It's nearing... But seriously I'm not excited at all. Sometimes you just feel that you're all alone in this world. Nobody understands you. Yes, nobody but only you. As much as you wana convey your feelings and thoughts to the other party, there is still a certain level of difficulty to fully explain the situation and get the person to understand what you're going through. I've seen this through. Yes, no one can fully understand. What I fear most is not not having someone there to listen to me pour my sorrows, but one that cannot understand what you are feeling. more often, there's this kinda ridiculous kinda thing that you might wana talk to the other party about. yes, it may sound ridiculous to the other party and we may feel that the person will find it ridiculous. we may tell the person how ridiculous you think yourself are. but deep down, deep inside, you know. only you understand yourself that it is not ridiculous at all. It's just that there is only this much you can say, and only this much the other party can understand.

this is the most fucked-up moment I've ever had. like what my bro names them - airborne commando cockroaches. WHY THE FUCK must these disgusting insects exist? I was happily changing newspapers for JJ when suddenly some disgusting brownish thing just flew above my head. my reaction? drop everything and run! I peeped into the kitchen and saw that it was a cockroach! knnccb! it's like tmd-fucking HUMONGOUS. I asked my mum to kill it, cos she's the only one in the family that's not afraid of it. BUT she refused! can you imagine how fucking pissed i am? I just reached home not long ago (12plus) cos i acc-ed her for supper downstairs. I have not yet bathed, have not yet peed, have not yet washed my face. I quickly ran into my room, fearing that it will fly right into my face. I called my mum on the phone and she still refused to kill it. i get even more pissed off when she decided not to.

and here i am, now 4.27am, sitting right infront of the com, smelly and oily. I still have not bathed, washed my face or peed. i have to hold my pee and this really really sucks. she knows i'm not feeling well and i have not done all these. and she still do not wana help me. she even switched off her phone, good game. now i just wish that i faint and die right here. den she'll definitely regret not killing the cockroach, and for switching off her phone. but seriously i think i have a high chance of fainting. i tried sleeping but i can't cos i feel very "dirty" to sleep. and i kept coughing like fuck but i don't dare to drink water cos i'm afraid it will make me feel like peeing even more. and now, my head is spinning. but i can't sleep. seriously this sucks. i dont even feel like gg for the OG outing tml anymore. cos i know that stupid disgusting thing will still be there. seriously now i'm more pissed at my mum than that fucking cockroach. I'm so gg to ignore her tml, FOR SURE. i can't imagine i cried becos i feel so helpless.

if you're gg to say "come on, it's only a cockroach", den please shut up unless you're gg to help me get rid of it. CHRIS, i seriously miss and need you ): (not that way obviously) I think after today, my kidneys, bladder, lungs, brain, skin are going to be so damaged. and for sure, i'm not gg to recover well. ): guess i'll be a sick birthday girl when the day comes. this sucks but seriously i'm not excited about it. =/ but still wana thanks my youngest bro's ex for giving me a present in advance. it's really sweet of her seriously. it totally took me off guard and i'm touched but her actions.

ok now, let's pray that i faint and die here as soon as possible. i can't stand this! i'm so "sticky" and my bladder is bursting! KNNCBB! this is my worst day EVER. NB!