Sch term is ending.

I don't like it at all.

For a few reasons:

1) It simply means exams are nearing (and I have not studied a single shit!)

2) Less dance. Can rest more! But might put on weight. =/

3) It might mean I might not see him that much. =(( It will be worse when the vacation really comes. Chalet will definitely feel different w/o him around. Afterall, things between us kind of sparked off from that night. I miss him like crazy. =((

Dance was fun today. After cleaning steps with juniors, we went crazy by playing all the past songs that we danced to. amazing that we still rmb the steps to quite a few of the songs! then had dinner at JP. finally, not can A. -.-

It's late. I should go sleep. Sigh. Good night.

You are the right one for me. I want you, nobody else. If it's not meant to be, sigh... ='((((

Yes, I've been feeling really lousy ever since........ SIGH...... =((

Monday had election for 4th DF comm. finally stepped down from Logistics Manager. Now i'm the Treasurer. Haven handed over yet. definitely alot to learn still. jiayou everyone. =) went for sushi buffet after that. hey, I realised I really can't eat as much as I used to.. and worse still, I puked everything out shortly after. =/ had been puking and losing appetite since.......... and now it's worse. flu and cough. =( flu started on tues morning. sneezed like crazy. ppl always say that someone must be missing me. well, I hope it's him... =) then finally, it's THE DAY. it's our vid-taking. make-up, prepared everything here and there. and i'm really glad that it's finally over. after MONTHS of practice =) good job guys! :D hope the video turns out fine..

Today, woke up early, went for bio pract. super lazy and sian. Dont feel like gg at all.. but we survived through. finished early and wanted to leave asap. SLim stopped us. opps. say that we should ask for permission etc. we thought that we could leave... so ya... in the end, SLim came and apologise to me. I was so damn shocked. I feel damn bad towards her. She apologised cos she saw that i was grabbing my stomach in pain. cos i haven eaten anything.. well, i feel DAMN DAMN DAMN bad towards her. and when we finally left, she still asked me to quickly go, quick go eat cos i look damn pale. =/ really nice of her... i feel really really bad... =/ so jas tan, joc and i went JP to have lunch. guess what. jas tan started the crazy ride down the can A road and purposely not brake at the hump and the car literally FLEW and i knocked my head VERY HARD. it was THAT loud. and i swear it's damn painful. =/

MJ session tml. but i'm sick.. =( will still go i guess. dont wana waste $ see doc and get MC. can't wait for friday to come.

I rmb what you said during our 3rd. about what you will do on our 4th. will you still do it?

I miss you... =(

been really busy and tied up with school work and more importantly, dance, recently. As i've said previously, i'm like dancing everyday. yes, indeed, EVERYDAY. Yes i admit i'm tired. VERY TIRED. with all that's happening now... Every single day I just dread waking up. I had to drag myself to the toilet.

tml gonna go for MJ session for the 1st time! wish me luck.. hope i can catch the steps! =/ tml no school, it's the 1st time since the start of this sem that i dont have to go to school at all on thurs. this time i will be gg for dance, and wont even step into NIE. lol. For fri? one hour tutorial and that's it. will go home straight after that i guess unless there's help needed =) and guess what? I survived through AED essay and bio assignment. yes, survived but definitely not jobs well-done. ya, i really wonder how am I going to survive through this sem. will i screw it up? Honestly, I don't know but there's definitely a high possibility. =(

anyway, I realised that I seriously can't live without chilli. You know what? without chilli, I won't feel like eating. =/ heard from a friend that experiencing spiciness is actually a form of pain. haha. but i love it. no i'm not sadistic, well ok maybe i am but ya... I can really take super spicy stuff. I feel really shiok eating it. it makes me feel good. honestly speaking, yes, it hurts like hell when it burns in my stomach. I guess partly the reason why I experience gastric pain frequently is because that I always love chilli with super sour stuff. I dont care if it hurts like whatever, I dont care if my hands are burning when I handle chilli padi, I just love chilli and I will never stop eating chilli. NEVER.

recently this song keeps coming to my mind. though it's so old alr but i still love it. loads of emotions.... sometimes just can't help it but.....

When you're gone

I always needed time on my own
I never thought
I'd need you there when I cried

And the days feel like years
when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart
are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know
is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear
to always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you

I never felt this way before
Everything that I do
reminds me of you

And the clothes you left
are lyin' on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much
I need you right now?

do you see how much I need you right now?

will you miss me when I'm gone?

Finally! I'm done with AED presentation. Well, totally not prepared. Everything was like WOW. LOL. But everything turned out fine and we were REALLY on time. =)) More importantly, I'm super happy that it seems like my classmates were enjoying themselves during the activities. :D It's the first presentation ever, that I have presented that I felt so so so happy and comfortable with. as in, I really enjoyed myself. =)) It's like laughters and laughters haha. and our tutor commended us! she said that our idea is very creative. haha. =))

Alright, now that presentation is over, I gotta start with the essay soon! and bio assignment as well. both due on the same day. GEES =/ now i'm freaking busy and everyday is packed with dance sessions. now that there's external troupe performance and MJ (soon) on top on "intensive" DF sessions for DOP, almost EVERYDAY or infact everyday I AM dancing. LOL tired!! oh well, at least I'm doing something I like! :D I guess I really need to manage my time well and study! =/

Listening to "kiss the rain" now... SO EMO! =(( and contrary to popular belief (LOL!), I find myself loving "yesterday" even more. it's like I can feel the emo-ness brewing when we're dancing to it. I simply love it. =) aiya, I love emo songs la. haha. I think when listening to them, you will be more inclined towards thinking and reflecting the past and actions. LOL! sounds like I'm crapping.. =/

And yeah, there's no school for me tml! BUT there's dance. honestly speaking, I dont look forward to the session cos i'm freaking sick of the steps. hahaha. BUT STILL, we have to clean up and make everything look good =) wonder how will the whole video turn out to be like.. hehe. anyway, i can forsee myself sleeping in till damn late tml. haha. cos i'm freaking tired. adding up, i think i only have around 8 hours of sleep on monday and tues. =(( tonight is the night! :D

The results are out. Yes, I'm in. I got into MJ. =)) Happy cos for me it's definitely much more than knowing where I stand now. Talked to Keith and I didn't know he, too, got in only during the 2nd try! But he's zai. LOL. But I'm also quite sad on the other hand. Yeah, I know that initially i said that I wanted to go there and try out just to see where I stand that's all. But cos of what Pat said, and some other reasons, I feel that I would want to really try out as in, attend their sessions and be part of MJ.

BUTBUTBUT!!! I can't. cos I can't attend their first session, infact, I think at least 2-3sessions actually? sigh. but i think it really helps gg for their audition and stuff like tt... like I manage to catch steps much faster? like today i only managed to attend carol's session for the last 10-15mins.. DUE TO THE DAMN LECTURE!!!! DRAG DRAG DRAG. irritating! ya but i'm glad that i caught the steps. happy. =)

that above is just one of the reasons why I'm not gg for MJ la. besides that, are all personal reasons la. I dont wana cut short the time spent with my friends, and more imptly, the time with Dear. and of cos, my studies!!!!! I must study... and i can't manage my time well.. so ya... and definitely other reasons/factors as well la...

But anyway, I think this year's standard dropped. =X it's quite evident from the audition la... should have attended their open class. now can't even go for their sessions. GEES. but i really enjoyed myself during the audition. thanks MJ! It was fun/happy while it lasted! LOL. :D ok so, before i'm kicked out, I'm now a MJ member LOL!!!! haha. with effect from now until thurs! cos thurs i will be kicked out. =/ LOL. lame. hahaha.

alright, gotta go sleep soon! tata... =))

looking forward to thurs... <3

Lazy Lazy Lazy.

Have been really LAZY to update nowadays. I think probably not in the mood and I'm really busy with dance recently. and definitely school. but today i've decided to do so! LOL.

Weds there was dance in prep for DOP. it was fun to watch someone new teaching choreo. definitely lots of learning points here and there. I have been dancing like almost everyday.... Monday was Carol's session, ok, no dance on tues.. Dance on weds, dance on thurs and dance just now.

Thurs was the day that i was most tired. =/ cos I went for MJ audition (again!) and after which we had video-taking pract. and recently i haven been sleeping enough.. like 3-4hours per day? so yeah... =/ anyway, MJ audition was good. the song that we danced to is "get your money up". just 3-eights, but alot of "and" and "er" steps. so yeah... This time, the amount of ppl that went for the audition kinda dwindled by quite a fair bit. =/ and i think the standard is definitely not there. last year's standard of ppl that went for the audition were much better i feel.. after practising again and again, it was finally our turn for the audition! jeff and i went la, no one else... =/

danced once, then pat talked to us. making it seem obvious that jeff and i have dance background, somehow. and eventually he got to know that we both have been in DF for a year. happy that he mentioned that i have the musicality, but sad that he said that i dont have enough strength. but the good thing is, he continued on and say that it's ok and can be worked on. =) and he also asked jeff and i regarding our duration of study in NTU/NIE so to see how long we can commit. besides that, the rest.. he didn't mention or talk much about..

this was what i blogged about a year ago, regarding MJ audition, and how much i wanted to get in. LOL. here's how it goes...

28th aug

it was the shaggiest day for me so far. damn. haha. it was learning fest and i signed up for house. house was tiring cos it involves ALOT of footwork and we had to jump, jump, jump, twist, twist twist, cross, cross, cross etc etc etc. lol! i cud feel the lactic acid building up in my calves. but it was really fun. after which i went to play bball - finally!! cos i havent been playing for ages. lol. after bball joc, queenie, ym n frens n i went to hall7 fxn hall for MJ audition. the steps are ok, but the song is fast so everything is fast. lol. anyway, we got numbered for the audition. B1-me, B2-yimin, B3- queenie, B4-jocelyn, C3-yong kai. i think i did rather badly during the audition. sigh. but i do hope that i can get into MJ. lol. after MJ, we quickly rushed back to nie to attend willy's class. i mentioned C3 becos he ended up following us to nie. and i feel that he is a very good dancer cos i managed to peep in when he was auditioning. lol. nice. anyway, when we stepped into the dance room, i saw them doing the steps, it was nice! lol. we quickly followed and surprisingly, we learnt it quite fast. lol. cool, we danced to purple line. nice song. (: after that, we had our own session-ing where we danced to party people, apologise, cant help but wait, etc etc. danced all the way up till ard 9. had dinner with a big grp of them and went home. (:

ok, updating done! i really hope that i can get into MJ. shall wait for the results...

-anxious-

and now, yes i still hope that i will get in. to me, if i get in, it's a form of recognition that i really did improve THAT much so much so that they accept me this time. and yes, i'm sure that i did improve since the first time i did hip-hop, but i just wanted to see whether this time i can do it (getting into MJ) or not. if i dont get in still, i will be damn sad... =( but yeah, at least i try... let's hope that i do get in... DF sessions are on mondays. and now thurs are used to clean up for the video. hmm.. means it will totally clash with MJ's? =/ if i really do get in, i will go for the sessions as long as i can make it. can't wait for the results... =)

after audition, we went back to NIE for cleaning-up of steps. DAMN tiring. LOL.... i feel that there's definitely much much much more to be done to make everything look even better. i think more imptly the prob is that we can't even have EVERY SINGLE ONE to be present. so doing blocking with missing ppl can be really quite a bitch. just hope that everyone will continue giving all their 100% in this and make the video-taking a success. =)

and just now went to studio wu for dance. LOL. i like the choreo =) i'm tired, and aching everywhere but i'm kinda happy. haha. cos i'm exercising and doing something that i like. but i better put in more effort in remembering all the steps cos recently it seems like there's so much steps to rmb! LOL. will be damn busy next week cos there's AED presentation and dance and dance and dance. jiayou!

will update soon again, once i get the MJ results =))

tata :D

Have been rather busy and tired recently. =/ had movie marathon on friday! at enxian's place with chris, fel, gion, jeff and of cos Dear and I. lol. damn shag after that... after they left i was seriously into deep sleep for awhile before gg home. once i reached home, i gotta prepare to go out again for dance practice. =/ so ya...

Yst I had a meal with JY at Ichiban and he actually told me about what he's gg through nd all that. well, we can't stop what ppl wana say about ourselves. most importantly, you just have to be accountable to yourself. But definitely i dont want him to stay away from me just to protect me from any "dangers" in that sense. cos friends aren't supposed to be like tt. well, just hope that he feels better. =/

Then at night, I went over to Dear's place for awhile and played mahjong with his bunk4 mates. haha. it's really fun to hang around with them. =)

Just came back from dance about 2 hours back. today is a tiring day for me cos i slept at 3plus and woke up at 7am. plus dance. and i can't sleep yet cos i needa do the ppt slides for AED 201. =/ and there's class at 1030 tml.. =( and it's the longest day that i have for the week. sucks.

Anyway i hope that mondays i dont have to change back to 1830. hope i can negotiate with the lecturer and go for the earlier lecture. *prays*

Anyway i'm feeling DAMN fucked up now. pardon me for being vulgar but it's really KNNCCB. I really feel like slamming that fucked up laptop on the fucking floor. =((((((((( I did my AED on that DAMNED laptop just now in school and when I get home and wanted to transfer the files to my desktop, the CURSED laptop refuse to cooperate. kept hanging and now i can't retrieve my project files to complete all that i have to. and there's project meeting tml! and there's morning class tml. KNNCCB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck you you this CURSED and SCREWED UP laptop. To hell with you! URGH!

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The song below is quite an "outdated" song. but it's very meaningful. I used to love it a lot just that i hardly listen to it nowadays.

Used to - Chris Daughtry

You used to talk to me like

I was the only one around.

You used to lean on me like

The only other choice was falling down.

You used to walk with me like

We had nowhere we needed to go,

Nice and slow, to no place in particular.

We used to have this figured out;

We used to breathe without a doubt.

When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.

We used to have this under control.

We never thought.

We used to know.

At least there's you, and at least there's me.

Can we get this back?

Can we get this back to how it used to be?

I used to reach for you when

I got lost along the way.

I used to listen.

You always had just the right thing to say.

I used to follow you.

Never really cared where we would go,

Fast or slow, to anywhere at all.

We used to have this figured out;

We used to breathe without a doubt.

When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.

We used to have this under control.

We never thought.

We used to know.

At least there's you, and at least there's me.

Can we get this back?

Can we get this back to how it used to be?

I look around me,

And I want you to be there

'Cause I miss the things that we shared.

Look around you.

It's empty, and you're sad

'Cause you miss the love that we had.

You used to talk to me like

I was the only one around,

The only one around.

We used to have this figured out;

We used to breathe without a doubt.

When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.

We used to have this under control.

We never thought.

We used to know.

At least there's you, and at least there's me.

Can we get this back?

Can we get this back to how it used to be? Yeah.

To how it used to be.

To how it used to be, yeah.

To how it used to be.

To how it used to be.

Whatever it is, I will try my best. I will not give up. For you, everything's worth it.. I look forward to spending time with you every single day. I'm not afraid of anything, as long as you're with me. =)

This week's going pretty fine i guess. and i'm definitely looking forward to the upcoming weeks. and so, yst Dear and I finally went out. yes, cos i feel as if we've not gone out tgt for quite awhile. as in, really with the thought of dating. LOL. we went Benten to have our lunch. they came up with some new dishes on their menu. nice! :D

We caught Where Got Ghost instead of The Proposal. hope sometime next week i can catch The Proposal. LOL. Where Got Ghost is quite funny i must admit and i laughed quite hard at quite a few scenes. but then again, it's far-fetched and lame i should say. and the graphics.... URGH. and Dear, watching it for the 2nd time, slept almost entirely throughout the show. GEES..... but the main thing is, Miss Felicia Mah, pls refund our movie tickets money cos we're all right about that certain scene! your interpretation of that scene didn't even existed in the movie. LOL!!!

Went for dessert after that. I love the durian sticky rice rolls! OMG... i wana eat that AGAIN. damn nice. hahaha... anyway, just a random thought, i really didn't know that flowers cost that much! LOL. ok, then we went for Dancetitude at NTU audi. Chris, christina, jeff, yanli, fel, xh and bf were there too. I enjoyed myself last night cos i think it's was a great performance by all of them, esp the guest performers too =)) more imptly, Redeafinition. DARN, they're good!I really feel motivated to improve myself in dance. really inspiring =) my favourite story out of the 4, is story 4. haha. jacq is so cute, i must agree. =)

after which, we had dinner at the coffeeshop opp my house. had zhi char. LOL. so damn full.. recently i get REALLY REALLY full easily. dont know why. something must be wrong with me. it's the kinda full-ness that pushes against your gastric. it makes me feel uncomfortable. =( but it was a great dinner. haha. with yanli around, it's so damn funny, cos she's so innocent in that sense. hahaha. and SOME jiu gui damn "smelly".. played tricks to get his WANTS. gees..... but that reaction and expression is so CLASSIC-K! my boyfriend is such a bitch. LOL. hahaha! but his dressing yst was so cute. haha. I love.. =)

today i'm like at home the WHOLE day.. so sian.. did my laundry and stuff.. probably will start studying after dinner =) hope i follow my plans. LOL!

once again, i have been lazy to blog. =/ as you can see, I've changed my blogskin once again! Cos i'm sick and tired of the previous one. =/ I just want a simple skin will do. LOL. School's as usual. i'm still motivated to study hard, no worries about that. =) attended the first lecture by SLum in Sem 2. He is still as hilarious and ghey as before. =/ but he's definitely cute in his own way. hahaha. but lectures are definitely different now without Dear with me. hmm. actually to think of it, we both only started to really know each other at the start of the year, which is January. But it really feels that we knew each other for a long time and knew each other well. ok, at least that's what I think. =/and we got together in June. So theoretically speaking, we know each other for around 5-6months before getting together, eh? hmm..

recently i have been very tired too, cos of dance. schedule is quite hectic. =/ quite a few choreos to rmb. but i think i will be able to cope. sigh but i will be 1 hour late for next tues' session. that sucks big time. it really sucks to not know anything when you step in. =( but whatever, i cant skip my lecture anyway... or infact, it is Dear who DON'T ALLOW me to skip my lecture. =/ sigh... And yst we had our first official session with the freshies, led by Carol. i would say it's quite tough for them, or at least for those really really new to dance. =/ just hope that they would stay... but anyway, i like yst's choreo. =) and today is the beginners' class by WILLY!!!!!!!! I'm his big fan ok. LOL. i simply love his sessions =)) he's fantastic hehe. looking forward to the next session by him =)

anyway, regarding my hair. hmm. some say look like ahlian, some say look very punk-ish, mostly say "i like ur hair!", "nice hair!" etc etc.. to think that i actually kinda scared that my mum would tell me off in "fear" that my hair is too bright for her preference. cos she did not say anything when she first saw it. lol. and she kept touching my hair. -.- and my elder bro being my elder bro (who will never say good things about me) was saying that my hair sucks. my mum actually stood up for me and said my hair was nice. hahaha. and so my "fears" were cast aside. LOL. she actually DO like my hair. haha. =)

I'm feeling tired. I guess I should sleep soon. =/ there's like a 1-hour class tml. sian~ gdnite..

-maybe i should start calling you bitch again-

Firstly, thanks mich for that particular blog entry of yours. (: I feel so glad that I have so many friends that care. Yeah, that period really sucked. It was like the all-time low in terms of emotional issues. It was crazy but.. The good thing is everything is fine now! :D Yeah no worries, my wall wont crack. hahaha. but yes yes yes, pls come for mahjong soon. my hands are itching!!! i wana play probably on coming weds. I was thinking about that yst. still looking for kakis. LOL. will msg you to tell you more! (: thanks babe. huggss ((:

anyway, read from your blog and know that ur hamster gave birth. LOL. If i'm not so fate-less with hamsters, i would want it. =/ cos NO hamsters were able to survive more than 1 week in my hands. =X I just don't know why. LOL! )):

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I guess Lemsip helps? but it really tastes awful. it's like super sour + plain water. Okay, I duno how to describe la~ it just tastes awful. But I think it helps la. I had a good sleep last night. FINALLY, an undisturbed, and really good sleep. ok la~ I can only rmb mummy climbing up my loft bed ladder and stroking my hair tt's all. other than that i had a really good sleep. AND AND AND. I didn't cough one bit from last night till now ok! BUT the flu is still there )): i hope my nose finishes the marathon real soon ): I need to dance later!

Alright, need to head over to SMU like quite early today =/ hope i'll be fit enough to dance up to standard. or at least like how i was last week. *prays* my right arm is no longer aching badly but the bruise is still there. gees. the green shirt guy is really super rowdy. LOL. even desmond says so. he even said that my bball skill is better than the green shirt guy! *giggles* HAHA! he must be kidding me. LOL. but the main point is, he is really rowdy. LOL. -.-

I'm completing it soon! :D

My right eye. My right arm. My right leg. I'm doomed.

My right eye can't see occasionally.
My right arm hurts, and it's not the achy kinda pain, it's an injured-bone kinda pain. ):
My right leg is feeling numb, and the numb is pain. Seriously what's wrong with me? ))):

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.................................................. And my back hurts badly during dance today ): Anyway, I've decided not to go to the doctor regarding my eye problem. Unless it worsens. I think.

Went for Carol's session today. Well. I'm disappointed in my performance today. I just felt that I wasn't "on form". I tried my best to be focused, to the point that I don't feel like talking to anyone. And of course there were other reasons too. I just wanted to keep myself at the back. I need to practise more, definitely a lot more. I can't afford to disappoint myself any further. I want to improve definitely. Hope to hear from Carol that we have improve when we go for the session next week...

I should go rest now. I need it badly.

hello hello!!! my computer is FINALLY revived! my desktop I mean. Thanks to my elder brother really. He helped me get the graphic card and fan changed. hehe. for the past 3 months I have been using the Elitebook, which I don't like at all. LOL. Gees. So I'm freaking happy now that my desktop is fine! (:

On monday, as usual there was Carol's session. I simply love it. haha. I think I must have said this umpteen times. LOL! But I seriously enjoy each and every of her session. She taught a new set of choreo, about 4-eights, to a fast song. details spared, 'cos it's meant to be a secret till then (: haha. I love this new choreo ALOT. Don't really know why, probably like what she says, it's "hyped up". haha. I'm looking forward to Grand Welcome. (: But I need rest first. hehe. 'Cos every part of me is hurting. ):

Talking about dance, we're finally done with the super hectic schedule! REST is what's coming up. (: Last night, we performed for the AYM Closing. Well, personally I'm very disappointed in my performance. Just felt that I was not "there" yet. Definitely, I would feel that the Opening one was much better? hmm. But the good thing is, I managed to change in time for the items. (: Everyone's tired, burnt out definitely. Nonetheless, I think everyone enjoyed the whole event somehow despite the less-than-hyped-up disco night. LOL. It was damn funny. The songs played were not that apt. haha. But I liked the bamboo dance, and the other calefare roles we took up. HAHA. Don't really know why, but it feels great to successfully "dance" across those bamboo together with him (:

I should remember to call the instructor tomorrow to book my next lesson. Can't wait. I must get my license! I need to get it. Hope he can teach me parking soon. (: I want to drive on the road again. It's fun. haha.

Just went for some meeting this morning. DAMN IT, does it have to rain TODAY? I was in my heels and my feet hurts.. ): BOO~ The program itself is boring. super boring.. But I can't wait for school experience to start! :D Opps, speaking of which, I forgot to take back my documents from dear. so forgetful.. I'm so lucky to have him together with me in the school. :D Yeah, and he is bringing me out tomorrow. LOL! sounds funny. haha. Gonna meet some of his friends. I'm excited, but I'm also shy. -.- lol..

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend (:

Finally... Finally I'm starting my driving lessons again! :D Really hope to get my license soon. As in, real soon. (: Tomorrow I'll be out for the second session since so long ago. I'll treat it as I'm starting from scratch. Hehe.

Oh yes, I'm performing for AYM closing too. Well, initially I really didn't want to, because of my injuries ): But eventually I decided to do so! :D However, I don't feel happy about this coming performance. =X Because there is too much changing of costumes, and masks as well. The mask is giving me pimples! DAMN )))))): And there is Girl's Hiphop included. Not because I don't like it, but when it comes to costumes, it's just soooooo demoralising. ): No one will ever understand how I feel. Seriously, NO ONE.

You can say it's low self-esteem, but I have every reason to do so. I'm not like those super skinny ones who claim that they are "too fat". On the other hand, I don't have low self-esteem. Because, I know where my good points are. And I know others know too. Whatever! Ok, proper breakfast is definitely a must. Other than that, I should just eat apples as snacks. NOTHING ELSE OK!!! Now, back to the main point. I will definitely do my best for this closing ceremony performance. Go DF!

Talking about injuries. Gees. It sucks man. I've got another SMALL bruise near the BIG BIG bruise that I showed previously. And I pulled another muscle during practice yesterday. GEES. Why am I so injury-prone??? I'm hurting everywhere. Literally, EVERYWHERE. BOO~ I just feel that all of us are so burnt out. Nevertheless, I still look forward to Carol's session on Monday! Can't wait seriously. (:

I met Enxian for breakfast today at Best together with my mum. LOL. And he came over after that! We were so bored because there was nothing to do... -.- So, we ended up watching "La Bi Xiao Xing"!!! Super lame. Hahaha. In the end, he had his dinner here too. And went off to meet his friends soon after (:

Gees. I feel so tired man. ZZZZZZZ... Don't know why. Insufficient sleep perhaps? Ok, I better go sleep soon! Feel like swimming tomorrow. Not a good choice eh? There will be freaking lots of people. And it's more expensive. BOO~ Or should I go on monday morning?? Hmm...

Dance, dance, and dance. TIRED. SHAG. gees... Next wk is even worse. Mon is an exceptionally long day... rehearsal in school in the morning, carol's session at studio wu in the afternoon. jiayou everyone! tues dance pract, weds performance, thurs and fri dance pract. wow.. dance have been putting a strain on me to the point that I pulled my hamstring and it's really not recovering well. and my old injury came back again. my knees... initially it was just my left knee hurting, now my right one is hurting. it hurts when i walk. SIGH. i seem to be super accident-prone recently. kena hit everywhere, injured everywhere. blah blah blah. you name it. seriously hope that i can recover well after these series of performance. sigh if it still hurts like fuck, i might pull out of AYM closing. let's see. hope i'll be fine!

Ok, anyway. my dad got caught for drink-driving. well, i'm sorry to say, but is he dumb or what? =X i mean. it's fri night... it's known that there are frequent checks on fri and sat nights especially. He has to go to court in July. Fine for sure. everyone knows Singapore is a "fine" country. i think his breathalyser thing is about 72? HIGH right? i think he can't drive for at least about 2years? OMG la. Maybe to others, this may seem such a small issue. but i duno why, it's been in my head since i learnt abt it. i duno why, but it's affecting me in a way or another. but anyway i'm gg to save up and chiong my driving lessons and hope can pass my tp asap, best if it's on first attempt. den i can drive his car.. guess what just moments after typing the previous sentence, my dad came into my room with $500bucks. he asked me to go attend driving lessons asap. i'm thinking of 2-3 lessons per wk, about 2-3weeks later hope the instructor says i'm good enough for the test, den go book test date. gees. pls pray for the best for me. (: gonna check if i can extend my PDL online.. hmm...

this is a period of both physical and emotional stress on me. not only me, but him and him. many said that jk dont deserve me. cos he didn't cherish me. now that he has regretted for letting me go, and admits that he loves me, it makes me feel so confused about everything. what i am confused about is not about whether i will go back to him or not. many would think that way, but it's really not the case. cos i'm pretty sure we wont reconcile. it's more of how long i would take to forget jk. i dont wish to hurt him, but becos of my feelings for jk, i hurt him... if you really know me well, you would know that it is really difficult for me to forget jk. and i duno how long i would take... ))): and i really feel it's unfair to him. for someone who treats me so nicely, i hurt him in return. do i even deserve him?

I know I handled things poorly. I'm really sorry. I know you are hurt. And deep down, you might hate me for being like this. I will try my best. I don't wana give up yet. Cos i'm sure i do like you.

)))))))))))))))):

Hannah Montana was very nice. well, initially i thought i would just fall asleep during the movie. Ironically, it actually was entertaining and it was real fun to watch. And of course, with him around. (: Everything that happened after was great. :D
Gonna prepare for dance when i'm done blogging. It's darn tiring I must admit. but it's those friends that made everything seem so fun. It's great doing all these together. Let's train hard and put up a good performance (:

I know I should be sleeping. Cos I only slept 5hours plus the night before yst and slept at 3plus this morning. I woke up at 7plus. I just couldn't sleep. ):

Suddenly, everything came crashing down. I have never ever felt so cheated before. It really makes me wonder how true he was when we were together. It's true that it longer matters even if he loves me now. but I truly loved him, so I really want to find out what really happened. Why didn't he choose to be honest with me when we were together? WHY? Since he wasn't honest with me, why tell me all these now when I'm moving on? I can't put a finger to it. I guess ending the relationship is a good thing. Afterall, I really don't understand him.

Now I finally understand why in love, 1 + 1 is not equal to 2. Despite giving my ALL in that relationship, I get NOTHING in return. FUCK those that says they dont mind giving their all and getting nothing in return. I will NEVER believe ANYONE will give their all, and don't mind AT ALL when they get NOTHING in return (knowing that they will get NOTHING in return). Ok, perhaps something. BETRAYAL, LIES, HEARTACHES. how cool huh?

I know I must have hurt you. I'm sorry... ): But I'm sure we'll make things work, yeah? (:

MY MIND IS IN A TOTAL WHIRL.

woots! GGC is over. and i should say it was a great performance by EACH AND EVERYONE OF US. and i seriously feel so. what is most impt is the time and effort we put in during our practices, and the commitment we've given. it was a fruitful one. :D kinda sad that christina couldn't perform together with us. but i hope she's feeling much much much better now. ((:

according to SOMEONE, when the pencil lead keeps breaking when you try sharpening the pencil, it's a BAD OMEN. haha. den i went for dance. on thursday itself, i hurt my LEFT knee. bad omen huh? den on fri performance day itself, i pulled my LEFT hamstring during the rehearsal. BAD OMEN again huh? gees... and worse still, i felt like vomiting before and after the performance. gees. seriously wtf. lol. but i'm better now! though i still feel pain from the pull. ): but just ABIT. and so, after MONTHS of procrastination, I FINALLY WENT SWIMMING FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!! hahaha. and i'm happy! happy cos i feel healthy. and controlling my diet. haha. this morning when i weighed myself. i roughly lost abt 3-4kg? and tt was what spurred me to go swimming. cos i want to keep it up. oh, low i mean. HAHA.

I think i'm gonna try completing later the thing i was doing for JK. i finally told my mum abt the breakup. guess what? i actually told her the real reason why we broke up. well, in the first place i was intending to just tell her that i was the one who initiate the breakup cos i no longer like him. but i didn't. my mum was funny. telling me "hao ma bu chi hui tou cao" (good horse dont eat go back grass) LOL! wtf so funny. ok, it simply means i shouldn't go back to him if in any case he wants me back. well, initially i did think abt this qns. i mean if he really comes back to me, should i go back to him? i was thinking, if i still love him, i should. but i changed my thinking, cos i think i've given him lots of time, and chances too. and after talking to my mum, i'm more certain that this should really the end of our relationship. and of cos, this is IF he wants me back. guess what? he msged me yst, asking a casual "how are you?". at that point of time, i was really confused. cos it's weird. cos he never does that. i duno how to describe but i wanted to be alone. however. i found the ans. this is the end.

i am reaching for the cheaper wet tissue... seems that it's coming closer and lower down the shelf. time is the essence.

it was a wonderful last night. (:

Today is performance day.

My nose just bled.
My head is spinning.
My knee just started to hurt, but just ABIT.
My stomach feels weird that I had already went to the toilet twice.
I feel like vomiting.

GOOD LUCK to me.

I hope I can put up a good performance still (:

I've always been looking forward to Carol's session cos it really rocks my socks. lol. It always feel like you lost a few kgs after her session. And she's not the kind of instructor that just throw choreos at you. She is fun and I'm really glad to have her as my dance instructor (:

so yst we had our dance session at studio wu haha. trying a diff kinda feel. RnB, slower than usual and stuff like tt. (: I had a great time, like I always do. haha. After dance, we went to PS for dinner and went arcade. Duno what's got over me. I think everyone else there knows that something is really not right with me. taking the king hammer and hitting like nobody's business. Is this how you survive a breakup? haha. If only it's tt easy. What's worse when I have other problems in hand. this really sucks to the balls.

Incase you guys are wondering. Yes, my relationship with JK has ended. I've decided not to blame anyone cos if I do, I'll be putting a strain on myself. I'll just take it as a dream. So much easier said than done huh? In the meantime, I will finish what I have been preparing to give him on our 1-year anniversary. I just want to finish it, up till where we ended. I think only then I will be able to let go. This time I've not only lost a lover, but also a best friend. It's really sad. But I will be fine. Yes I will, but I need time. I'm sure I'll be fine. At times like this when one so vulnerable, it's easy to fall in love with someone who will be there for you. This really sucks too. If only feelings can be controlled, I wouldn't be feeling so lousy now. gees.

I'm not going to save up to get the more expensive wet tissue anymore. Cos I've been saving and saving until the point that I cannot afford it anymore. and the problem is, I think it wasn't even alochol-free or non-soapy in the first place. I thought it was, but as I used it, I realised it wasn't. And now, I think it's production alr ceased. Even if it starts to manufacture again, I would have to think twice, make sure that it's alcohol-free and non-soapy,and more imptly that I still have the urge to get it. As for the cheaper wet tissue, initially I thought I might want to get it when I really desire to have it and only it. but now, even if the more expensive wet tissue ceases its production, I don't think I will want to get the cheaper one alr. Why? Becos I'm pretty sure the cheaper one is not alcohol-free and is soapy. I've always looked at the cheaper one everytime I walk past the shelves, but I don't want to get it, den find out it's non alcohol-free and soapy, and not look at it anymore when I walk past again. That is what I'm afraid of, the most, actually. All these feelings came during the sales period when I get to know some other products and the cheaper tissue better, even though I already knew the cheaper tissue well. Now that I know that the cheaper tissue is soapy, and non alcohol-free... I think, I better stop myself from getting it. I better do so. I don't want to waste my money again. ):

I need time, alone.

I had fun during the DF chalet. lol. definitely lack of sleep and stuff like that. nothing much on the first day. just that enxian and i went chinatown to meet ambrose and joc for ktv at $10 club. It was fun. halfway through, enxian went and bought the cake for chris. haha. ambrose left at 11 while the 3 of us left at 12am. Thanks to enxian's dad for driving us back to the chalet (: so while chris was bathing, the rest of us waited outside the bathroom to give him a surprise! haha. he better be touched. lol. enxian did the card for him and it was beautiful. LOL. after that, we walked quite a distance to a coffeeshop to watch the champions league finals. sigh. man utd lost ))): they played really really badly. wat's worse when we are seated sooooo far away from the small tv. sad. and the few guys at the next table were cursing and swearing at man utd. i guess they placed a bet on man utd? very sad... ):

thurs morning we went swimming! yeah. i always love swimming, but couldn't find a time and is not disciplined enough to swim. gees. had lot of fun too. haha. well, that was the first thing we did in the morning. christina, jeff, gion, enxian and i. haha. LOL. den had breakfast tgt with ling, kingsley and chris too. did i miss anyone out? prepared for bbq and stuff like tt. lol. took out my red wine and finished it tgt with enxian. why no one else appreciates red wine? gees. den he also took out his vodka and mixed it with cranberry juice. nice! and i duno how much i drank. i was quite high at certain point of time alr. LOL. even went swimming with them AGAIN. lol. so funny. i was told that i was drunk. well, i can only rmb some of the things i did, while i totally can't rmb some of the things i did too. LOL. i guess it was quite embarrassing. geesus. i puked too. ALOT. damn. i puked on the floor when i was bathing in the swimming pool toilet. shucks. and i puked in the chalet toilet too ): according to them (in summary), i was talking slowly and dragging my words, cried, laughed, clumsy, and shouted loudly. damn, sounds like some mad woman. AT LEAST I STILL RMB SOME STUFF YAH? special thanks to joc and enxian for taking good care of me. i rmbed some hot towel on my neck and nice chests/breasts to lean on. HAHAHA! thinking of it, it was hilarious. LOL. thanks (: ironically, i played mahjong! LOL. but lost ): enxian said wana tag team, in the end he went to sleep. sad. ):

finally we were booking out. lol. sorry joc that i hit you 3 times while sleeping. i guess i drank too much/fast. usually i dont move much when i sleep lor. haha. luckily i didn't hit enxian. or isit that i hit him, but he didn't know? haha. funny. quickly packed our stuff den enxian went back sch for meeting. the rest of us checked out, had lunch den went to city hall for our dance pract. it was so freaking warm there! lol. i really perspired ALOT. no joke. haha. GGC is coming soon. next fri. hope everything turns out well. (: had dinner with them at Xin Wang den finally head home. DAMN shag.

Met enxian for lunch just now. similarly lots of things to talk abt. well, sad stuff. or maybe just some reflecting.

There was these 2 brands of wet tissues lying at the shelves. I have always wanted to buy the more expensive one cos for some reason I really love it. So I saved up and finally was able to afford the pack that was much expensive. Greatness. lol. But as I used that pack, the price of it rose and rose. so much so that i can't afford it and have to save even more to get it. That actually putting a strain on me. gees. And so, I decided not to use that pack of wet tissues for the time being. Maybe the price will drop back to normal? (sounds like some stocks) lol. I browsed through the other brands and saw the other one that was there. It was there all the while. The more I look at it, the more I like it. I heard about it's good points too. like it's not soapy and it smells good. However, it was too high up for me to reach and I do not like to trouble ppl to help me with it. But another issue is that, how would I know that it smells good and it'll not be soapy? as in, other ppl may be fine with it, but would I feel the same too? I'm broke and don't know if I should risk it and get the pack that is so high up. So should I continue saving up and wait for the price of the more expensive pack to drop? or should I just get the one that is so high up but cheaper?

Maybe she only treats him as a friend, that's why only he's invited. not me.

It's a secret.

yst i had a real good cry. i've never cried so badly before. but it really feels better after that. cos it made me so tired that i managed to sleep. however when i woke up, i felt lousy again. my eyes were puffy. sigh.

i met him on sunday itself to pass him the things. quite sad actually. i was secretly hoping to see him for a longer time, and to have a lil chat or something. but we didn't. i am still waiting for his ans.

if only i can be like others that can take love so easily, and let go of things so easily then i wouldn't be so sad. i guess we wouldn't even be tgt in the first place if i am that kinda person. sigh. but i believe it's becos i really love him, tt's why it affecting me so badly. what matters most should be loving him, and learning how to love him. at least i know.

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today i met enxian to go town and walk walk and have lunch and quickly rushed over to studio wu. opps, was abt 5 mins late )): after which carol taught a set of technique-based steps for us to practise on. gees i was chosen to solo for my group. seriously it was my first time doing so. was nervous ok! yeah, carol said i have potential to do good hiphop (: but more imptly, she pointed out many of my mistakes and at the same time corrected me. tt really helped :D

when we walked out of studio wu, there was this security guard hurling vulgarities. i really thought he was crazy. haha. he was like "f*** you la! mother ccb!". LOL but wen we looked further, there was a guy infront. lol. i guess it's him who agitated the security guard. -.- but the guy damn calm. haha. he just walk and walk and ignored the guard. hahaha. and the security guard just can't stop yelling even until the guy is gone. and he kept REPEATING. well, it's always those few vulgarities that he used. -.-

chris, christina, jeff, gion, ling, yanli, meifeng and i then went for dinner at xin yuan ji. haha. nice. it just reminds me of the times i spent with him... ): we walked around bugis junction for awhile. and i got the book "the game", which he told me abt before. and i saw books that he read before, and told me abt before. seems like everywhere i go, i get reminded of him ): well, after that we went pool! hahaha. for awhile la. we went off around 9 or so. lol.

finally we were gg home! ling, meifeng and i finally boarded the train. once we stepped in, there's this china woman quarrelling with this sporean uncle. super bitchy and bimbotic and childish. -.- they were yelling at each other and the whole cabin of ppl are looking at them, while the sporean uncle alighted at the station. the china woman was sitting tgt with her friend, and on their right was an empty priority seat, and on their left was 2 empty seats. lol. guess what, i totally ignored and sat right next to them on their left. i was asking ling to sitbut she stood there and hesitated for awhile. LOL. and she finds the part where i totally ignored their quarrel and sat right next to them totally hilarious. hahaha. none of us knew what happened before that caused their quarrel. lol. lame. the china woman was yelling all the way saying things like "if you've got the guts, go outside the parliament house!". like wtf right? and the uncle was saying "you this chicken face. you're a chicken!". LOL. and they were gesturing and stuff like that. hahaha. in this context, chicken means prostitute. -.- and the uncle damn funny. he was "talking" to some guys telling them "she's a chicken", trying to gain support. LOL. they kept repeating their verbal abuses to one another again and again. so childish and lame la. i cant help but laugh. hahaha. cos it's so hilarious! the uncle was standing outside of the train and they were still yelling.

the train doors finally closed and there's left only the china woman and her friend. the stupid china woman was yelling at the top of her voice for duno what fucking reason. then, they FINALLY alighted. while they were alighting, i laughed so loudly that the china woman's fren turned and looked at me. like wtf? lol. hahaha. meifeng den alighted at outram. haha. ling and i embarked on our journey of deciphering the reason behind why ppl call prostitutes chicken. LOL! thruout the journey, we were laughing and laughing... hahaha. i was wondering why dont ppl call prostitutes bitches, cos bitches get fucked around isn't it? what i mean is literally female dogs. -.- so why chicken? cos it's cheap? or what? LOL! we came out with names like "mammal face", "fish face", "elephant face", "bird flu chicken face" blah blah blah. hahaha! it was a crazy journey back home with ling. hahaha. and we were analysing thei quarrels, and speculating why they quarrelled. LOL. nothing better to do huh? haha. it was a slimming trip considering our stomachs ached so badly cos of laughing. hahaha. the trip finally ended at boon lay. haha.

it was a really hapenning day, cos we first met the security guard, then this china woman and the uncle. haha. we concluded that when ppl are angry, they keep repeating and repeating the same things again and again. and the vulgarities that they use are the same old few, same thing, repeatiing and repeating again. haha. it's not a matter of a lack in vulgarity vocabulary, but when ur angry, you can't think of more than those ever common ones like "f*** you" and "cb". lol. afterall, it was a good day, good experience,and a great time spent with ling on the train. hahaha! over time i realised, some ppl aren't that bad afterall. on the contrary, some ppl aren't as easy as they seem. the world is cruel. looks are deceiving. it's whether you are wise enough to see thru them. (:

i look forward to Carol's session again! ((:

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I still miss you...