[Chorus]

Oh can’t nobody do it like you

Said every little thing you do

Hey baby say it stays on my mind

And I, I’m officially

[Verse Two]

All I do is lay around

Two ears full of tears

From looking at your face on the wall

Just a week ago you were my baby

Now I don’t even know you at all

I don’t know you at all

Well I wish that you would call me right now

So that I could get through to you somehow

But I guess it’s safe to say baby safe to say

That I’m officially missing you

[Chorus]

[Bridge]

Well I thought I could just get over you baby

But I see that’s something I just can’t do

From the way you would hold me

To the sweet things you told me

I just can’t find a way

To let go of you

[Chorus]

It official

You know that I’m missing you

Yeah yes

All I hear is raindrops

And I’m officially missing you

*******************************************

tonnes of work coming up...

Loads of things to do.

need to know how to manage my time well. =/

today is a special day...

happy 4th month anniversary...

I miss you so much...

I'm not good enough for you.

-Kill me now-

le plus cher, que vous veux-je dire?

"Mais croyez-moi s'il vous plaît, Je vous aime"...

Oui, je veux croire. Donnez-moi espèrent et me persuadent de nouveau.. Montrez-moi vous vous souciez, et dites-moi que vous m'aimez de nouveau...Je sais que je ne devrais pas vous harceler de mes pensées... c'est pour pourquoi je tape le français, en espérant que vous ne comprendrez pas que je veux dire... je ne peux pas supporter pour ne vous déranger plus... je ne peux pas supporter pour vous voir dans l'angoisse... :(((((

Cher, Je vous aime ainsi... Juste quand j'ai cru que je ne pouvais pas trouver quelqu'un qui me fait avoir l'impression d'être comment JK a fait, vous avez apparu... :)

malgré tous les incidents malheureux qui sont arrivés entre nous, je vous aime toujours profondément... et j'estime honnêtement que vous êtes les justes pour moi, mon et seulement... J'espère juste que nous serons ensemble de nouveau un jour.. parce que je vous aime, plus qu'autre chose...

croyez-moi s'il vous plaît...

**************************************************************************

incase you guys are wondering, that's french. didn't know that i knew french eh? haha. :D anyway, a nice song, really meaningful.. so feel like sharing... here's how it goes...

If You Leave

You think i`m so full of it, full of it

But i think i`m just fed up, baby

You think i can be so arrogant, arrogant

But i`m just tryna keep my head up, baby

You think i procrastinate baby

But i think i`m taking my time

You think you need to leave

But i think i disagree but

If you believe you`ll do best without me

I`ll let it go girl, it`s over

But before we say goodbye

Let`s give it a try

If you leave, then baby i`ll leave

I`ll let it go girl, it`s over

But i have no doubt

We can work it out yeah

I think you're so full of it, full of it

You just don`t know when to let up baby

I think you`re so arrogant, arrogant

But you think you`re so much better baby

That i think it aint dealt before me to judge you by your flaws and that`s why

No i could criticize, but i put that aside

To focus on you and i

But if you believe you`ll do best without me

Then i`ll let it go boy, it`s over

But before we say goodbye

Let`s give it a try

If you leave, then baby i`ll leave

I`ll let it go boy, it`s over

But i have no doubt

We can work it out yeah

Now if you wanna go, baby

Then i`ll let you go

And even though i`m tryna hold on

I can`t if you don't

No, now if you leave me, you`re gonna miss me

And i`m not saying that i`ll be here waiting

Since we here right now (instead of just walking out)

Let`s work to reach the point that i know we can be...

But if you believe, you`ll do best without me

Then i`ll let it go

It`s over (it`s over)

But before we say goodbye

Let`s give it a try

If you leave, then baby i`ll leave

I`ll let it go girl, it`s over

I have no doubt that we can work it out

If you believe, you`ll do best without me

I`ll let it go girl, it`s over

Before we say goodbye

Let`s give it a try

If you leave, then baby i`ll leave...

Yup here I am again.. Duno what to do. oh well..

So today I cooked for my family. FINALLY, after so long.. =/ Then went sch for awhile. today was really quite bored for me. I can't focus, didn't manage to study a single shit. And i didn't even do the simplest thing which is to tidy my room. What is wrong with me? I have to get my ass off the chair alr. =(

talked to one of my bestie online just now. she is someone so cute and blur. and this is at the beginning of the conversation...

well... duno what to say. just pretend i guess... as much as i want to tell her, i dont think I should trouble her with my problems.. =/

to another bestie: this period must be damn sucky for you.. well, you're not alone.. =/ sometimes definitely we wish that time could turn back. we could have prevented certain things from happening. oh well, we know that that's not possible. so the only thing now is to face it.. I know, and i understand that it's definitely difficult. it sucks when all the sucky things come tgt. =(( i dont really know how to make you feel better.. cos I myself know that no matter how much others say, we ourselves still feel like shit. =( but just rmb that i'm in this shit tgt with you.. jiayou... and dont give up.. I'm sure things will be better for both of us. =)

yes, I'm in a dilemma. kill me. =(

went for MJ just now. it was fun. Pat did about 5-eights of choreo. But dont think can make it for next thurs' session =(( cos I think there'll be DF comm meeting... anyways. ya... it was fun there. but i kept hitting a few ppl behind me. or they kept hitting me too. opps. ok, it was squeezy... bah... then, met chris and christina for dinner tgt with jeff at gek poh. lol.

ok things are not going well for me... puking... yes.. flu and cough... yes... sore throat finally not that bad alr.. sigh. but. just now. I was blinded again =((( so scary.. what's wrong with me, seriously? =((

On a side note,

I think I know what I should do now.

Sometimes I really wonder what is wrong with me =(

Think of the happy times.. =)

and here I am again.. I will wait for you..

Hope that eventually one day,

we'll see light.

I'm sure we will.

I wana believe.

Hope that you will want to believe too.

I love you... =)

Yes, I've been feeling really lousy ever since........ SIGH...... =((

Monday had election for 4th DF comm. finally stepped down from Logistics Manager. Now i'm the Treasurer. Haven handed over yet. definitely alot to learn still. jiayou everyone. =) went for sushi buffet after that. hey, I realised I really can't eat as much as I used to.. and worse still, I puked everything out shortly after. =/ had been puking and losing appetite since.......... and now it's worse. flu and cough. =( flu started on tues morning. sneezed like crazy. ppl always say that someone must be missing me. well, I hope it's him... =) then finally, it's THE DAY. it's our vid-taking. make-up, prepared everything here and there. and i'm really glad that it's finally over. after MONTHS of practice =) good job guys! :D hope the video turns out fine..

Today, woke up early, went for bio pract. super lazy and sian. Dont feel like gg at all.. but we survived through. finished early and wanted to leave asap. SLim stopped us. opps. say that we should ask for permission etc. we thought that we could leave... so ya... in the end, SLim came and apologise to me. I was so damn shocked. I feel damn bad towards her. She apologised cos she saw that i was grabbing my stomach in pain. cos i haven eaten anything.. well, i feel DAMN DAMN DAMN bad towards her. and when we finally left, she still asked me to quickly go, quick go eat cos i look damn pale. =/ really nice of her... i feel really really bad... =/ so jas tan, joc and i went JP to have lunch. guess what. jas tan started the crazy ride down the can A road and purposely not brake at the hump and the car literally FLEW and i knocked my head VERY HARD. it was THAT loud. and i swear it's damn painful. =/

MJ session tml. but i'm sick.. =( will still go i guess. dont wana waste $ see doc and get MC. can't wait for friday to come.

I rmb what you said during our 3rd. about what you will do on our 4th. will you still do it?

I miss you... =(

Enjoy while you can.

can you please stop asking?! please? please? PLEASE?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!

I'm honestly going crazy. how many times must she keep asking and dwelling on it??

I feel so miserable. stop rubbing salt into my wound. PLEASE. you make it worse when you say that I must be having someone new. It's not true at all.. NOT TRUE AT ALL. you don't know how hard I'm trying. you don't know how much I want him back. You don't know how much I love him. You don't know!

SO PLEASE STOP ASKING ME!! LEAVE ME ALONE. just leave me alone... =(((((

sometimes I wish I can leave this miserable place and go to a peaceful place. no worries, no nothing. really. enough. enough. ENOUGH.

been really busy and tied up with school work and more importantly, dance, recently. As i've said previously, i'm like dancing everyday. yes, indeed, EVERYDAY. Yes i admit i'm tired. VERY TIRED. with all that's happening now... Every single day I just dread waking up. I had to drag myself to the toilet.

tml gonna go for MJ session for the 1st time! wish me luck.. hope i can catch the steps! =/ tml no school, it's the 1st time since the start of this sem that i dont have to go to school at all on thurs. this time i will be gg for dance, and wont even step into NIE. lol. For fri? one hour tutorial and that's it. will go home straight after that i guess unless there's help needed =) and guess what? I survived through AED essay and bio assignment. yes, survived but definitely not jobs well-done. ya, i really wonder how am I going to survive through this sem. will i screw it up? Honestly, I don't know but there's definitely a high possibility. =(

anyway, I realised that I seriously can't live without chilli. You know what? without chilli, I won't feel like eating. =/ heard from a friend that experiencing spiciness is actually a form of pain. haha. but i love it. no i'm not sadistic, well ok maybe i am but ya... I can really take super spicy stuff. I feel really shiok eating it. it makes me feel good. honestly speaking, yes, it hurts like hell when it burns in my stomach. I guess partly the reason why I experience gastric pain frequently is because that I always love chilli with super sour stuff. I dont care if it hurts like whatever, I dont care if my hands are burning when I handle chilli padi, I just love chilli and I will never stop eating chilli. NEVER.

recently this song keeps coming to my mind. though it's so old alr but i still love it. loads of emotions.... sometimes just can't help it but.....

When you're gone

I always needed time on my own
I never thought
I'd need you there when I cried

And the days feel like years
when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart
are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know
is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear
to always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you

I never felt this way before
Everything that I do
reminds me of you

And the clothes you left
are lyin' on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much
I need you right now?

do you see how much I need you right now?

will you miss me when I'm gone?

Something is wrong with my body =( withdrawal symptoms? Perhaps...

Timbre on Monday. I'm so gonna drink my fill. DON'T CARE liao! :D

Thank YOU for being so comforting

Thank You for being there for me

Thank you for treating me the drink but so sorry I threw everything up =/

Really appreciate it. =)

I can't take it. It's hurting really badly. I can't imagine so much has happened this year. Heartbreaks after heartbreaks. What have I done wrong? Why is it so difficult to be the one you love?

It's crazy. I'm crazy. Everything is not going right.

I just don't feel like doing anything. the feeling of despair. just feel like screwing everything up and that's it. why do all these come at the same time? I can't take it.

-I miss you badly-

Nice song. What a nice timing to chance upon this song...

It's just so painful.

It's simple, stop complicating matters. Just pretend you don't know anything.

Finally! I'm done with AED presentation. Well, totally not prepared. Everything was like WOW. LOL. But everything turned out fine and we were REALLY on time. =)) More importantly, I'm super happy that it seems like my classmates were enjoying themselves during the activities. :D It's the first presentation ever, that I have presented that I felt so so so happy and comfortable with. as in, I really enjoyed myself. =)) It's like laughters and laughters haha. and our tutor commended us! she said that our idea is very creative. haha. =))

Alright, now that presentation is over, I gotta start with the essay soon! and bio assignment as well. both due on the same day. GEES =/ now i'm freaking busy and everyday is packed with dance sessions. now that there's external troupe performance and MJ (soon) on top on "intensive" DF sessions for DOP, almost EVERYDAY or infact everyday I AM dancing. LOL tired!! oh well, at least I'm doing something I like! :D I guess I really need to manage my time well and study! =/

Listening to "kiss the rain" now... SO EMO! =(( and contrary to popular belief (LOL!), I find myself loving "yesterday" even more. it's like I can feel the emo-ness brewing when we're dancing to it. I simply love it. =) aiya, I love emo songs la. haha. I think when listening to them, you will be more inclined towards thinking and reflecting the past and actions. LOL! sounds like I'm crapping.. =/

And yeah, there's no school for me tml! BUT there's dance. honestly speaking, I dont look forward to the session cos i'm freaking sick of the steps. hahaha. BUT STILL, we have to clean up and make everything look good =) wonder how will the whole video turn out to be like.. hehe. anyway, i can forsee myself sleeping in till damn late tml. haha. cos i'm freaking tired. adding up, i think i only have around 8 hours of sleep on monday and tues. =(( tonight is the night! :D

The results are out. Yes, I'm in. I got into MJ. =)) Happy cos for me it's definitely much more than knowing where I stand now. Talked to Keith and I didn't know he, too, got in only during the 2nd try! But he's zai. LOL. But I'm also quite sad on the other hand. Yeah, I know that initially i said that I wanted to go there and try out just to see where I stand that's all. But cos of what Pat said, and some other reasons, I feel that I would want to really try out as in, attend their sessions and be part of MJ.

BUTBUTBUT!!! I can't. cos I can't attend their first session, infact, I think at least 2-3sessions actually? sigh. but i think it really helps gg for their audition and stuff like tt... like I manage to catch steps much faster? like today i only managed to attend carol's session for the last 10-15mins.. DUE TO THE DAMN LECTURE!!!! DRAG DRAG DRAG. irritating! ya but i'm glad that i caught the steps. happy. =)

that above is just one of the reasons why I'm not gg for MJ la. besides that, are all personal reasons la. I dont wana cut short the time spent with my friends, and more imptly, the time with Dear. and of cos, my studies!!!!! I must study... and i can't manage my time well.. so ya... and definitely other reasons/factors as well la...

But anyway, I think this year's standard dropped. =X it's quite evident from the audition la... should have attended their open class. now can't even go for their sessions. GEES. but i really enjoyed myself during the audition. thanks MJ! It was fun/happy while it lasted! LOL. :D ok so, before i'm kicked out, I'm now a MJ member LOL!!!! haha. with effect from now until thurs! cos thurs i will be kicked out. =/ LOL. lame. hahaha.

alright, gotta go sleep soon! tata... =))

looking forward to thurs... <3

Lazy Lazy Lazy.

Have been really LAZY to update nowadays. I think probably not in the mood and I'm really busy with dance recently. and definitely school. but today i've decided to do so! LOL.

Weds there was dance in prep for DOP. it was fun to watch someone new teaching choreo. definitely lots of learning points here and there. I have been dancing like almost everyday.... Monday was Carol's session, ok, no dance on tues.. Dance on weds, dance on thurs and dance just now.

Thurs was the day that i was most tired. =/ cos I went for MJ audition (again!) and after which we had video-taking pract. and recently i haven been sleeping enough.. like 3-4hours per day? so yeah... =/ anyway, MJ audition was good. the song that we danced to is "get your money up". just 3-eights, but alot of "and" and "er" steps. so yeah... This time, the amount of ppl that went for the audition kinda dwindled by quite a fair bit. =/ and i think the standard is definitely not there. last year's standard of ppl that went for the audition were much better i feel.. after practising again and again, it was finally our turn for the audition! jeff and i went la, no one else... =/

danced once, then pat talked to us. making it seem obvious that jeff and i have dance background, somehow. and eventually he got to know that we both have been in DF for a year. happy that he mentioned that i have the musicality, but sad that he said that i dont have enough strength. but the good thing is, he continued on and say that it's ok and can be worked on. =) and he also asked jeff and i regarding our duration of study in NTU/NIE so to see how long we can commit. besides that, the rest.. he didn't mention or talk much about..

this was what i blogged about a year ago, regarding MJ audition, and how much i wanted to get in. LOL. here's how it goes...

28th aug

it was the shaggiest day for me so far. damn. haha. it was learning fest and i signed up for house. house was tiring cos it involves ALOT of footwork and we had to jump, jump, jump, twist, twist twist, cross, cross, cross etc etc etc. lol! i cud feel the lactic acid building up in my calves. but it was really fun. after which i went to play bball - finally!! cos i havent been playing for ages. lol. after bball joc, queenie, ym n frens n i went to hall7 fxn hall for MJ audition. the steps are ok, but the song is fast so everything is fast. lol. anyway, we got numbered for the audition. B1-me, B2-yimin, B3- queenie, B4-jocelyn, C3-yong kai. i think i did rather badly during the audition. sigh. but i do hope that i can get into MJ. lol. after MJ, we quickly rushed back to nie to attend willy's class. i mentioned C3 becos he ended up following us to nie. and i feel that he is a very good dancer cos i managed to peep in when he was auditioning. lol. nice. anyway, when we stepped into the dance room, i saw them doing the steps, it was nice! lol. we quickly followed and surprisingly, we learnt it quite fast. lol. cool, we danced to purple line. nice song. (: after that, we had our own session-ing where we danced to party people, apologise, cant help but wait, etc etc. danced all the way up till ard 9. had dinner with a big grp of them and went home. (:

ok, updating done! i really hope that i can get into MJ. shall wait for the results...

-anxious-

and now, yes i still hope that i will get in. to me, if i get in, it's a form of recognition that i really did improve THAT much so much so that they accept me this time. and yes, i'm sure that i did improve since the first time i did hip-hop, but i just wanted to see whether this time i can do it (getting into MJ) or not. if i dont get in still, i will be damn sad... =( but yeah, at least i try... let's hope that i do get in... DF sessions are on mondays. and now thurs are used to clean up for the video. hmm.. means it will totally clash with MJ's? =/ if i really do get in, i will go for the sessions as long as i can make it. can't wait for the results... =)

after audition, we went back to NIE for cleaning-up of steps. DAMN tiring. LOL.... i feel that there's definitely much much much more to be done to make everything look even better. i think more imptly the prob is that we can't even have EVERY SINGLE ONE to be present. so doing blocking with missing ppl can be really quite a bitch. just hope that everyone will continue giving all their 100% in this and make the video-taking a success. =)

and just now went to studio wu for dance. LOL. i like the choreo =) i'm tired, and aching everywhere but i'm kinda happy. haha. cos i'm exercising and doing something that i like. but i better put in more effort in remembering all the steps cos recently it seems like there's so much steps to rmb! LOL. will be damn busy next week cos there's AED presentation and dance and dance and dance. jiayou!

will update soon again, once i get the MJ results =))

tata :D

Have been rather busy and tired recently. =/ had movie marathon on friday! at enxian's place with chris, fel, gion, jeff and of cos Dear and I. lol. damn shag after that... after they left i was seriously into deep sleep for awhile before gg home. once i reached home, i gotta prepare to go out again for dance practice. =/ so ya...

Yst I had a meal with JY at Ichiban and he actually told me about what he's gg through nd all that. well, we can't stop what ppl wana say about ourselves. most importantly, you just have to be accountable to yourself. But definitely i dont want him to stay away from me just to protect me from any "dangers" in that sense. cos friends aren't supposed to be like tt. well, just hope that he feels better. =/

Then at night, I went over to Dear's place for awhile and played mahjong with his bunk4 mates. haha. it's really fun to hang around with them. =)

Just came back from dance about 2 hours back. today is a tiring day for me cos i slept at 3plus and woke up at 7am. plus dance. and i can't sleep yet cos i needa do the ppt slides for AED 201. =/ and there's class at 1030 tml.. =( and it's the longest day that i have for the week. sucks.

Anyway i hope that mondays i dont have to change back to 1830. hope i can negotiate with the lecturer and go for the earlier lecture. *prays*

Anyway i'm feeling DAMN fucked up now. pardon me for being vulgar but it's really KNNCCB. I really feel like slamming that fucked up laptop on the fucking floor. =((((((((( I did my AED on that DAMNED laptop just now in school and when I get home and wanted to transfer the files to my desktop, the CURSED laptop refuse to cooperate. kept hanging and now i can't retrieve my project files to complete all that i have to. and there's project meeting tml! and there's morning class tml. KNNCCB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck you you this CURSED and SCREWED UP laptop. To hell with you! URGH!

***************************************************************

The song below is quite an "outdated" song. but it's very meaningful. I used to love it a lot just that i hardly listen to it nowadays.

Used to - Chris Daughtry

You used to talk to me like

I was the only one around.

You used to lean on me like

The only other choice was falling down.

You used to walk with me like

We had nowhere we needed to go,

Nice and slow, to no place in particular.

We used to have this figured out;

We used to breathe without a doubt.

When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.

We used to have this under control.

We never thought.

We used to know.

At least there's you, and at least there's me.

Can we get this back?

Can we get this back to how it used to be?

I used to reach for you when

I got lost along the way.

I used to listen.

You always had just the right thing to say.

I used to follow you.

Never really cared where we would go,

Fast or slow, to anywhere at all.

We used to have this figured out;

We used to breathe without a doubt.

When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.

We used to have this under control.

We never thought.

We used to know.

At least there's you, and at least there's me.

Can we get this back?

Can we get this back to how it used to be?

I look around me,

And I want you to be there

'Cause I miss the things that we shared.

Look around you.

It's empty, and you're sad

'Cause you miss the love that we had.

You used to talk to me like

I was the only one around,

The only one around.

We used to have this figured out;

We used to breathe without a doubt.

When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.

We used to have this under control.

We never thought.

We used to know.

At least there's you, and at least there's me.

Can we get this back?

Can we get this back to how it used to be? Yeah.

To how it used to be.

To how it used to be, yeah.

To how it used to be.

To how it used to be.

Whatever it is, I will try my best. I will not give up. For you, everything's worth it.. I look forward to spending time with you every single day. I'm not afraid of anything, as long as you're with me. =)

I looked thru some of my msn history just now and realised so much has changed in just a short period of less than a year. Time flies, people may change, lots of incidents happen. Those that you wished for, might not have happened but life is always unexpected. all these ranges from friendship, to kinship, to relationships.

Felt really sad reading those msn history again. reminds me of every single thing that happened in the past. the good, as well as the bad. sometimes you can't help but ask yourself, "why did things even turn out this way?". Sometimes i wonder if I'm expecting too much, taking things too easily, hoping that it will be exactly like what you thought it would be. Is it true that when you expect less, the chances of disappointment is much less? Or maybe for certain people with certain character, I shouldn't even expect anything? But the point is, am I really expecting too much?

What is happiness?

Firstly, Happy Birthday to my elder brother!! LOL. :D He's 26th this year, still single, very good-tempered. LOL. anyone interested?!?!?! hahahaha! macham promoting some sales item. LOL. whatever. but the point is that i just wana wish him a happy birthday. more imptly, i'm glad he finally found a job and is gonna start work in sept. =) all the best to him in this new environment! =))

and today is a MONDAY. monday BLUES~ Boo~ had bio in the morning. darn. so sian. =/ had breakfast together with Jaz Tan, Joc and Dear. =) then went for sci lect! I LOVE him still.. he end lectures super BEFORE time. lol. and he dont tou1 gong1 jian3 liao4. he go thru everything and usually takes only 30-40mins. superb right?!?! even better for tutorials. hehe. so glad he's my tutor too =)) then i went str8 to the lib and did all my tutorials and prepared for tml's meeting and even studied AAB 202 from 1230hr-1830hr. LOL. i'm a good student. and this should go on. =))

Then had dinner tgt with Junwei and Dear at Can A. =) i'm totally obsessed with the tom yam ban mian as usual. LOL! Junwei left while Dear and I headed over to JP to get a shirt for my brother for his birthday. hope he wears it when he goes to work. =) den we had ice-cream at Benten! lol. it's a sudden, real sudden craving of mine. HAHAHA. then finally we went home with the cake and celebrated my bro's birthday! LOL. =))

i'm glad i did my stuff today. i just feel damn good today. haha. it's like loads off my mind. =) i can sleep when i'm done blogging.. hehe. anyway, i damn scared my hair colour will wear off. =/ hope it can sustain for long.. still using those colour care products. hope it helps. cos joc's one have alr became copper colour. as in, really copper.. can't even decipher that it was red.. but hers is due to serious hair damage due to Dancetitude and her twice-per-day washing of hair. i'm not like tt, so i think mine can definitely sustain longer than hers. LOL. hopefully.... =/

Going to wash up then turn in. =) Goodnight!

anyway, to my older younger brother, hope that you are feeling better somehow. some things can't be avoided. it's more of how you are gg to manage it. reality is harsh. but we have no choice but to accept it. take things slow and see how things turn out.. whatever it is, just be prepared.. Cheer up! =)

I had crabs for dinner! Yummy =)) hehe. I love crabs.. Chilli crabs in particular. but today dad just prepared steamed crab, equally nice :D

2 small pieces of crab left. LOL. most are GONE. hahaha.

these are my leftovers from eating the crabs! haha. i'm such a clean eater right? =)) i dont waste good food =)

posing for fun. LOL!!!!! nothing better to do. hahaha.

anyway, just had an argument with someone. sigh. dont understand why some ppl always choose to avoid issues and dare not face the music. cowardice mentality. these kinda ppl are irritating. and definitely get on my nerves. forget it.

This week's going pretty fine i guess. and i'm definitely looking forward to the upcoming weeks. and so, yst Dear and I finally went out. yes, cos i feel as if we've not gone out tgt for quite awhile. as in, really with the thought of dating. LOL. we went Benten to have our lunch. they came up with some new dishes on their menu. nice! :D

We caught Where Got Ghost instead of The Proposal. hope sometime next week i can catch The Proposal. LOL. Where Got Ghost is quite funny i must admit and i laughed quite hard at quite a few scenes. but then again, it's far-fetched and lame i should say. and the graphics.... URGH. and Dear, watching it for the 2nd time, slept almost entirely throughout the show. GEES..... but the main thing is, Miss Felicia Mah, pls refund our movie tickets money cos we're all right about that certain scene! your interpretation of that scene didn't even existed in the movie. LOL!!!

Went for dessert after that. I love the durian sticky rice rolls! OMG... i wana eat that AGAIN. damn nice. hahaha... anyway, just a random thought, i really didn't know that flowers cost that much! LOL. ok, then we went for Dancetitude at NTU audi. Chris, christina, jeff, yanli, fel, xh and bf were there too. I enjoyed myself last night cos i think it's was a great performance by all of them, esp the guest performers too =)) more imptly, Redeafinition. DARN, they're good!I really feel motivated to improve myself in dance. really inspiring =) my favourite story out of the 4, is story 4. haha. jacq is so cute, i must agree. =)

after which, we had dinner at the coffeeshop opp my house. had zhi char. LOL. so damn full.. recently i get REALLY REALLY full easily. dont know why. something must be wrong with me. it's the kinda full-ness that pushes against your gastric. it makes me feel uncomfortable. =( but it was a great dinner. haha. with yanli around, it's so damn funny, cos she's so innocent in that sense. hahaha. and SOME jiu gui damn "smelly".. played tricks to get his WANTS. gees..... but that reaction and expression is so CLASSIC-K! my boyfriend is such a bitch. LOL. hahaha! but his dressing yst was so cute. haha. I love.. =)

today i'm like at home the WHOLE day.. so sian.. did my laundry and stuff.. probably will start studying after dinner =) hope i follow my plans. LOL!

so bored.... no one is updating their blogs =( even so, i dont think anyone is reading when i actually update quite frequently? LOL. but the point is it's really sian when i visit my friends' blogs and it's the same thing time and time again. -.-

i'm bored, seriously bored. -.- gotta go prepare soon. =)

i hope mum allows me to go taiwan at the end of the year or the beginning of next year =)) and of cos movie marathons and such. I think I should be able to do so. hehe.

I realised recently i have not been as lok-kok as previous 2 sems. previously, i really DO NOT CARE, and wear just some bball pants and a tee plus flip-flops and off i go to school. haha. but it was really comfortable. i think i should go back to that soon. LOL. =)

whatever, i dont know what i'm talking about too. really random and no linkage between each point. -.- gotta go.. =))

我不配

这街上太拥挤

太多人有秘密
玻璃上有雾气在被隐藏起过去
你脸上的情绪
在还原那场雨
这巷弄太过弯曲走不回故事里
这日子不再绿
又斑驳了几句
剩下搬空回忆的我在大房子里
电影院的座椅
隔遥远的距离
感情没有对手戏你跟自己下棋
还来不及仔仔细细写下你的关于
描述我如何爱你
你却微笑地离我而去
这感觉
已经不对
我努力在挽回
一些些
应该体贴的感觉
我没给
你嘟嘴
许的愿望很卑微
在妥协
是我忽略
你不过要人陪
这感觉
已经不对
我最后才了解
一页页
不忍翻阅的情节
你好累
你默背
为我掉过几次泪
多憔悴
而我心碎你受罪
你的美
我不配



这街上太拥挤
太多人有秘密
玻璃上有雾气在被隐藏起过去
你脸上的情绪
在还原那场雨
这巷弄太过弯曲走不回故事里
这日子不再绿
又斑驳了几句
剩下搬空回忆的我在大房子里
电影院的座椅
隔遥远的距离
感情没有对手戏你跟自己下棋
还来不及仔仔细细写下你的关于
描述我如何爱你
你却微笑地离我而去
这感觉
已经不对
我努力在挽回
一些些
应该体贴的感觉
我没给
你嘟嘴
许的愿望很卑微
在妥协
是我忽略
你不过要人陪
这感觉
已经不对
我最后才了解
一页页
不忍翻阅的情节
你好累
你默背
为我掉过几次泪
多憔悴
而我心碎你受罪
你的美
我不配


这感觉
已经不对
我努力在挽回
一些些
应该体贴的感觉
我没给
你嘟嘴
许的愿望很卑微
在妥协
是我忽略
你不过要人陪
这感觉
已经不对
我最后才了解
一页页
不忍翻阅的情节
你好累
你默背
为我掉过几次泪
多憔悴
而我心碎你受罪
你的美
我不配

I still love this song after so long =))

i gotta cut down on my intake once again. not that i'm putting on weight, just that i wana continue slimming down. LOL. the good thing about cutting down on food intake is that i get to save money as well =))

had meeting earlier this afternoon after having lunch with Dear at home. yeah, there was soup =) I think it's been quite awhile since I last drank soup. cos i've been asking my mum not to cook my share =/ had math tutorial and it was boring.. ok, maybe not boring, but dry.. =/ after which, I had quite a long talk with christina so much so that 1hour plus just flew past like tt. wow. haha. met up with our boyfriends and friends after their lesson ended and headed towards JP for dinner. I'm so sorry that eventually I can't get to have dinner with christina. SORRY! =/ Dear joined his OG mates while the rest of us (Aaron, Jasmine Lim, Junwei, Jeff, Chris and I) went to Thai express for dinner. it's fun to have dinner together like just now. Infact, I have not had any of my meals together with Aaron and Jas Lim before. LOL. but fortunately, we can talk haha.

Dancetitude is on tml. gonna go out with Dear first before heading over. I duno why but I feel that it's been quite awhile since I really spent time with Dear alone. seems like our 2nd month anniversary is the last time up till now. finally tml we're gg out. can't wait... =) hopefully we can catch The Proposal tml and if we really do so, hope that Dear wont fall asleep again. haha. :p though I just saw him few moments ago, I really can't wait to see him again... i should go sleep soon and time will pass even quicker. =)

Dear was supposed to take a 10mins nap and get back to me on msn after that.. BUT.. it has been 1hour and 45mins since he went for his 10mins nap. and i guess he most probably would sleep allllll the way until the next morning. OR he wakes up in the middle of the night realising how much he resembles a pig, start gg online all over again and telling me tml that he can't sleep. LOL. he seriously ought to be smacked. i mean, tired, just sleep la~ LOL. ok la i think i wana sleep alr la. feeling tired alr.

after 1month plus, today i'm still admiring that beautiful sunflower hanging under my bed. I simply love it =)) good night...

once again, i have been lazy to blog. =/ as you can see, I've changed my blogskin once again! Cos i'm sick and tired of the previous one. =/ I just want a simple skin will do. LOL. School's as usual. i'm still motivated to study hard, no worries about that. =) attended the first lecture by SLum in Sem 2. He is still as hilarious and ghey as before. =/ but he's definitely cute in his own way. hahaha. but lectures are definitely different now without Dear with me. hmm. actually to think of it, we both only started to really know each other at the start of the year, which is January. But it really feels that we knew each other for a long time and knew each other well. ok, at least that's what I think. =/and we got together in June. So theoretically speaking, we know each other for around 5-6months before getting together, eh? hmm..

recently i have been very tired too, cos of dance. schedule is quite hectic. =/ quite a few choreos to rmb. but i think i will be able to cope. sigh but i will be 1 hour late for next tues' session. that sucks big time. it really sucks to not know anything when you step in. =( but whatever, i cant skip my lecture anyway... or infact, it is Dear who DON'T ALLOW me to skip my lecture. =/ sigh... And yst we had our first official session with the freshies, led by Carol. i would say it's quite tough for them, or at least for those really really new to dance. =/ just hope that they would stay... but anyway, i like yst's choreo. =) and today is the beginners' class by WILLY!!!!!!!! I'm his big fan ok. LOL. i simply love his sessions =)) he's fantastic hehe. looking forward to the next session by him =)

anyway, regarding my hair. hmm. some say look like ahlian, some say look very punk-ish, mostly say "i like ur hair!", "nice hair!" etc etc.. to think that i actually kinda scared that my mum would tell me off in "fear" that my hair is too bright for her preference. cos she did not say anything when she first saw it. lol. and she kept touching my hair. -.- and my elder bro being my elder bro (who will never say good things about me) was saying that my hair sucks. my mum actually stood up for me and said my hair was nice. hahaha. and so my "fears" were cast aside. LOL. she actually DO like my hair. haha. =)

I'm feeling tired. I guess I should sleep soon. =/ there's like a 1-hour class tml. sian~ gdnite..

-maybe i should start calling you bitch again-

This song is nice.... (: after waiting for awhile now i managed to get the

whole song instead of the radio version. haha.

寂寞光年

是谁从我天空摘走了星星
一转眼 眉头聚满乌云
从来快乐悲伤都自己横行
忘了我也值得被关心

一双手一个梦
一路上不断的俯冲
痛到忘了要怎么喊痛

漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过
我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想要拥抱的温柔
融化这颗坚强的泡沫

漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破
还有谁能够紧握着我的手
陪着我期待消失的彩虹

是谁将阳光都剪成了雨滴
天灰了 快乐总有限期
从来都陷在孤独的流沙里
忘了我也配被人在意
一个人一直走看着梦像做了又空
精疲力尽有没有哪里可以停泊

漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过
我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想有拥抱的温柔
融化这颗坚强的泡沫

漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破
还有谁能够紧握着我的手
陪着我期待消失的彩虹
那是谁的温柔留在我的小手
微不足道却那么重

漫长的寂寞把意志都吞没
整个世界是沉默的漩涡
有谁能陪我手牵着手出走
带我离开空洞的星球

还有什么值得追求
还有什么可以拥有
把怀抱借给我是不是就不再颤抖
有谁能带走这美丽的哀愁
能让我相信被爱的理由

I nearly died today ): It was so scary. =/ Let me tell you what happened... Yes i was feeling really down and I know it's not safe for me to cross the road by jaywalking, which is what i usually do. So today i waited and make sure that the green man is lighted before i started crossing. unfortunately, tt doesn't work =/

this first picture shows the T-junction just below my house. the red shaded part is the pedestrian crossing i used while the green shaded area was where the lorry came from..

the purple man is me. the green man lighted and cars stopped. only those driving in the same direction as I was walking were moving. the traffic light turned red quite awhile since i saw the lorry from far. as in the lorry is supposed to stop. i felt quite safe to cross initially cos the lorry was far and there were cars moving thru the T-junction, making me feel that the lorry will not just ignore the red light. who knows...

i continued walking thinking that the lorry will stop. and for anyone in my position will think it's quite safe. cos the lorry is far in the sense that there's cars driving in the direction i'm heading towards. it's like "protecting" me, forming a kind of barrier.

the lorry DID NOT STOP. it went fast and drove str8 into me. ok, it didn't run me down. but i'm lucky. i'm glad i looked to my right and saw the lorry coming. cos i was walking and looking str8. i was really stunned. cos the blue car was driving thru the T-junction. and it could have just knocked into the lorry.

i was stunned but luckily i reacted in time and ran towards the divider in the middle of the road. the lorry was like just 2-3metres away from me. the driver was driving fast. when i ran towards the divider, the lorry zoomed past me like so freaking near. just like a few inches ... another auntie was beside me and she nearly got knocked down too.. =/ cars were horning at the lorry and other pedestrians were cursing and swearing at the driver. when ther driver drove past, he gave the "whatever" look. i can't rmb the car plate no... i think there's a "5"? maybe "582" i can't rmb the alphabets at all. and there was a probation plate hung at the back of the lorry. i think everything happened too quickly and i was too shocked at the moment. to think that i'm actually good at memorising numbers... sigh. ):

immediately after the incident, i cried. ): it was so scary....... i only thought that these kinda things will happen in dramas esp when the actress says things like "i thought i wont be able to see you anymore".. now i know this is really the case. I was so afraid. I was alone. I thought i wont be able to see my loved ones anymore. ))): But i'm really glad i'm fine. now images of that incident is still flashing in my mind. it's so scary... =/

sigh. luckily no one was hurt in the "accident" just now, if not, i will be badly traumatised.. =/ the driver will get his retribution. fuck you for reckless driving. KNNCCB.

-I will change for a better future-

i had a dream last night, infact, this morning. no, not a dream, but a nightmare. i found myself crying when i woke up. that will not and must not happen. whatever it is, i will not give up... becos, with the right person, it's definitely worth taking the ride...

saw a video on facebook, which was showing one of my dance mates dancing together with his external dance troupe to the song "Yesterday". This song used to be my ear-worm. after watching that video, I kept listening to the song over and over again. it "revived" this ear-worm.

And this time when I'm listening to it, it feels really really heart-wrenching.

-1247hr-

School finally started. Like what i've said, i was having mixed feelings about it. LOL. well, first day of sch was kinda slack. cos it's mostly talking about the course outlines and such. but of cos, we started on lectures alr. Went for music and i found it fun haha. LOL. we had to sing in soh-fitch etc. but mostly again, was introduction of everyone of us. i also went for Bio. Bio was just like 2 sems back. touching on the same stuff, but a lil more in-depth. this time we have another lecturer other than BGoh. and lectures are held in laboratories. ): i prefer lecture theatres of cos. went for Math too! i love it. haha. I have never mentioned that I love Math isit? Ok, I have always love Math (: and I'm excited to have Math after not taking it during the 1st year. and this time it's Number Topics. the Numeration System is interesting! ((: Then yst there was a 3-hour Bio lect. I didn't feel sleepy ok! hahaha. one hour was taken by SLim. She's good man. She uses word like "bloody" and stuff. LOL. interesting lecture by her. (: tml there's math tutorial! looking forward to it ((: - School's not that bad afterall. Somehow, I feel even more motivated to do well this sem. ((: JIAYOU!

Yst was a Hair-makeover day for Fel, Jeff, Dear and I. LOL 4 of us went to Chapter 2 to do our hair. LOL. not gonna describe what they did la. can only show you what i did to my hair. hahaha. Just hope that wont kena "caught" in school =/ Jeff says i look like ah lian. Dear said so too ): LOL. But i like my hair leh! very interesting and versatile. haha. can make it look WILD, or make it look less wild depends on how i comb/tie it. (: So, the 4 of us are officially BROKE. let's eat bread for the rest of the month. HAHAHA. Below is a pic of my hair from the back. HAHA. so red. LOL. -.-

Hello... Have been really lazy to update recently. Haha. probably becos I have nothing much to say, or at least i couldn't reveal what i was doing recently. But now, I can! (:

Tml is the start of the new school term. Errrr.... Well, I'm having mixed feelings about it. I wana go back to school of cos! cos rotting at home is freaking sad. -.- BUT the core modules just turn me off... Both are biodiversity.. ): BUT BUT BUT... I'm gonna work hard this sem! :D I will try my best not to skip any lectures ok? ((: Should organise frequent study sessions tgt with Dear. since we stay so near each other. haha~ the earlier we start studying, the better eh? ((: OMG OMG, I need to wake up at 9 tml. Need to prepare and stuff... sch starts at 1030! =/ and i need to print my bio notes... My printer no ink le )): Whatever it is, wish me luck tml! let me start it well, and let things go smoothly for the rest of the sem! (((: Oh ya, I will RUSH to dance right after my last lesson =/ kinda sad though.. but still.. haha (:

Had a great time with Dear just now. It's our 2nd month anniversary! :D And since 3 weeks ago, i have been doing this X-stitch cushion for him. (Pic below!) But well, he said he expected it. ): I thought he would be surprised -.- GEES. is it THAT obvious? But I really feel so happy when I completed it yst. thanks jeff for helping me search the net for X-stitch shops and stuff, if not i'll be stranded like at nowhere, looking for threads in vain. thanks!!! ((: I shall believe Dear when he said that he is touched. haha :D And so today we went to Vivo. hehe. went Daiso to get some stuff. I seriously feel so AUNTIE... I think he will agree.. HAHA. Then he treated me to Marche. OMG it's my first time there and I agree that the food there is nice! but of cos ex too.. =/ Had ribeye's steak. nice! and Dear's pork knuckles is damn nice too! :D

More imptly, our main motive for being at vivo is to watch UP (3D)! It's both our virgin times watching 3D. hehe. the glasses are so darn heavy. lol. and worse still for Dear. he was wearing his specs. so it's like double layer. HAHAHA. it's so funny. the way he stuffed the tissue at his nose bridge to hold the glasses is funny hahaha. :p The movie is nice. I like. ((: it's touching actually.. haha. but according to him, he finds it abit draggy in the middle. I think it's fine la~ (: Then we had pacific ____ coffee. LOL can't really rmb the name in full. I tried thier mochaccino. Interesting eh? and I find it tasty. probably you guys can try it next time! ((: Had a great time at the sky park too. Thanks Dear for everything! *MUACKS!* and below is the pic of the X-stitch done! Alright, off to sleep!!! ((:

P.S. BITCH! lol.

-110809-0207hr-