<3

2009-11-08T15:19:00.002+08:00

Actually... I feel that studying with you, will be the best way to make me study. Cos you will be just beside me. And I won't keep wondering what you are doing and so on... Having you around will make me really want to study and make be able to concentrate fully...

Biology is definitely killing me. =( to be honest, i've only READ THRU 30% of the whole animal bio. That means i have not started on invertebrates, and I haven started memorising any thing! And math test on tues, haven study (though i'm quite confident), and sci EXAM on thurs, also haven study. SIGH. =((((

2009-11-07T11:53:00.005+08:00

Extracted this from Christina's entry...

how about your sons and daughters? your baby nieces and nephews?

or even someone you love now?

how many times do u look at the sleeping face

and think to yourself how beautiful that face is?

do you find yourself wanting to provide for this person, to be there when s/he's down,

to comfort, to guide, to love...

how often do you think of him/her?

rejoice whenever s/he does? grieve whenever s/he does?

have you ever felt such a love for something?

have you experienced that kind of love, but it's directed, solely, exclusively for you?

Christina should know my answer la hor. Infact, I think he should know too...

Yes. I love him more than anything else. And he's none other than Enxian... Don't even know if I will see him during the exam period. I'm gonna miss him badly for sure ='(

Now, this song by Westlife =)

What About Now?

Shadows fill an empty heart

As love is fading,

From all the things that we are

But are not saying

Can we see beyond the scars

And make it to the dawn?

Change the colors of the sky

And open up to

The ways you made me feel alive,

The ways I loved you

For all the things that never died,

To make it through the night,

Love will find you

What about now?

What about today?

What if you’re making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love never went away?

What if it’s lost behind words we could never find?

Baby, before it’s too late,

What about now?

The sun is breaking in your eyes

To start a new day

This broken heart can still survive

With a touch of your grace

Shadows fade into the light

I am by your side,

Where love will find you

What about now?

What about today?

What if you’re making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love had never went away?

What if it’s lost behind words we could never find?

Baby, before it’s too late,

What about now?

Now that we’re here,

Now that we’ve come this far,

Just hold on

There is nothing to fear,

For I am right beside you.

For all my life,

I am yours.

What about now?

What about today?

What if you’re making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love had never went away?

What if it’s lost behind words we could never find?

What about now?

What about today?

What if you’re making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love had never went away?

What if it’s lost behind words we could never find?

Baby, before it’s too late,

What about now?

2009-11-06T19:24:00.003+08:00

Yeah I'm back from school =)

Anyway, the following is a picture from Cafe World. It's christina's cafe! =)

It's a rare sight so i took a screenshot of it. hahaha. anyway christina, it's not my avatar that appeared when I visited your cafe. It's really the avatar visiting your cafe. you know those random ppl walking in and out? ya. tt's the one. and so happens that when i visited your cafe, the avatar visited your cafe too! and guess what, you hired me as your waiter and so, there's 2 identical "Jasmine"s there. hahaha. LOL. and quote willy, "looks like you, got red hair!". LOL. haha. oh no, cafe world is so fun. =)

oh yeah so, today had math tutorial. sigh. hell week has begun. =( shucks man. i realised my schedule is soooo packed that i don't have enough time to study for each modules. packed as in, the exam arrangements and such. i'll try my best. =/

Yeah, had lunch with him before heading to school! :DDDDD but he ate very little =( get well soon!! looks like he has lost abit of weight again. =( 10 nov is coming... i hope something miraculous will happen? or even a simple meal i will be happy... I miss you so much... And.. I love you...

2009-11-05T23:13:00.003+08:00

SO tired!

I think I will go sleep soon. Duno why so shag. =/

Tml hope can wake up earlier to study, or maybe go sch early. LOL.

Oh well, recently i'm addicted to cafe world. =//// Christina too, right? Jaz also just started =) But i shall take it as a break from studying. hahaha.I tried YoVille. Not fun leh. boo~ Lazy to farm also. cos have to click and click every single square. but I'll still go visit my neighbours to earn exp to $! and also to look at my beautiful farm that has those beautiful hay bales over there. =))

I had supper with him and his friends yst and I'm so happy =)

But I've got diarrhea =/ Cos I ate ALOT of seafood yst! For lunch, I ate stingray and la-la together with Jaz and Joc. And plus the supper, which was also seafood.... woah. LOL.

ok la, lose some weight lor. hahaha.

realised that I can only sleep one hour later. or else my food will spoil. =(

-Don't ever give up if you still wanna try. Don't ever wipe your tears if you still wanna cry.

Don't ever settle for an answer if you still want to know. Don't ever say you don't love him if you can't let him go.-

2009-11-02T21:55:00.002+08:00

I'm totally screwed and NOT READY for exams. =((

Next week is the study break and this is what I have.

Monday - Summing up with SLum

Tuesday - ASM 201 Math test

Wednesday - AAB 202 PRATICAL EXAM!!!

Thursday - ASK 201 SCIENCE EXAM!!!

Friday - Summing up with JYong

=(((

Exam schedule:

18th nov - ASM 201

19th nov - AAB 202

23rd nov - AAB 201

25th nov - AAB 201 PRACTICAL EXAM!!!

Damn. I'm really screwed =((

Ironically, animal diversity is the one that I have totally no confidence in now. Initially I was still whining and whining about how much I can't cope with plants blah blah blah. In the end.. SIGH. and practical EXAM is next week. I have totally NO CLUE how it'll be like. I'm so dead. =(

Sigh. Why are you so distant away from me now? ='(

2009-10-31T21:32:00.002+08:00

Plans for the remaining hours of the night.

-Organise treasurial stuff

-Farm

-Bio Assignment (at least till "Status")

-Body conditioning plus recapping steps (at least 30minutes)

-Shower and relax for Man Utd match at 1.25am!

Okie.. That's about it. Let's go...

2009-10-31T15:02:00.003+08:00

Anger and depression can be overcome by love and hope.

Yes. Not anger for me, but depression. =(

I'm still deeply in love with you...

I miss you so much..

I miss the laughters and all...

I miss all the good times...

='(

2009-10-31T01:31:00.001+08:00

It's coming to the last week of school. =(

I think I've mentioned before why I feel sad about it. Sigh =((

Life is so different without you.

I don't wana live without you.

='(

2009-10-28T22:42:00.002+08:00

Beautiful song...

**************************************************

Baby won't you tell me why there is sadness in your eyes

I don't wanna say goodbye to you

Love is one big illusion I should try to forget

but there is something left in my head

You're the one who set it up now you're the one to make it stop

I'm the one who's feeling lost right now

Now you want me to forget every little thing you said

but there is something left in my head

I won't forget the way you're kissing

The feeling's so strong were lasting for so long

But I'm not the man your heart is missing

That's why you go away I know

You were never satisfied no matter how I tried

now you wanna say goodbye to me

Love is one big illusion I should try to forget

but there is something left in my head

I won't forget the way you're kissing

The feeling's so strong were lasting for so long

But I'm not the man your heart is missing

That's why you go away i know

Sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere

Don't know which way to go

There ain't so much to say now between us

There ain't so much for you

There aint't so much for me anymore

2009-10-27T23:48:00.001+08:00

I was young but I wasn't naive

I watched helpless as he turned around to leave

And still I have the pain I have to carry

A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time

I never thought we'd be here

Never thought we'd be here

When my love for you was blind

But I couldn't make you see it

Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more than you'll ever know

A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep

Only in hopes of dreaming

That everything would be like it was before

But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting

They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time

I never thought we'd be here

Never thought we'd be here

When my love for you was blind

But I couldn't make you see it

Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more than you'll ever know

A part of me died when I let you go

After all this why

Would you ever wanna leave it

Maybe you could not believe it

That my love for you was blind

But I couldn't make you see it

Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more than you will ever know

A part of me died when I let you go

That I loved you more than you'll ever know

A part of me died when I let you go

2009-10-27T09:43:00.001+08:00

I have faith in you.

I believe.

Can't find a way to let go of you.

2009-10-25T20:58:00.001+08:00

I wonder how it feels to talk to your loved one on the bed, about anything under the sun, and fall deeply asleep when both are so tired. It must be a good feeling.

2009-10-25T20:40:00.002+08:00

I don't know what to blog about.

Just feeling really down right now.

Everything I write here, will definitely by read.

EVERY SINGLE WORD.

It was a grave mistake yesterday.

Why? Why? Why?

I'm such an idiot.

I guess I'll still be around?

I hope so.

2009-10-23T23:03:00.003+08:00

Stomach hurting like crap =(

Allergic reaction =(

And.. So cold.. =((

What should I do now honestly? =((

2009-10-21T02:18:00.002+08:00

Some love quotes...

Love me now, love me never,
but if you love me, love me forever.

To the world you may be just one person,
but to one person you may be the world.

Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.

No one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

2009-10-19T00:52:00.002+08:00

Indescribable feeling. Does anyone know?

Will anyone ever understand?

And here I am now, trying so hard to reach out to you.

Not to stress you (at least I'm trying).

To be able to see you, I'm thankful.

To be able to spend time with you, I'm grateful.

On and on, these and that happened. The good and bad.

Don't really know what will happen next.

I'm still standing strong, knowing what I want.

Except that, I don't know if things will turn out smoothly...

Sometimes I really wonder...

This time I admit that it's not right for me to just skip it just like that. I'm sorry. =(

The way you reacted was just like how you did when we were still tgt.

I don't blame you for being mad at me just now. I can't blame you for being concerned. and i'm happy that you are concerned.

I'm so sorry I must have hurt you. I thought you were ok with it cos you said "up to you". =(

Thanks for still willing to send me home... appreciate that really...

I don't wana forget you.

I will hold on... No pressures yeah?

I love you.

2009-10-16T13:02:00.002+08:00

It's been exactly 1 month since ......... ='(

I don't know how long I can go on like this. Maybe one day I'll .....

He used to msg me telling me that he's on his way to school etc. Though it's just a msg, to me it meant alot. Maybe it seems silly, but just those msgs itself makes me smile when i get drowsily woken up by the msg alert tone and check my phone.

But now, I don't even know whether he's asleep or awake. Suddenly, our lives seem so detached from one another's. ='(

Why did he say that that night? I don't know.

Is it becos I got tgt with him shortly after my breakup with my ex, so he thinks that i can move on fast and forget him too? ='(

The only thing I know now is that: Jasmine Lam, YOU suck big time.

2009-10-16T11:58:00.002+08:00

Woke up feeling like crap again.

I dreamt of you again.

='(

If there's a place that I can hide forever,

I hope that it'll be your heart.

Will you be happier if I didn't existed?

2009-10-16T01:55:00.002+08:00

Sch term is ending.

I don't like it at all.

For a few reasons:

1) It simply means exams are nearing (and I have not studied a single shit!)

2) Less dance. Can rest more! But might put on weight. =/

3) It might mean I might not see him that much. =(( It will be worse when the vacation really comes. Chalet will definitely feel different w/o him around. Afterall, things between us kind of sparked off from that night. I miss him like crazy. =((

Dance was fun today. After cleaning steps with juniors, we went crazy by playing all the past songs that we danced to. amazing that we still rmb the steps to quite a few of the songs! then had dinner at JP. finally, not can A. -.-

It's late. I should go sleep. Sigh. Good night.

You are the right one for me. I want you, nobody else. If it's not meant to be, sigh... ='((((

2009-10-15T02:24:00.002+08:00

Je ne veux personne d'autre.

Je vous veux et seulement vous.

Détestez-le quand vous dites que "je suis sûr que vous trouverez le juste bientôt". Il est tel a douleur à entendre cela.

Je suis si muet. Qui m'a demandé de le commencer d'abord. Je l'ai mérité. vous sens douleur aussi?

Enjoyed Willy's session today. If You Leave. I posted the lyrics a few entried back. Go take a look. It's meaningful. =) Kinda speaks how I feel? haha. Time to sleep. Nights.

I don't want anyone else.I want you, and only you. Hate it when you say "I'm sure you will find the right one soon".It's so painful hearing it. =( I'm so dumb. Who asked me to start it first. I deserved it.Do you feel the pain too?

2009-10-13T23:15:00.002+08:00

This week finally arrived after a long wait.

Yes, after 2months plus, the video is finally done. Seriously, THANKS to all of them who appeared in the video. I'm glad it's done up =) I don't know why but I never get sick of watching the video again and again although it's 20++ minutes long. =/ *haha*

I just hope that he's happy. =)

Ok, i'm convinced that I really lost quite abit of weight. LOL. almost everyone is telling me that. even my mum who always complain that i'm fat says that i lost weight too. ok, good. Hope it continues on this way. Eating less, definitely. but duno why. since then, I dont really get hungry that easily anymore. =/ perhaps last week i ate slightly more. cos it was PMS. -.- today it finally came. right on the dot. this means more blemishes on my face, more bloati-ness, and definitely explains why my mood swings like a whatever for the past few days especially. =/

However, recently i feel very weird. =/ keep having fainting spells. just take yst for example. I experienced that like quite a few times. one when i was walking towards the drink stall. two was when i was at vivo collecting the cake and i had to hold onto the railings while queuing for cab. BOO~ it's freaking scary to be there alone when these happens. suddenly a gush of duno what, then giddy giddy, feel pukey, feel abit of queaziness in the stomach, fingers getting cold.. watever. pray hard that it's perhaps just due to lack of sleep/water. jas tan said could be due to protein deficiency. i don't think mine is that case la. lol. i'm a meat lover. LOL. =)

alright. since i'm so tired and getting all these weird stuff. I should perhaps sleep earlier tonight. =) There's bio lab session tml. grgghhhh. I hate lab sessions. -.- and that's my only lesson for the day. oh no, i must refrain myself from shopping with jastan and joc again! I'm sure i will :D Okay, shall recharge my energy by sleeping like a pig and stop thinking too much (hopefully)! Dance tml. cheers. =)

I thought that from this heartache I could escape

But I fronted long enough to know

There ain't no way

And today

I'm officially missing you.

-I don't care if it's official or not, I still do.-

2009-10-11T01:23:00.003+08:00

Met him for lunch =)

Then went hospital with Peiling to visit my dad.

then went bugis.

This was what happened at bugis junction when i was looking at the directory.

This black guy approached. Black as in American-Black kinda Black.

Blackie: "Are you from here?"

Me: "Yes" *searching on the directory for the shop I wanted to go to*

Blackie: "I'm Singaporean too! Erm.. Which is the japanese hair saloon?"

Me: "er.. I guess it's this one?" *points to the directory*

Me: *continues searching on the directory for the shop I wanted to go to*

Blackie: "I'm teaching in ______ Secondary School and I taught in ______ Primary School."

Me: "Oh.. Okay..."

Blackie: "My friend is teaching in the poly at _____. He's from England."

Me: "Oh, ______ poly you mean?"

Me: *continues searching on the directory for the shop I wanted to go to*

Blackie: "Do you want me to show you my IC? You don't believe that I'm a Singaporean?"

Me: "Huh? No? It's okay. I didn't say that I don't believe you."

Blackie: "I'm Bryan. You are?"

Me: "Er, Jasmine."

Me: *found the shop that I wanted to go to*

Blackie: "I'm thinking of giving you my number so that we can keep in touch yeah?"

Me: "Oh, no. It's okay."

Blackie: "Oh, come on. I feel that you're a nice lady."

Me: "Oh, no. It's really okay. My friend is waiting for me downstairs. I've gotta go meet him now."

Blackie: "My number is _________. Give me a call or drop me a sms yeah?"

Me: *pretends to save his number*

Blackie: "hey, give me a miss call now yeah?"

Me: "er, no, it's okay. I've gtg now. My friend has been waiting for quite awhile."

Blackie: "Oh, come on. Let's keep in touch."

Me: "Sorry, I need to go." *runs away*

DAMN. his pick-up lines SUCKS big time. nonsensical guy. so persistent and irritating. he teaches? he's a singaporean? I don't believe. I just find it damn hilarious. luckily i quickly went to my friend for rescue. boo~ it's kinda scary. seeing my friend is such a relief. shew~

2009-10-10T11:42:00.003+08:00

came across this song. love it so much.

sung by these 2 beautiful ladies. they are twins!

nice voice too. enjoy. =)

[Verse One]

All I hear is raindrops

Falling on the rooftop

Oh baby tell me why’d you have to go

Cause this pain I feel

It wont go away

And today I’m officially missing you

I thought that from this heartache

I could escape

But I fronted long enough to know

There ain’t no way

And today

I’m officially missing you

[Chorus]

Oh can’t nobody do it like you

Said every little thing you do

Hey baby say it stays on my mind

And I, I’m officially

[Verse Two]

All I do is lay around

Two ears full of tears

From looking at your face on the wall

Just a week ago you were my baby

Now I don’t even know you at all

I don’t know you at all

Well I wish that you would call me right now

So that I could get through to you somehow

But I guess it’s safe to say baby safe to say

That I’m officially missing you

[Chorus]

[Bridge]

Well I thought I could just get over you baby

But I see that’s something I just can’t do

From the way you would hold me

To the sweet things you told me

I just can’t find a way

To let go of you

[Chorus]

It official

You know that I’m missing you

Yeah yes

All I hear is raindrops

And I’m officially missing you

*******************************************

tonnes of work coming up...

Loads of things to do.

need to know how to manage my time well. =/

today is a special day...

happy 4th month anniversary...

I miss you so much...

2009-10-06T23:30:00.003+08:00

I'm not good enough for you.

-Kill me now-

2009-10-05T00:25:00.002+08:00

le plus cher, que vous veux-je dire?

"Mais croyez-moi s'il vous plaît, Je vous aime"...

Oui, je veux croire. Donnez-moi espèrent et me persuadent de nouveau.. Montrez-moi vous vous souciez, et dites-moi que vous m'aimez de nouveau...Je sais que je ne devrais pas vous harceler de mes pensées... c'est pour pourquoi je tape le français, en espérant que vous ne comprendrez pas que je veux dire... je ne peux pas supporter pour ne vous déranger plus... je ne peux pas supporter pour vous voir dans l'angoisse... :(((((

Cher, Je vous aime ainsi... Juste quand j'ai cru que je ne pouvais pas trouver quelqu'un qui me fait avoir l'impression d'être comment JK a fait, vous avez apparu... :)

malgré tous les incidents malheureux qui sont arrivés entre nous, je vous aime toujours profondément... et j'estime honnêtement que vous êtes les justes pour moi, mon et seulement... J'espère juste que nous serons ensemble de nouveau un jour.. parce que je vous aime, plus qu'autre chose...

croyez-moi s'il vous plaît...

**************************************************************************

incase you guys are wondering, that's french. didn't know that i knew french eh? haha. :D anyway, a nice song, really meaningful.. so feel like sharing... here's how it goes...

If You Leave

You think i`m so full of it, full of it

But i think i`m just fed up, baby

You think i can be so arrogant, arrogant

But i`m just tryna keep my head up, baby

You think i procrastinate baby

But i think i`m taking my time

You think you need to leave

But i think i disagree but

If you believe you`ll do best without me

I`ll let it go girl, it`s over

But before we say goodbye

Let`s give it a try

If you leave, then baby i`ll leave

I`ll let it go girl, it`s over

But i have no doubt

We can work it out yeah

I think you're so full of it, full of it

You just don`t know when to let up baby

I think you`re so arrogant, arrogant

But you think you`re so much better baby

That i think it aint dealt before me to judge you by your flaws and that`s why

No i could criticize, but i put that aside

To focus on you and i

But if you believe you`ll do best without me

Then i`ll let it go boy, it`s over

But before we say goodbye

Let`s give it a try

If you leave, then baby i`ll leave

I`ll let it go boy, it`s over

But i have no doubt

We can work it out yeah

Now if you wanna go, baby

Then i`ll let you go

And even though i`m tryna hold on

I can`t if you don't

No, now if you leave me, you`re gonna miss me

And i`m not saying that i`ll be here waiting

Since we here right now (instead of just walking out)

Let`s work to reach the point that i know we can be...

But if you believe, you`ll do best without me

Then i`ll let it go

It`s over (it`s over)

But before we say goodbye

Let`s give it a try

If you leave, then baby i`ll leave

I`ll let it go girl, it`s over

I have no doubt that we can work it out

If you believe, you`ll do best without me

I`ll let it go girl, it`s over

Before we say goodbye

Let`s give it a try

If you leave, then baby i`ll leave...

2009-10-03T00:07:00.003+08:00

Yup here I am again.. Duno what to do. oh well..

So today I cooked for my family. FINALLY, after so long.. =/ Then went sch for awhile. today was really quite bored for me. I can't focus, didn't manage to study a single shit. And i didn't even do the simplest thing which is to tidy my room. What is wrong with me? I have to get my ass off the chair alr. =(

talked to one of my bestie online just now. she is someone so cute and blur. and this is at the beginning of the conversation...

well... duno what to say. just pretend i guess... as much as i want to tell her, i dont think I should trouble her with my problems.. =/

to another bestie: this period must be damn sucky for you.. well, you're not alone.. =/ sometimes definitely we wish that time could turn back. we could have prevented certain things from happening. oh well, we know that that's not possible. so the only thing now is to face it.. I know, and i understand that it's definitely difficult. it sucks when all the sucky things come tgt. =(( i dont really know how to make you feel better.. cos I myself know that no matter how much others say, we ourselves still feel like shit. =( but just rmb that i'm in this shit tgt with you.. jiayou... and dont give up.. I'm sure things will be better for both of us. =)

yes, I'm in a dilemma. kill me. =(

2009-10-02T00:19:00.002+08:00

went for MJ just now. it was fun. Pat did about 5-eights of choreo. But dont think can make it for next thurs' session =(( cos I think there'll be DF comm meeting... anyways. ya... it was fun there. but i kept hitting a few ppl behind me. or they kept hitting me too. opps. ok, it was squeezy... bah... then, met chris and christina for dinner tgt with jeff at gek poh. lol.

ok things are not going well for me... puking... yes.. flu and cough... yes... sore throat finally not that bad alr.. sigh. but. just now. I was blinded again =((( so scary.. what's wrong with me, seriously? =((

On a side note,

I think I know what I should do now.

Sometimes I really wonder what is wrong with me =(

2009-09-30T23:10:00.002+08:00

Think of the happy times.. =)

and here I am again.. I will wait for you..

Hope that eventually one day,

we'll see light.

I'm sure we will.

I wana believe.

Hope that you will want to believe too.

I love you... =)

2009-09-30T22:09:00.002+08:00

Yes, I've been feeling really lousy ever since........ SIGH...... =((

Monday had election for 4th DF comm. finally stepped down from Logistics Manager. Now i'm the Treasurer. Haven handed over yet. definitely alot to learn still. jiayou everyone. =) went for sushi buffet after that. hey, I realised I really can't eat as much as I used to.. and worse still, I puked everything out shortly after. =/ had been puking and losing appetite since.......... and now it's worse. flu and cough. =( flu started on tues morning. sneezed like crazy. ppl always say that someone must be missing me. well, I hope it's him... =) then finally, it's THE DAY. it's our vid-taking. make-up, prepared everything here and there. and i'm really glad that it's finally over. after MONTHS of practice =) good job guys! :D hope the video turns out fine..

Today, woke up early, went for bio pract. super lazy and sian. Dont feel like gg at all.. but we survived through. finished early and wanted to leave asap. SLim stopped us. opps. say that we should ask for permission etc. we thought that we could leave... so ya... in the end, SLim came and apologise to me. I was so damn shocked. I feel damn bad towards her. She apologised cos she saw that i was grabbing my stomach in pain. cos i haven eaten anything.. well, i feel DAMN DAMN DAMN bad towards her. and when we finally left, she still asked me to quickly go, quick go eat cos i look damn pale. =/ really nice of her... i feel really really bad... =/ so jas tan, joc and i went JP to have lunch. guess what. jas tan started the crazy ride down the can A road and purposely not brake at the hump and the car literally FLEW and i knocked my head VERY HARD. it was THAT loud. and i swear it's damn painful. =/

MJ session tml. but i'm sick.. =( will still go i guess. dont wana waste $ see doc and get MC. can't wait for friday to come.

I rmb what you said during our 3rd. about what you will do on our 4th. will you still do it?

I miss you... =(

2009-09-27T01:12:00.001+08:00

Enjoy while you can.

2009-09-26T00:00:00.002+08:00

can you please stop asking?! please? please? PLEASE?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!

I'm honestly going crazy. how many times must she keep asking and dwelling on it??

I feel so miserable. stop rubbing salt into my wound. PLEASE. you make it worse when you say that I must be having someone new. It's not true at all.. NOT TRUE AT ALL. you don't know how hard I'm trying. you don't know how much I want him back. You don't know how much I love him. You don't know!

SO PLEASE STOP ASKING ME!! LEAVE ME ALONE. just leave me alone... =(((((

sometimes I wish I can leave this miserable place and go to a peaceful place. no worries, no nothing. really. enough. enough. ENOUGH.

2009-09-23T23:30:00.007+08:00

been really busy and tied up with school work and more importantly, dance, recently. As i've said previously, i'm like dancing everyday. yes, indeed, EVERYDAY. Yes i admit i'm tired. VERY TIRED. with all that's happening now... Every single day I just dread waking up. I had to drag myself to the toilet.

tml gonna go for MJ session for the 1st time! wish me luck.. hope i can catch the steps! =/ tml no school, it's the 1st time since the start of this sem that i dont have to go to school at all on thurs. this time i will be gg for dance, and wont even step into NIE. lol. For fri? one hour tutorial and that's it. will go home straight after that i guess unless there's help needed =) and guess what? I survived through AED essay and bio assignment. yes, survived but definitely not jobs well-done. ya, i really wonder how am I going to survive through this sem. will i screw it up? Honestly, I don't know but there's definitely a high possibility. =(

anyway, I realised that I seriously can't live without chilli. You know what? without chilli, I won't feel like eating. =/ heard from a friend that experiencing spiciness is actually a form of pain. haha. but i love it. no i'm not sadistic, well ok maybe i am but ya... I can really take super spicy stuff. I feel really shiok eating it. it makes me feel good. honestly speaking, yes, it hurts like hell when it burns in my stomach. I guess partly the reason why I experience gastric pain frequently is because that I always love chilli with super sour stuff. I dont care if it hurts like whatever, I dont care if my hands are burning when I handle chilli padi, I just love chilli and I will never stop eating chilli. NEVER.

recently this song keeps coming to my mind. though it's so old alr but i still love it. loads of emotions.... sometimes just can't help it but.....

When you're gone

I always needed time on my own
I never thought
I'd need you there when I cried

And the days feel like years
when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart
are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know
is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear
to always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you

I never felt this way before
Everything that I do
reminds me of you

And the clothes you left
are lyin' on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much
I need you right now?

do you see how much I need you right now?

will you miss me when I'm gone?

2009-09-18T23:27:00.002+08:00

Something is wrong with my body =( withdrawal symptoms? Perhaps...

Timbre on Monday. I'm so gonna drink my fill. DON'T CARE liao! :D

Thank YOU for being so comforting

Thank You for being there for me

Thank you for treating me the drink but so sorry I threw everything up =/

Really appreciate it. =)

2009-09-17T23:58:00.003+08:00

I can't take it. It's hurting really badly. I can't imagine so much has happened this year. Heartbreaks after heartbreaks. What have I done wrong? Why is it so difficult to be the one you love?

It's crazy. I'm crazy. Everything is not going right.

I just don't feel like doing anything. the feeling of despair. just feel like screwing everything up and that's it. why do all these come at the same time? I can't take it.

-I miss you badly-

2009-09-17T02:10:00.001+08:00

Nice song. What a nice timing to chance upon this song...

It's just so painful.

2009-09-16T01:28:00.001+08:00

It's simple, stop complicating matters. Just pretend you don't know anything.

2009-09-09T23:36:00.002+08:00

Finally! I'm done with AED presentation. Well, totally not prepared. Everything was like WOW. LOL. But everything turned out fine and we were REALLY on time. =)) More importantly, I'm super happy that it seems like my classmates were enjoying themselves during the activities. :D It's the first presentation ever, that I have presented that I felt so so so happy and comfortable with. as in, I really enjoyed myself. =)) It's like laughters and laughters haha. and our tutor commended us! she said that our idea is very creative. haha. =))

Alright, now that presentation is over, I gotta start with the essay soon! and bio assignment as well. both due on the same day. GEES =/ now i'm freaking busy and everyday is packed with dance sessions. now that there's external troupe performance and MJ (soon) on top on "intensive" DF sessions for DOP, almost EVERYDAY or infact everyday I AM dancing. LOL tired!! oh well, at least I'm doing something I like! :D I guess I really need to manage my time well and study! =/

Listening to "kiss the rain" now... SO EMO! =(( and contrary to popular belief (LOL!), I find myself loving "yesterday" even more. it's like I can feel the emo-ness brewing when we're dancing to it. I simply love it. =) aiya, I love emo songs la. haha. I think when listening to them, you will be more inclined towards thinking and reflecting the past and actions. LOL! sounds like I'm crapping.. =/

And yeah, there's no school for me tml! BUT there's dance. honestly speaking, I dont look forward to the session cos i'm freaking sick of the steps. hahaha. BUT STILL, we have to clean up and make everything look good =) wonder how will the whole video turn out to be like.. hehe. anyway, i can forsee myself sleeping in till damn late tml. haha. cos i'm freaking tired. adding up, i think i only have around 8 hours of sleep on monday and tues. =(( tonight is the night! :D

2009-09-08T01:21:00.005+08:00

The results are out. Yes, I'm in. I got into MJ. =)) Happy cos for me it's definitely much more than knowing where I stand now. Talked to Keith and I didn't know he, too, got in only during the 2nd try! But he's zai. LOL. But I'm also quite sad on the other hand. Yeah, I know that initially i said that I wanted to go there and try out just to see where I stand that's all. But cos of what Pat said, and some other reasons, I feel that I would want to really try out as in, attend their sessions and be part of MJ.

BUTBUTBUT!!! I can't. cos I can't attend their first session, infact, I think at least 2-3sessions actually? sigh. but i think it really helps gg for their audition and stuff like tt... like I manage to catch steps much faster? like today i only managed to attend carol's session for the last 10-15mins.. DUE TO THE DAMN LECTURE!!!! DRAG DRAG DRAG. irritating! ya but i'm glad that i caught the steps. happy. =)

that above is just one of the reasons why I'm not gg for MJ la. besides that, are all personal reasons la. I dont wana cut short the time spent with my friends, and more imptly, the time with Dear. and of cos, my studies!!!!! I must study... and i can't manage my time well.. so ya... and definitely other reasons/factors as well la...

But anyway, I think this year's standard dropped. =X it's quite evident from the audition la... should have attended their open class. now can't even go for their sessions. GEES. but i really enjoyed myself during the audition. thanks MJ! It was fun/happy while it lasted! LOL. :D ok so, before i'm kicked out, I'm now a MJ member LOL!!!! haha. with effect from now until thurs! cos thurs i will be kicked out. =/ LOL. lame. hahaha.

alright, gotta go sleep soon! tata... =))

looking forward to thurs... <3

2009-09-05T01:34:00.003+08:00

Lazy Lazy Lazy.

Have been really LAZY to update nowadays. I think probably not in the mood and I'm really busy with dance recently. and definitely school. but today i've decided to do so! LOL.

Weds there was dance in prep for DOP. it was fun to watch someone new teaching choreo. definitely lots of learning points here and there. I have been dancing like almost everyday.... Monday was Carol's session, ok, no dance on tues.. Dance on weds, dance on thurs and dance just now.

Thurs was the day that i was most tired. =/ cos I went for MJ audition (again!) and after which we had video-taking pract. and recently i haven been sleeping enough.. like 3-4hours per day? so yeah... =/ anyway, MJ audition was good. the song that we danced to is "get your money up". just 3-eights, but alot of "and" and "er" steps. so yeah... This time, the amount of ppl that went for the audition kinda dwindled by quite a fair bit. =/ and i think the standard is definitely not there. last year's standard of ppl that went for the audition were much better i feel.. after practising again and again, it was finally our turn for the audition! jeff and i went la, no one else... =/

danced once, then pat talked to us. making it seem obvious that jeff and i have dance background, somehow. and eventually he got to know that we both have been in DF for a year. happy that he mentioned that i have the musicality, but sad that he said that i dont have enough strength. but the good thing is, he continued on and say that it's ok and can be worked on. =) and he also asked jeff and i regarding our duration of study in NTU/NIE so to see how long we can commit. besides that, the rest.. he didn't mention or talk much about..

this was what i blogged about a year ago, regarding MJ audition, and how much i wanted to get in. LOL. here's how it goes...

28th aug

it was the shaggiest day for me so far. damn. haha. it was learning fest and i signed up for house. house was tiring cos it involves ALOT of footwork and we had to jump, jump, jump, twist, twist twist, cross, cross, cross etc etc etc. lol! i cud feel the lactic acid building up in my calves. but it was really fun. after which i went to play bball - finally!! cos i havent been playing for ages. lol. after bball joc, queenie, ym n frens n i went to hall7 fxn hall for MJ audition. the steps are ok, but the song is fast so everything is fast. lol. anyway, we got numbered for the audition. B1-me, B2-yimin, B3- queenie, B4-jocelyn, C3-yong kai. i think i did rather badly during the audition. sigh. but i do hope that i can get into MJ. lol. after MJ, we quickly rushed back to nie to attend willy's class. i mentioned C3 becos he ended up following us to nie. and i feel that he is a very good dancer cos i managed to peep in when he was auditioning. lol. nice. anyway, when we stepped into the dance room, i saw them doing the steps, it was nice! lol. we quickly followed and surprisingly, we learnt it quite fast. lol. cool, we danced to purple line. nice song. (: after that, we had our own session-ing where we danced to party people, apologise, cant help but wait, etc etc. danced all the way up till ard 9. had dinner with a big grp of them and went home. (:

ok, updating done! i really hope that i can get into MJ. shall wait for the results...

-anxious-

and now, yes i still hope that i will get in. to me, if i get in, it's a form of recognition that i really did improve THAT much so much so that they accept me this time. and yes, i'm sure that i did improve since the first time i did hip-hop, but i just wanted to see whether this time i can do it (getting into MJ) or not. if i dont get in still, i will be damn sad... =( but yeah, at least i try... let's hope that i do get in... DF sessions are on mondays. and now thurs are used to clean up for the video. hmm.. means it will totally clash with MJ's? =/ if i really do get in, i will go for the sessions as long as i can make it. can't wait for the results... =)

after audition, we went back to NIE for cleaning-up of steps. DAMN tiring. LOL.... i feel that there's definitely much much much more to be done to make everything look even better. i think more imptly the prob is that we can't even have EVERY SINGLE ONE to be present. so doing blocking with missing ppl can be really quite a bitch. just hope that everyone will continue giving all their 100% in this and make the video-taking a success. =)

and just now went to studio wu for dance. LOL. i like the choreo =) i'm tired, and aching everywhere but i'm kinda happy. haha. cos i'm exercising and doing something that i like. but i better put in more effort in remembering all the steps cos recently it seems like there's so much steps to rmb! LOL. will be damn busy next week cos there's AED presentation and dance and dance and dance. jiayou!

will update soon again, once i get the MJ results =))

tata :D

2009-09-01T01:07:00.004+08:00

Have been rather busy and tired recently. =/ had movie marathon on friday! at enxian's place with chris, fel, gion, jeff and of cos Dear and I. lol. damn shag after that... after they left i was seriously into deep sleep for awhile before gg home. once i reached home, i gotta prepare to go out again for dance practice. =/ so ya...

Yst I had a meal with JY at Ichiban and he actually told me about what he's gg through nd all that. well, we can't stop what ppl wana say about ourselves. most importantly, you just have to be accountable to yourself. But definitely i dont want him to stay away from me just to protect me from any "dangers" in that sense. cos friends aren't supposed to be like tt. well, just hope that he feels better. =/

Then at night, I went over to Dear's place for awhile and played mahjong with his bunk4 mates. haha. it's really fun to hang around with them. =)

Just came back from dance about 2 hours back. today is a tiring day for me cos i slept at 3plus and woke up at 7am. plus dance. and i can't sleep yet cos i needa do the ppt slides for AED 201. =/ and there's class at 1030 tml.. =( and it's the longest day that i have for the week. sucks.

Anyway i hope that mondays i dont have to change back to 1830. hope i can negotiate with the lecturer and go for the earlier lecture. *prays*

Anyway i'm feeling DAMN fucked up now. pardon me for being vulgar but it's really KNNCCB. I really feel like slamming that fucked up laptop on the fucking floor. =((((((((( I did my AED on that DAMNED laptop just now in school and when I get home and wanted to transfer the files to my desktop, the CURSED laptop refuse to cooperate. kept hanging and now i can't retrieve my project files to complete all that i have to. and there's project meeting tml! and there's morning class tml. KNNCCB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck you you this CURSED and SCREWED UP laptop. To hell with you! URGH!

***************************************************************

The song below is quite an "outdated" song. but it's very meaningful. I used to love it a lot just that i hardly listen to it nowadays.

Used to - Chris Daughtry

You used to talk to me like

I was the only one around.

You used to lean on me like

The only other choice was falling down.

You used to walk with me like

We had nowhere we needed to go,

Nice and slow, to no place in particular.

We used to have this figured out;

We used to breathe without a doubt.

When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.

We used to have this under control.

We never thought.

We used to know.

At least there's you, and at least there's me.

Can we get this back?

Can we get this back to how it used to be?

I used to reach for you when

I got lost along the way.

I used to listen.

You always had just the right thing to say.

I used to follow you.

Never really cared where we would go,

Fast or slow, to anywhere at all.

We used to have this figured out;

We used to breathe without a doubt.

When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.

We used to have this under control.

We never thought.

We used to know.

At least there's you, and at least there's me.

Can we get this back?

Can we get this back to how it used to be?

I look around me,

And I want you to be there

'Cause I miss the things that we shared.

Look around you.

It's empty, and you're sad

'Cause you miss the love that we had.

You used to talk to me like

I was the only one around,

The only one around.

We used to have this figured out;

We used to breathe without a doubt.

When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.

We used to have this under control.

We never thought.

We used to know.

At least there's you, and at least there's me.

Can we get this back?

Can we get this back to how it used to be? Yeah.

To how it used to be.

To how it used to be, yeah.

To how it used to be.

Whatever it is, I will try my best. I will not give up. For you, everything's worth it.. I look forward to spending time with you every single day. I'm not afraid of anything, as long as you're with me. =)

2009-08-29T21:33:00.002+08:00

I looked thru some of my msn history just now and realised so much has changed in just a short period of less than a year. Time flies, people may change, lots of incidents happen. Those that you wished for, might not have happened but life is always unexpected. all these ranges from friendship, to kinship, to relationships.

Felt really sad reading those msn history again. reminds me of every single thing that happened in the past. the good, as well as the bad. sometimes you can't help but ask yourself, "why did things even turn out this way?". Sometimes i wonder if I'm expecting too much, taking things too easily, hoping that it will be exactly like what you thought it would be. Is it true that when you expect less, the chances of disappointment is much less? Or maybe for certain people with certain character, I shouldn't even expect anything? But the point is, am I really expecting too much?

What is happiness?

2009-08-24T23:26:00.003+08:00

Firstly, Happy Birthday to my elder brother!! LOL. :D He's 26th this year, still single, very good-tempered. LOL. anyone interested?!?!?! hahahaha! macham promoting some sales item. LOL. whatever. but the point is that i just wana wish him a happy birthday. more imptly, i'm glad he finally found a job and is gonna start work in sept. =) all the best to him in this new environment! =))

and today is a MONDAY. monday BLUES~ Boo~ had bio in the morning. darn. so sian. =/ had breakfast together with Jaz Tan, Joc and Dear. =) then went for sci lect! I LOVE him still.. he end lectures super BEFORE time. lol. and he dont tou1 gong1 jian3 liao4. he go thru everything and usually takes only 30-40mins. superb right?!?! even better for tutorials. hehe. so glad he's my tutor too =)) then i went str8 to the lib and did all my tutorials and prepared for tml's meeting and even studied AAB 202 from 1230hr-1830hr. LOL. i'm a good student. and this should go on. =))

Then had dinner tgt with Junwei and Dear at Can A. =) i'm totally obsessed with the tom yam ban mian as usual. LOL! Junwei left while Dear and I headed over to JP to get a shirt for my brother for his birthday. hope he wears it when he goes to work. =) den we had ice-cream at Benten! lol. it's a sudden, real sudden craving of mine. HAHAHA. then finally we went home with the cake and celebrated my bro's birthday! LOL. =))

i'm glad i did my stuff today. i just feel damn good today. haha. it's like loads off my mind. =) i can sleep when i'm done blogging.. hehe. anyway, i damn scared my hair colour will wear off. =/ hope it can sustain for long.. still using those colour care products. hope it helps. cos joc's one have alr became copper colour. as in, really copper.. can't even decipher that it was red.. but hers is due to serious hair damage due to Dancetitude and her twice-per-day washing of hair. i'm not like tt, so i think mine can definitely sustain longer than hers. LOL. hopefully.... =/

Going to wash up then turn in. =) Goodnight!

anyway, to my older younger brother, hope that you are feeling better somehow. some things can't be avoided. it's more of how you are gg to manage it. reality is harsh. but we have no choice but to accept it. take things slow and see how things turn out.. whatever it is, just be prepared.. Cheer up! =)

2009-08-23T19:32:00.003+08:00

I had crabs for dinner! Yummy =)) hehe. I love crabs.. Chilli crabs in particular. but today dad just prepared steamed crab, equally nice :D

2 small pieces of crab left. LOL. most are GONE. hahaha.

these are my leftovers from eating the crabs! haha. i'm such a clean eater right? =)) i dont waste good food =)

posing for fun. LOL!!!!! nothing better to do. hahaha.

anyway, just had an argument with someone. sigh. dont understand why some ppl always choose to avoid issues and dare not face the music. cowardice mentality. these kinda ppl are irritating. and definitely get on my nerves. forget it.

2009-08-23T17:07:00.003+08:00

This week's going pretty fine i guess. and i'm definitely looking forward to the upcoming weeks. and so, yst Dear and I finally went out. yes, cos i feel as if we've not gone out tgt for quite awhile. as in, really with the thought of dating. LOL. we went Benten to have our lunch. they came up with some new dishes on their menu. nice! :D

We caught Where Got Ghost instead of The Proposal. hope sometime next week i can catch The Proposal. LOL. Where Got Ghost is quite funny i must admit and i laughed quite hard at quite a few scenes. but then again, it's far-fetched and lame i should say. and the graphics.... URGH. and Dear, watching it for the 2nd time, slept almost entirely throughout the show. GEES..... but the main thing is, Miss Felicia Mah, pls refund our movie tickets money cos we're all right about that certain scene! your interpretation of that scene didn't even existed in the movie. LOL!!!

Went for dessert after that. I love the durian sticky rice rolls! OMG... i wana eat that AGAIN. damn nice. hahaha... anyway, just a random thought, i really didn't know that flowers cost that much! LOL. ok, then we went for Dancetitude at NTU audi. Chris, christina, jeff, yanli, fel, xh and bf were there too. I enjoyed myself last night cos i think it's was a great performance by all of them, esp the guest performers too =)) more imptly, Redeafinition. DARN, they're good!I really feel motivated to improve myself in dance. really inspiring =) my favourite story out of the 4, is story 4. haha. jacq is so cute, i must agree. =)

after which, we had dinner at the coffeeshop opp my house. had zhi char. LOL. so damn full.. recently i get REALLY REALLY full easily. dont know why. something must be wrong with me. it's the kinda full-ness that pushes against your gastric. it makes me feel uncomfortable. =( but it was a great dinner. haha. with yanli around, it's so damn funny, cos she's so innocent in that sense. hahaha. and SOME jiu gui damn "smelly".. played tricks to get his WANTS. gees..... but that reaction and expression is so CLASSIC-K! my boyfriend is such a bitch. LOL. hahaha! but his dressing yst was so cute. haha. I love.. =)

today i'm like at home the WHOLE day.. so sian.. did my laundry and stuff.. probably will start studying after dinner =) hope i follow my plans. LOL!

2009-08-22T10:36:00.002+08:00

so bored.... no one is updating their blogs =( even so, i dont think anyone is reading when i actually update quite frequently? LOL. but the point is it's really sian when i visit my friends' blogs and it's the same thing time and time again. -.-

i'm bored, seriously bored. -.- gotta go prepare soon. =)

i hope mum allows me to go taiwan at the end of the year or the beginning of next year =)) and of cos movie marathons and such. I think I should be able to do so. hehe.

I realised recently i have not been as lok-kok as previous 2 sems. previously, i really DO NOT CARE, and wear just some bball pants and a tee plus flip-flops and off i go to school. haha. but it was really comfortable. i think i should go back to that soon. LOL. =)

whatever, i dont know what i'm talking about too. really random and no linkage between each point. -.- gotta go.. =))

2009-08-22T10:31:00.001+08:00

我不配

这街上太拥挤

太多人有秘密
玻璃上有雾气在被隐藏起过去
你脸上的情绪
在还原那场雨
这巷弄太过弯曲走不回故事里
这日子不再绿
又斑驳了几句
剩下搬空回忆的我在大房子里
电影院的座椅
隔遥远的距离
感情没有对手戏你跟自己下棋
还来不及仔仔细细写下你的关于
描述我如何爱你
你却微笑地离我而去
这感觉
已经不对
我努力在挽回
一些些
应该体贴的感觉
我没给
你嘟嘴
许的愿望很卑微
在妥协
是我忽略
你不过要人陪
这感觉
已经不对
我最后才了解
一页页
不忍翻阅的情节
你好累
你默背
为我掉过几次泪
多憔悴
而我心碎你受罪
你的美
我不配

这街上太拥挤
太多人有秘密
玻璃上有雾气在被隐藏起过去
你脸上的情绪
在还原那场雨
这巷弄太过弯曲走不回故事里
这日子不再绿
又斑驳了几句
剩下搬空回忆的我在大房子里
电影院的座椅
隔遥远的距离
感情没有对手戏你跟自己下棋
还来不及仔仔细细写下你的关于
描述我如何爱你
你却微笑地离我而去
这感觉
已经不对
我努力在挽回
一些些
应该体贴的感觉
我没给
你嘟嘴
许的愿望很卑微
在妥协
是我忽略
你不过要人陪
这感觉
已经不对
我最后才了解
一页页
不忍翻阅的情节
你好累
你默背
为我掉过几次泪
多憔悴
而我心碎你受罪
你的美
我不配

这感觉
已经不对
我努力在挽回
一些些
应该体贴的感觉
我没给
你嘟嘴
许的愿望很卑微
在妥协
是我忽略
你不过要人陪
这感觉
已经不对
我最后才了解
一页页
不忍翻阅的情节
你好累
你默背
为我掉过几次泪
多憔悴
而我心碎你受罪
你的美
我不配

I still love this song after so long =))

2009-08-21T23:28:00.002+08:00

i gotta cut down on my intake once again. not that i'm putting on weight, just that i wana continue slimming down. LOL. the good thing about cutting down on food intake is that i get to save money as well =))

had meeting earlier this afternoon after having lunch with Dear at home. yeah, there was soup =) I think it's been quite awhile since I last drank soup. cos i've been asking my mum not to cook my share =/ had math tutorial and it was boring.. ok, maybe not boring, but dry.. =/ after which, I had quite a long talk with christina so much so that 1hour plus just flew past like tt. wow. haha. met up with our boyfriends and friends after their lesson ended and headed towards JP for dinner. I'm so sorry that eventually I can't get to have dinner with christina. SORRY! =/ Dear joined his OG mates while the rest of us (Aaron, Jasmine Lim, Junwei, Jeff, Chris and I) went to Thai express for dinner. it's fun to have dinner together like just now. Infact, I have not had any of my meals together with Aaron and Jas Lim before. LOL. but fortunately, we can talk haha.

Dancetitude is on tml. gonna go out with Dear first before heading over. I duno why but I feel that it's been quite awhile since I really spent time with Dear alone. seems like our 2nd month anniversary is the last time up till now. finally tml we're gg out. can't wait... =) hopefully we can catch The Proposal tml and if we really do so, hope that Dear wont fall asleep again. haha. :p though I just saw him few moments ago, I really can't wait to see him again... i should go sleep soon and time will pass even quicker. =)

Dear was supposed to take a 10mins nap and get back to me on msn after that.. BUT.. it has been 1hour and 45mins since he went for his 10mins nap. and i guess he most probably would sleep allllll the way until the next morning. OR he wakes up in the middle of the night realising how much he resembles a pig, start gg online all over again and telling me tml that he can't sleep. LOL. he seriously ought to be smacked. i mean, tired, just sleep la~ LOL. ok la i think i wana sleep alr la. feeling tired alr.

after 1month plus, today i'm still admiring that beautiful sunflower hanging under my bed. I simply love it =)) good night...

2009-08-21T01:55:00.003+08:00

once again, i have been lazy to blog. =/ as you can see, I've changed my blogskin once again! Cos i'm sick and tired of the previous one. =/ I just want a simple skin will do. LOL. School's as usual. i'm still motivated to study hard, no worries about that. =) attended the first lecture by SLum in Sem 2. He is still as hilarious and ghey as before. =/ but he's definitely cute in his own way. hahaha. but lectures are definitely different now without Dear with me. hmm. actually to think of it, we both only started to really know each other at the start of the year, which is January. But it really feels that we knew each other for a long time and knew each other well. ok, at least that's what I think. =/and we got together in June. So theoretically speaking, we know each other for around 5-6months before getting together, eh? hmm..

recently i have been very tired too, cos of dance. schedule is quite hectic. =/ quite a few choreos to rmb. but i think i will be able to cope. sigh but i will be 1 hour late for next tues' session. that sucks big time. it really sucks to not know anything when you step in. =( but whatever, i cant skip my lecture anyway... or infact, it is Dear who DON'T ALLOW me to skip my lecture. =/ sigh... And yst we had our first official session with the freshies, led by Carol. i would say it's quite tough for them, or at least for those really really new to dance. =/ just hope that they would stay... but anyway, i like yst's choreo. =) and today is the beginners' class by WILLY!!!!!!!! I'm his big fan ok. LOL. i simply love his sessions =)) he's fantastic hehe. looking forward to the next session by him =)

anyway, regarding my hair. hmm. some say look like ahlian, some say look very punk-ish, mostly say "i like ur hair!", "nice hair!" etc etc.. to think that i actually kinda scared that my mum would tell me off in "fear" that my hair is too bright for her preference. cos she did not say anything when she first saw it. lol. and she kept touching my hair. -.- and my elder bro being my elder bro (who will never say good things about me) was saying that my hair sucks. my mum actually stood up for me and said my hair was nice. hahaha. and so my "fears" were cast aside. LOL. she actually DO like my hair. haha. =)

I'm feeling tired. I guess I should sleep soon. =/ there's like a 1-hour class tml. sian~ gdnite..

-maybe i should start calling you bitch again-

2009-08-15T23:11:00.006+08:00

This song is nice.... (: after waiting for awhile now i managed to get the

whole song instead of the radio version. haha.

寂寞光年

是谁从我天空摘走了星星
一转眼眉头聚满乌云
从来快乐悲伤都自己横行
忘了我也值得被关心

一双手一个梦
一路上不断的俯冲
痛到忘了要怎么喊痛

漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过
我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想要拥抱的温柔
融化这颗坚强的泡沫

漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破
还有谁能够紧握着我的手
陪着我期待消失的彩虹

是谁将阳光都剪成了雨滴
天灰了快乐总有限期
从来都陷在孤独的流沙里
忘了我也配被人在意
一个人一直走看着梦像做了又空
精疲力尽有没有哪里可以停泊

漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过
我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想有拥抱的温柔
融化这颗坚强的泡沫

漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破
还有谁能够紧握着我的手
陪着我期待消失的彩虹
那是谁的温柔留在我的小手
微不足道却那么重

漫长的寂寞把意志都吞没
整个世界是沉默的漩涡
有谁能陪我手牵着手出走
带我离开空洞的星球

还有什么值得追求
还有什么可以拥有
把怀抱借给我是不是就不再颤抖
有谁能带走这美丽的哀愁
能让我相信被爱的理由

2009-08-15T20:46:00.003+08:00

I nearly died today ): It was so scary. =/ Let me tell you what happened... Yes i was feeling really down and I know it's not safe for me to cross the road by jaywalking, which is what i usually do. So today i waited and make sure that the green man is lighted before i started crossing. unfortunately, tt doesn't work =/

this first picture shows the T-junction just below my house. the red shaded part is the pedestrian crossing i used while the green shaded area was where the lorry came from..

the purple man is me. the green man lighted and cars stopped. only those driving in the same direction as I was walking were moving. the traffic light turned red quite awhile since i saw the lorry from far. as in the lorry is supposed to stop. i felt quite safe to cross initially cos the lorry was far and there were cars moving thru the T-junction, making me feel that the lorry will not just ignore the red light. who knows...

i continued walking thinking that the lorry will stop. and for anyone in my position will think it's quite safe. cos the lorry is far in the sense that there's cars driving in the direction i'm heading towards. it's like "protecting" me, forming a kind of barrier.

the lorry DID NOT STOP. it went fast and drove str8 into me. ok, it didn't run me down. but i'm lucky. i'm glad i looked to my right and saw the lorry coming. cos i was walking and looking str8. i was really stunned. cos the blue car was driving thru the T-junction. and it could have just knocked into the lorry.

i was stunned but luckily i reacted in time and ran towards the divider in the middle of the road. the lorry was like just 2-3metres away from me. the driver was driving fast. when i ran towards the divider, the lorry zoomed past me like so freaking near. just like a few inches ... another auntie was beside me and she nearly got knocked down too.. =/ cars were horning at the lorry and other pedestrians were cursing and swearing at the driver. when ther driver drove past, he gave the "whatever" look. i can't rmb the car plate no... i think there's a "5"? maybe "582" i can't rmb the alphabets at all. and there was a probation plate hung at the back of the lorry. i think everything happened too quickly and i was too shocked at the moment. to think that i'm actually good at memorising numbers... sigh. ):

immediately after the incident, i cried. ): it was so scary....... i only thought that these kinda things will happen in dramas esp when the actress says things like "i thought i wont be able to see you anymore".. now i know this is really the case. I was so afraid. I was alone. I thought i wont be able to see my loved ones anymore. ))): But i'm really glad i'm fine. now images of that incident is still flashing in my mind. it's so scary... =/

sigh. luckily no one was hurt in the "accident" just now, if not, i will be badly traumatised.. =/ the driver will get his retribution. fuck you for reckless driving. KNNCCB.

-I will change for a better future-

2009-08-15T12:38:00.002+08:00

i had a dream last night, infact, this morning. no, not a dream, but a nightmare. i found myself crying when i woke up. that will not and must not happen. whatever it is, i will not give up... becos, with the right person, it's definitely worth taking the ride...

saw a video on facebook, which was showing one of my dance mates dancing together with his external dance troupe to the song "Yesterday". This song used to be my ear-worm. after watching that video, I kept listening to the song over and over again. it "revived" this ear-worm.

And this time when I'm listening to it, it feels really really heart-wrenching.

-1247hr-

2009-08-13T14:52:00.003+08:00

School finally started. Like what i've said, i was having mixed feelings about it. LOL. well, first day of sch was kinda slack. cos it's mostly talking about the course outlines and such. but of cos, we started on lectures alr. Went for music and i found it fun haha. LOL. we had to sing in soh-fitch etc. but mostly again, was introduction of everyone of us. i also went for Bio. Bio was just like 2 sems back. touching on the same stuff, but a lil more in-depth. this time we have another lecturer other than BGoh. and lectures are held in laboratories. ): i prefer lecture theatres of cos. went for Math too! i love it. haha. I have never mentioned that I love Math isit? Ok, I have always love Math (: and I'm excited to have Math after not taking it during the 1st year. and this time it's Number Topics. the Numeration System is interesting! ((: Then yst there was a 3-hour Bio lect. I didn't feel sleepy ok! hahaha. one hour was taken by SLim. She's good man. She uses word like "bloody" and stuff. LOL. interesting lecture by her. (: tml there's math tutorial! looking forward to it ((: - School's not that bad afterall. Somehow, I feel even more motivated to do well this sem. ((: JIAYOU!

Yst was a Hair-makeover day for Fel, Jeff, Dear and I. LOL 4 of us went to Chapter 2 to do our hair. LOL. not gonna describe what they did la. can only show you what i did to my hair. hahaha. Just hope that wont kena "caught" in school =/ Jeff says i look like ah lian. Dear said so too ): LOL. But i like my hair leh! very interesting and versatile. haha. can make it look WILD, or make it look less wild depends on how i comb/tie it. (: So, the 4 of us are officially BROKE. let's eat bread for the rest of the month. HAHAHA. Below is a pic of my hair from the back. HAHA. so red. LOL. -.-

2009-08-11T01:45:00.003+08:00

Hello... Have been really lazy to update recently. Haha. probably becos I have nothing much to say, or at least i couldn't reveal what i was doing recently. But now, I can! (:

Tml is the start of the new school term. Errrr.... Well, I'm having mixed feelings about it. I wana go back to school of cos! cos rotting at home is freaking sad. -.- BUT the core modules just turn me off... Both are biodiversity.. ): BUT BUT BUT... I'm gonna work hard this sem! :D I will try my best not to skip any lectures ok? ((: Should organise frequent study sessions tgt with Dear. since we stay so near each other. haha~ the earlier we start studying, the better eh? ((: OMG OMG, I need to wake up at 9 tml. Need to prepare and stuff... sch starts at 1030! =/ and i need to print my bio notes... My printer no ink le )): Whatever it is, wish me luck tml! let me start it well, and let things go smoothly for the rest of the sem! (((: Oh ya, I will RUSH to dance right after my last lesson =/ kinda sad though.. but still.. haha (:

Had a great time with Dear just now. It's our 2nd month anniversary! :D And since 3 weeks ago, i have been doing this X-stitch cushion for him. (Pic below!) But well, he said he expected it. ): I thought he would be surprised -.- GEES. is it THAT obvious? But I really feel so happy when I completed it yst. thanks jeff for helping me search the net for X-stitch shops and stuff, if not i'll be stranded like at nowhere, looking for threads in vain. thanks!!! ((: I shall believe Dear when he said that he is touched. haha :D And so today we went to Vivo. hehe. went Daiso to get some stuff. I seriously feel so AUNTIE... I think he will agree.. HAHA. Then he treated me to Marche. OMG it's my first time there and I agree that the food there is nice! but of cos ex too.. =/ Had ribeye's steak. nice! and Dear's pork knuckles is damn nice too! :D

More imptly, our main motive for being at vivo is to watch UP (3D)! It's both our virgin times watching 3D. hehe. the glasses are so darn heavy. lol. and worse still for Dear. he was wearing his specs. so it's like double layer. HAHAHA. it's so funny. the way he stuffed the tissue at his nose bridge to hold the glasses is funny hahaha. :p The movie is nice. I like. ((: it's touching actually.. haha. but according to him, he finds it abit draggy in the middle. I think it's fine la~ (: Then we had pacific ____ coffee. LOL can't really rmb the name in full. I tried thier mochaccino. Interesting eh? and I find it tasty. probably you guys can try it next time! ((: Had a great time at the sky park too. Thanks Dear for everything! *MUACKS!* and below is the pic of the X-stitch done! Alright, off to sleep!!! ((:

P.S. BITCH! lol.

-110809-0207hr-

2009-08-08T11:06:00.008+08:00

heading over to boon lay shopping centre in awhile's time. oh well. i really hope i can get the things i want there. =/ wish me luck.

And yes my time table is out. it SUCKS big time. 2 freaking days that start at 0830. and 2 freaking days that end at 1930. and my AAB202 tut schedule is not included yet. WTF seriously. and more imptly, it's eating into my dance session on mondays. i seriously dont mind anything as long as it doesn't affect dance. but dance ends at 8pm ))): sigh. this sucks seriously. and fuck man, my 2 bio modules are the topics that i hate most.. all about biodiversity and evo. seriously this is crap. i really dont know how the hell am i going to improve on my GPA this coming sem. everything just sucks for this coming sem.

Day	0830	0930	1030	1130	1230	1330	1530	1630	1730	1830
Mon	AAB201 LG01 7-01-LT3	AAB201 LG01 7-01-LT3								ASK201 LG01 2-01-LT7
Tue			ASI201 LG01 3-02-09	ASI201 LG01 3-02-09		ASK201 TG01 7-01-TR51		AAB202 LG01 7-01-LT3	AAB202 LG01 7-01-LT3	ASM201 LG01 2-01-LT7
Wed	AED201 TG06 2-01-TR19	AED201 TG06 2-01-TR19		AAB201 TG01 7-02-04	AAB201 TG01 7-02-04	AAB201 TG01 7-02-04
Thu
Fri							ASM201 TG05 7-01-TR72
Sat
Sun

*************************************************

you are indirectly telling me that she's better than me in terms of ...... and why her? there is no need to. you know i dislike her so much and yet you brought her name up. yes, being sensitive is the issue. thanks. thanks for making me feel so lousy.

*snap*

Jasmine, this is reality. Face it.

2009-08-02T22:49:00.003+08:00

i have been really lazy to blog seriously... but today I just feel like it. seems like there's quite alot of happenings and of cos, thoughts going thru my mind.

28th July is no good day for me at all. even till now, it's still haunting me. ): whatever it is, my birthday was a good one. 30th july that is. now i'm officially 20. Eww how I hate it. it just sucks to grow older and older... BOO~ anyhow, I would like to thank all those people who remembered my birthday, be it the day itself or belated. thanks guys ((: however, i'm just feeling a tad of sadness here and there as some of those close friends of mine................. sigh. watever. i dont think she even rmb my bday. she could rmb someone's bdae but not mine. and that someone isn't close to her. ): i dont even need a "happy birthday". just a "hello, how are you?", i'll be happy enough. but no... seems like we've long drifted far apart from one another. )):

and so, Dear gave me my birthday present ((: I love it... :D He brought me to billy bombers for our lunch at JP den we head over to marina barrage. it's my virgin time there. LOL! i like it there cos it is sunny, but it's windy. LOL. we took alot of pics there using Dear's phone cos i stupidly brought my cam, W/O the batt. wtf right? hell.. talking about that, i wonder when is he going to upload those pics.. ok, back to the point. we then walked around the gallery and had some tea at the cafe.. chill out... den head to marina sq for HPC. lol.. eat until DAMN full. hahaha. we're finally back at my house at around 9plus i think.. den celebrated together with my family ((: and that was how i spent my birthday...

on friday, i met up with Junyang a.k.a Bruce (HAHAHA!) and Idzham. it's been AGES since i last met them seriously. chill out at Coffee Bean first den went to Taka's Seoul Garden. it's like a relevation day la.. realised how many things have changed, realised how some person truly are. it was a great day.. really. they are another of my happy pills ((: we also went to cine to catch The Hangover. haha it's freaking funny. and i really think it's a good movie. I really laughed like fuck LOL. i'm sure the whole theatre could hear me. hahaha. anyway, the movie is about a group of men going to Las Vegas for their friend's bachelor party. they were so dead drunk/drugged that they totally didn't know what happened the night before, and lost their friend (the groom). and so on.... haha. anyway guys, thanks for the treats (:

and on saturday (which was yst), i met up with JK for lunch at Ion. I hate Ion. LOL. so freaking crowded and i just dont like shopping there. gees. we had fish n co, and walked around.. and chill out at wisma's starbucks.. it was a boring day.... cos i'm so lazy to walk so much so that we sat at starbucks for quite long. hahaha. and yes, thanks for the treats too.. after which i left for Tiong Bahru, meeting up with Jeff, MF, Faizal and Dear. so we head over to Zouk and met up with Ling and bf there. the party was so dead cos only the few groups of us were dancing... it was like dance, dance, dance... and nothing else? haha weird... alumni party eh? -.- there was this weird guy that came over and danced with me.. he was really enthu with the lyrics so much so that he was acting it out.. and he was like reaching his hands towards me when he sings "you"... he is really really weird. and when i turn to my right, there was another woman, and she was dancing with me too.. eventually i just tried to walk back to my clique and the 2 of them continued to dance tgt. LOL. seriously, no one "saved" me when i was dancing with them. BOO~ after leaving zouk, we had prata at the prata shop nearby. it's not fantastic at all. but who cares, as long as it's filling. LOL. thanks to ling's parents for giving us a lift to lakeside (:

Today i woke up at 1pm and i still feel tired!!! hangover? dont think so.. i only drank like 2 glasses of vodka yst. hmm... maybe it's really like lack of sleep recently la.. ): and so i did what i usually do la.. den just now i met up with Dear and ling to get the stuff for tml's BBQ. dont think i'll be staying over cos it's so troublesome to bring this and that.. and somemore i will be meeting Idzham and the bio clique + 1 extra on Tues. LOL. haha. dont think i will be eating alot during the BBQ. haha. but i will be drinking. LOL! hope i wont get hangover the next day. hehe.

sidetrack..

I rmbed the days when i went for OBS. I love kayaking. it was the double kayak, where 2 persons will be control the kayak using the "oars?" fuck, i forgot what's that called. =/ it's really not easy for my partner and I to kayak cos we had different rowing timings, and of cos different strength levels. my partner was even complaining that I'm not putting in strength cos he felt so tired cos he exerted alot of force. But i seriously did put in effort to row the kayak. i really did. and i really wanted to reach our destination too. but my partner said things out of the blue that makes me feel that i'm so lousy, which totally affected my mood for kayaking. and thruout that journey, our kayak capsized alot of times... and of cos we took sometime to get back onto the kayak. and seriously i felt really really scared to be in the sea cos i just felt so insecure. =/ just when i thought things are fine, that we are both putting in strength and are determined to get to our destination, my partner purposely capsized the kayak. after that intended attempt to capsize the kayak, i seriously felt insecure, be it in the kayak or in the sea. cos I'll never know when will he purposely capsize the kayak again. this sucks. should i even have put in the strength and effort to row the kayak? i am badly scared by the attempt and was wondering when will be his next attempt. =/ (this incident was like 2-3years back when i was in J1)

alright, i gotta go do my stuff. i think this is a long post. LOL. oh well, i'm running out of time! i hope everything will turn out fine (:

-030809-1223hr-

2009-08-01T03:29:00.001+08:00

i finally thought of the right words to describe how i feel towards this person.

- it's 0338hr -

2009-07-28T06:54:00.004+08:00

ok, time check: 0700hr. It's time to sleep. i waited for my youngest bro to wake up den with his company, i plucked up the courage to RUN into my mum's room. it feels DAMN good ok. damn it. no sleep at all, have to hold my pee, feel so sticky and oily. ewww i can't stand it totally. when i finally bathed, it's like heaven~

but there's a price to pay... my right eye was blinded again when i went back into my room after the whole bathing thing. )): i'm seriously terrified when that happened just now. I thought it was gone... Now it's back again. =/

once again: should I? Is there a need? maybe it doesn't matter.. what's wrong with me?

2009-07-28T04:13:00.004+08:00

It's nearing... But seriously I'm not excited at all. Sometimes you just feel that you're all alone in this world. Nobody understands you. Yes, nobody but only you. As much as you wana convey your feelings and thoughts to the other party, there is still a certain level of difficulty to fully explain the situation and get the person to understand what you're going through. I've seen this through. Yes, no one can fully understand. What I fear most is not not having someone there to listen to me pour my sorrows, but one that cannot understand what you are feeling. more often, there's this kinda ridiculous kinda thing that you might wana talk to the other party about. yes, it may sound ridiculous to the other party and we may feel that the person will find it ridiculous. we may tell the person how ridiculous you think yourself are. but deep down, deep inside, you know. only you understand yourself that it is not ridiculous at all. It's just that there is only this much you can say, and only this much the other party can understand.

this is the most fucked-up moment I've ever had. like what my bro names them - airborne commando cockroaches. WHY THE FUCK must these disgusting insects exist? I was happily changing newspapers for JJ when suddenly some disgusting brownish thing just flew above my head. my reaction? drop everything and run! I peeped into the kitchen and saw that it was a cockroach! knnccb! it's like tmd-fucking HUMONGOUS. I asked my mum to kill it, cos she's the only one in the family that's not afraid of it. BUT she refused! can you imagine how fucking pissed i am? I just reached home not long ago (12plus) cos i acc-ed her for supper downstairs. I have not yet bathed, have not yet peed, have not yet washed my face. I quickly ran into my room, fearing that it will fly right into my face. I called my mum on the phone and she still refused to kill it. i get even more pissed off when she decided not to.

and here i am, now 4.27am, sitting right infront of the com, smelly and oily. I still have not bathed, washed my face or peed. i have to hold my pee and this really really sucks. she knows i'm not feeling well and i have not done all these. and she still do not wana help me. she even switched off her phone, good game. now i just wish that i faint and die right here. den she'll definitely regret not killing the cockroach, and for switching off her phone. but seriously i think i have a high chance of fainting. i tried sleeping but i can't cos i feel very "dirty" to sleep. and i kept coughing like fuck but i don't dare to drink water cos i'm afraid it will make me feel like peeing even more. and now, my head is spinning. but i can't sleep. seriously this sucks. i dont even feel like gg for the OG outing tml anymore. cos i know that stupid disgusting thing will still be there. seriously now i'm more pissed at my mum than that fucking cockroach. I'm so gg to ignore her tml, FOR SURE. i can't imagine i cried becos i feel so helpless.

if you're gg to say "come on, it's only a cockroach", den please shut up unless you're gg to help me get rid of it. CHRIS, i seriously miss and need you ): (not that way obviously) I think after today, my kidneys, bladder, lungs, brain, skin are going to be so damaged. and for sure, i'm not gg to recover well. ): guess i'll be a sick birthday girl when the day comes. this sucks but seriously i'm not excited about it. =/ but still wana thanks my youngest bro's ex for giving me a present in advance. it's really sweet of her seriously. it totally took me off guard and i'm touched but her actions.

ok now, let's pray that i faint and die here as soon as possible. i can't stand this! i'm so "sticky" and my bladder is bursting! KNNCBB! this is my worst day EVER. NB!

2009-07-27T07:49:00.002+08:00

Firstly, thanks mich for that particular blog entry of yours. (: I feel so glad that I have so many friends that care. Yeah, that period really sucked. It was like the all-time low in terms of emotional issues. It was crazy but.. The good thing is everything is fine now! :D Yeah no worries, my wall wont crack. hahaha. but yes yes yes, pls come for mahjong soon. my hands are itching!!! i wana play probably on coming weds. I was thinking about that yst. still looking for kakis. LOL. will msg you to tell you more! (: thanks babe. huggss ((:

anyway, read from your blog and know that ur hamster gave birth. LOL. If i'm not so fate-less with hamsters, i would want it. =/ cos NO hamsters were able to survive more than 1 week in my hands. =X I just don't know why. LOL! )):

************************************************************************************

I guess Lemsip helps? but it really tastes awful. it's like super sour + plain water. Okay, I duno how to describe la~ it just tastes awful. But I think it helps la. I had a good sleep last night. FINALLY, an undisturbed, and really good sleep. ok la~ I can only rmb mummy climbing up my loft bed ladder and stroking my hair tt's all. other than that i had a really good sleep. AND AND AND. I didn't cough one bit from last night till now ok! BUT the flu is still there )): i hope my nose finishes the marathon real soon ): I need to dance later!

Alright, need to head over to SMU like quite early today =/ hope i'll be fit enough to dance up to standard. or at least like how i was last week. *prays* my right arm is no longer aching badly but the bruise is still there. gees. the green shirt guy is really super rowdy. LOL. even desmond says so. he even said that my bball skill is better than the green shirt guy! *giggles* HAHA! he must be kidding me. LOL. but the main point is, he is really rowdy. LOL. -.-

I'm completing it soon! :D

2009-07-25T20:41:00.002+08:00

This sucks. ):

Hopefully the medicine works.

It's been so long since I slept so early. Gees.

2009-07-24T22:39:00.002+08:00

Today I feel so so so so damn tired. Went to SRC to play badminton with bunk4 peeps. I seriously suck at badminton. LOL! I can't serve properly, can't hit properly etc etc. LOL! but luckily during the 1-hour break that we had, we played bball! it's been so long seriously. At least i feel so much better playing bball. hehe. although i'm not good at bball too. at least i know i'm better at bball as compared to badminton. LOL. had dinner with them at Curry Wok, somewhere near coronation something. lol. the food there is not bad i feel.. probably it'll be better if the curry's more spicy. haha. Desmond then drove around and we explored a lot of stuff! amazing trip seriously. :D

He's not feeling well )):

Why do I feel unhappy when I hear her say all those? Is it because she made it sound like it's my fault? Since he didn't say anything about it, I won't probe. I just don't feel that happy today. Sometimes I feel that I'm irritating. Don't know why. Maybe it's the "responses" that I get?

2009-07-22T20:42:00.005+08:00

My fingers are still hurting )):

Was supposed to meet Val today but she couldn't make it at the last minute ): next time perhaps... But I'm meeting ZY tml. gonna walk around like nobody's business. I really hope that I don't spend! -.- except for lunch la... hmm..

Ok, recently I have not been reading! )): Well, at least I know my time wasn't wasted. hehe. I'm working on the project still. I will definitely read after that. (:

Yst was my brother's (jeremy) birthday and the pics are available on my fb. haha. his gf was here and dear was here too. ((: nothing much actually. just a simple birthday with a cake and birthday song. haha. this time i really do not know wat to get for him so i just gave him an angpao. haha. and guess what? then today i got MY angpao.... LOL! -.-

anyway, dear's away for around 2 days... he went for chalet. I'm missing him definitely )): haha. but hope he enjoys himself there (: still thinking if i should go for badminton on friday... It's been so long since i've played.. hahaha. I might become some laughing stock. -.-

I'm just glad that things are fine now :D Let's just hope that the talks that we had, made us understand better why some things happened that way. Whatever it is, it just feels like our relationship is going stronger. I seriously enjoy every moment spent with you. I really hope you are The One. The one to have and hold with all my heart and soul, who stays around through all my ups and downs ((: I love you ((:

2009-07-19T11:06:00.002+08:00

I guess things are more or less fine now? (:

BOO~ my right hand is still painful... and my fingers too... )):

Anyway, I got a new book few days back. It's UGLY by constance briscoe. It is good read I feel.. It all started from Roby reading it from the sch's lib. haha. den she was telling us the content and stuff and I found it interesting and I went to get it! No regrets seriously..

Oh ya, it was so embarrassing tt day la. it was thursday. I went to JP alone and walk around la. den i bought this and bought that. in the end, there was only $2 left in my wallet. I totally forgot about it and went into Old town white coffee. -.- I only realised when I opened my wallet again. Gees.. I quickly asked the lady if they accept NETS or something. they only accept cash.. =/ super duper wtf la. so i called friends and my siblings for help. but chris was at bugis, while my siblings just simply didn't pick up the phone -.- in the end, i left my stuff there with the lady and i went and withdraw $$. why dont they accept nets la. so troublesome...

Then when I got home, there was beancurd outside my doorstep. thanks dear... funnily, i was home with beancurd too! luckily i didn't get for myself.

alright, finally there's dance tml! so happy... I can't wait to dance man. haven been dancing for 2 weeks alr.. )): need to burn fats! and i seriously enjoy the sessions.. (:

gotta go. till the next post then.

2009-07-18T11:08:00.002+08:00

I'm better off dead. ):

Then I won't be able to hurt him with anything I do or say. I really hate myself that things that I say or do actually hurt him so badly. It will no longer hurt him if I don't exist anymore.

But then, I won't be able to see him again...

)):

2009-07-17T19:10:00.000+08:00

落泪以前再看一眼你模糊侧脸
这会不会是最后纪念
我凝视你而你凝视着窗外的阴天
一句抱歉都僵在嘴边

我搞不懂我们到底怎么了
诚实的背后是否住着伤口
我想不通我们的爱怎么了
雨下过以后是否能让什么复活

你的项链还在胸前晃动着昨天
为何回忆会让人晕眩
如果我们继续向前
走进雨里面
会不会有溶解的危险

我搞不懂我们到底怎么了
诚实的背后是否住着伤口
我想不通我们的爱怎么了
雨下过以后是否能让什么复活

明明从前连争执都很甜美
现在怎会说句话就能痛一遍

我搞不懂我们到底怎么了
诚实的背后是否住着伤口
我想不通我们的爱怎么了
雨下过以后是否能让什么复活

2009-07-17T14:24:00.006+08:00

He says he's hurt by whatever I have said here. And so, I've deleted all those posts.

Those few days that passed were torturous. Of cos today was the worst. Cos... Finally, he said it.

Mum cooked pork belly today. and then I remembered I told him that if my mum cooks it, I will ask him over to try it. But now I can't. I should not disturb him at all, even if anything happens. I should give him time, alone. But I'm scared my mum will ask for the next few days - where is he, why didn't he come. Sigh. I think I need to go out tml or something. And
next week too. Perhaps just bluff that I'm out with him, then she wont ask and suspect something happened. =/

My gastric is hurting like fuck. ): I'm just too stubborn la, can't help. But since my gastric is alr so screwed up, it doesn't matter if i skip a meal or 2 la~ It was a great time spent during school experience, cos I got to know a bunch of really good people. as for SCHOOL experience itself, I've nothing much to say about it.

Anyway I realised physical hurt really lightens emotional heartaches. And it's really true, cos Roby says so too. LOL. she tried punching the wall too, but what's most hardcore about her is that she ran on a threadmill for 2 hours when she was sooo angry that time. no way for me, tt was why i punch the wall instead. want me to workout as in run/jog? over my dead body. Well, physical hurt helps somehow.. at least it stops you from crying. cos it's painful. But you are "engrossed" in the pain, instead of the emotional heartache, so much so that you will actually stop crying. But that's if you continuously punch the wall la. And it makes you tired cos you're exerting force. but once i stop punching, I start crying again, so I was tired of punching and i gave up. eventually I just cried to sleep, somehow. morning there was still abit of blue-black. but now it's fine alr. and it doesn't hurt anymore. amazing...

what's most annoying is that i finally managed to sleep around 1am, but i duno what the fuck is wrong that made me wake up at 3am! And worse still, I can't sleep after that. And from there, I was awake all the way until I went sch and came back. I'm gonna sleep after I finish this.

I really want to see him so badly. I guess on my side, this is firstly the reason why in the first place I reacted strongly to those incidents. actually I don't really know why too. but.. does he miss me? does he want to see me too? I'm very scared that when he's done with his time alone, I will be afraid to face him )):

2009-07-13T22:32:00.006+08:00

You are The Sun

Happiness, Content, Joy.

The meanings for the Sun are fairly simple and consistent.

Young, healthy, new, fresh. The brain is working, things that were muddled come clear, everything falls into place, and everything seems to go your way.

The Sun is ruled by the Sun, of course. This is the light that comes after the long dark night, Apollo to the Moon's Diana. A positive card, it promises you your day in the sun. Glory, gain, triumph, pleasure, truth, success. As the moon symbolized inspiration from the unconscious, from dreams, this card symbolizes discoveries made fully consciousness and wide awake. You have an understanding and enjoyment of science and math, beautifully constructed music, carefully reasoned philosophy. It is a card of intellect, clarity of mind, and feelings of youthful energy.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
I did this AGES ago and just found it lying in my com. So might as well just post it. Well, I may have already posted it. HAHA can't remember. Whatever. Anyway, I started my week at Bro's school. It was sian. LOL. But it's a good thing we weren't assigned seats. Just a room for all of us will do (:

Ok anyway! I've changed my blogskin. DUH. It's so black and pink. -.- like the french manicure I always do. HAHA. seems like the exact shade. -.- I don't know what happened to the twitter, why isit aligned right. cos i tried, but i just can't fix it. whatever, just make do with it. HAHA. and i dont know what happened to the credits too... -.- let it just junk up tgt then. LOL.

It just feels weird this week. probably because there's no dance? BOO~ I'm looking forward to dance... )): Actually I dont really know what to blog about too... I'm just kinda bored. I have other stuff to blog about too. But as for everyday happenings, there's only this much I can say...

I really thought he disliked me soooo much. But after such a long time I finally plucked up the courage and showed some concern during his low times... His actions kinda reciprocated and made me feel happy that he actually treats me as a friend ((: I just hope that he can move on, no matter how hard and long it will take.

2009-07-11T00:45:00.002+08:00

School Experience had been a fruitful one. (: I really LOVE the kids there. some are really polite and will greet you even if they do not know you. Of cos, generally speaking, the lower primary classes that I observed were much more disciplined than the upper ones. How ironical. HAHA. But I really enjoyed myself there. I've learnt a lot. I'm glad (: It's really not easy at all. TRUCKLOAD of patience is needed of cos. haha. Hope that next year I will still be posted there. Really glad that I have the few of them as my CTs. they are all really really nice ppl! (:

Anyways, today (10/07/09) is our 1st month anniversary!!! :D I seriously thought that dear will forget about it! I feel so guilty cos I did not prepare anything for him, except writing a letter for him this morning =/ and he has been really sweet. i thought he didn't bother when my msn nick says "my nose bled again ):". In the end, he bought herbal tea for me and gave them to me 3 days in consecutive... ((: So sweet!!

Dear and I went JP for dinner today. And he treated me! :D during dinner, he gave me a gift. hehe. LOOK....

If you see carefully, it's a girl listening from a cup, which is linked to the cup that the guy is holding. and obviously, the guy one is with dear (:

And when I open it up, it's Dear's name and on the right side, it's the date we got tgt. Can't really see... But yeah... Haha. Then Dear told me there was another thing he wanted to give me. And he had already "planted" it in my room earlier on. I have NO IDEA what isit. totally no idea. LOL.

We went to catch Ice Age 3 after dinner. It was a nice movie I feel... funny and cute too. haha. But it was so cold in there. LOL. Anyway i think the kids in the cinema were really enjoying themselves during the movie. I could just feel it. LOL. And so Dear went to meet his Bunk 4 mates while I went home. the first thing i did when i got home? SEARCH FOR THE THING DEAR WAS TALKING ABOUT! I spent quite a lot time looking for it, but to no avail ))): finally dear gave me the answer... it was in a drawer that is spoilt and stuck for years... seriously wonder how did Dear managed to open the drawer to get the "thing" in. LOL. I used all my might to open the damn drawer. and it's breaking... LOL! And so... this is what Dear did for me!!!

So beautiful right? It's really sweet of him (: I counted. It's about 30 petals, each saying "I love you" in different languages... And at the back, there were some quotes at the center. so nice :D I am soooo touched ok... I was in tears =X

and this is how big it looks. See my thumb? you can roughly gauge the size eh?

Thanks dear, I'm glad to have met you and being loved by you. I'm sorry that I thought otherwise. Thought that you didn't really care and such. I misunderstood you. ): Thank you for putting in effort and hardwork into this beautiful gift. I really love it. VERY MUCH... (: Thank you for everything that you have done so far. I'm sure things are working out and will get even better in the future ((: I love you ((:

2009-07-07T21:26:00.002+08:00

First day of school experience! I guess it was great for me? Haha. My CTs are all very nice, one of them is super motherly. She gave me a bookmark! (: and my another CT is very welcoming and friendly (: I've only managed to talk to the 3rd CT for awhile? Didn't really talk much to him besides the time-table. But he seems nice too (:

Kids are soooooo cute (: and naughty of cos. :D but i had a good time today. doing some hands-on, guiding some students to complete their work. ((: I see many interesting ways how my CTs do their job. I love it when they sing together etc etc. I was interested in the lesson too. :D

It was great today. I know it's gonna be a fruitful 4 days there (:

2009-07-07T21:22:00.001+08:00

2 am and the rain is falling
Here we are at the crossroads once again
You're telling me you're so confused
You can't make up your mind
Is this meant to be?
You're asking me

But only love can say - try again or walk away
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I'll just play my part
And pray you'll have a change of heart
But I can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do

In your arms as the dawn is breaking
Face to face and a thousand miles apart
I've tried my best to make you see
There's hope beyond the pain
If we give enough, if we learn to trust

But only love can say - try again or walk away
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I'll just play my part
And pray you'll have a change of heart
But I can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do

I know if I could find the words
To touch you deep inside
You'd give our dream just one more chance
Don't let this be our good-bye

But only love can say - try again or walk away
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I'll just play my part
And pray you'll have a change of heart
But I can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do

2009-07-06T23:57:00.003+08:00

why is it that those that you don't expect will shower you with care be the ones that show care and concern? while those that are supposed to care for you, do not show you the "required" amount of care? am i too demanding? ):

I feel that I shouldn't compare... But why? why does one person care more than the other? why? ): shouldn't it be the other way round? it's hurting me badly... it's killing me... I keep asking "why" but never was there an answer that could shut me up. Is it supposed to hurt this much?

I'm drained too. I'm tired.. and I hope I can hide somewhere... ))):

If only blogspot has password-protected post...

):

2009-07-04T11:24:00.003+08:00

I read my previous posts and realised that so much has happened, and so much has changed. Fate is such fascinating thing. Lots of twists and turns in life, things that happened without any expectation of it. And of cos people change too. Or perhaps people didn't change. It's just that you didn't know the person well enough although you already thought you did very well. Yes I feel depressed, but SO? Can't do much about it. Things change, and we must learn to accept changes.

Anyway, I'm bored of staying at home. I've been home on thurs and fri. BOO~ nothing to do. So later I'm going out. Meeting JK for coffee. Duno what to say also. Hmm. Anyway, Sims 3 is fun! Last night I had fun playing. Hehe. And unknowingly, I played till damn late. chatted with fel for awhile den went to bed at 3plus. SHAG.

Gonna have dinner with dear's family tml. Wonder how it will go. LOL.

OK, gonna catch my SHUANG ZI XING already. bye.

Are promises meant to be broken?

2009-07-02T01:29:00.003+08:00

Why like that??

After looking back at XXX's previous posts since months ago, an indescribable feeling came over me. SIGH. There are so many things in life that you just can't put a finger to it.

Things are indeed un-expectable. That's what makes life interesting...

There's this sudden urge of writing a metaphorical post, but I'm tired, I'm lazy, to think of how I should go about doing it, so that most people won't be able to decipher what my points are.

This woman had a miscarriage, and was afraid and unwilling to try for another child again, in fear of a miscarriage again. It is difficult indeed, but she managed to overcome her fears and gave birth eventually. However, being pregnant is one thing, but being a mum is a totally different thing. She tries her best to give whatever she could, or at least she felt she gave her best at being a mum. Post-natal depression may have made her seem like a bad mother/wife, but it's definitely not what she wants. It just cannot be controlled. But what I know is that, she tries her best. Whenever her baby cries, she asks herself "what is it about her that is not good enough? Why is baby crying? what should i do to stop baby from crying?", or tells herself that it must be her fault that things have to be like that.

I feel so tired, and I'm turning in now. nites...

I know it must be me. Ok, I won't ask. But where's the honesty we promised? Since so, I won't breathe a word too. Can't believe certain things mentioned. Cos I thought love should be something where I love you for who you are, but not to make you become someone I want you to be. Whatever, I'm tired. And I'm going to sleep.

2009-07-01T22:59:00.003+08:00

Recently I have been spending so much time with dear that I don't exactly know what to say about it. LOL. But he's going JB tomorrow. ): Just for the day that's all (: I'll be going to swim! hopefully i wake up early and go swim early, cos there's so little people there in the morning. (:

Anyway, I bought heels AGAIN. LOL! but it's soooooo freaking comfortable though it's about 10cm tall. OK, maybe not FREAKING comfortable, but it's quite comfortable just that it's a little tight at the front. LOL. It's only 30plus! so it's quite cheap (: Oh no oh no, I'm buying too many shoes. -.-

I'm blogging while waiting for shuang zi xing to load, and waiting for dear to finish blogging. LOL. I'm hungry. should i eat? should i cook maggi mee? BOO~ how how how! Ok, better not. LOL. -.-

My youngest bro came home telling me that his teachers approached him, telling him that I'll be going to their school. -.- OH MY GOD seriously. I thought they will only know i'm his sister when they see me in person, cos i've been to his school several times becos of him. -.- BUT who knows, they know i'm his sister, just by looking at my name. this is freaky... I need to prepare myself for a truckload of complaints about my brother. Good Luck to me. LOL!

I realised I look very tired. esp recently. boo~ looking tired = ugly. I better sleep ALOT. I don't know why but sometimes i just can't continue sleeping in though I know I need more sleep than that. Gees. And recently I'm spending alot on make-up and beauty products. GEES. I'm becoming more and more woman. Not to say that I wasn't lady enough. I think I was. Just that now I'm getting more and more conscious. LOL.

I feel so bored at home. sigh. feel like playing games, but there isn't any that I'm interested in. Perhaps just some FB games? but I get sick of them in a while. Perhaps I should REALLY play sims 3. HAHA. PERHAPS la~ I'm sure Dear is gonna pray that I don't want to play, so that I won't have to "confiscate" his sims 3. LOL. haha.

Ok, shuang zi xing is done loading. tata (:

2009-06-30T02:29:00.002+08:00

My right eye. My right arm. My right leg. I'm doomed.

My right eye can't see occasionally.
My right arm hurts, and it's not the achy kinda pain, it's an injured-bone kinda pain. ):
My right leg is feeling numb, and the numb is pain. Seriously what's wrong with me? ))):

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.................................................. And my back hurts badly during dance today ): Anyway, I've decided not to go to the doctor regarding my eye problem. Unless it worsens. I think.

Went for Carol's session today. Well. I'm disappointed in my performance today. I just felt that I wasn't "on form". I tried my best to be focused, to the point that I don't feel like talking to anyone. And of course there were other reasons too. I just wanted to keep myself at the back. I need to practise more, definitely a lot more. I can't afford to disappoint myself any further. I want to improve definitely. Hope to hear from Carol that we have improve when we go for the session next week...

I should go rest now. I need it badly.

2009-06-29T23:00:00.003+08:00

爱是一种需要,一种缺乏
所以我们都喜欢情歌.
不管爱在进行中,还是仍未萌芽,
不管你爱他比较多,还是他爱你比较多,
爱,或被爱其实都是一种喜悦.

2009-06-27T01:52:00.000+08:00

Engaged Idealists are extroverted and helpful. Others find them to be very congenial and inspiring - especially as they are always willing to see the best in the other person. Their humour, their energy and their optimism attract other people. Engaged Idealists are very good at communicating and are good at convincing and firing on others. That is why it is a matter of course that they often take over the leading role in groups. This personality type often produces very charismatic persons.

Engaged Idealists have an unusually strong ability to empathise. They are tolerant and generous towards others; they sometimes tend to idealise their friends. They always try to suit everybody and want their relationships to be harmonious and satisfactory. To achieve this, they are prepared to invest a great deal and to put their requirements last. As Engaged Idealists are very considerate, there is the danger of them sacrificing and overexerting themselves for others. In their job, they therefore have to be very careful not to develop a burnout syndrome.

As an Engaged Idealist you are one of the extroverted personality types. You enjoy working in a colorfully diverse group of people who interest and inspire you. Working in a “secluded room” is not your thing. You enjoy emphasizing with those around you and soon everybody senses the high priority and importance people represent to you. Therefore a team-oriented project is just right for you.

Your insight into human nature, your feel for your colleague’s and/or subordinate’s positive sides and potentials and your preparedness to encourage and support everyone around you to the best of your ability quickly brings them closer to you. People like to ask you for advice, appreciate your caring ways and appreciate to be taken under your wings. Within your means you are always available to others who need you because you yourself enjoy the ultimate gratification of being able to help others to make the best of themselves and to be successful mediating conflicts among people.

You are well suited to be an executive: It is difficult to resist your charisma, your enthusiasm and your ability to excite and motivate others. Authoritarian management attitudes are not your thing; it is your way to convince others of a project’s reason and significance who will then look forward to follow you voluntarily. You place a lot of value on creating the willingness to cooperate in others and with your gift to motivate that usually comes easy to you. You do not enjoy conflicts, need harmony and invest lots of energy and time in a good working climate and a harmonic relationship of your colleagues among each other.

Engaged Idealists are reliable, well organised and love structuring complicated situations. They have difficulty accepting criticism; they quickly feel hurt and misunderstood. Their perfectionism also influences their love life - they look for the perfect relationship for life. Once they have made their decision, they are faithful, well-balanced and loving partners. However, should they get involved with the wrong person, it can happen that they allow themselves to be exploited for a long time before they end the relationship.

For you, love is the Alpha and Omega in life - you simply can’t be happy without it. No other type falls in love as quickly, strongly, and passionately. That has a lot to do with your limitless enthusiasm, and that does not only apply to things, but to people as well. When you love someone, you put him/her on a pedestal, surround him/her in a blaze of glory, and idealize him/her to the point that the people around you occasionally begin to doubt your soundness of mind.

Interestingly enough, you are normally blessed with excellent antennas for nuances. However, when you are in love, some systems appear to be defective: You won’t see a single spot on the white shining armor of your dream prince/princess, because you are convinced that he/she is a pure angel who fell from the clouds and landed right at your feet.

For the “target” of your affection, this passion is simply overwhelming. Who would not love to be raised into heaven, to be showered with your unconditional adoration and admiration? You court the partner of your choice with infinite imagination, empathy, and charm giving him/her no chance to resist. If you chose well, this can end in a long and happy relationship because you are a faithful and dedicate person who is willing to invest a lot into the partnership. In the long run, it is always given the most important priority in your life. As far as you are concerned, you entered a union for life, and you take nothing more seriously than the obliga-tion you took on out of love. Dedicated, you try tirelessly to divine your partner’s wishes before he/she is aware of them him/herself, and if at all possible, immediately satisfy them.

Adjectives which describe your type: extroverted, theoretical, emotional, planning, idealistic, committed, likable, enthusiastic, responsible, helpful, loyal, diplomatic, friendly, inspiring, caring, solicitous, optimistic, effusive, adaptable, communicative, articulate, convincing, energetic, optimistic, open, vulnerable

(taken from mich's blog. test to be done at http://www.ipersonic.com)

2009-06-27T01:14:00.002+08:00

I'm so tired! LOL. Thurs morning I went to Redhill together with my mum and youngest bro to bring my grandma to the doctor. Seriously I hate the measures taken at the polyclinic over there. It's fucked up. I have sore throat and they gave me a mask and allowed me to go in. When I went in, the counter staff said I wasn't supposed to be in there. So irritating! They can't even come to a consensus among the few staff themselves. It's like what the fuck seriously. At least if ALL of them were freaking sure of their procedures, I would have nothing to say. But it's otherwise! And they said that I can only go in if I'm seeing the doctor. How practical huh?

Went to my grandma's house for awhile and looked at some of our young photos. Haha. Oh my god, it's so vintage. I've uploaded them onto FB, together with some that I have taken from the album at home. LOL. Nice. (: Soon after, I quickly went back then met enxian for lunch. Went over to his place and finally set off for The Cathay. :D We were going to watch Tansformers. And so, we met up with a few of his friends for dinner and caught the movie together. His friends are fun people. Haha. The way they talk and stuff, makes me laugh instead of those so-stern conversations that some people might have. It's great knowing them really (: Now, the movie. BOO~ IT'S SO DRAGGY~ Enxian slept. -.- and I was trying very hard to keep my eyes opened. But I still like the movie somehow. Maybe 3stars? LOL. I guess if I was more awake, I wouldn't have been nodding off every now and then. Haha. We were just tired... lol.

Friday was a boring day. At home all the while. Boo~ I need to pack my room I guess. Can't stand it being messy. Don't know if I will be going out tomorrow. But my stomach is feeling weird ): Went to the toilet a few times already. ))))))):

I must remember to call up the instructor for lessons! GEES. please remember!!!

I love you (:

2009-06-24T18:30:00.004+08:00

hello hello!!! my computer is FINALLY revived! my desktop I mean. Thanks to my elder brother really. He helped me get the graphic card and fan changed. hehe. for the past 3 months I have been using the Elitebook, which I don't like at all. LOL. Gees. So I'm freaking happy now that my desktop is fine! (:

On monday, as usual there was Carol's session. I simply love it. haha. I think I must have said this umpteen times. LOL! But I seriously enjoy each and every of her session. She taught a new set of choreo, about 4-eights, to a fast song. details spared, 'cos it's meant to be a secret till then (: haha. I love this new choreo ALOT. Don't really know why, probably like what she says, it's "hyped up". haha. I'm looking forward to Grand Welcome. (: But I need rest first. hehe. 'Cos every part of me is hurting. ):

Talking about dance, we're finally done with the super hectic schedule! REST is what's coming up. (: Last night, we performed for the AYM Closing. Well, personally I'm very disappointed in my performance. Just felt that I was not "there" yet. Definitely, I would feel that the Opening one was much better? hmm. But the good thing is, I managed to change in time for the items. (: Everyone's tired, burnt out definitely. Nonetheless, I think everyone enjoyed the whole event somehow despite the less-than-hyped-up disco night. LOL. It was damn funny. The songs played were not that apt. haha. But I liked the bamboo dance, and the other calefare roles we took up. HAHA. Don't really know why, but it feels great to successfully "dance" across those bamboo together with him (:

I should remember to call the instructor tomorrow to book my next lesson. Can't wait. I must get my license! I need to get it. Hope he can teach me parking soon. (: I want to drive on the road again. It's fun. haha.

Just went for some meeting this morning. DAMN IT, does it have to rain TODAY? I was in my heels and my feet hurts.. ): BOO~ The program itself is boring. super boring.. But I can't wait for school experience to start! :D Opps, speaking of which, I forgot to take back my documents from dear. so forgetful.. I'm so lucky to have him together with me in the school. :D Yeah, and he is bringing me out tomorrow. LOL! sounds funny. haha. Gonna meet some of his friends. I'm excited, but I'm also shy. -.- lol..

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend (:

2009-06-21T22:24:00.003+08:00

What if it's really glaucoma? the whitish-blinding thing on my right eye is back again.. and I'm afraid... ): and I'm even more afraid of the test. I remembered the nurse telling me that I have to undergo some 24-hour blood test. ): I'm so scared. I shouldn't have stopped the treatment 2-3years back... )))): BUT I'm so scared now.. I don't dare to go for the blood test. I have never had blood drawn from me before. What's more when it's a 24-hour blood test? What should I do? Should I go back to see the doctor?

*Where are you?* ))):

2009-06-21T00:06:00.002+08:00

Finally... Finally I'm starting my driving lessons again! :D Really hope to get my license soon. As in, real soon. (: Tomorrow I'll be out for the second session since so long ago. I'll treat it as I'm starting from scratch. Hehe.

Oh yes, I'm performing for AYM closing too. Well, initially I really didn't want to, because of my injuries ): But eventually I decided to do so! :D However, I don't feel happy about this coming performance. =X Because there is too much changing of costumes, and masks as well. The mask is giving me pimples! DAMN )))))): And there is Girl's Hiphop included. Not because I don't like it, but when it comes to costumes, it's just soooooo demoralising. ): No one will ever understand how I feel. Seriously, NO ONE.

You can say it's low self-esteem, but I have every reason to do so. I'm not like those super skinny ones who claim that they are "too fat". On the other hand, I don't have low self-esteem. Because, I know where my good points are. And I know others know too. Whatever! Ok, proper breakfast is definitely a must. Other than that, I should just eat apples as snacks. NOTHING ELSE OK!!! Now, back to the main point. I will definitely do my best for this closing ceremony performance. Go DF!

Talking about injuries. Gees. It sucks man. I've got another SMALL bruise near the BIG BIG bruise that I showed previously. And I pulled another muscle during practice yesterday. GEES. Why am I so injury-prone??? I'm hurting everywhere. Literally, EVERYWHERE. BOO~ I just feel that all of us are so burnt out. Nevertheless, I still look forward to Carol's session on Monday! Can't wait seriously. (:

I met Enxian for breakfast today at Best together with my mum. LOL. And he came over after that! We were so bored because there was nothing to do... -.- So, we ended up watching "La Bi Xiao Xing"!!! Super lame. Hahaha. In the end, he had his dinner here too. And went off to meet his friends soon after (:

Gees. I feel so tired man. ZZZZZZZ... Don't know why. Insufficient sleep perhaps? Ok, I better go sleep soon! Feel like swimming tomorrow. Not a good choice eh? There will be freaking lots of people. And it's more expensive. BOO~ Or should I go on monday morning?? Hmm...

2009-06-17T23:21:00.005+08:00

AYM opening is OVER!!! now left with AYM closing.. jiayou!! think i will be dancing? hmm. but today's performance was great i guess. hehe. lol. seriously i feel like some superstar. HAHA. well, after the performance and buffet lunch and stuff, there was this group of ASEAN delegates (seriously i do not know if this is the correct spelling - i'm lazy to check) who came over to me saying that they wana take pic. they were a group of girls with 1 guy. lol. Initially i thought it's for the whole DF. so after taking the pic as a group, we proceeded back to the audi. soon after, they approached me again. so they actually wanted to take picture with me! LOL!!! -.- so i practically took with them one by one. haha! and one of them say "you are like a pop star!". haha so funny! so i shook all of their hands before gg off. it was so funny when the guy wanted to shake my hands, one of the girls actually hit his hand, but in the end, i still did shake it and went off soon after that. DF peeps are such cam-whores seriously! we took freaking LOADS of pictures.. hahaha. hope we can get hold of them soon! (:

seriously i'm super injury-prone recently. following all the knee injury and pulling of hamstrings, i get blue-blacks all over.. haha. now it's my arm. LOOK! BIG huh? hope it heals soon. butter factory 2nd july!!! i just realised why 2nd july sounds so familiar. it's the day dad's gg to court. no wonder...

Happy stuff happened in the afternoon, but was spoiled just some moments ago. maybe the problem really lies with me...

anyway, was watching some studio wu dance clips featuring adrian. it was such a beautiful choreo to the song of "kiss the rain". those fb frens, do take a look at the video if possible. NICE! and the song is DAMN DAMN DAMN nice... just plain instrumental... piano. i just got the scores! FEL! if you want the scores, let me know (: to me, it's quite emo... here is it. similarly, can only watch using IE. can't be seen on firefox.

2009-06-14T18:21:00.003+08:00

Dance, dance, and dance. TIRED. SHAG. gees... Next wk is even worse. Mon is an exceptionally long day... rehearsal in school in the morning, carol's session at studio wu in the afternoon. jiayou everyone! tues dance pract, weds performance, thurs and fri dance pract. wow.. dance have been putting a strain on me to the point that I pulled my hamstring and it's really not recovering well. and my old injury came back again. my knees... initially it was just my left knee hurting, now my right one is hurting. it hurts when i walk. SIGH. i seem to be super accident-prone recently. kena hit everywhere, injured everywhere. blah blah blah. you name it. seriously hope that i can recover well after these series of performance. sigh if it still hurts like fuck, i might pull out of AYM closing. let's see. hope i'll be fine!

Ok, anyway. my dad got caught for drink-driving. well, i'm sorry to say, but is he dumb or what? =X i mean. it's fri night... it's known that there are frequent checks on fri and sat nights especially. He has to go to court in July. Fine for sure. everyone knows Singapore is a "fine" country. i think his breathalyser thing is about 72? HIGH right? i think he can't drive for at least about 2years? OMG la. Maybe to others, this may seem such a small issue. but i duno why, it's been in my head since i learnt abt it. i duno why, but it's affecting me in a way or another. but anyway i'm gg to save up and chiong my driving lessons and hope can pass my tp asap, best if it's on first attempt. den i can drive his car.. guess what just moments after typing the previous sentence, my dad came into my room with $500bucks. he asked me to go attend driving lessons asap. i'm thinking of 2-3 lessons per wk, about 2-3weeks later hope the instructor says i'm good enough for the test, den go book test date. gees. pls pray for the best for me. (: gonna check if i can extend my PDL online.. hmm...

this is a period of both physical and emotional stress on me. not only me, but him and him. many said that jk dont deserve me. cos he didn't cherish me. now that he has regretted for letting me go, and admits that he loves me, it makes me feel so confused about everything. what i am confused about is not about whether i will go back to him or not. many would think that way, but it's really not the case. cos i'm pretty sure we wont reconcile. it's more of how long i would take to forget jk. i dont wish to hurt him, but becos of my feelings for jk, i hurt him... if you really know me well, you would know that it is really difficult for me to forget jk. and i duno how long i would take... ))): and i really feel it's unfair to him. for someone who treats me so nicely, i hurt him in return. do i even deserve him?

I know I handled things poorly. I'm really sorry. I know you are hurt. And deep down, you might hate me for being like this. I will try my best. I don't wana give up yet. Cos i'm sure i do like you.

)))))))))))))))):

2009-06-12T08:58:00.002+08:00

Hannah Montana was very nice. well, initially i thought i would just fall asleep during the movie. Ironically, it actually was entertaining and it was real fun to watch. And of course, with him around. (: Everything that happened after was great. :D
Gonna prepare for dance when i'm done blogging. It's darn tiring I must admit. but it's those friends that made everything seem so fun. It's great doing all these together. Let's train hard and put up a good performance (:

I know I should be sleeping. Cos I only slept 5hours plus the night before yst and slept at 3plus this morning. I woke up at 7plus. I just couldn't sleep. ):

Suddenly, everything came crashing down. I have never ever felt so cheated before. It really makes me wonder how true he was when we were together. It's true that it longer matters even if he loves me now. but I truly loved him, so I really want to find out what really happened. Why didn't he choose to be honest with me when we were together? WHY? Since he wasn't honest with me, why tell me all these now when I'm moving on? I can't put a finger to it. I guess ending the relationship is a good thing. Afterall, I really don't understand him.

Now I finally understand why in love, 1 + 1 is not equal to 2. Despite giving my ALL in that relationship, I get NOTHING in return. FUCK those that says they dont mind giving their all and getting nothing in return. I will NEVER believe ANYONE will give their all, and don't mind AT ALL when they get NOTHING in return (knowing that they will get NOTHING in return). Ok, perhaps something. BETRAYAL, LIES, HEARTACHES. how cool huh?

I know I must have hurt you. I'm sorry... ): But I'm sure we'll make things work, yeah? (:

MY MIND IS IN A TOTAL WHIRL.

2009-06-09T23:34:00.002+08:00

Life is indeed unpredictable...

I've finally mailed out the parcel, and it's like I can finally let go and be free. I've moved on. And found someone whom I believe will cherish me the way I deserve to be. (: Really happy to see how things are right now. hehe. And I wonder when's the "right time". :D

"突然好想你" just melts me... :D

(:

2009-06-09T09:52:00.001+08:00

I'm moving on...

It was a lovely monday night (:

Infact, a wonderful monday. :D

I'm genuinely happy. (((:

2009-06-07T12:33:00.002+08:00

I just feel that yst i eat alot. duno why. hahaha. mummy la! cook gluttinous rice, den still cook green bean soup. LOL. hopefully my output is more than my input yst. hehe. actually wanted to go swim again. but it's raining now. LOL. maybe i should take a nap later. hehe.

guess what? last night i invited enxian over for my mum's gluttinous rice. HAHA. well, personally i feel that it's quite salty. LOL. but he still say it's nice. haha. the highlight of the night is when we looked through our xingnan pics, and my young/pri/sec/jc pics. LOL. omg it was so damn funny. it was a great photo-showing session. he saw all my unglam photos. ): LOL. *and he was LAUGHING at me OKAY?!* what figure of 8 la, blah blah blah... BOO~ all in all, it was really fun la. haha. i think he went back around 2? tt's the good thing when we live so near each other. haha. i truly enjoyed it. :D

ok, today i'm gonna cook mee hoon kuay. hehe. I alr kneaded the dough. now the soup. mummy helped me fry the ikan bilis so my arms wont kena oil splash :D soon, it can be eaten! woots. haha. i simply love cooking. (:

2009-06-06T20:09:00.002+08:00

woots! GGC is over. and i should say it was a great performance by EACH AND EVERYONE OF US. and i seriously feel so. what is most impt is the time and effort we put in during our practices, and the commitment we've given. it was a fruitful one. :D kinda sad that christina couldn't perform together with us. but i hope she's feeling much much much better now. ((:

according to SOMEONE, when the pencil lead keeps breaking when you try sharpening the pencil, it's a BAD OMEN. haha. den i went for dance. on thursday itself, i hurt my LEFT knee. bad omen huh? den on fri performance day itself, i pulled my LEFT hamstring during the rehearsal. BAD OMEN again huh? gees... and worse still, i felt like vomiting before and after the performance. gees. seriously wtf. lol. but i'm better now! though i still feel pain from the pull. ): but just ABIT. and so, after MONTHS of procrastination, I FINALLY WENT SWIMMING FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!! hahaha. and i'm happy! happy cos i feel healthy. and controlling my diet. haha. this morning when i weighed myself. i roughly lost abt 3-4kg? and tt was what spurred me to go swimming. cos i want to keep it up. oh, low i mean. HAHA.

I think i'm gonna try completing later the thing i was doing for JK. i finally told my mum abt the breakup. guess what? i actually told her the real reason why we broke up. well, in the first place i was intending to just tell her that i was the one who initiate the breakup cos i no longer like him. but i didn't. my mum was funny. telling me "hao ma bu chi hui tou cao" (good horse dont eat go back grass) LOL! wtf so funny. ok, it simply means i shouldn't go back to him if in any case he wants me back. well, initially i did think abt this qns. i mean if he really comes back to me, should i go back to him? i was thinking, if i still love him, i should. but i changed my thinking, cos i think i've given him lots of time, and chances too. and after talking to my mum, i'm more certain that this should really the end of our relationship. and of cos, this is IF he wants me back. guess what? he msged me yst, asking a casual "how are you?". at that point of time, i was really confused. cos it's weird. cos he never does that. i duno how to describe but i wanted to be alone. however. i found the ans. this is the end.

i am reaching for the cheaper wet tissue... seems that it's coming closer and lower down the shelf. time is the essence.

it was a wonderful last night. (:

2009-06-05T09:50:00.002+08:00

Today is performance day.

My nose just bled.
My head is spinning.
My knee just started to hurt, but just ABIT.
My stomach feels weird that I had already went to the toilet twice.
I feel like vomiting.

GOOD LUCK to me.

I hope I can put up a good performance still (:

2009-06-04T09:40:00.002+08:00

Maybe becos I'm not talking much about JK so many would feel puzzled as to why ain't I feeling sad or depressed when I'm supposed to. Honestly speaking, I have already been depressed. And I hope I'm done with it. As in, I don't want to cry anymore. I think I've already cried buckets of tears (refer to my previous posts). )): Deep down, I still miss him (tt's for sure), but isn't it good when I don't talk abt him? when I don't talk abt him, it's a step nearer to letting go. Moreover, after our breakup, there wasn't a single sms from him, not even a "hi" on msn. It's not that I don't want to talk abt him, but I have nothing to talk abt already. ))):

As the for the cheaper wet tissue, I'm glad that things are much better in the sense that it isn't as awkward as I thought it would be in the first place. Right now, things are better though there's still a tad of awkwardness. Just a little. Whatever it is, still, THANKS for being there. HAHA.

Alright, going to bathe now and then to dance. tata.

2009-06-02T10:09:00.003+08:00

I've always been looking forward to Carol's session cos it really rocks my socks. lol. It always feel like you lost a few kgs after her session. And she's not the kind of instructor that just throw choreos at you. She is fun and I'm really glad to have her as my dance instructor (:

so yst we had our dance session at studio wu haha. trying a diff kinda feel. RnB, slower than usual and stuff like tt. (: I had a great time, like I always do. haha. After dance, we went to PS for dinner and went arcade. Duno what's got over me. I think everyone else there knows that something is really not right with me. taking the king hammer and hitting like nobody's business. Is this how you survive a breakup? haha. If only it's tt easy. What's worse when I have other problems in hand. this really sucks to the balls.

Incase you guys are wondering. Yes, my relationship with JK has ended. I've decided not to blame anyone cos if I do, I'll be putting a strain on myself. I'll just take it as a dream. So much easier said than done huh? In the meantime, I will finish what I have been preparing to give him on our 1-year anniversary. I just want to finish it, up till where we ended. I think only then I will be able to let go. This time I've not only lost a lover, but also a best friend. It's really sad. But I will be fine. Yes I will, but I need time. I'm sure I'll be fine. At times like this when one so vulnerable, it's easy to fall in love with someone who will be there for you. This really sucks too. If only feelings can be controlled, I wouldn't be feeling so lousy now. gees.

I'm not going to save up to get the more expensive wet tissue anymore. Cos I've been saving and saving until the point that I cannot afford it anymore. and the problem is, I think it wasn't even alochol-free or non-soapy in the first place. I thought it was, but as I used it, I realised it wasn't. And now, I think it's production alr ceased. Even if it starts to manufacture again, I would have to think twice, make sure that it's alcohol-free and non-soapy,and more imptly that I still have the urge to get it. As for the cheaper wet tissue, initially I thought I might want to get it when I really desire to have it and only it. but now, even if the more expensive wet tissue ceases its production, I don't think I will want to get the cheaper one alr. Why? Becos I'm pretty sure the cheaper one is not alcohol-free and is soapy. I've always looked at the cheaper one everytime I walk past the shelves, but I don't want to get it, den find out it's non alcohol-free and soapy, and not look at it anymore when I walk past again. That is what I'm afraid of, the most, actually. All these feelings came during the sales period when I get to know some other products and the cheaper tissue better, even though I already knew the cheaper tissue well. Now that I know that the cheaper tissue is soapy, and non alcohol-free... I think, I better stop myself from getting it. I better do so. I don't want to waste my money again. ):

I need time, alone.

2009-05-31T22:17:00.002+08:00

It's over. Just like a dream.

The price of the more expensive wet tissue is getting too high. I decided to not get it anymore. I should save up my money instead. And i'm not going to get the cheaper but high-on-the-shelf one too. I don't know if there are extra stock, what if I attempt to get it and find out that there's no stocks? then it means I have to find another brand of wet tissue. I dont want. I want to stick to just one brand. But the more expensive one refuse to cooperate. what can I do.. So I'll just stop getting wet tissues.

I'll be fine.

2009-05-30T21:47:00.004+08:00

My heart says we've got something real
Can I trust the way I feel
Cos my heart's been fooled before
Am I just seeing what I want to see
Or is it true could you really be

Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know before I fall in love
Someone who stays around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now before I fall in love

I'm at the point of no return
So afraid of getting burnt
But I want to take a chance
Oh please, give me a reason to believe
Say you're the one that you'll always be

Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know before I fall in love
Someone who stays around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now before I fall in love

It's been so hard on me to give my heart away
But I'll give my everything just to hear you say..

Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know before I fall in love
Someone who stays around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now before I fall in love

):

2009-05-30T20:29:00.003+08:00

I had fun during the DF chalet. lol. definitely lack of sleep and stuff like that. nothing much on the first day. just that enxian and i went chinatown to meet ambrose and joc for ktv at $10 club. It was fun. halfway through, enxian went and bought the cake for chris. haha. ambrose left at 11 while the 3 of us left at 12am. Thanks to enxian's dad for driving us back to the chalet (: so while chris was bathing, the rest of us waited outside the bathroom to give him a surprise! haha. he better be touched. lol. enxian did the card for him and it was beautiful. LOL. after that, we walked quite a distance to a coffeeshop to watch the champions league finals. sigh. man utd lost ))): they played really really badly. wat's worse when we are seated sooooo far away from the small tv. sad. and the few guys at the next table were cursing and swearing at man utd. i guess they placed a bet on man utd? very sad... ):

thurs morning we went swimming! yeah. i always love swimming, but couldn't find a time and is not disciplined enough to swim. gees. had lot of fun too. haha. well, that was the first thing we did in the morning. christina, jeff, gion, enxian and i. haha. LOL. den had breakfast tgt with ling, kingsley and chris too. did i miss anyone out? prepared for bbq and stuff like tt. lol. took out my red wine and finished it tgt with enxian. why no one else appreciates red wine? gees. den he also took out his vodka and mixed it with cranberry juice. nice! and i duno how much i drank. i was quite high at certain point of time alr. LOL. even went swimming with them AGAIN. lol. so funny. i was told that i was drunk. well, i can only rmb some of the things i did, while i totally can't rmb some of the things i did too. LOL. i guess it was quite embarrassing. geesus. i puked too. ALOT. damn. i puked on the floor when i was bathing in the swimming pool toilet. shucks. and i puked in the chalet toilet too ): according to them (in summary), i was talking slowly and dragging my words, cried, laughed, clumsy, and shouted loudly. damn, sounds like some mad woman. AT LEAST I STILL RMB SOME STUFF YAH? special thanks to joc and enxian for taking good care of me. i rmbed some hot towel on my neck and nice chests/breasts to lean on. HAHAHA! thinking of it, it was hilarious. LOL. thanks (: ironically, i played mahjong! LOL. but lost ): enxian said wana tag team, in the end he went to sleep. sad. ):

finally we were booking out. lol. sorry joc that i hit you 3 times while sleeping. i guess i drank too much/fast. usually i dont move much when i sleep lor. haha. luckily i didn't hit enxian. or isit that i hit him, but he didn't know? haha. funny. quickly packed our stuff den enxian went back sch for meeting. the rest of us checked out, had lunch den went to city hall for our dance pract. it was so freaking warm there! lol. i really perspired ALOT. no joke. haha. GGC is coming soon. next fri. hope everything turns out well. (: had dinner with them at Xin Wang den finally head home. DAMN shag.

Met enxian for lunch just now. similarly lots of things to talk abt. well, sad stuff. or maybe just some reflecting.

There was these 2 brands of wet tissues lying at the shelves. I have always wanted to buy the more expensive one cos for some reason I really love it. So I saved up and finally was able to afford the pack that was much expensive. Greatness. lol. But as I used that pack, the price of it rose and rose. so much so that i can't afford it and have to save even more to get it. That actually putting a strain on me. gees. And so, I decided not to use that pack of wet tissues for the time being. Maybe the price will drop back to normal? (sounds like some stocks) lol. I browsed through the other brands and saw the other one that was there. It was there all the while. The more I look at it, the more I like it. I heard about it's good points too. like it's not soapy and it smells good. However, it was too high up for me to reach and I do not like to trouble ppl to help me with it. But another issue is that, how would I know that it smells good and it'll not be soapy? as in, other ppl may be fine with it, but would I feel the same too? I'm broke and don't know if I should risk it and get the pack that is so high up. So should I continue saving up and wait for the price of the more expensive pack to drop? or should I just get the one that is so high up but cheaper?

Maybe she only treats him as a friend, that's why only he's invited. not me.

It's a secret.

2009-05-26T18:51:00.001+08:00

I was angry.
I am disappointed.
Now, I'm even more disappointed.

A broken friendship should be salvaged by finding different ways.
Avoiding is NOT the solution.

Things will not be the same as before, I know.

2009-05-26T00:00:00.004+08:00

yst i had a real good cry. i've never cried so badly before. but it really feels better after that. cos it made me so tired that i managed to sleep. however when i woke up, i felt lousy again. my eyes were puffy. sigh.

i met him on sunday itself to pass him the things. quite sad actually. i was secretly hoping to see him for a longer time, and to have a lil chat or something. but we didn't. i am still waiting for his ans.

if only i can be like others that can take love so easily, and let go of things so easily then i wouldn't be so sad. i guess we wouldn't even be tgt in the first place if i am that kinda person. sigh. but i believe it's becos i really love him, tt's why it affecting me so badly. what matters most should be loving him, and learning how to love him. at least i know.

*********************************************

today i met enxian to go town and walk walk and have lunch and quickly rushed over to studio wu. opps, was abt 5 mins late )): after which carol taught a set of technique-based steps for us to practise on. gees i was chosen to solo for my group. seriously it was my first time doing so. was nervous ok! yeah, carol said i have potential to do good hiphop (: but more imptly, she pointed out many of my mistakes and at the same time corrected me. tt really helped :D

when we walked out of studio wu, there was this security guard hurling vulgarities. i really thought he was crazy. haha. he was like "f*** you la! mother ccb!". LOL but wen we looked further, there was a guy infront. lol. i guess it's him who agitated the security guard. -.- but the guy damn calm. haha. he just walk and walk and ignored the guard. hahaha. and the security guard just can't stop yelling even until the guy is gone. and he kept REPEATING. well, it's always those few vulgarities that he used. -.-

chris, christina, jeff, gion, ling, yanli, meifeng and i then went for dinner at xin yuan ji. haha. nice. it just reminds me of the times i spent with him... ): we walked around bugis junction for awhile. and i got the book "the game", which he told me abt before. and i saw books that he read before, and told me abt before. seems like everywhere i go, i get reminded of him ): well, after that we went pool! hahaha. for awhile la. we went off around 9 or so. lol.

finally we were gg home! ling, meifeng and i finally boarded the train. once we stepped in, there's this china woman quarrelling with this sporean uncle. super bitchy and bimbotic and childish. -.- they were yelling at each other and the whole cabin of ppl are looking at them, while the sporean uncle alighted at the station. the china woman was sitting tgt with her friend, and on their right was an empty priority seat, and on their left was 2 empty seats. lol. guess what, i totally ignored and sat right next to them on their left. i was asking ling to sitbut she stood there and hesitated for awhile. LOL. and she finds the part where i totally ignored their quarrel and sat right next to them totally hilarious. hahaha. none of us knew what happened before that caused their quarrel. lol. lame. the china woman was yelling all the way saying things like "if you've got the guts, go outside the parliament house!". like wtf right? and the uncle was saying "you this chicken face. you're a chicken!". LOL. and they were gesturing and stuff like that. hahaha. in this context, chicken means prostitute. -.- and the uncle damn funny. he was "talking" to some guys telling them "she's a chicken", trying to gain support. LOL. they kept repeating their verbal abuses to one another again and again. so childish and lame la. i cant help but laugh. hahaha. cos it's so hilarious! the uncle was standing outside of the train and they were still yelling.

the train doors finally closed and there's left only the china woman and her friend. the stupid china woman was yelling at the top of her voice for duno what fucking reason. then, they FINALLY alighted. while they were alighting, i laughed so loudly that the china woman's fren turned and looked at me. like wtf? lol. hahaha. meifeng den alighted at outram. haha. ling and i embarked on our journey of deciphering the reason behind why ppl call prostitutes chicken. LOL! thruout the journey, we were laughing and laughing... hahaha. i was wondering why dont ppl call prostitutes bitches, cos bitches get fucked around isn't it? what i mean is literally female dogs. -.- so why chicken? cos it's cheap? or what? LOL! we came out with names like "mammal face", "fish face", "elephant face", "bird flu chicken face" blah blah blah. hahaha! it was a crazy journey back home with ling. hahaha. and we were analysing thei quarrels, and speculating why they quarrelled. LOL. nothing better to do huh? haha. it was a slimming trip considering our stomachs ached so badly cos of laughing. hahaha. the trip finally ended at boon lay. haha.

it was a really hapenning day, cos we first met the security guard, then this china woman and the uncle. haha. we concluded that when ppl are angry, they keep repeating and repeating the same things again and again. and the vulgarities that they use are the same old few, same thing, repeatiing and repeating again. haha. it's not a matter of a lack in vulgarity vocabulary, but when ur angry, you can't think of more than those ever common ones like "f*** you" and "cb". lol. afterall, it was a good day, good experience,and a great time spent with ling on the train. hahaha! over time i realised, some ppl aren't that bad afterall. on the contrary, some ppl aren't as easy as they seem. the world is cruel. looks are deceiving. it's whether you are wise enough to see thru them. (:

i look forward to Carol's session again! ((:

*****************************************************

I still miss you...

2009-05-24T22:34:00.001+08:00

I think I should let go...

):

2009-05-23T23:56:00.002+08:00

I think I know what your answer will be.

):

I feel like a pest.

Should I let go?

):

Too many things, just too many things remind me of you.

Happiness is shortlived.

2009-05-23T00:28:00.002+08:00

i finally met up with xinying after a long long long long time. lol. -.- i met her at lot 1 just now for dinner and some gossip sessions. haha. well, just shared with her some of my probs. really quite sad that she gave me a few hugs just now. thanks alot! (: i'm glad she and ryan are still doing fine. (:

today i finally chatted with him on msn for awhile. i really needed to talk to him so badly cos things are just not gg right for me, although i should leave him alone. sorry. but it was just a short chat. i managed to tell him my probs and stuff like tt. it's nice to hear comments from him again. i feel better, somehow.

i'm tired. i think i'm gg to sleep man. shag.

i wonder who is passerby...

2009-05-22T11:58:00.002+08:00

recently i have been feeling really sian. firstly relationship problems, then comes friendship problems. i think i'm really getting too stressed up due to these problems. i should learn to relax and enjoy my holidays.

i'm meeting him next tues for a short while, tt's all. hmmm....

as for her, i am really very angry, but to think of it, i feel really sad. i pity her, cos she duno what is love, and how to love. i pity her, cos she duno what is friendship. more importantly, she duno how to cherish herself. and i feel really sad that our friendship became like that. she's willing to give up her "besties" for a guy she barely know. well, more or less, i'll feel that it's a pity. i know i can choose not to care about what she does and all that. but i realised it's not possible, cos she's my bestie, i need to guide her onto the right track. but since she dont appreciate what we do for her, i guess we have no choice, but i know for sure i can no longer treat her the way i did when these didn't happen. whatever it is, i hope one day she'll really learn her lesson. she can do whatever she wants to spite us, but whatever she is doing now is harming and hurting herself, not us. i hope one day she realises all that.

so shag. yst played mahjong with mich, cheryl and enxian. enxian and i won! lol. den we went to jp to have dinner then to arcade. -.- we spent like 20bucks in total. enxian put the card in his right pocket and we played the shooting game. while he was playing the game, he didn't realised that he accidentally scanned his card for 9 times! -.- we ended up playing that for 9 times str8, which was freaking tiring. my arms were aching la. den we played some racing game and ended the arcade trip with DDR. lol. i kept stepping on the steel part and now i have a blister under my foot -.- lol. den chilled at starbucks. chris joined us shortly after. and that's all. LOL.

gtg soon for dance! till then.

i miss you