hey! the wireless connection is finally set up. oh well...... but i still do not have much to do at home. luckily jk is booking out early tml so we'll be gg out tml and sat as well. (:

anyway, i passed my BTT, which is the very first step to getting my license. gotten my PDL so now i'm licensed to learn driving. need to look for instructors to teach. hope i get one real soon. hope the rates are cheap as well. i just hope that things will go smoothly. booked my FTT on the 14th of January 2009. hees.

have been coughing like crap for the past 2 wks. damn, it really sucks. i just hope to recover soon. i even chose to stay at home today when there''s actually dance practice in school. thanks to my cough and sore throat. ... ...

-RECOVER pls!!!-

i've been gone for a long long time. haha, finally i'm back. i'll be online more frequent from now onwards i guess.

anyway, exam's over!! and i'm so freaking happy. LOL. i think i did well enough to pass AAB 102 however, 101 sucks. it's like crap. my goodness. i was cursing and swearing at the questions. nevertheless, everything's over! i just hope i can pass 101 and so i dont have to retake next time. shew... let's pray hard!

i'm signing up for a dance package in december at studio wu. it's unlimited! meaning i can attend the classes held there any day and any time i like. i can even go for all the classes they hold in a day as long as i have the stamina. hees. a good investment huh? haha.

baked cookies last fri - alot, and it was finished within 2 days. damn. i was craving for it when i opened the box and saw nothing left. oh well..... tt's the problem with brothers. geez. after being away for a long long time, i dont even know what to blog about. argh.

just some random thoughts. hmm. you know i thought i found a really close and good fren in secondary school during my last 2 yrs there. initially when we went separate ways to our pre-U, we still kept in contact and stuff like tat. after which, i tried keeping in contact with her but to no avail. i msged her but she didnt reply. i even wish her happy birthday when it's her birthday. it's really saddening because i really cherish her as a fren and i hope we can still be good friends after sec sch. i duno why didnt she reply me or even not take the effort to keep in contact with me. but till now, i still hope to meet her and catch up what we have done for this past 3 yrs since we left the sch. sigh.

on the other hand, my pri sch besties and i are still as good as before. just that we hardly get to meet up as we're all busy with our own stuff, studying or working. but whenever we meet, it's just like before, no change, the way we talk to one another is the same as well. and that really makes me happy. i just hope this will go on forever..... (:

as for love matters, i no longer want to give a damn as it's really really tiring and draining. sometimes i just hope we never knew, not that i regret knowing him, but it would really save alot of heartaches. i duno what will happen in the future and i really is afraid to face it. i duno if it will help when i stay by his side thoruout his two yrs. i really dont know. urgh. i just hope the ending will be something i can accept.

it's near the end for my A'lvl friends or some have already ended. good job guys!!! it has been a long way (:

-speechless-

it's been AGES...... since i blogged. LOL. haha.

sch has been rather busy for me. esp dance cos there was a performance on fri. so i practically danced on mon-fri. woots. but i like it. haha. another performance coming this thurs but i can't perform becos i have lecture! urgh. oh well. but i will still go dance later to help with the details and the formation cos nana's not gg.

as for sch work, i'm glad to say it's progressing well for me. AED 102 ppt is over. our tutor is glad enough with our work. (: and i'm proud to say that i have finished my AED 102 essay on sunday, which is due this coming fri. i'm so so so thankful that i didn't procrastinate and i started the research quite some time ago. yeah, so now i can totally focus on my aab 101 and 102 revision for exams. hees. happy.....

sch aside, it's been 2 wks plus since jk was enlisted. it's like FINALLY last fri was his book-out day. den we met on sat after the longest time ever. damn. i've nv not seen him for that long ok. but oh well, still have to go thru this. at least we spend some precious moments tgt on sat tt's good enough. den yst afternoon he booked in again. last night he called me and said we might not meet for quite awhile cos he will be booking out late and has less than a day of freedom! but that was what he heard so far, not really sure of it yet. SIGH. if what he told me really is the upcoming schedule for him, i can only see him after 3 wks, which is murderous for me. damn. the record will be once again broken. BOO~~~ i can't wait to see him again...

after talking to one of my fren, he has a somewhat similar situation as i am in. he said that if i really love him, i should be brave for him, i should continue to be there for him. becos that is what my fren will do, for the gal he loves. sigh. i guess looking at what i'm doing now, i'm already prepared to get hurt once again by him. i really duno what the future holds. i just hope everything will turn out fine. now i'm just reminding myself that he doesn't love me, no matter what he does to make me feel otherwise. i shan't be too hopeful once again.

-out of sorts-

(: hi, i have not blogged for quite some time huh? oh well...

i'm so freaking lazy and i don't know why this week seems so .... havoc. JASMINE IS TIRED!!! urgh. was rushing through the aed 105 essay and editing all that stuff. monday i didn't go for dance though it's carol's last session with us for the semester. but i'm kinda glad i didn't turn up because i went to meet him instead. we intended to meet on both mon and wed. but last minute he told me his dad took half day off on wed just to spend time with him. how sweet is that... so we didn't meet up on wed. i wasn't prepared for that at all seriously. we didn't even take photos together on monday. we forgot. damn. i'm so sad. BOO~ but mon was great. it was a great day for me.

things did not change surprisingly. we are still like before. just that, today's his enlistment day. that's why i'm so depressed that i couldn't meet him yesterday! but he did call me and stuff like that. at least it made me feel better. now he's already in tekong. wonder how is he doing now. and what he's doing now. i seriously miss him... i won't see him for 3 weeks!! not used to it at all, but i have no choice. i have never not seen him for so long. the longest is only around a week. damn. i'm now just looking forward to the day when he can finally book out! i bet i'll be so happy and excited. wonder if he will lose weight and become tanner or not. hope he looks the same. like he prefers too. (:

i must admit that recently i have been quite affected by him, the things he said the other time and stuff like that. but deep in my heart, i have already made a decision and i can feel the answer. it shall just go on like this. until then......

now, life w/o him. i have to study real hard. much much less msgs from him. much much less calls from him too. but he said he will call me whenever he's free. much much less meeting up with him also.): i must adapt soon!!!!

-i miss you sooooo much!-

hi! i'm feeling better after the past few days. anyway, i just went out with peiling and i bought lots of stuff. feeling guilty now!

just last night i bought 2 tops online from secretaisle.livejournal.com. it's launched by my frens. but i didn't buy it only becos they're my frens but becos i really like the designs. do show ur support too! (:

just now went to bugis and got a bag, big big one. so tt i can out alot of things. haha. den i bought 3 tees. "miss naughty", "ms whoops" and one that says "i love bad guys p.s. only if you're cute :p". haha. den i bought 3 pairs of earrings, one manchester united handphone strap. (: LOL. quite alot of stuff la.

maybe tt's how i make myself feel better. well, i wana get a com for myself when my pay comes in. LOL. now i'm using my bro's com la. zzz.

shall update again next time!

-i don't know-

i don't know why it hurts so badly this time. i guess i expected too much out of it. high hopes brings big disappointment. and here i am now, lost in the midst of nowhere. i can't blame him totally, cos we're both at fault. this is a nightmare and i wished i could wake up and forget about it totally.

i shall believe what he said and treasure this friendship. never in my life have i found someone like him. too close, too comfortable. tried letting go and even not being friends. but i just can't do it. i don't wana lose him too. and i really treasure him a lot too. no one can ever replace him in my heart. memories - no one can steal.

we'll try our best to make everything work out normal, like before, but tt'll def take time. at least i need time. i'll try my best to forget. and maybe 10 years down the road, i will be able to find someone who truly loves me for who i am.

now i really can't imagine life without you.

-you're irreplaceable-

what i feared most has happened. and i really can't take it. if only what had happened is a nightmare. at least, it's not true. i just want to hide forever. if i can choose not to meet anyone. not to face anyone. not to speak to anyone. i will gladly do so.

i guess. i'm just noe good enough. and i don't deserve happiness.

goodbye.

no matter what i do, it's never sufficient. maybe it's over-sufficient. i seemed too concerned, overly concerned. i can't feel enough reciprocal. maybe i'm expecting too much. maybe i should tell myself- tt's enough. i should practise saying good-bye, until the day comes...

still in a bad mood. Boo... ):

-i wana cry-

was supposed to go for medical check up today. but i slept super late last night and couldn't wake up early enough today. oh well, have decided to go tomorrow instead. and i feel rather disappointed that he can't accompany me there. sigh. but i can't blame him, he's not feeling well. i'm just feeling disappointed. and i kinda feel that he feel bad because he promised me he will accompany me there. just feel that, maybe afterall, he didn't even really want to go in the first place. i know i'm not being fair to him to say these. but i'm just saying how i feel. ):

thursday there will be educational psychology meeting at the national library. zzzz. bored to the core. i just don't like project work. you know?!?!?! damn. but anyway, at least my group members are all nice to get along with.

having thinking alot recently. maybe i should learnt to take things as it is, and not to be too serious at certain stuff, but get really serious when it comes to studies.

initially, i was rather confident that you actually like me. but as time passes, i realised that it might not be the case. maybe it's just reliance on your part. maybe you really do not have any feelings for me. or you thought you have. every single msg that you sent, i never ever deleted any of them. when i look thru them, i recall the journey, the events that happened.

i remembered you saying around a month or so, that you really don't know if you have feelings for me. i am very very disappointed and heartbroken. you mean, after all that has happened, you can't even figure out how you feel about me? maybe i'm just taken for granted, ya, again. i am always taken for granted. maybe i just don't deserve anyone's love. ):

if you could tell me str8 that you don't like me, i will gladly let go and walk away. it is unfair to me that we are so close and yet you refuse to say anything about it. you say you do think we look like an item. then? so? what are you going to do? nothing. so do you mean you like me? no, you didn't tell me anything. if you feel that being friends, and really plain friends is better, alright, we better not stay so close. we better keep a distance. but you asked me to not treat you differently, cos you're already used to me. does it mean again that you like me? or is it once again, over-reliance?

you said you feel that you care more now. what does it exactly mean? what if i take it as you do like me, and in the end, if that's not the case, then what am i going to do? i dare not ask you again if you have feelings for me. i'm afraid of the answer and i'm afraid you will give me ambiguous answers that will lead me to think of different possibilities again.

right now, i'm just treasuring the times i have with you. i will give you some time, secretly. in the midst of that, i'm already planning to leave. if by then you still can't do anything or give me an answer, i'm sorry, i'm leaving. you said you can't imagine life w/o me. i can tell you that, that applies to me as well. i really can't imagine how i will be like when i leave you. i will not be happy for sure... but i guess you will be fine. cos i'm just any other friend of urs. i'm nobody.

-the future is bleak-

i'm having mixed feelings yet again.

give me a sign, no, more signs. i don't know what the future holds.

am i taken for granted? or am i really needed? i don't know.

i just wana be there for as long as i could.

and maybe i should just leave one day.

uncertainty - yet again. feelings all too familiar.

maybe, to you, i'm just nobody. i don't know.

i don't know how to manage if one day ________ .

maybe i will grow stronger.

i don't know.

-emo-emo-emo-

hello! today is thurs - which is dance day! lol. today we'll be doing lyrical jazz. hees. mon's session was held by carol. it was freaking fun. and i can say that is my fav session of all. we did gals hiphop. fun. quite a number of guys joined us too. haha. we had to shake and butts and do krumping. and had to do alot of rolling of the bods. it was a pleasure to see the guys doing it too. they were to "emit the manly kinda sexiness" as said by carol. haha. did some combi then was showcasing time. carol took videos of it. wonder if we could get hold of it. lol

gg for sakae later! w yimin (confirmed). the rest maybe: felicia. chris. etc. don't know. haha. and tml is pay day! *grins (: gg to put my new debit card into good use. lol. they actually sent me a chq book. well, i don't see that i need it in anyway. lol.

now i'm hooked to this song by elva hsiao - chong dong. feel that it's v nice. and it kinda reflects my situation i guess? or my scenario is much more than what is meant in the song. lol. think this song is quite "old" already. hmm.

hope that i can save enough to get a new pc next month when i get my pay. hees. happy. then need to get new modem and printer! lol. nvm, can claim. haha. think i'll claim for the modem lo. since it will be more exp. gotta buy TBs also. for ed psy and bio. lol. haha. EXPENSIVE la. esp the bio one. geesh.

alright. today i'm gg to have my first test man. biodiversity - evo, classification, monera and protista. bleah. studied last night n made notes. duno how will i fare in the test la. think i might screw it up man. good luck to me!

- Chong dong- "bu que ding ni shu yu wo hui you dian ji mo"-

hi, one wk has passed so quickly! lol

have been busy with projs and stuff like that. tues we had our first proj done and over with!! and we've got an 'A+' for it!!!! yeah, i'm so freaking happy! haha. at least it's a big load off my mind now. lol. (:

***************************************

on the darker side...

sometimes i wonder am i thinking too much or what. cos like what he says, i'm quite unpredictable at times as i will be stormy out of a sudden. i really do not know what the hell is wrong with me. maybe, i'm just afraid?

we have progressed alot as compared to before. but whatever it is, we are still friends, just friends. i do not know if i should go on like this. sometimes i wish i could just walk away and just end everything like that. but in the first place, we are not even officially together, so what is there to end? but i just can't bear to do it. it will just hurt so much to do so. he is just irreplaceable and definitely unforgettable. i cant imagine life without him, too.

i duno what he wants out of this actually. could it be, he just want someone to be by his side, and that's all? he asks me to not treat him differently and he's already used to me. but i really duno how long this thing can just go on. i'm not sure if i can be so nice and always be there for him and yet not expect anything from him. i don't think i can be that noble. i must admit that, i really do want to be with him, officially. but i do not want to pressurise him and force him to pop that question or what. even at present, i don't even know how exactly he feels about me. he never mentioned it. he says he cant say anything much at the moment. i really don't know. he asked me to just look at the obvious. well, intuitively, i feel that he does like me. but i'm afraid. i'm scared that i might have gotten the wrong idea. so i do not want to think of it that way.

sometimes i wonder why he never popped that question.. i really can't figure out. i guess, because he is still not sure of his feelings or he doesn't like me? or what? maybe becos he's gg to ns so he might be afraid that i might forget about him when he's there? at least i know i won't. he's someone really special to me, that it will never happen that way. i guess maybe the other way round... maybe he'll be the one who forgets me and drifts away from me... sigh.

despite all that has happened between us, i do not know what the future holds. nobody does, anyway. maybe we might end up tgt? maybe i will be such a coward that i decide to back off and go into hiding? maybe he will just walk away one day? i do not know. and i'm afraid to face what's coming. 'cos i realised that i've fallen in love with him. i just can't seem to pull myself out of this. i'm stuck.

*****************************************


that's the key chain i made for jk, and the one he made for me. he really used it as a "key"-chain while i use it as a "pencilcase"-chain. LOL. (:


*******************************************

yst we went out tgt as a grp to celebrate xy's bdae! we had dinner at swensen's. (: nothing much to update about that though. jk n i shared a present for her. next up, pictures!



********************************************

oh ya! i forgot to update that i actually had an outing with my pri sch besties!! 3 of them (: it's such pleasure to know that though we have not met up for quite awhile, we are still v close. haha. all of us are still the same. the same old character. (: took alot of pics tat day. shall post some. (:




1st: me doing stupid faces while khim is singing and fiona joining me in the spastic act!
2nd: me and ying(bestest of my besties)
3rd: me and khim
4th: ying, fiona and i
5th: fiona and i
6th: 4 of us! L to R: fiona, ying, me and khim

(:

*********************************************

-it difficult to say "there's nothing between us"-

yst went to watch 4bia. quite scary la but some of the stories you wun understand how the person died. oh well.... lol

something bad happened yst. misunderstanding i guess... but eventually things got back to normal. i'm glad. i was happy in the end. ((:

i'm sorry tat i'm quite bad la. sorry...

-deeper and deeper-

hi, haven been updating my blog for a wk or so. have been rather busy in sch...

let's start from where i stopped. hmm...

22nd aug
met a few of them at jp during noon to acc some of them get some stuff like caps and pants etc. den went back to sch and practised dance at the theatre inside the student hub. and it was performance day! it was the first time for me, performing hip-hop. it has been a long long time since i performed and i really enjoyed myself that day. it was a good thing that it rained i guess. cos the stage is freaking small. therefore, we had to change the location due to inclement weather conditions. haha. it was a fantastic performance (: den we went off to jp and had kfc for dinner-supper.

23rd aug
i went out with jk and we had fish n co for lunch! nyfc-my fav! lol. for dinner we went to thai express. i'm totally not impressed with the food there. sigh. wrong choice, but a lesson learnt. oh well.. but anyway, we got to see the fireworks! unexpected though. haha. n i took a video of it. nice. (:

27th aug
after sch i acc-ed jk to repair his cock-up phone. guess what. the freaking store wasn't opened!!! lol. what a day they chose for teambuilding. sigh. but we went to have sakae sushi after that and walked ard orchard.

28th aug
it was the shaggiest day for me so far. damn. haha. it was learning fest and i signed up for house. house was tiring cos it involves ALOT of footwork and we had to jump, jump, jump, twist, twist twist, cross, cross, cross etc etc etc. lol! i cud feel the lactic acid building up in my calves. but it was really fun. after which i went to play bball - finally!! cos i havent been playing for ages. lol. after bball joc, queenie, ym n frens n i went to hall7 fxn hall for MJ audition. the steps are ok, but the song is fast so everything is fast. lol. anyway, we got numbered for the audition. B1-me, B2-yimin, B3- queenie, B4-jocelyn, C3-yong kai. i think i did rather badly during the audition. sigh. but i do hope that i can get into MJ. lol. after MJ, we quickly rushed back to nie to attend willy's class. i mentioned C3 becos he ended up following us to nie. and i feel that he is a very good dancer cos i managed to peep in when he was auditioning. lol. nice. anyway, when we stepped into the dance room, i saw them doing the steps, it was nice! lol. we quickly followed and surprisingly, we learnt it quite fast. lol. cool, we danced to purple line. nice song. (: after that, we had our own session-ing where we danced to party people, apologise, cant help but wait, etc etc. danced all the way up till ard 9. had dinner with a big grp of them and went home. (:

29th aug
as the previous day was too shag for me, i woke up late and forgot that i had proj meeting. lol!!! in the end i reached sch at 2plus so to attend the bio outing to spore botanical gardens. took 100 over pics and in the end, the bus didn't wait for us! so joc n i cabbed back to sch. now i realised, uni is so diff from last time. they dun even care abt us now. we have to take care of our own welfare.

ok, updating done! i really hope that i can get into MJ. shall wait for the results...

-anxious-

hey! had dance just now. quite tired man. today was a different kinda dance. it was lyrical hip-hop, which i like it very much! haha. we danced to "apologise" by Timbaland. that made me think of my ex who used to sing that song to me. oh well... lol. i felt happy cos carol actually pointed out that i can follow the beat well. hees :D

anyway, after that, we stayed behind to practise the steps for the performance. hope chai huat upload the video soon so i can take a closer look at how i dance. haha. tml will be another hardcore dancing i guess. will focus more on our coordination. hmm. can't wait for fri's performance!

isn't feeling well recently. sigh. it's like i can just sit there and suddenly feel very giddy and a source of energy flowing up towards my head and spinning.... and my body starts to turn cold. really don't know why i wud feel this way. sigh. what the hell is wrong with me?

gotta have enough rest man. urgh. meeting jk on sat, must be in tip-top condition!

-dance-

hey. today my bed frame arrived. like FINALLY! lol. but have to wait for the person to come to fix the frame la. lol

anyway, yst's dance was shag i guess. willy taught us the full steps la. den we stayed back to practise till 9. was very tired. haha. only managed to have my dinner at 10plus. well, for the performance, i'm very glad tt the things willy want, i have it all except the white cap. lol. i still prefer my black bling cap. haha. i think i have to put in more power in my steps to make it better.good to see that everyone is so enthu about the performance and trying to find common slots to practise our steps. (:

yst i went to look for jk for lunch la. den kv was oic. can strongly sense that kv wasn't in a good mood yst. they're understaffed and these recent batch of temps have been giving them much of a problem. well, jk is also very sian that he's always so unlucky and he's always being marked by him. sigh. just hope that things turn out better for them at work. i dont exactly know what to say as well.

today wanted to pract dance again but i cant make it becos of my bed. haha. lol. but anyway, there's dance tml, thurs and fri. lol. tml will be carol's session and after which will be our own performance pract. thurs will be willy's and then our rehearsal. fri, the performance. how i wish jk can come and watch!!! lol. if only....

gotta go! looking for food... i'm hungry!

-new fantasies-

hi! i'm back from my dance session. hees. love to sweat it all out while dancing. well, i'm glad i tried hiphop, which is new to me as i can learn diff genres ya. tml gg for dance again. gonna practise choreo for next wk's performance. excited!! it's been sooooo freaking long since i performed! really miss it alot. (:

has been talking to jk like every night since duno when, but we never seem to be short of topics to talk about. that's a good thing. haha. lol. funny to listen to him rant sometimes, and tell me about work etc. things really changed since my batch left i guess. oh well...

today i had 3 freaking hours of edu psy. like... wth... so boring and it's hypnotising except the clips part. hahaha. lol. but i got thru it! *claps..... lol. had lunch tgt with penny and pam den went lib up till 5plus. met gina, hannah and yimin after tt. den kelvin joined us for awhile and we had to go for dance. the pace was faster than the intro class la, but it's fun. haha. less ppl as well. less than 30 of us. guess the other 30 will be attending tml's session. hmm. stayed behind for awhile after tt to practise some moves. and now i'm back! lol

waiting for the olympics highlights. hees. i dun really know why i feel so tired. cud it be becos i'm ill? i sleep around 12plus and i wake up around 9. enough sleep right? but i just feel so lethargic. urgh. anyway, wana get more pants and clothes esp from topshop. wonder when the sales end. hmm. alright, gtg!

-happy, contented-

it was a long wkend for me. fri was nat day celebration, sat, sun, then mon was sch holiday.

fri was the runway show thing. our team didn't get into the finals but what's most impt is the teamwork that we have put together during the course of making the costume. (:

yimin n i want to perform during the director's relay next fri. and i've already emailed the exco. they welcome me to join them despite my concerns! i'm so happy. lol. as for yimin, she's in man, like duh.. she has hiphop background. hees. so cool.

sat went to city hall had lunch at carls with jk. then went fort canning. duno wat is there and duno what's the history behind that. LOL. den went towards the floating platform. there was ALOT of ppl man. city link mall was soooooooooo packed. goodness me. had kenny rogers for dinner, still love the cheese marcaroni. (:

when gg home, there was this bunch of trying-to-be-cool-but-idiotic guys who cudn't stand waiting for their turn to ride the escalator and they started running up the down-riding escalator. one tripped but luckily din fall n roll down. some ppl were cheering there la. what the...

sun was just an ordinary day at home, nothing much...

yst met 5 of my og mates for our so called og outing. lol. it became a clique outing i guess. haha. went to get our movie tics and had fish n co for lunch. i love new york f&c and esp the mussels. my goodness. freaking nice. had cranberry with sprite too. nice. it was a rather hearty meal for me at f&c yst. hahs. watched money not enough 2. it was funny and rather touching. it's a good show to catch. hmm. after which, we walked aroungd quite aimlessly but i got myself a pair of pants from topshop. can wear for dance. hees. then we went raffles city shopping centre and had ice-cream there.

jk met me there and then we left for dinner at xingwang. the food there is nice and the service is good. (: yummy. den we walked to the singapore flyer there to take a look. nothing nuch, not much ppl. business there is bleak. hmm. but i'm gg to take the singapore flyer one day.

gg to sch soon. sian. i'm just looking forward to wed n thur. dance! :D

-i'm glad i met you-

hi! today is 080808! 8th aug 2008! (:

today was the proj runway NIE thing. it was a fun experience definitely but it was just blardy hot. haha.

anyway, i went for the dancefuzion session on wed and i enjoyed myself. would really love to go again next wk. i guess i'll be gg for both weds and thurs. yimin and i want to perform for the director's relay! for yimin, i think no prob la, cos she has hiphop background. but i do not have hiphop background! and the performance is like 2 wks away. well well, i really do hope that i can perform but tt depends on how fast i can learn. i've already sent an email to ask abt it and i'm waiting for their reply. hees.

as for academic wise, i seriously love bio lects. hahaha. i begin to love evo more when i'm exposed to the biodiversity course. besides that was the cell structure one. i still love it as much. and i realised how impt it is to have chem background. it's like.. knowing the chemistry behind biology. LOL ! cos they actually talked abt the bonding part, the alpha (1->4) glycosidic bond and stuff like that. it kinda go more in depth to how the bonding occurs and stuff like tt. there was a lect mate of mine sitting beside me and was quite lost cos she didn't have much of chem knowledge. nevertheless, i tried explaining to her how it goes la. hope she understands. (: becos of that. i got to know a new fren! she'll be calling me to ask if she's in doubt.

now i realised how impt chem is, though i HATE it sooooooo much. it really helps man. thank god. haha.

alright, gg out with jk tml! like finally la, after one week plus. since my bdae. lol. hees. gtg!

-deep in my heart-

hi! i just came back from sch. today i finally started lessons. haha. first was on the philosophical stuff abt education. that one didn't really interest me, but the tutor is very funny. hahaha. anyway, time is really packed. we have to conduct student-led tutorials pretty soon. n we're the first team to go. we have like around 2wks plus to get things ready? plus i have the runway show and director's relay stuff gg on. sch will be quite a havoc. but i'm looking forward to the dance session tml. hees.

up next was the bio lect. yeah, i love it. i realised i still love bio as much. today was abt cell structure and function, which was more of a recap of JC work i guess. as in so far la. i enjoyed the lecture. well, i hope further bio lects will be like this as well. hees.

-heard you, my dear-

today is monday, school officially starts! lol.. was looking forward to this but when sch really starts, i feel rather sian about it. well well, school will still start anyway. lol.

alright, let's start from monday 28th jul then. that was the first day of my orientation camp. hmm. got to know my OG mates and had some station games. had to pay for our own lunch and at night was the fright night prog. it was freaking scary. lol... we had to go in groups of 4, into the nanyang playhouse. i must commend those ppl organising this. the settings, the make-up etc, were all well done. hahs. in my grp was pam, pat, krys and i. all of us were very scared. until we went in. hmm. ok. i must say that was the first time i really pluck up my courage to walk into some "haunted house". all of us were struggling to get to the "backstage" where the "ppl" are combing their hair and putting on make-up. we were all hugging each other. LOL!!

suddenly this freaking lady screamed at us to take the baby doll in her hand. i took it. oh man, i guess the most terrifying part of the fright night was the toilet. damn it. they only allowed one of us to go in. and i went in. -.-'' there were "ppl" sitting on the sink and i had to go to the other side of the partition. damn, there was one of them sitting on the floor below the shower, with light beaming from the pendant she was wearing. i was to pass her the doll and she will thne tell me where is the clue. after i took the clue, she screamed at me "get out"! what the fcuk. i jumped. -.-"

when we went out of the playhouse, i realised there were "bloodstains" on my shirt that i duno when i actually got that. and my arms were red, due to the few of them grabbing on to my arm TIGHTLY. lol. before we went in, pam seems the one who's most afraid. but during the course, she was the one warning us where the "ppl" were standing at incase they try to scare us. i guess both of us were the slightly more daring ones. haha. LOL.

after the fright night we went for our shower, FINALLY. lol. i bet we stank. haha. den we had OG bonding for freaking long, up till 2plus. damn it. i never went for a camp tt lights out at so late! i was freezing during the 1st night man. was awaken every half an hour. morning had to wake up like so early too. went for our amazing race. back to town area, to esplanade etc etc, the place where he n i love most. LOL. -.-" oh man, i rmb our og had to do pole-dancing at the esplanade entrance. so embarrassing. haha, and my face was burnt due to the amazing race.

went back and had buffet dinner. good, at least better than the previous dinner. SUCKS. ... ... after dinner we quickly went back to get ready for the advertisement and also the mascot. haa.. i think out advertisement was good. infact, all olympian's advertisement were good. haha. as for the mascot, we dressed idzan up as poseidon. though he didn't win the best camper award, we are still very proud of him! the whole event ended near 3. then, we went bathing. only around 4 then we get to sleep. shag... 6plus wake up. urgh.

3rd day, we had "high tea" for breakfast. hahas. but due to our family being the last one to get food, i only manage to get bee hoon and one pathetic soon kueh. then i looked ard and saw other tables with chicken wings n whatsoever. i was like 'what the fuck?' urgh. it sucks really.. finally we went to sports hall for the prize presentation. and our og got 3rd! yeah. haha, didn't expect it at all. lol. haha. and after which, we went home. hees.

slept for 1hour den went to meet him. it was my bdae! 30th! happy bdae to me. oh ya. i was made to do the chicken dance infront of everyone when my og sang the bdae song to me. hahas. anyway, met him at city hall, shagged. didn't realise he was there until he touched my head. went to kenny rogers for dinner then went to our fav hangout. hees, it was an unforgettable bdae for me. (:

thurs went to meet him again for lunch. how i craved for sliced fish beehoon. that poor guy was sweating like mad as the weather was really hot. then, went to meet my GESL mates for the runway show. finished the poster then idzham drove sam, nisa n i to get the poster done then he drove all of us back. thanks! lol.

fri went to sch for the freshmen welcome ceremony. hmm, quite grand. had to wear the academic robe. had freebies like windbreaker, drink, torchlight, organiser. after which, we had buffet. then went with some GESL mates to get the poster pasted. checked out my time table and then went back for another welcome ceremony. haha. then saw dancefuzion's performance. not bad, i will go for their trg session coming wed. hees.

just now went to sch to get some textbooks and notes. so sian, see so many ppl in school and the weather is so hot.... it's killing me. urgh. sch for me tml! wonder how my classmates will be like. wish me luck! (:

-miss you!-

today was teambonding day! went to sch pretty on time, met new frens from my GESL group. i shall try to rmb all their names.

was a rather shag day today. LOL. started with coming up of GESL names, cheers, etc. had to design some runway garments and played amazing race. was quite a rush, gotta start our brains thinking. most of my group mates were fun and outgoing la. lol. haha. went to a few stations for the amazing race. one of which is the squash court. Freaking WARM!! i was perspiring like crazy! lol.

after the thing ended, minmin, jas lim and i went to the canteen to have food. quite affordable and nice. (: then went to computer lab to register for our courses. i was very happy that i managed to get Biology as my AS (: . first 2 courses are cell struture and its fuctions, and biodiversity (: hope the timetable comes out soon!

i'm gonna join the director's relay and the mini olympics - basketball. gotta start training soon. hees.. excited about sch!! (:

yst went esplanade again with jk. this time to the rooftop, was very windy and i like it up there. (: should go there more often. nice place. hahs.

-love you!-

boo..

I thought i do not have to report to school today until michelle tiah called me last night while i was falling asleep man. LUCKILY she told me. Thanks babe. LOL. today woke up at 7, after around one wk plus of slacking at home. that's the good thing when the sch is near your house. you can wake up later than the rest!

went to LT1 and had the longest lecture so far. from 8plus all the way till 12plus. den we went for lunch and to computer labs for our AS selection. i really do hope that i will get into Biology cos i love Bio and i really cant imagine myself taking Chem and most importantly, TEACHING chem. tt's why i came to me as an unpleasant surprise and shock when i scored higher for chem rather than Bio in my A level's. DAMN. if i really cant get into Bio, i hope i get Math. though i wasn't coping very well in Math, i have always love Math all this while. Don't really know why. History and Geog just don't interest me. maybe becos i've never done well in both subjects.

i guess it's time to get really serious in studies as this idea came to me when the lecturers were talking about 1st class honours and so forth. good luck to me. (:

tml is a free day and i need not turn up for school. hees. most probably gg down to return my timesheets, i NEED money!!!! LOL... maybe meeting jk after that for a dinner or what lor.

fri is teambonding day. i'm in group 16. duno how my group mates will be like. hope they are nice to get along. hees. :D

-excited about school!-

i did something too sinful yst. i'm sorry.

-sinful-

hi!

my younger bro is down with chicken pox! and my mum cant rmb if i had it before. well well, i just hope that i won't get infected cos my bdae is coming and orientation is starting soon! LOL. yst went to sportslink to get an adidas bag for my bro. 60bucks man. LOL. but i guess it's considered cheap la.

after which, i met jameson, grace and jk. we went to ms clarity to have our dinner. jameson treated me. wahahaha. thanks! all four of us had old mac donald had a farm. it practically consists of all the diff kinds of meat. haha. it was not bad la, i mean the food there.

jameson then went to pasir ris and grace went home. jk n i walked around, ya, again. LOL. we went to esplanade. hmm. yup, until abt 9.30 then we left. yst was also my bro's bdae. becos he is sick, he can't celebrate his bdae. cos he cant eat the cake. and he can't go out. so suay rite. haha.

school is starting soon and i really hope that i'll still have the time to meet him!

-unforgettable night-

hi. today is a tiring day man.

went to NIE just now for registration. the queue is fcuking LOOOONNNNGGG. LOL. well, eventually i got my stuff all done. (:

hmm. i was attracted by the dance fuzion club. could be due to my passion for dancing. have been wanting to join when i was in JC. but just couldn't have enough confidence to do so. well, now i guess i should go all out to do something tt i like! yeah (:

feel like watching the dark knight tml. jk is gg lunch with them leh. i duno if i should join them.. all so rich, what if they want to eat ex food? i don't think i can afford lo. zzzz... what if they say they wana watch movie too? tt'll be super sian.. damn.

cant imagine school's gonna start pretty soon - next wed. sigh. i won't have enough time to meet up with him man. :'( what if we drift apart, even before he goes NS, that'll be really bad. oh well.....

anyway, yst i finally met up with joy and mich!! :D super duper happy. all still the same. joy still so blur la. haha. we went billy bombers and shared 2 mian course. thank you mich for treating!! (: after which, we went to have my fav chocolate fondue!! hees. joy ordered waffle too. man, i love the waffle. it's freaking delicious! yum yum. :p then, we headed home to rest. haha.

to mich : no matter what decisions you've made, or you are gg to make, i'll still support you cos you're my fren. fret not. (:

-tiring wk-

Jason Mraz Lyrics
I'm yours Lyrics

Jason Mraz Lyrics

saw these on the web, the heart one is rather girly but the one on top contains only the 1st verse. well, i love this song! (:

hi!

have been waking up early these few days. LOL. have been listening to the song "i'm yours" by Jason Mraz. i think it's quite nice la. haha. hmm.

anyway, gg to meet mich n joy tml - FINALLY! i have not seen joy for a super long time. the last time was in school la! my goodness! LOL .. mich - last time was with vinleon. lol. few months back la. haha. still very long lo!!!

tml gg ktv w mummy first den will meet them. thinking of gg swiming tml morning or fri morning. lol. something good abt quitting the job is that i have lots of free time now, i can go swimming, slack at home, i can even have the time to cook for my family. LOL. but i miss working. too used to it, too fast. nowadays i stil wake up super early... like 5plus or 6, too used to waking up at that time for work. LOL. i miss his massage man, and i need it now. haven been sleeping well... shoulders feeling kinda sore, neck stiff. lol...

fri gg NIE, sat nothing on for the moment. hmm ... no money also lol! haven submit timesheets la. hmm. have to pay 20bucks for the orientation camp also man. urgh. geez. i just wonder how sch will be like.. hmm. mich is gona stay at the hostel. means we can play mj easily! lol. since sch is so near my house. LOL !!

hmm. mich, joy and i shared a present for cheryl and on sat i already went to singpost to make the arrangements. LOL. duno if she has already received it. hmm ...

jk just called and told me some stuff regarding work. sigh. duno what to say actually. no matter what, i'll still be on his side and support him. (:

-miss you much-

hi, time for some pics... LOL. the 1st one is jk n i, all pics all taken at UOB building there. LOL. so dark huh? can't really see the face. haha.

yst went back office to return the pass and also to submit the timesheets, but jean is on leave! ): sigh. next monday gg again. to take my timesheet and also to meet them for dinner. Jameson is treating me! FINALLY. it was supposed to be a treat when he get his GD from the government. and it was delayed until now when GST is already given. LOL!!

after tt, went dinner with jk and walked to raffles... EVERYTIME, w/o fail, when i go out with him, we'll definitely have to walk a LOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNGGGGGGG dist. LOL!!! sigh sigh. time flies !!!!

abit sian at home. don't really noe what to do la. have been working for 8 months then suddenly i revert back to the slacking life ..... LOL... gona cook for my family today, like after so long la. i like cooking but i just hate clearing and washing the dishes. lol.

hope sch starts real soon - next weds - orientation will start. gotta go camp, abit sian about it lor.but i need to mend my broken heart. sigh...

-boredom-

sorry mich. didn't wana do the tagged thingie. LOL

i finally quitted my job. FINALLY. but i'll miss him. and not only him, definitely jean n kv esp. just one month, and we have grown so close... he said i put colours into his life.. was something that i felt very touched when i heard.

he'll be gg NS soon and for me, sch is starting on the 23rd. very fast. i would, of cos, hope to meet up with him frequently but i'm not sure if time allows us to do so. maybe it was the reliance he had on me that made us grew so close tgt. but on my part, it wasnt reliance on him. or maybe so too. i duno. like he said, it wasn't my best at that moment. maybe that's the reason. maybe he will forget me one day, i duno. but i'll definitely rmb him. cos i've nv had such a great guy friend. he is the closest guy fren i had, ever.

on my last day, it was his off-day. was rather ok at work. jean n kv surprised me by preparing gifts for minmin and i. they got a sportswear for me and jean got 2 OPI nailpolish for me for my upcoming bdae. guess it'll be a hectic month for me. jiewei and connie got siew mais for us. before i go, i hugged jean and ended up crying, so emo. my goodness. i guess it was due to the friendships that we built over there.

he said he wants to go out on the weekend of my bdae wk. most prob to celebrate my belated bdae i guess. my orientation camp ends on the 30th exactly. think i'll be to shag to celebrate my bdae. sad-ded. LOL. he says he's got some personal present for me. i really can't put a finger on it. LOL .....

anyway, i went swimming today!! happy . hees... gg to office later to return pass and then most prob gg dinner w him.. it'll be my official day that i leave and not see him for awhile. sigh.... work really makes ppl bond very well and yet alot of conflicts arises at the same time. guess it was becos we were tgt thru'out office hours and saturday after work, we were still hanging out tgt. of cos he spent the most time w me la. LOL....

can't wait for school to start. i wonder how it will be like ..... HMM .....

-i'll miss you-

time flies!

it's another 18 working days to the end of my stay in the company! seriously i can't wait to leave cos i can't wait to start studying again! went 1st round shopping for stationery few wks ago. gg for the 2nd round soon! hees. so excited. (:

good news! i don't have to teach Chinese Language cos i managed to switch courses. instead of BA Chinese Lang, now it's BSc General, which is sciences, most prob math or sci. :D

duno what's wrong with me recently cos i have been emo-ing here and there, for no reason. moody moody moody. could be because of the coming tsunami i guess. hmm.

2wks plus passed so quickly and minmin is back from tw and coming back to work on mon! i'm so happy cos i've not seen her for freaking long la. during these two wks, alot of things happened. well, like it's unbelievable how close jk n i grew in just these 2 wks. but we agreed that we're just friends. yup. i thought he was too reliant on me though. maybe cos i was the one who trained him when he 1st came in. oh well...

i have to spend alot of money... i have to get a new pumps and i'm planning to save up for a laptop. sony vaio maybe? have been checking out on it recently. it kinda attracts me. hahs. next fri gg out for buffet!! hees, it's to celebrate the winning of the skit competition. yeah!!! sigh, but alyssa can't make it. hmm ... next sat most prob gg out for singing session also. wow, gona spend alot for the coming wk man, though we do not have to pay for the buffet la. hees.

duno why i'm like feeling freaking tired recently. i slept at abt 10pm and woke up around 5.45am. i didn't used to feel so tired leh. why man...

oh sudden craving.... yst went esplanade w jk and walked past the chocolate shop where that bastard brought me before. when i get my pay, i'm so gg to go there for the fondue again. man, it's delicious! hees. :D and i crave for the shihlin XXL chicken. yst jk just ate it infront of me. oh well, i just didn't feel like eating it yst but i'm craving for it now! goodness.........

alright, i'm looking forward to work tml as minmin is coming back and jk said that he will be early!!! hope he wouldn't disappoint me too! (:

-18working days left (:-

has been away for a long time. LOL. i mean away from blogging. as for the past incidents, i have already done what i think is necessary and now i do not have to worry about anything. the rest is up to them. (:

anyway. updates at work : alyssa and melissa have already left the job for studies. and jameson is back to replace them. there's this new guy, jiew kwang, also to replace them. however, jameson is working only till end of july while jiew kwang is up till sept. it's already the 22nd of June. time flies. 30th is Darrell's last day, followed by adiba, di yong and nilo whose last day is on the 5th of July. most prob 3 temps will be coming in to replace them and minmin and i will have to train them. jk will be left stranded. haha! LOL.

coming 12th of July will be chen boon's last day, followed by minmin and i, on the 19th of july. really really fast. look, i've already worked there for about 7 months plus!! and now i'm like, less than a month to my last day? some things are worth remember while some are not. people like kv, jean, bk, kes etc etc, will definitely be worth remembering. the list goes on. infact i'm glad i've built up quite a good relationship with most of the people there, and i hope to leave that bastard out of the pic.

for the last 2 wks i've been busy with the department's skit performance, which will be something i will always remember even after i leave the board. i also don't know why i was involved. haha. but anyway, i guess it started when Irene asked me to help her with some thunder lightning stuff and also alyssa, for the taxi. haha. OT for 2 to 3 days. went shopping for prop materials with jean, then stayed back after work with the rest of the csos involved to prepare those props. but most importantly, we must thank alyssa for the BIG taxi. hees.

joined them for their rehearsals and stuff like that. was a totally enriching experience. they just can't fail to make me laugh! Irene and Carol especially. LOL.. Anna has a good voice! i only realised it like during the skit rehearsals! it was fun that the CMs also joined us in the skit. i was only supposed to help out, den i ended up being a customer as well as the fairy that sprays water on the casts. Irene is so cute. she bought me wings to wear when i appear to spray them water!! my goodness, she's very funny. jean was in-charge of the slides, bk the narrator, yati, irene and carol the main casts, violet, anna, wei haur, both mr ngs, mrs koh were the rest of the casts, and kate, the other singer other than anna.

we finally put up the performance on fri at dbs auditorium. there was a lil crop ups here and there back stage. hees. like i forgot exit from the correct side so to facilitate spraying of water onto yati. haha. nevertheless, the main judge was impressed with our performance, all thanks to the high entertainment value of Jack n Rose aka the Hsiens and undoubtedly, the "no wrong door policy", we clinched the first prize of $1000 !! we were DAMN happy you bet. kept screaming on and on. cheering on and on... haha. i will never forget this. (:

back to work, i guess it was because i was the one training jk when he came in to work, tt's y he's closer to me as compared to others. mayb it's because the rest are more mandarin-speaking and jk doesn't speak much mandarin. as for me, i'm ok with both. well, yst we went out. and that crazy guy brought me from city hall to orchard by foot! haha. it was quite a long stretch. what i can rmb is that we walked past grand cathay. LOL. thinking back, what he said is right la. should try walking more so i can recognise more streets and stuff like that. i'm quite a mountain turtle. i always follow blindly behind ppl so usually i do not know how to lead the way. LOL. it was like an excursion? i think so la. we went to this certain cafe at paragon. wa lau the egg salad, i think cmi la. but we just wanted a place to rest so we chill out over there lo. told him abit about the bastard. yup. sigh.

tt bastard is getting from bad to worse. just can't stand him. NONSENSE SHIT.

-unforgettable-

hi.

feeling very depressed again... ):

yst faz came to look for us and he, pm n i went PS to SHOP. actually i was the one who did the most shopping. goodness me, i spent 300++bucks!! i bought a NB running shoes, DMK heels, a DVD player, 3 or 4 DVDs, and some ling ling long long at action city, of which, the bread is the most interesting thing!! haha, there's this fake bread thing on sale at action city, 4.95 for one. it's actually a stress ball cum wrist rest. i bought 2, one for jean since she's so stressed. it looks and smells exactly like a bread! i successfully tricked my bros using that. haha. LOL.

on the depressing side: well, faz didn't ask us anything regarding us. hmm, i duno. it should be a good thing that he didn't ask. don't want to continue bad-mouthing them and worse still, i do not want him to feel sad that we have become like that.

meeting fazil really reminds me of the times when hid and liyana were here. i can't imagine how sad liyana will feel when she gets back from germany. sigh. thinking back, although they are in the wrong for skiving and all that, we are also in the wrong for bad-mouthing them. and most importantly, i'm in the wrong for using harsh words on her. i'm really sorry about that and i guess tt was in the heat of the moment, i was just too angry and overwhelmed by emotions. read through that particular post just now. i thought i'm too harsh and mean to say all that and use those words on her, hence i deleted that post.

personally, i would want to mend this friendship. well, it takes two hands to clap. i duno if she and dy will want to mend this friendship as well. told minmin abt these harsh words thingie and she agreed that we should apologise if we're in the wrong. i think we're wrong to talk abt them between us and wrong for me to comment on her like that. still thinking of a way how to apologise though. just hope that they would understand that both parties had erred. and we want to apologise becos we want to mend the friendship.

i don't know how things will work out, but i'll try my best. (:

-"it's human nature to err"(by dy)-

have been feeling kinda vexed recently. things are getting really bad at work. and now i know what is internal conflicts, political issues etc etc. i didn't expect it'll happen among us.

abit worried for jean though. she is very stressed up and that beast is pushing work to her too often. she is having a bad headache and is very depressed. hope she will convince herself that she is definitely the right person for this position. feel bad that she n bro is involved in our "saga". they seemed disturbed by this incident. now minmin n i don't look forward to work anymore. work, to us, is like putting on a facade and having to protect your back. sigh. if only things will turn back to the past where we do not know so much. sometimes, it's really better not to know too much about certain ppl.

on the funny side: i guess i didn't mention about this guy from another dept.. well, we first met when he came down to rehearse for a performance. felt kinda weird when he talked to me. anyway, the 2nd time we met, it was for his rehearsal as well, when i waited for bro. ended up we went for dinner tgt as a grp. that was when he found out if i was attached. sigh. 3rd time was during the performance day itself. that day he talked to me thruout! and meli and gang was irritated with him cos they didn't like him since they were in the same training grp. they told me he was like flirting and whatever la. i just talked to him like normal lo.

who knows i saw him a few times and his pick-up lines where damn lame. i knew him like for such a short time only and he started asking me out to town. like just me, with his frens. like who in the right mind will go la?!?! lol. he started asking me out for steamboat etc etc and even to sentosa when it was actually his dept's gathering. it's like. FOR WHAT?! you asked mi to join you for what la? lol. the good thing is, he was leaving on the 30th of may. he was SUPPOSED to. damn. i saw him yst. -.-". shocked. i rmb exactly what he said. he asked when i'm leaving. he heard it wrongly as 19 june and said "we leave together la. 我带你远走高飞." i was like .... -.-" .... what the .....

ok. well, i know my colleagues hate him like shit la. but personally i'm ok with him cos he didn't do anything bad to me or irritate me. so i still accept him as a fren lo. i just feel that he's v comical with his pick-up lines and everytime i see him, my colleagues will laugh abt it the whole day. LOL.

alright. whatever it is. things shall remain as it is for now. as for that incident... i hope things will turn out just fine.

-if only time can turn back-

hi! i've been rotting for a long long time! work is still okay. but well, we aren't as close as before. me and minmin are closest now. cos both of us cant stand her. they are just so disgusting. had a clash with dy, but things are back to normal now. me n minmin are still disgusted by her behaviour. that guy really brings us lots of probs.

josh asked me abt that beast the other day. he asked if i'm ok. of cos! HAHA. i told him that i'm well over that beast and he is realli glad for me (:

anyway, i received rejection letters from both NUS and NTU. well, expected. LOL. but hey, my NIE interview was good. haha. and i received a sms a few days ago saying that i'm accepted by NIE already! right now i just have to wait for their letter of offer in 2wk's time. (:

still, i have already submitted appeals to both NUS and NTU. next up, i will take weds off to submit a manual appeal ltr by hand to both uni. though i'm accepted by NIE already, i'll still appeal and if it happens that the appeals are successful, i will turn down NIE's offer. but looking at the competition this year, i guess i'll most probably accept the offer by NIE. (:

minmin is doing the same like me. but she's much much more lucky than i am. she got frens that are accepted by pharmacy to draft the appeal ltrs for her and got her teachers to vet it for her. if all fails, we'll both go NIE. but i still wish her luck! and good luck to all those appealing for NUS/NTU.

i dun have to burden my parents and i will get a salary when i study. hees. (:

-no longer unwanted-

so that's all for updates. (:

hi!

LOL. day by day, i found out more about those ridiculous stuff you did. you are just such a disappointment. you will never find true happiness. day by day, you make me hate you more than ever. you make me feel relieved that i'm finally out from your trap. you are such a hypocrite. never will you expect that i'll be in the light, and right now, at this moment, i'm in the light. i used to respect you so much. too much, maybe. yes, love is blind. i just can't believe. just tell me you weren't making use of me, that will be enough. we're still friends, yes, like how you treat your "brothers". how you treat them, will be how i'm gonna treat you. now, totally no more respect. maybe, just becos you're my "boss", i have to "respect" you infront of others. but hey, deep inside me, you just a piece of ****. enough, you beast. can't imagine i'll still have flashbacks of our "happy moments", NOT anymore. saddening indeed. nope, it's all not true. i shouldn't think about all those anymore. i'm supposed to forget you, and hate you. that is just right for me to do. i'm just nothing. just look at her. i shall look up to her. she's such a saint and you only have yourself to blame. too bad, you'll never find happiness.

-shut up-

one from one department, the other from another. one has ring, the other does not. one is darker, the other is fairer. one is better-looking, the other is not. both can 'click'. both have defined jawline. both are tall.. what to do?

i still hate you, beast.

-nonsense shit-

this wk was a week full of houseflies but it was super tiring and stressed for me. personally, i like the new oics but sometimes i just cant agree with wat some of them do. this wk, our first new oic came in. i like her. haha. she's just a workaholic and very stressed up, but definitely dedicated. former oics are even more dedicated than some of the present oics. i'm irritated by that. sigh.. personally, i'm ok with the 2nd new oic, but i don't like the way she works.. she practically asks me everything. it's like.. hello, so who's the oic now?

enough about work then. as for those incidents happened between the 2 of us. enough. i found out everything about him. the worst that i ever could. he's just such a beast and lowdown creature. he doesn't know that i'm in the light. he's a liar. every move of his meticulously calculated. i'm glad i've seen your true colours. get away from me.

got to go.. stomach ache !!! LOL ...

-i'm glad -- BARney-

i ought to start exercising soon! i need to trim fats here and there but i prefer my build as compared to others. i do not wana be skinny! LOL. watever. burn fats la.

monday started off with me reaching office super early, before 7am. and there was this siao char bo who reached there like 6am?!?!?! haha. but she is dedicated and stressed, that's y she's there early in the morning 6 o'clock. haha. then proceeded with tallying the cheques and literally typing every single shit into the excel file. i finally completed the whole thing around 4, including tallying those collected ones and all. cos in between, the queue was too long i had to stop tallying and start serving mbrs.

anyway, B is from another dept. T was the guy that i was blogging abt previously. everytime B comes to our dept, he will look for me to pass me some stuff la. then today i was in one of the rooms and i saw B and called out his name saying that i've got something to pass to him. and the thing is. i didn't noe T was behind him!!!! it was like, abit awkward. ... ... anyway, T and i still give each other awkward stares and glances... i duno y. but is there something that he wants to say?? weirdo.

had dinner at cb with bro. T wasn't there. he is still avoiding. sigh. but well, life still goes on w/o him! i'm just glad that when we were dating, he saw the real me. i feel myself, comfortable. i just hope i left a good impression. he should just rmb my good points and forget the times where i get angry. i believed we were happy.

let's move on.. today is minmin's bdae!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIN MIN !!!!!! :D
we bought a big baby pooh bear for her as it's her fav cartoon character... hees. i'm glad she really like it !!!!

work again - tml . zzzzzzzzz

-i hate and love you-

one week has passed so quickly.

anyway. at work, another batch of chqs came. damn, GD chqs. around 2000. this is excluding those people where their bank a/cs had been closed and paymt rejected. there'll be another batch coming down this coming week. and our new oic is taking over. i feel that she's so poor thing. jus took over and she has to do those chqs. it's madness. tml i'll be gg to work early to help her with the chqs first. she very funny. she's always so stressed when there's things undone. the other new oic changed my opinion of her when she offered her help! hees. hopefully this continues. and all in all, we have 4 good oics !! (:

that stupid guy, or i should say, man, is driving me nuts. always avoiding the issue. don't understand him at all. i realised everything btwn us changed from the moment he was promoted. now i truly understand why career will get in the way of these things. i'm furious. the way he questioned bro made me felt like i fabricated some kinda story. he is like "... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..." when it comes to handling these kinda stuff. for goodness sake. he's like the age to get married already and ... sigh, i duno what else to say. in any case, i realised i should really move on and forget abt him. nonsense shit. i used to like the way he work, the way he think of solutions to make the mbrs leave happily. he always had a way, somehow. i totally admired that. maybe that's y i like him. but looking at how he handles the issues btwn us, i duno if i still hold any respect for him. maybe i dont, anymore.

now, down to sports. haha. we're definitely going for our DOUBLE this season!! had a fantastic win over west ham last night. if i didn't rmb wrongly, they are one of our jinx team. well, yst nani did a totally stupid thing. i was already super unhappy with him a few matches back. he was playing like shit and what the hell? that stupid head butt from him ended his season like that. FOOLISH shit. i still love the way we played even after nani was sent off. 4-1 . chelski-s are playing against newcastle coming monday night. the best thing that could happen is for chelsea to lose that. and hey, the title's ours. (:

21st may is another big day. after that nonsensical match with the bribed ref, it's time for us to show chelski who's the real king. that champions league title is also gona be ours. hahs. :D

shall stop here then ... (:

-i realised a 30yr-old man might not
be more matured den a 20 yr-old.
i was wrong.-

it's saturday!!

just finished watching the chelski-man u match. DAMN!!! fcuk the assistant ref. where the hell did he see carrick's hand ball?! it's not ! and that fcuking decision from him led to the chelski-s leading by 1 goal again. but i'm still impressed by my team with the superior goal diff. ((:

most importantly, we must win the remaining 2 matches. i think this is a good season for us to win both the EPL title as well as the champions league title! haha. let's see how things go. (:

had a talk w josh on the train the other day. again, i had counselling! haha. but that really helped me! i learnt that i have to love myself well enough. i should stop looking so emo and should cheer up! and i reali did. and i felt so much better now. (: i guess certain things are meant to be while certain things are not. his career is more important, definitely. who knows we might meet again next time, few yrs later? i dont know. i wun say i have totally forgotten abt him or that i still hold hopes. just let nature takes its course.

working here exposes me to all kinds of people that makes mi grow up and be more matured in my thinking. i like working here and hey! i have extended my contract till 31 july. haha. but the damn thing is the other agency increased their candidates pay by 50cents per hr!! and hey. mine is still the same. and oh pls, i know i definitely deserve more. DAMN IT. will talk to my agent.

tired. anyway, bought a perfume - Salvatone Fevragamo's incanto dream. i love it. it's got the fruity and not so strong fragrance.. i bought a hand cream too. 6.90 only haha. from sasa. salsa strawberry. not greasy and it smells nice. (:

thinking of what to get for my mum for mother's day though... hees...

-fcuk the refs and the watever shit there-

hi! it's sunday!

work has been tiring. 2000 over cheques came in and i have to help bro to tally the cheques. haha. went karaoke w bro, ter, charlene and dy. had fun there. initially was sakae till 8.30pm. den from 8.30pm till 12.30am was singing, singing and singing! LOL. i guess bro and i hogged on to the mic the most though. our main purpose there was to help bro with choosing a song for a mini performance. haha.

anyway, as pertaining to those accusations, my conscience is clear. (:

well, adiba and i are over our "babies". haha. i guess only those who knows the situation will know what i'm talking abt. bro has been my counsellor for these 2 wks. things that he said really made sense. i guess that's y i managed to feel much better right now.

no notification from any of the uni yet. i wonder if i managed to get a place already. difficult i guess. if i dun get a place, i'll continue working for the time being i guess. then i have to save up and consider gg for private uni while working at the same time. hmm...

shall update next time when i blog again !!

-awkward-

everything came too fast.
and i'm not sure if it's ending too.
why would things turn out like that?
it's neither of our fault.
but why are you reacting this way?
ignoring me while claiming everything's fine.
no, it's not, we know it's not.

memories.
short, but was always so sweet.
kinda hurts me when i think of it.
every little thing you said and did,
it's all imprinted in my heart.

i'm trying my very best to understand.
but i hope you understand too.
do you?
well, you don't.
if you do, you would have told mi what to do.
pls.
tell me what to do.
and dun leave me hanging there.

i hope it'll all revert back to normal.
how i miss you.

-lost-