have been busy with projs and stuff like that. tues we had our first proj done and over with!! and we've got an 'A+' for it!!!! yeah, i'm so freaking happy! haha. at least it's a big load off my mind now. lol. (:
***************************************
on the darker side...
sometimes i wonder am i thinking too much or what. cos like what he says, i'm quite unpredictable at times as i will be stormy out of a sudden. i really do not know what the hell is wrong with me. maybe, i'm just afraid?
we have progressed alot as compared to before. but whatever it is, we are still friends, just friends. i do not know if i should go on like this. sometimes i wish i could just walk away and just end everything like that. but in the first place, we are not even officially together, so what is there to end? but i just can't bear to do it. it will just hurt so much to do so. he is just irreplaceable and definitely unforgettable. i cant imagine life without him, too.
i duno what he wants out of this actually. could it be, he just want someone to be by his side, and that's all? he asks me to not treat him differently and he's already used to me. but i really duno how long this thing can just go on. i'm not sure if i can be so nice and always be there for him and yet not expect anything from him. i don't think i can be that noble. i must admit that, i really do want to be with him, officially. but i do not want to pressurise him and force him to pop that question or what. even at present, i don't even know how exactly he feels about me. he never mentioned it. he says he cant say anything much at the moment. i really don't know. he asked me to just look at the obvious. well, intuitively, i feel that he does like me. but i'm afraid. i'm scared that i might have gotten the wrong idea. so i do not want to think of it that way.
sometimes i wonder why he never popped that question.. i really can't figure out. i guess, because he is still not sure of his feelings or he doesn't like me? or what? maybe becos he's gg to ns so he might be afraid that i might forget about him when he's there? at least i know i won't. he's someone really special to me, that it will never happen that way. i guess maybe the other way round... maybe he'll be the one who forgets me and drifts away from me... sigh.
despite all that has happened between us, i do not know what the future holds. nobody does, anyway. maybe we might end up tgt? maybe i will be such a coward that i decide to back off and go into hiding? maybe he will just walk away one day? i do not know. and i'm afraid to face what's coming. 'cos i realised that i've fallen in love with him. i just can't seem to pull myself out of this. i'm stuck.
*****************************************
that's the key chain i made for jk, and the one he made for me. he really used it as a "key"-chain while i use it as a "pencilcase"-chain. LOL. (:
*******************************************
yst we went out tgt as a grp to celebrate xy's bdae! we had dinner at swensen's. (: nothing much to update about that though. jk n i shared a present for her. next up, pictures!
********************************************
oh ya! i forgot to update that i actually had an outing with my pri sch besties!! 3 of them (: it's such pleasure to know that though we have not met up for quite awhile, we are still v close. haha. all of us are still the same. the same old character. (: took alot of pics tat day. shall post some. (:
1st: me doing stupid faces while khim is singing and fiona joining me in the spastic act!
2nd: me and ying(bestest of my besties)
3rd: me and khim
4th: ying, fiona and i
5th: fiona and i
6th: 4 of us! L to R: fiona, ying, me and khim
(:
*********************************************
-it difficult to say "there's nothing between us"-
No comments:
Post a Comment