yesterday you spend half the time u spent with me
talking on the phone. it's ok. maybe there was something
important. also, you irritated me by talking about her,
in a way that i feel you care more about her than
you care about me.
fine.

today, i joined you in the library.
soon, you went off, without asking if i'm going home too.
i wanted to, actually. but you never realised.
not even a question from you. the only words from you
were "i go off first". you couldn't even sense abit of my
feelings. even your friend was more concerned about me,
asking if i was going home. something struck me.
aren't you supposed to be the one asking that?

again, i'm going to say the same old phrase "i don't know".
i don't know if you still care.
i don't know anything.
i'm jus afraid ..

----------supposedly yesterday's post----------------------

it all nearly ended last night.
that caused my eyes to look weird today.
you should know my feelings have never faded
but i don't know about yours.
but since you said everything is still the same,
i shall believe you.

i can put in more effort for you and also for myself to study
harder for the remaining 50days to the end of a's.
i'm just afraid..
afraid that after these 50days
either you will want to end it all
or you would still treat me like this.
now i have another reason to dread a'levels.
i'm afraid to face it.
i'm afraid to face the aftermath.

i don't think i can take another blow.
i don't know.
i really don't.

-i hope to be back
to my cheerful self,
too. i miss you badly-