ok, time check: 0700hr. It's time to sleep. i waited for my youngest bro to wake up den with his company, i plucked up the courage to RUN into my mum's room. it feels DAMN good ok. damn it. no sleep at all, have to hold my pee, feel so sticky and oily. ewww i can't stand it totally. when i finally bathed, it's like heaven~

but there's a price to pay... my right eye was blinded again when i went back into my room after the whole bathing thing. )): i'm seriously terrified when that happened just now. I thought it was gone... Now it's back again. =/

once again: should I? Is there a need? maybe it doesn't matter.. what's wrong with me?

Firstly, thanks mich for that particular blog entry of yours. (: I feel so glad that I have so many friends that care. Yeah, that period really sucked. It was like the all-time low in terms of emotional issues. It was crazy but.. The good thing is everything is fine now! :D Yeah no worries, my wall wont crack. hahaha. but yes yes yes, pls come for mahjong soon. my hands are itching!!! i wana play probably on coming weds. I was thinking about that yst. still looking for kakis. LOL. will msg you to tell you more! (: thanks babe. huggss ((:

anyway, read from your blog and know that ur hamster gave birth. LOL. If i'm not so fate-less with hamsters, i would want it. =/ cos NO hamsters were able to survive more than 1 week in my hands. =X I just don't know why. LOL! )):

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I guess Lemsip helps? but it really tastes awful. it's like super sour + plain water. Okay, I duno how to describe la~ it just tastes awful. But I think it helps la. I had a good sleep last night. FINALLY, an undisturbed, and really good sleep. ok la~ I can only rmb mummy climbing up my loft bed ladder and stroking my hair tt's all. other than that i had a really good sleep. AND AND AND. I didn't cough one bit from last night till now ok! BUT the flu is still there )): i hope my nose finishes the marathon real soon ): I need to dance later!

Alright, need to head over to SMU like quite early today =/ hope i'll be fit enough to dance up to standard. or at least like how i was last week. *prays* my right arm is no longer aching badly but the bruise is still there. gees. the green shirt guy is really super rowdy. LOL. even desmond says so. he even said that my bball skill is better than the green shirt guy! *giggles* HAHA! he must be kidding me. LOL. but the main point is, he is really rowdy. LOL. -.-

I'm completing it soon! :D

My right eye. My right arm. My right leg. I'm doomed.

My right eye can't see occasionally.
My right arm hurts, and it's not the achy kinda pain, it's an injured-bone kinda pain. ):
My right leg is feeling numb, and the numb is pain. Seriously what's wrong with me? ))):

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.................................................. And my back hurts badly during dance today ): Anyway, I've decided not to go to the doctor regarding my eye problem. Unless it worsens. I think.

Went for Carol's session today. Well. I'm disappointed in my performance today. I just felt that I wasn't "on form". I tried my best to be focused, to the point that I don't feel like talking to anyone. And of course there were other reasons too. I just wanted to keep myself at the back. I need to practise more, definitely a lot more. I can't afford to disappoint myself any further. I want to improve definitely. Hope to hear from Carol that we have improve when we go for the session next week...

I should go rest now. I need it badly.

What if it's really glaucoma? the whitish-blinding thing on my right eye is back again.. and I'm afraid... ): and I'm even more afraid of the test. I remembered the nurse telling me that I have to undergo some 24-hour blood test. ): I'm so scared. I shouldn't have stopped the treatment 2-3years back... )))): BUT I'm so scared now.. I don't dare to go for the blood test. I have never had blood drawn from me before. What's more when it's a 24-hour blood test? What should I do? Should I go back to see the doctor?

*Where are you?* ))):

woots! GGC is over. and i should say it was a great performance by EACH AND EVERYONE OF US. and i seriously feel so. what is most impt is the time and effort we put in during our practices, and the commitment we've given. it was a fruitful one. :D kinda sad that christina couldn't perform together with us. but i hope she's feeling much much much better now. ((:

according to SOMEONE, when the pencil lead keeps breaking when you try sharpening the pencil, it's a BAD OMEN. haha. den i went for dance. on thursday itself, i hurt my LEFT knee. bad omen huh? den on fri performance day itself, i pulled my LEFT hamstring during the rehearsal. BAD OMEN again huh? gees... and worse still, i felt like vomiting before and after the performance. gees. seriously wtf. lol. but i'm better now! though i still feel pain from the pull. ): but just ABIT. and so, after MONTHS of procrastination, I FINALLY WENT SWIMMING FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!! hahaha. and i'm happy! happy cos i feel healthy. and controlling my diet. haha. this morning when i weighed myself. i roughly lost abt 3-4kg? and tt was what spurred me to go swimming. cos i want to keep it up. oh, low i mean. HAHA.

I think i'm gonna try completing later the thing i was doing for JK. i finally told my mum abt the breakup. guess what? i actually told her the real reason why we broke up. well, in the first place i was intending to just tell her that i was the one who initiate the breakup cos i no longer like him. but i didn't. my mum was funny. telling me "hao ma bu chi hui tou cao" (good horse dont eat go back grass) LOL! wtf so funny. ok, it simply means i shouldn't go back to him if in any case he wants me back. well, initially i did think abt this qns. i mean if he really comes back to me, should i go back to him? i was thinking, if i still love him, i should. but i changed my thinking, cos i think i've given him lots of time, and chances too. and after talking to my mum, i'm more certain that this should really the end of our relationship. and of cos, this is IF he wants me back. guess what? he msged me yst, asking a casual "how are you?". at that point of time, i was really confused. cos it's weird. cos he never does that. i duno how to describe but i wanted to be alone. however. i found the ans. this is the end.

i am reaching for the cheaper wet tissue... seems that it's coming closer and lower down the shelf. time is the essence.

it was a wonderful last night. (:

yoz. school starts tml. Geez. dont like. but i'm kinda glad it's those topics
that i'm strongest at in Bio. (: There's AAB 103 lect tml for 2 hrs. then,
there's dance at 6.30pm. hees finally!!!

anyway, JK didn't have guard duty yst! he was so lucky you see... last
min his duty was cancelled and so we managed to meet up. and this time
we managed to stay out late, back to before. Went for lunch and got a
printer at SL sq. it's a all-in-one HP inkjet printer and it costs only $139!!
cheap?? hahaha. but the black ink seems to deplete quite fast, but could be
due to me printing tonnes of notes for this sem.

Then, off we went to have coffee at CB. chill-ed out there for quite long
before our lazy bums finally set off back to marina sq for our dinner at the
HK cafe. After dinner, we went to esplanade, but this time we sat beside the
river for an hour to 2 hrs. chatted, enjoyed the breeze. at that moment,
a lot of things was running thru my mind. he seemed to have something to
say but always shrug it off saying "oh, nothing". while taking pics, my right
foot slipped off the stairs and there was a bruise on my foot after tt. it was
damn painful at the instance. but after awhile it's fine. it's just painful, tt's
all. took a cab halfway with mum, back home. tired.

oh ya. i forgot to mention that yst morning itself, i went for my appt at
TTSH TBCU. i waited for around 20-30 mins although I BOOKED AN
APPT. was feeling so sian. and guess what? i paid 25bucks to hear the doc
say "you do not have TB". but it's worth it. hahaha. i was in there for only
slightly more than a minute. LOL.

today i was at home like i always do on sundays. but around 8plus just now,
i finally went to play bball, which i have not played for around 4-5 months.
it was great to play bball once again. (:

talked to JK on the phone just now. was talking about plans on BBQ and
picnic. haha. the idea of it excites me. BBQ for 2. mini mini mini BBQ. it'll
be at his house there. LOL. but i hope that he will have the time den we
can go shop for BBQ stuff. HEES :D on the other hand, picnic will be much
easier. but still, it'll be great! looking forward to that...

JK's back injury seems to worsen a lot since I first knew abt it. now he's on
painkillers so it makes me feel even more worried abt it. I just hope that
he will be fine and the MO and doc will genuinely look into his problem, and
give the the right and sufficient treatment.

Hi! Oh man, holidays are gg to be over soon, very soon infact! zzz....
I still rmb my hols started on the 17th of nov. Now it's already the
22nd of dec. BOO~ seriously.

Anyway, recall that day when I was totally heartbroken. well, he
doesn't remember what he said to me. I was like ... ... ... Maybe I
should just put that incident behind. or maybe I should say,
right now, things are progressing quite well for the both of us I
guess... But I always remind myself not to be too hopeful in
circumstances of such.

Chatted with KV on msn a few nights ago. Then, he started asking
about the 2 of us. I din know how to tell him, cos I myself ain't sure
exactly how it is like. Oh well. I can't help but feel depressed. Will
my plan of "8wks left" from now be executed accordingly? I don't
know, seriously. I realised SISPEC is so near my house. it's less than
3km away. Jk was feeling rather low just now as he heard that there
will be no nights out for him, or hardly (if any). and tt their usual
bookouts will be on saturdays. this makes us having less time to meet.

I asked kahsoon cos he's previously in SISPEC. However, he said that
there are nights out, depending on the company's prog too. and they
usually book out on fridays. But, he does not know if this is applicable
to JK becos JK is in Charlie coy, different from kahsoon's company
at tt time. Charlie coy had a different training programme as compared
to other coys. So, I dont know.

Just now JK asked for my address, saying that he needed it to fill up a
form. hmm. Maybe it's In-case-of-emergency kinda thing? But anyway,
now i can look forward to his nights out, cos if there is, I can meet him
since he's so near. (: the sad thing is, his camp is actually separated from
NIE canteen by a forested area. we're so near... So near, yet so far. ):
I don't know, but I just feel that I need to be there for him during this
period of time. Maybe he feels lonely cos he told me there's not a single
fren of his found there when he booked in today. I just hope that
everything will be fine for him. ((:

anyway, Sat we went shopping around city hall. and we decided to get
sweaters from TOPMAN. hees. by using my ocbc card, there's a 15%
discount on top of the 30% discount that they are already having. ((:
So, coming Thurs or Sat we will go get it. YEAH. hehe. Then for dinner
I went to HPC while he went to meet his poly mates for jap buffet. And
we bought Tees online, with great help from XY! (: I bought 3, and he
bought 6. haha. the tees are cute, seriously.

This morning I had to wake up early to go to TBCU again. today I forced
myself to purge out all the phlegm I have inside so that I dont have to
undergo the torment of inserting a ~30cm tube down my throat. and yeah,
congrats, I succeeded. LOL. Then, went over to the consultation rooms,
the nurse was supposed to measure the injection mark left behind by the
injection done on Thurs. But she couldn't find it, so she smiled and said,
"test results negative". So, it means I'm fine? haha, I don't know but
that's what I feel. And I can just leave after that. But I need to go there
again on the 3rd of Jan. GEEZ. But i guess that will be my last visit (:

After that I bought 2 tops for my grandma when I reached jurong. I have
already bought 2 for my grandfather. most prob will go there this coming
wednesday since it's my mum's off-day. Then, i can pass the tops to them.
Then I went to JP and shopped for stuff to whip up spaghetti for JK during
Christmas, printed our photo taken when we were at Raffles City SC a
few weeks ago. Gonna give it to him when we meet later this week. hees.
I also bought potatoes, to make the potato salad or whatever you call that
from kenny rogers. I hope it'll turn out fine! ((: But if i can't meet him on
Christmas, then I shall do it on Sat.

Now I'm gonna do a trial for the potato salad. Wish me luck! HAHA. ((:

(=

Hi, today is friday. Time really flies. sigh. 8 weeks left. do you think I
will have the courage to leave him after that? I'm really not sure. ):

Anyway, I baked some cookies on wednesday. I thought it will turn out
nice like how it did previously. But this time I kinda failed cos it looks,
and tastes different, just not as good as the previous ones. And so, how
can I give him that to share with his family? Geez. I'm so sad. Oh well.

Yst I woke up very early for the appointment at the TBCU. I really
thank JK from the bottom of my heart. Because he chose to wake up
early to accompany me although he can sleep longer. So ya, THANKS!
And I woke up even earlier so that I can prepare sandwiches to eat later.
I'm just afraid that he will be hungry la. And he says it's nice :D

The TBCU is a distance away from TTSH. it's just isolated and it's part
of TTSH. I feel so ostracised when I went there. But anyway, I just went
in for the consultation. The doctor is very nice and made me feel at ease.
Then he told me to do a phelgm test and a skin test. And I paid a total of
$103.75 for that visit. It's so ex! but oh well, i can claim it. so it's fine la.

The doc feels that I look normal and tt i dont have TB, just tt I still have
to do the tests. LOL. So, I proceeded to the building next to it, which is
also isolated, to do the tests. phlegm test seriously sounds easy and
painless. becos i was unable to extract phlegm, the nurse used a tool which
is around 30 cm or even longer, and put it str8 down my trachea. it is
painful man, seriously... it was over, den i went to do the skin test. DAMN!
I didn't know i was supposed to do a injection la. fuck. seriously. I was so
fucking scared, really. it was the injection we use to do before we had our
BCG. just tt i THOUGHT i'm the few lucky ones tt do not have to go thru
all those shit. and now, i have to do it. i'm a freshie for injections on my
forearm. it was painful, but not as painful as i thought. I'm happy I survived
through that. hahahaha.

Then, we went to CPF! our visit to our ex-workplace. tt place really brings
alot of memories. (: went there and saw diyong working there! i'm seriously
shocked!!! and i saw tt bastard. he saw us and pretended not to have seen us.
oh well, fuck off la. damn. kv wasn't there when we arrived. and so we went
long awaited lunch at amoy! had our sliced fish beehoon and strawberry shake
((: the auntie still rmbs us haha. we cant have wanton mee as the queue is
super long. LOL.

after that we went cpf again, and only interacted with kv for awhile and off
we went! we then went to cineleisure and watched Ip Man. JK didn't know
it's in mandarin. lol. cos he is more of the angmoh type. but the movie was
nice and for once in so many months, this is one that i really enjoyed. and
JK agrees to. so ya, i urge my friends to go catch it! ((:

then we went shopping but i cant find anything i like. lol, and then to the
usual place, and home sweet home. he accompanied me yst for more than
12 hours. thanks man. ((:

anyway, his posting results are out, and he is posted to SISPEC. it's very
expected so he is quite sian. But still, SISPEC is quite near my place (:
hope that after SISPEC, he can be posted to a slack unit! i'll pray for you
haha. but the thing is, after SISPEC, i might be long gone from his sight..
): i seriously dont know. geez.

today i'm so lazy to go for dance!!! urgh, sian. and i took the medicine and
it causes drowsiness. lol. it's good for sleep man. i'm so gg to take it before
sleeping. just tt now i have to take antibiotics AGAIN. and this one is big and
yellow. it tastes disgusting. it has the lingering taste in my throat after eating
it, it makes me feel sick. geez. ewww...

tml i'm meeting JK again, but this time for a shorter while. just for a few
hours. den monday i have to go to the TBCU again! to collect my tests
results and to do another phlegm test. this time i will force out whatever
phlegm i have, by hook or by crook. so that the long tool do not have to go
down my throat again. but this time JK can't accompany me cos he have
to report to camp. haha. i hope he likes it there.

will update again, soon i guess. (: